Victoria Wood once said " I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs.....every gusset a memory!"
This morning I reviewed my knicker drawer
It made for some dismal viewing.
I have exactly ten pairs of underpants.
Two of these have holes the size of an average guinea pig in their gussets.....
One looks grey and should be white
One pair has knicker elastic as lax as a vaginal prolapse
For nearly two decades I have never bought any pants and so this morning, somewhat late in the day I realised that it was about time I bought some.
As far as I can make out you now have to buy underwear which has the company logo on its waistband. To show this logo off, is the next job, especially when you bend over to tie your shoelaces or reach up on a shelf to retrieve a book.
It's all in the waistband!
So to the knicker aisle of TK MAXX I went and thirty minutes later a whole lot of reduced pants were chosen and paid for. £ 6.00 for two pairs!
£ 30. 00 in total!
Enough to last me the next twenty years!
When I got home the Christmas decs were all taken down....I used this idea from my sister for storing the Christmas lights....they will illuminate the dark corners of the inglenook fireplace.
I first saw Tootsie 36 years ago
It was in the Odeon cinema in Chester and I was on a date with Mandy Boardman who was a student general nurse.
I watched the film again tonight and boy does it stand up well after all of these years.
A glorious cast of Hoffman, Lange and Pollack supported superbly by the likes of Terri Garr, Bill Murray, Charles Durning and Dabney Coleman look like they are having the time of their lives in this cross dressing comedy which still has so much to say about the gender gap, sexism and people's rights.
Written by Larry Galbert and Murray Schisgal and directed with confidence and wit by Pollack himself Tootsie is a timeless classic that has been much copied but never quite beaten.
9/10
( my claim to fame was that I have almost sat in the same table as Pollack and Hoffman did in their Tootsie scene in the Russian Tea Room
The dogs and I went to Colwyn Bay beach again this morning and walked along the Promenade. We shared a scotch egg ( a grateful gift from fellow blogger Sue ) and watched dog walkers and cyclists for a long time in the weak sun before buying a coffee and a dry ham sandwich which we shared also in Bluebell . Everyone seemed good humoured...it's less lonely in a crowd
This afternoon I re watched Mission Impossible and drank big cups of tea with wafer thin slices of barabrith slapped liberally with butter
It's how the Welsh eat it.
Mary Poppins Returns and seen objectively it does so rather well.
The Children of Michael Banks ( Ben Whishaw) who is grieving for his recently deceased wife find themselves growing up in 1930 London rather all too quickly, so Mary Poppins (Emily Blunt) and cockney Lamp lighter Jack ( Lin Manual Miranda) enter the family's life in order to inject fun and laughter in their depression filled world.
Whereas in the original it is Julie Andrew's Mary that gives the film its joyful heart it is Whishaw's doe eyed, and suitably sensitive father that steals the show and gives the remake its warmth. Indeed his mostly spoken song " A Conversation " which is in memory of his deceased wife is an incredibly moving piece of movie making and one that had me weeping into my knitted scarf
Having said this Blunt is rather impressive as a rather more serious Poppins as is Miranda who is rather dishy in the Dick Van Dyke kinda role and the three child actors are wonderfully cute in a refreshingly non Disney ish way-all give it rocks against the traditional 2 D animation from the original.
The set piece songs arnt as memorable as the ones in the original and the Jack's slightly rapping moment in a cartoon musical hall was a wrong move , but I did enjoy Meryl Streep' s musical cameo and the rehash of the chimney Sweeps dance moment around a London Park fountain and the finale with the cast being spirited away into the Skies over London was just enough for the audience to walk away smiling.
Ben Whishaw and Emily Mortimer as the grown up Banks Children
I slept twelve hours last night and woke up to a marks and Spencer carrier bag of goodies left anonymously by the front door. Another package of a lovely winter scarf left by the postman was sent by blog reader Helen and yet another of dog treats left by the back door.
We are not going hungry this Christmas that's for sure..
Off to see Mary Poppins this afternoon......it's a wet gray day
Arrived in London a way past midday
Met Nu for a long lunch at the very nice Granary Square Brasserie Lovely food,
Two bloody Mary's
Lots of laughs ,
Lots of tears
I'm back on the train home now and it's 4.30
How mad is that........?
