Kindness

 

It’s been a restful day

I feel whole again after hospice shifts which have proven challenging in ways you never expect .

Because of my experience and gender, I often work with the more challenging patients at work, yet I have the same mental mechanisms and reserves  as everyone else, so downtime today has been therapeutic and necessary 

My sister plated a lovely dinner for me today followed by a fuck off sherry trifle to die for. 

Kay, from work, got her chef husband to plate me up a wonderful dinner too as did a friend from the village who left me a selection of Tupperwared goodies worthy of a Queen’s Ransom, left on the ubiquitous kitchen wall. 

I’m watching the Kylie concert from The Albert Hall which is nose to nipple with gay men and I will be going to bed soon ….

The dogs are crammed in close 

But I concede that the cottage needs a cat again ….

A friend’s Queen mother has given birth late in the season and will be looking for homes in the new year

Boxing

 I was too tired to go to my sister’s house last night, and mooched on the couch.

Dorothy was indignant at Mary’s entrance and sniffed around her with the expression 

“ Where the fuck have YOU been!!!” 

We shared a bowl of pigs in blankets and watched old reruns of The Great British Bake off when Mary Berry had longer hair and Hollywood looked like a car salesman .

Today! After a glorious lie in, I drove down to my sister’s but missed my nephew and family by minutes. I bought them theatre tickets to a Liverpool theatrical comedy “all the family would enjoy” ( which means I’d hate it) 

My sisters did me proud with some lovely gifts , which I opened when I got home. ( a treat as I get bizarrely embarrassed when opening gifts in public) 

The gifts included vouchers for the Storyhouse and a dvd of Giselle which tickled me pink!!!

Lovely 

So I’m back home and it’s Boxing Day 

And I’m fine xxxx

Mary

 

16.40 Christmas Day 

Nothing sweeter than watching Mary happily tottering along the corridors of the hospice from my vantage point of the central office,

Exploring open doors, following a support worker, quietly saying hello to a patient

Running back to the office with a mini sausage roll in her mouth

She’s a sweet natured old gal who suddenly seemed to have the energy of the time she was a puppy 

Thank you for your Christmas Wishes

Christmas Day

 

It’s Christmas Day and it is as dark as night. Roger and Dorothy are with me down the lane. Mary  is sat in Bluebell, ears pricked. She is coming to work with me today .

Bitches fall out sometimes and never forget a spat, and poor Iwan ( Trendy Carol’s Husband ) found himself in the middle of a noisy bitch fight yesterday, which was unfortunate . 

To help with frayed nerves, my old girl will be coming to work with me , and will be spending time sleeping in Bluebell and being walked and loved and cooed over by a plethora of Hospice staff, patients and visitors. 

Dorothy is too excitable in the car and will bark incessantly during the 3/4 of an hour journey , not something I can cope with on Christmas Morning , so Mary it is.

But at the moment it’s just me, Roger and Dotty

And the dark lane , in uncharacteristic warm weather.

A barn owl , huge and almost silent swoops over our heads but is missed by the dogs in their sniffing, I watch it in awe….

I’m tired and have not slept well

2023 is coming towards its end and  I’m going to think about that over coffee before I leave

I want 2024 to be a happier year, but I’m dammed to know just how I make that happen 

I was four cards short in the living room Christmas card Garland  😰🎅🏼🌲🌈🎄🥃🎊🍷🍹

Hey ho 

Happy Christmas xx

80%

6 am Christmas Eve……..bucket of coffee between cold hands.

Last night I watched a schmaltzy Swedish movie, until late

The Christmas Cards reached 80 % the. Circumference of the living room

Almost there. I will wait until tomorrow to see if my old tradition finally materialises

A minor obsession admittedly, but suddenly ,and strangely an important one this morning

As I leave the cottage ,I spy a small chocolate Santa , standing on the Kitchen wall

He’s sheltering under a bit of bent cardboard

Mrs Trellis has been at work

José Feliciano - Feliz Navidad

The sound worm in my head today. One of the doctors at work has been singing it incessantly, I’m sending a bit of silliness to reader Virginia who perhaps needs the diversion today🎄

Chic Eleanor texted me yesterday afternoon and like a teenager would suggest thumbed an exciting

“Meet you in The Crown in ten minutes” text!

Luckily I was holding my phone when she messaged

We arrived together

It was lovely, 

“I do look a sight darling I’m in my scruffs” she shared breathlessly 

I thought she looked magnificent, 

Even her pashmina looked Christmassy 

We stopped at the pub for a good hour and half before leaving for home 

Hug fest in the car park before we parted.

