Effin Knackered

 This morning I helped with a new Community project.

On a small plot of land on the east boundary of the village a small orchard of fruit trees have been planted.

Apple, cherry, pear and plum trees, ten of them all told have been planted and staked this morning, the fruit from which can be utilised by any of the village population .

It’s a lovely idea.

But I must admit Laurie ( from Well street) and I were effing knackered by the end of it.

Kate Bush - And A Night Without Kate

Sometimes a little gem of a show comes along and grabs you by the balls.

A Night Without Kate is one of those shows. Part tribute act, part stand up, and part cabaret it is a tour de force one woman show by actress singer Sarah Louise Young who fell in love with Kate Bush as a school girl and who has never wanted to forget her idol.

Using costume, humour and stage effects Young performs some lovely versions of Bush’s most famous songs and in one memorable moment of pure theatre she asked a older couple in the audience who was “interviewed “ in the warm up to dance together on the stage as she sang Don’t Give Up

It was a beautiful and incredibly moving moment in a warm, engaging and nostalgic show

I loved it.

I’m glad Gorgeous Dave liked it too, although being in his thirties, he was unaware of most of the songs

The Lion King - The Emotional First Rehearsal into Broadway's Return

I think I’ve posted this before , but the sheer exuberance and emotion of it is worth seeing again.

I’ve done an extra night at work last night because the new covid variant has laid low a few staff. 

I’ve banked the shift so will take the time back when it suits me…I don’t mind.

It’s also been a fairly quiet night , so in between jobs , I’ve booked my sister 60th birthday treats

My sister doesn’t get to London at all often, so I’ve booked the things she would like.

The Beatrix Potter exhibition at the V&A, a boutique hotel, 

Kew Gardens and a good seat at The Lion King which means she sees the Elephant close up as it walks down the aisle.

There is something lovely experiencing something nice and new through another’s eyes 

Vicarious pleasure as they call it.

Milky Peaks

 Ok , big breaths

Imagine this.

In the small faded mountain/seaside Welsh town of Milky Peaks, Dewi ( Seiriol Davies) a hotel clerk comes out during the towns celebrations at being nominated as Best British Town of the year. His staunchly welsh Friend Mam ( Lisa Jên Brown) spends her time at salsa in an effort to forget her husband wants to leave her and faded, vomit stained drag Queen Pariah Carey ( Mathew Blake) dreams of better things  and wants to play the lead in the town’s production of My Fair Lady. 

Add to the mix a shadowy property tycoon ( Tanya Bridgeman) a drama coach with a murky past (Miriam O’Brien) and far right Judge of the competition who wants to set the town up to be  a centre of a new all white facist community(Sophie Winter) 

Are you with me so far? 

Now, picture costumes c/o StartlightExpress and Pricilla Queen of the Desert , frenetic musical numbers from the 1980s songs covering dogging, Welsh Folklore, echos of the Nazis in Cabaret , politics, gay culture, sexual identity, big business, racism, sexism, misogyny, and Britishness .

There is even a talking toilet wall and a Welsh dragon ( drag-on gettit ?) 

Blink and you will miss a pithy joke and an “ important” message….

It’s funny yet exhausting 

Witty but somewhat overwhelming. 

It’s a bit like drinking two litres of Coca-Cola after eating 4 chocolate eclairs

I drove home in silence 

Divorce Kindness & Milky Peaks

 I heard on the radio this morning that people can now apply for a no fault divorce. 

I am pleased to hear this, I really am, for it brings a kindness into an often unkind situation .

This is a no blame blog today, it’s just a reflective one , so please respect my wishes in any of your comments…the last time I used the word kindness in a blog title the shit really hit the fan.

I was sited in my divorce as behaving unreasonably during the marriage 

I remember reading the words in that little box the reasons behind them with disbelief and shock.

I was stung by the unfairness and fallaciousness of it all.

I remember my dumpy Welsh solicitor supplying me with sweet coffee and tissues at the time and she kept saying “Ignore the words , they are not personal” and I understood just why they were used as there was no other get out clause for my husband to go use and because he wanted to end the marriage he had to say the appropriate words to get the divorce wheels in motion 

And on reflection this was unfair on both of us.

Terribly unfair.