And how therapeutic ..........
Ten minutes past eight
I finish a twelve hour shift at eight
And the agency nurse that was due to take over from me had not turned up.
A couple of minutes before this one of the patients had pulled out her catheter, and followed this miniature disaster with the biggest " Code Brown " this side of the Welsh Border
It was only the second shift for my support worker colleague and he had forgotten to take two patient's blood sugar results as he was trying to sort out some breakfasts
I managed to take them in between answering a call bell and ringing the care home manager at home, demanding to know what agency I needed to chase up.
Before catching my train to London I was mindful that I had to walk and feed the dogs, get changed and drive to the station.
Best laid plans
The lady with the code brown wailed a repetitive call of " ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!!!"
Which I answered with a calming " Of course not!" But I did mutter under my breath "But I 'll fucking kill that agency nurse if she doesn't turn up!"
Another buzzer went off , I heard another patient shout " I want a hot cup of tea!" which was followed by a plaintive " in a minute!" and then the cook put her head around the door and said cheerfully " Someone has just put the tv remote and the Radio Times down a USED toilet" I lost the will to live by that point...........
It's 12.04 and the Virgin Train to London has just approached Milton Keynes I got to my seat in B coach with just 2 minutes to spare
My new Christmas decs remind me of a Ukrainian village
My last phonecall at Samaraitans was from a guy in prison
Many prisoners get free access to call us if they need to.
The prisioner called himself The Samaritan Angel and he was cheerful and clearly enjoying himself " I've rang 35 Samaritans already tonight" he quipped
" And I just wanted to tell you all that I love the work you do, am grateful for it and want you to have a lovely Christmas " "Thank you mate!" I told him genuiningly amused and moved by his good nature " Respect to you !" The Angel laughed and he was gone to ring another Samaritan sitting in some phone booth somewhere in the Uk.
I'll start with another video sent to me by a choir relative who loves carpets
This time it's us singing Tebe Poem which is Russian Slavonic hymn which I think we in the bass section actually performed exceptionally well given our small numbers..
After hearing it again, I was rather moved
Enjoy
I had an appointment with the bank today but that got rained Off because of work flu so instead we delivered the outlying village Christmas Cards and gifts then the dogs and I went for a walk down the old railway line.
With William gone George has been elevated in the pecking order and now has teamed up with Winnie, with whom he now sleeps with on the blue arm chair in the living room every night.
Both potter along nicely together when out which is odd as for the past 5 years they have allbut ignored each other.....pack dynamics eh? Who would have thought it .
Old Scottie and Old Bulldog side by side
I've treated myself to a return ticket to London for Saturday . I know it will be busy and I know I shall be tired after working a night shift tomorrow night but I'm going down to spend the day with Nu. She and her hubby Jimbo had very kindly invited me for Christmas with the dogs but I think it best if I go down for the day on Saturday which will be absolutely lovely.....tiring but lovely ......thank goodness I'm not in work until the 29th after that.
Pat the animal helper called round with my usual Christmas Barabrith which was wrapped in silver foil crowned by a red bow and yesterday I had lunch with an old ITU friend Naomi who bought me some chalet Christmas lights which are incredibly sweet...I've had several gifts of decorations this year.......
I'll leave you with a final carpet based video of the Choir's version of soul Wind from Tuesday night..followed by a fallorn looking Father Christmas on a bench
A dapper middle aged guy watched me photograph him with mild interest " he looks like I feel" he said with feeling
" I hate Fucking Christmas"
We sang 11 songs to a packed pub and novices Heulwen, Hattie and I could have given at least four more encores as fame went to our heads somewhat.
Singing for an audience has a charm all of its own and even if we slightly bollocked up the Maori hymn Jamie our choirmaster ( now sporting a new 1940's RAF moustache ) looked suitably proud of us as we finished with a rousing multi layered version of Auld Lang Syne
I was stood next to one of the Altos ( a chic looking tall lesbian who had indulged in too many gin and tonics during the meal) and she kept trying to grab my hand and sway with me to the African songs which I found a little disconcerting but I had drunk three pints of beer and one gin and tonic by that stage so swayed like a schoolgirl in a Take That concert with the best of them.