She made my day, as she so often does.

So today….

The final village cards will be delivered . A book to Mrs Trellis, cards to the Manley’s and to others.

Jackson Nurseries which lie just outside village delivered a pot of spring bulbs to every house in the village, a tradition which is a sweet one.

Before she skipped off home, Eleanor gave me a tiny gift in the shape of a felt heart

“It’s for your first Christmas Tree next year” she cooed

“Now you have enough decorations, no there’s no excuse” 

I thought about the beautiful iridescent glass bauble, the magnificent rubber chicken and now the heart, and a score of others put away in drawers and boxes and in the tea caddy on my desk

And She was right 

Grades

 

No work today!!!!!

I want to go to the cinema but there’s nothing of note to go and see during the day.

I will mooch through NETFLIX later, me thinks

My phone was pinging busily earlier, 

My college Counselling group.

The grades are out on our first research pieces of work 

B- for my Essay and B- for my poster and presentation

Marks I’m very happy with and lots of room for improvement which I need.

Lots of deliveries today

A book from Nu, Bespoke scotch eggs from Colin, Bombay gin from Trendy Carol ( sporting something festive in red and white) 

Sing For Water

It’s been a particularly hard shift at work.

I didn’t get back home until well after nine pm.

And so, after feeding and walking the dogs, I lit the fire 

Threw off my crocs and drank a huge Bombay Sapphire and tonic ( with cucumber slice!!!!) before sitting down to a plethora of messages asking where I was!!

Tonight is the TCA matriarch Lorraine’s Christmas Party in the big house on the other side of the village

I’m too knackered to go out and now it’s far too late to do so

Buts it’s lovely to be remembered and to be worried about 

“ You give us a safe space to feel what we feel,

Allowing us to mourn, but mainly, to heal.”

 

This line from Hattie’s poem has a resonance with me as this following post from the winter 2018 outlines

It was the most lonely and saddest part of my entire life

Ise Oluwa

I often write about those beautiful little moments in life that catch you unawares.

I guess it's the drama queen in me 

My recent encounter with a kindness inside St. Asaph Cathedral was one I shall remember for quite some time but tonight's experience will rank a close second in that memory bank of moving moments.

In choir tonight we learned the Nigerian song Ise Oluwa -sing for water

And after a bit of a struggle we nailed it!!!!

Before we finished practice Jamie our eleven year old choir master asked us to sing it again, but this time very Gently and as we did he disappeared and turned off the lights of the little Welsh village hall.

In almost absolute darkness over fifty people sang without the chains of sight and competition and self consciousness and the noise we produced was simply magical.

And the silence after we had finished proved that we all had been moved in the same lovely way, almost everyone was crying

This choir has nourished me 

And has healed me 

 

Rain check

 

Chic Eleanor , stood me up yesterday 

Well technically she did send me an apology by text but as I’d left my phone in Bluebell and forgot where I’d put it, things got all a bit complicated.

Suffice to say I had a KFC supper in a car park , lol

I had wondered if she’d bail, as when I went out with my family on Tuesday night she was there with the girls, and by the look of said girls who had all flopped in front of the restaurant open fire  , lots and lots  of Christmas Prosecco had been quaffed 

“ Darling John”  Eleanor called out flapping her pashmina over her shoulder and she hurried over to give me a big beautifully coiffured hug, much to the surprise of my family who had never seen me , deep in the clutches of such a stylish matron before.

Her resulting hangover had lasted over 24 hours

So I stayed in and cried at The Repair Shop and felt sorry for myself 

Off to work today, bucket of coffee and barabrith at the kitchen table 

This poem was written by Hattie 

It is about choirmaster Jamie ( and his 1940 RAF moustache) 

It describes so well why I love choir and I’m so looking forward in returning in the new year

Jamie

Dashing moustache, a rainbow flash,

Flamingo stance - what a catch!

Spiralling here and there, flailing his arms,

Always a grin - it's part of his charms

He somehow herds us, there's never any fuss,

only grace and fun and the occasional SHUSHH!

Māori, Welsh, Ukrainian, Russian,

What's coming next? Oh yes - a concussion!

On rare occasions he grants our wish,

What a treat! we say, to sing in English

He works us so hard: Stand up! Sit down!   

It's just like a workout! (it makes the men frown)

What fun we have all because of you,

Your dance moves and songs have us boogying too.

Altos, tenors, basses and sops,

We all think you're splendid, Yep, you're the tops!