The new law with its no blame culture is kinder all round 

And I celebrate and welcome it.

Anyway that was my reflection this morning.

Over coffee.

I rang HR with my request to drop my work hours today. The counselling course will be a return to things I know and use but it will be an updated and new way of learning for me as it’s more theoretical side will challenge my naturally lazy academic streak.

Cutting my hours clinically will give space for my counselling course without everything becoming too much. 

I’m not about to let go of my post lockdown freedoms now 

Not for anything

And so in the spirit of all that I’m meeting a friend shortly for a walk followed by brunch and tonight I’m meeting another friend to see Milky Peaks which is a gay musical which takes a side swipe at Welsh Nationalism and identity within a North Wales mountain town.

Like you do……..

Okolo Hradišťa

We sang this new song in choir tonight and after another covid hiatus, it was wonderful to be back again singing. It was conductor Jamie’s birthday, so like a good pupil I bought him some flowers, he’s a good sort putting practice over birthday celebrations .

We sang happy birthday to him and five other choristers, whose birthdays we have missed because of covid ( we sing in in harmony to an old Slovakian hymn)

I could see Heulwen, getting emotional as she stood listening when it was her turn.

Today has been a good day. 

I finally cleared the attic cupboard and took the crap to the recycling centre. Then I popped some homemade brownies to a friend who is off work with stress and finally I cleaned Bluebell inside and out. Affable Despot Jason stopped briefly with his rambunctious dogs straining at their leads at Mrs Trellis with Blue who was walking back up the lane . Neither me or he was anyway surprised when Mrs Trellis disappeared up my drive to hide behind Bluebell until he had passed.

It’s a habit she does when meeting any dog in the village. 

 

Hill of Arrows

Today I have got very little planned.

After a think at the kitchen table with a bucket of coffee, I decided to clear the cupboard in my bedroom that leads up to the attic.

When my little Bathroom man arrives , he will need access up there to put in an electric shower.

The whole cupboard was crammed with junk.

A broken Lloyd loom laundry basket, a broken lampshade, old papers and moulding eiderdown, the usual crap you hide away from sight …everything was thrown into the front garden much to the surprise of locals walking up and down the lane.

In a rather dusty old suitcase I found a photocopied publication dating from 1910. I have no recollection of having it.

Tucked behind the Welsh text was a translation of the this book which was described as thus

This is the winning Essay

Submitted for the Newmarket Eisteddfod

Held on the 1st August 1910

Written in welsh by R.T Williams ( pseudonym Trevor Mon)

Entitled

“ Newmarket, it’s Antiquity, Biography and Present History”

For those that don’t know Newmarket is the old name for Trelawnyd.

I fell into a few hours of reading, sat in the window seat of my bedroom. The book sharing the history of the village from as far back as the Welsh tribes who lived on the land before the Romans arrived.

It’s a fascinating read and much of the information within its pages was new to me. The old, ancient names of hills that surround the village interested me the most. Bryn Y Saethau ( Hill of Arrows) , Bryn Y Lladdfa ( The Hill Of Slaughter) and Bryn Y Coaches ( Hill Of The War Chariots) all conjure up ancient battles and folklore 

The text also features biographies on local ( men) from the turn of the century as well as detailed descriptions of local houses and their histories, forays into local folklore, and discussions about Marriages  and everyday life of an Edwardian Welsh Village.

I’m happy to provide anyone local who is interested in reading this essay a copy . All I ask is that they pay a 5£ fee which will be donated to the Memorial Hall.

Wateringtocan

I bought a fucking useless watering can today

Just because I liked the look of it 

 

Getting On

Nurse’ humour is, I know , an acquired taste.

I watched Getting On the other night, which was a sitcom based in an over worked and fraught nhs hospital ward. It’s a work of genius and captures perfectly the screwball nature of very dark humour.

I was reminded of a conversation I had fairly recently with a patient who was somewhat challenging in nature.

He asked me to do something that I was not prepared to do and the subsequent conversation was roughly as follows after he had sworn at me and was now sulking

Patient :”Have you always been a nurse who argues with their patients?” 

Me “ I like to think I’m assertive but fair“ 

Patient: “ I will take that as a yes then” 

Me (smiling  sweetly) “ no problem”

Patient: “ Have you killed anyone this week?” 

Pause

Me “Only two this week”

Patient: “ Only two?”

Me”It’s been a slack week”

Patient laughs

Patient: “What’s your name again? …I might have to report you”

Me “Beverly Allitt”

Patient laughs again

Being Gay

 

Sometimes it’s nice to have a gay old day.

I got to Liverpool early and bought the outstanding remaining pieces of my dinner service from John Lewis. I couldn’t find the cutlery section , as it had been moved. I told the very camp salesman I was in a hurry and he let the charge to the right shelves with a wave of the arm and a merry “ Tallyho”

I met my friend Colin at The Italian Club just on time and we drooled like schoolboys over the army of bearcub waiters on duty, with their heavily dyed beards and big hairy arms .

When Colin payed the bill, one such waiter gave his hand a cheeky caress which made my friend blush Pinkly and made me laugh like a drain.

We went to the Philharmonic Hall to watch the Liverpool Symphony Orchestra play Beethoven Leonore Overture, Sibelius’ violin Concerto with sololist Maria Dueñas and Prokofiev’s Symphony No 5 .

The music was , as usual top notch , but we both were watching conductor ( the floppy haired Venezuelan Domingo Hindoyan) like predatory hawks 

Such Fun

Catch Me If You Can is an ok potboiler of a whodunnit, that is mildly amusing, smart mouthed and clever enough to keep the audience clapping.

Starring Patrick Duffy ( Dallas) and the pert Linda Purl ( a darling of 1970s TV movies )

It felt like the middle aged, middle class choice tonight 

No real shakes, but ok. 

For my sister Janet, it was her first foray back into a packed theatre for two years and I hope she enjoyed it enough to go again soon. 

I suggested that we book a London show next time and make a special time of it with a posh hotel, meal, champers, excursions  and such fun

all for our joint 60th….

It’s hard to think that on this planet I have known just two people, my sisters, the longest in my life …. for nearly 60 years.

How special is that ?

 

Conwy

 I parked outside Conwy and Mary and I walked into the town across the suspension bridge which sits in the shadow of the ancient castle.

It's getting brighter but We are not aiming to sit out.im off to the pub to meet with work friends.

At the art deco Albion Pub which welcomes dogs.

My sister Janet and I are going to Theatre Clwyd later, so itsa day of two halves

Silence

 

Bliss

Silence

Barcarolle

Yesterday I found myself changing two syringe drivers at a patient’s beside.

For those that don’t know a syringe driver is a device that gives a specifically measured amount of drug to a patient via an abacath placed subcutaneously under a patient’s skin. 

Large amounts of analgesia, anti sickness meds and medication  that combats terminal agitation can be given safely and incrementally and the drivers are the staple in a palliative care nurse’s weapons to maximise symptom control

Checking the drugs for these drivers has to be done with with another trained nurse and this is time consuming, but I always take my time when changing the drug syringes as it gives you a change to assess your patient, often in the quietness of a side room without distraction or fuss.

My patient was unconscious and alone when I started work changing his meds yesterday morning.

Classic fm was tuned on the tv by his relatives .

And the Barcarolle from Tales Of Hoffman was playing 

It was a beautiful moment of peace on a busy day 

Sublime

It’s cold again this morning……

And Away

 

The dawn chorus was loud this morning

I was awake well before five and it was cold enough for the dogs to caterpillar their way under the duvet in order to keep warm.

Before getting up for work, I read a little more of Bob Mortimer’s And Away…. Autobiography , which is a cracking read.

The snow that fell last night had gone from the lane but it remains cold  

I’ve chugged my bucket of coffee this morning which I lace with agave nectar, whilst listening to Steve Allen on LBC radio. He’s an old waspish Queen and his complaining wakes me up nicely.

On Line

It was snowing here this evening 

Not a great deal, but enough to be noticed 

I spent most of the day on line , a fact that gave me some admiration for people who spend their working day glued to a screen 

I found the day generally productive 

Lots of boxes ticked

Lots of positives felt.

I sorted out a nice hotel for gorgeous Dave and I on our mini trip to Rome in June and before that , just after my 60th birthday, I’ve arranged to travel to the Catalonian coast south of Barcelona for a few days on holiday alone and booked a private tour of la Sangrada Famalia as well as a three hour tapas & Wine walking tour .