A nod to absent friends in a moment of clarity,

They will always be part of our choir family.

You give us a safe space to feel what we feel,

Allowing us to mourn, but mainly, to heal.

We take within us this place you have built,

It’s a home you've created, One that will never wilt.

So here's to you our one and only chappy,

JAMIE, simply put - You make us HAPPY!

Hattie, with love, 2023©

 

Barabrith

I love the sound of the wind in the trees and the patter of rain on the windows. Distant growling thunder is another favourite and is now the one I fall asleep to most nights thanks to Hey Google.

It’s funny what habits you get into when left to your own devices.

Animal Helper Pat, called around yesterday with her traditional gifts of bara brith wrapped in silver paper with a tiny red bow in the centre and a large sprig of holly wrapped in a matching red ribbon. 

So today I will pop my gift in and deliver a dozen or so cards to other villagers not yet handed over

It’s blustery today but mild

Family

 

Long day today. College all day then got home , just in time to walk the dogs then out again for dinner with family.

Chic Eleanor’s wren

Treats

 

I thought I’d share Kelda’s latest village based video

It shows Trelawnyd in its full winter’s if brief best.

Last night I met up with Gorgeous Dave and we went for a meal at the Erskine hotel in Conway. (another treat). We sat and talked for two and a half hours and had some lovely food. 

After Uni today, I’m meeting my family for dinner at the Dinorban Arms which is treat two this week.

Tomorrow is treat three with an early doors meet with Chic Eleanor. 

I’ve  bought her a metal wren for Christmas .

Scruffy

 

I’ve had a beard since I was 24.

It’s a full beard at the moment 

Usually it’s trimmed and a goatee 

I quite like the Father Christmas look but I know it’s unkempt and lazy

I will trim it today and have washed my Christmas jumper too.

I’m going out for dinner with Gorgeous Dave so I will have to shape up 

He’s so ably turned out.

I wonder where this comes from, my two sisters are always impeccably turned out and my brother was no slouch in the dapper stakes either. my parents although old in their outlook always dressed well even in 1970 and my husband was neat, tidy and groomed within an inch of his life.

Is it habit I’m like this? 

Do I really don’t care? 

Have I let myself go? 

I’m off for a long hot shower and my beard trimmer is all charged up ready

Sunday Lunch

My bladder is playing up. 

It will do and has done if I forget to hydrate.

I’ve not slept well but I will be fine tomorrow.

Im embracing home today.

So I’m cooking.

A proper roast dinner. 

A British roast dinner is like Jewish penicillin Chicken soup

It does you good.

Of course I will make too much , so I will plate up another portion for Eirlys and will pop it, some mince pies and card a bit later.

Leftovers for tomorrow and Tuesday, fried and mixed together

Bloody lovely

I’ve got a few bits for the village telephone foodbank too, but by the look of things it looks like Sainsbury’s shelves already which is a lovely thing to see.

The real spirit of Christmas in one large red box

To Jim Davies, the following are two Winnie stories, just for you

https://disasterfilm.blogspot.com/2020/12/winnie-remembered.html

https://disasterfilm.blogspot.com/2021/01/rubber-chicken-immortalised.html

I never make a roast dinner for myself, a rare treat…

A Christmas Rubber Chicken, A Scarf and Cards To Die For

 The hunky Postman never got the change to “James Herriot” my cat flap today , as Roger caught sight of him early doors and marshalled the troops to meet him at the garden gate with big smiles and busy tail wags.

I opened the parcels and cards at the kitchen table and was amazed 

A beautiful scarf, simply wrapped ( I love it) 

And a Christmas decoration in the shape of Winnie’s much loved rubber chicken from Mistress Maddie.

Wearing the scarf, I cried real tears at the chicken and it’s significance 

I miss my old Queen Sálote of Tonga so

My favourite photo of Winnie

Getting pissed off with me Christmas Day 2018

When we were at the cold beach and she wanted to go home

Godzilla Minus One

 

Finally I got back to the movies and boy did I enjoy returning.

Today’s film was a Japanese  version of the country’s own original monster movie from 1954

A retelling of the Godzilla story from the perspective of the post war Japanese people.

It’s an interesting movie and strange as it would seem, a very emotional one as we follow the story of a thrown together nuclear ( literally) family of Shikishima ( Ryunosuke Kamiki) a kamiski pilot who refused to crash his plane, and Noriko ( Minami Hamabe) a young woman who saved a baby (Sae Nagatani) during the firestorm on Tokyo 

One pissed off Dinosaur

This chaste family Unit try to forge an existence in post war Japan where most of the population are haunted by ghosts of the war, living in squalor ,fear of the H bomb threat , and coping with the internalised anger at their own Government for dragging them through a war which degraded them. 

Indeed the whole message from Godzilla minus one ,is about redemption and one of saving face. 

Director Takashi Yamazaki interestingly has the general public, the old soldiers and sailors from the war to fight a rather bad tempered and nasty Godzilla and the destruction set pieces have a wonderfully vintage and slightly old fashioned feel to them, almost as if we were back in the man-in -a-suit 1954 original.

yamazaki also makes his protagonists incredibly real and somewhat vulnerable , and when Noriko is cornered by Godzilla as she travels in a train in the city of Ginza ( a total homage to the L train destruction scene in the original King Kong)  It is real hand to the mouth stuff , as Shikishima turns up to save her.

You care about this nuclear family, and you care about the real people devastated by a war most of them never wanted. Godzilla Minus One has lots to say about the horrors of war and less to say about a bad tempered dinosaur , which makes it such a better film than those recent American remakes who resemble the olympics in 1980 Los Angeles …..when too much thrown at them

Cards

 It’s Friday already and I’m working all day Saturday and Sunday so Christmas week is practically here.

I have another presentation to deliver on Tuesday at college but this is part of a group Ethical  presentation and only lasts five minutes so I have to write this up today, which will be pretty straightforward.

Shortly I’m taking Trendy Carol’s hubby Christmas Shopping and late afternoon I’m going to watch Godzilla minus one which is the Japanese movie reclaiming it’s own monster back

I think it will be fun .

Last night I hung my Christmas Cards, and they started to snake around the living room. With the cost of postage so high I’m not expecting the usual amount, but I’m secretly hoping I can fill the room.

It’s a tradition I got into when I moved into the cottage in 2005

My ex sent me a polite card, 

It’s up with the others.

I’ve bought my gifts, 

I found some rusting wrens online, the types you nail onto of a fence or on a tree branch and have sent them to friends

I think they are quite lovely and have bought one for myself 

My nephew sent me a beautifully wrapped gift, yesterday 

And I’ve had a few more with cards from bloggers which I’m very grateful for 

Mary has a sore foot which Dorothy is licking loudly in the kitchen reading chair

Everything in Wales feels damp

Erddig

 

My friend Ruth and I went out to do the Christmas Thing this afternoon and go to Erddig, a visit which turned into a hysterical sob fest during lunch where she found an extremely long blonde hair in her Turkey bap and proceeded to remove it from her throat like a magician pulling out a row of bunting.The moment was made more special by the fact it had a small knot of stuffing wrapped around its distal end.

We haven’t laughed so long in ages.

The house looked magical in the darkness of a winter’s day, and even though we could only see half of the rooms ( the house is for the most part without electric light so is unsafe to walk around ) what we saw was lovely 

It was good to see her x

Christmas

 

Finally a day for just myself no work and no study.

I’m late with my Christmas Cards, and the sending of gifts so I will get those done today. Next week I’ve arranged to meet up with Gorgeous Dave on Monday and my family for a meal on Tuesday. Wednesday I am having supper with Chic Eleanor and there’s a party most of the TCA are going to on Thursday

I’m working Christmas Eve and Christmas Day 

The Covid Nun

The covid inquiry continues

And I have one small story I wish they could hear.

It’s a story of people going one step further for another human being

Many such stories could be told of that time .

My patient was admitted from home, and I could immediately see , like the wide eyed paramedics that accomplished her, that she was imminently dying,

Her large family , requested just one thing as they ran in after her

She needed and wanted a priest.

I stayed with the patient and hissed a request at a pragmatic smart support worker   “ Get Me A Nun”

During lockdown , it had been almost impossible to get any chaplaincy support, but knowing that there was a nearby Convent I thought a nun was better than nothing , and even though nuns can’t give the last rights they can pray over the dying to give comfort.

An elderly nun duly arrived in what seemed like a minute or so .she was in her eighties and looked valiant as she glided in breathless but twinkle eyed. 

I had seldom seen anything so brave.

The nurses immediately surrounded her, 

Helping her into PPE and mask and gloves and  apron, with gentleness and respect

And clutching a bible the nun hurried to the patient’s bedside seconds before she passed away

I wish the inquest had heard that story , which stands up with a thousand others that should be heard 

A brave old nun, not frightened or bowed by covid