I found a dog carer who will pamper Dorothy in their own home then organised to meet my friend Alex from Poland in London in three weeks time.

We have got tickets for the Emlyn Williams play The Corn Is Green, with Nicola Walker at the National which will be a real treat. 

I’ve booked the nice hotel z in Covent Garden again.

I picked my bathroom suite , tiles , and accessories and let my little bathroom man know messenger then sorted bills and banking out before booking myself on an online Course exploring Pre war German History 

I can thank seeing Cabaret for that one.

I’ve been in a very bad place until yesterday 

Normal Programming Has Been Resumed

 

Back to normal today. The weather has turned colder and wetter and on our walk this morning, I regretted my decision to wear shorts only a minute into the amble.

I finished my film studies course yesterday and in the late afternoon met a friend to see The Phantom Of The Open. A comic version of the later life of the Walter Mitty character Maurice Flitcroft a working class crane driver who fraudulently entered the British Open Golf Tournament in the search of fame and fortune. With the delightful Mark Rylance in the lead role, Phantom is a frothy, light film about nice people being nice to each other. Wrapped up as almost a fantasy film, with splashes of Amelie and Forest Gump it gives Flitcroft a wry, gentle and somewhat warm persona, a man who adores his slightly dim wife and family, but who wants and needs some sort of fame ( this motivation is not explained in the movie at all by the way)

I enjoyed the humour of the piece but was left feeling somewhat uneasy at the end of the film when clips of the real Maurice Flitcroft were shown. This character seemed much darker and more serious than the one portrayed by Rylance and his presence hinted at darker motivations and even mental illness behind the eyes.

It’s interesting, but my friend thought the same 

After a couple of days in work from tomorrow, I have quite a few jaunts booked from Saturday 

An afternoon concert at the Liverpool Philharmonic Hall, a real ale pub visit with a couple of work mates, two plays at Theatre Clwyd and a cabaret cult night out celebrating Kate Bush.

Hopefully Choir will return on Tuesday too after being cancelled for three weeks due to increasing covid numbers .

Like I said

Normal Programming Has Been Resumed  

It’s 20.50 pm and it’s snowing

 

Onwards

 Up early today to beautiful sunshine again, even though the forecasts were gloomy. 

In Dyserth on the walkway there was a cool sea mist which was invigorating in short sleeves.

I met Chic Eleanor not long after nine, well before the sun burnt off the haze.

There are few people that you can have an authentic conversation with, I always think.

A honest and sincere interaction that is both supportive but challenging at the same time

I had one of those conversations this morning

Chic Eleanor knows me well. 

We have similar coping mechanisms, similar places we go when we are hurting.

Similar behaviours we revert to.

She knows how I tick and today we talked about forgiveness  and letting go of things.

It was a necessary and serious conversation 

And when we parted, we hugged long and hard like friends sometimes do

Her warmth reminded me of being worthy

And I can still smell her gentle perfume and feel the softness of her hair on my cheek.

Fuck Sad

I expected to feel somewhat low today

I’m not.

I don’t want to be.

The valiant muscari Armeniacum  which had been potted up on the front garden table could not look any more cheerful and after a winter of lying dormant the delicate Sea Pinks in the French Basket by the front door have just started to flower again after I rehydrated them back to normality.

After nights,

I’ve let my little bathroom man have the details of my bathroom choices and have opened the cottage windows wide as I play loud cheerful radio 2.

Fuck the incessant yappy Yorkshire terrier in the new build 

Bra straps pulled up with a massive hike

I’ve washed clothes, changed bedding, put all of the houseplants out into the spring sun and watered them with rainwater

All before the weather changes tomorrow,

Sourdough bread is in the oven 

I have just enough butter left to enjoy it 

Hey ho

(Finlandia by Jean Sibelius)

Sublime moments happen rarely 

Last night in the wee small hours at work, it was nice to have a brief break outside and take in the air as it breezes in from the Irish Sea.

In the hospice garden, you can’t see the sea but you can taste and smell it and that feels cold and wonderful after a few hours clinical work especially when listening to this version of This My Song to Finlandia, a song we sing in choir

Listening to Sibelius in the dark.

And feeling a bit ….well….weird