Halfway through the concert a concerned Soprano tiptoed into the bass section to see if our. 92 year old Albert needed a chair and was shooed off by the men who informed her that Albert was doing very well thank you.....the old guy buoyed up with masculine good nature and bright humour lasted the course with only a minor sweat on
I'll post some videos of the concert tomorrow when I get them.
It's been a genuinely sweet .......sweet night.
I've lost my first stone at fat club
I was given lots of praise this morning and a star sticker to go home with !
As I left one woman asked me how I've lost the weight in just five weeks
" Geing petitioned in a divorce" I told her
The day before my wedding my sisters gave me a series of gifts Something old , something new Something borrowed Something Blue.......
The something old was my grandmother's wedding ring, one of the very few bits of jewellery she ever possessed.
I found out this morning that I had mislaid it.
And I was distraught. Click here to see original blog
After turning the cottage upside down without success and feeling somewhat jaded, depressed and still full of cold
I left the mess to it's own affair and went out to deliver the Village Christmas Cards thinking this mundane job would blow away the cobwebs.
Our choir concert takes place tomorrow night and I am in no way prepared for it. I doubt I shall be able to sing properly given the nature of my man flu but I am determined to give it a go,so I picked one song that I have not been able to practice yet, downloaded the bass section of it onto my phone , put in my earphones and marched around Trelawnyd trying to sing the harmony of You raise me up! as I went....
I almost nailed the first verse when Trendy Carol ( in a very nice cream ski jacket) caught me for a chat. I'd sung it twice more when David from Well Street stopped his van to ,tell me I looked " hip" with my earphones in and one look at Jo's three legged whippet in a pair of hot pants on at the old policehouse made me totally forget the difficult bit where the basses have to La La as the Tenors belt out " on your shoulders!"
( the hot pants, I was informed , were an effort to stop mini accidents around the house)
A car stopped on London Road just after I dropped Hattie's card at her tiny cottage and two sopranos from the choir waved excitedly, they live in the next village along " Are you ready for tomorrow?" Soprano 1 asked
I told them both I was heavy with cold
Soprano 2 looked worried after I asked if they could suggest anything would help, and she turned to her friend saying " What would Josh Grobin do at times like this?" " Mime " answered Soprano 1
It's an option, I thought as I walked for home
In all it took me almost 90 minutes to deliver all 50 cards and when I got back home I was Cold but certainly feeling less stir crazy than I was even though I was faced with the depressing mayhem of untidy drawers and hastily searched boxes and files.
I'd just started to clear up my ring searching mess when the phone went.
It was my sweet natured Welsh solicitor in her best sing song voice. " I've rung you several times John " she explained and my heart sank thinking what else can go wrong in one day " I opened some documents you sent me the other week and found a small gold wedding ring tied with a blue ribbon tucked away amongst things "
She had found my grandmother's wedding ring!!!!
There is a famous photo of the writer Dorothy Parker that shows her haunted depressive nature. It may of been just a fleeting moment, caught by luck by a journalist's camera but the deadness behind the eyes is unmistakable .
I defy anyone to see any hope in it whatsoever.
I have a patient with such an expression.
She is dementing and at night spends long periods awake in the darkness, her gaze as fixed as Miss Parker's as she waits and longs to go back to a home she has most certainly has forgotten .
She refuses the comfort of a bedroom light, asking for the one I set hastily set up to be " put out"
The darkness shrouds the reality of a care home bedroom that's not home.
A couple of weeks ago, I called into work to complete some paperwork and took Mary with me.We sought the patient that looked like Dorothy Parker out and carefully I sat a wounded post op Mary onto her lap.
Mary sniffed a whiskered chin with good nature as she was patted with a flat palm
And the deadness behind the eyes lifted " Baby Baby Baby" the patient whispered " poor baby , baby baby"
It's a cruel disease
Ten days to go and I think Ive bought all the gifts I need to. The craze for buying your pets Christmas gifts has thankfully passed me by as I find the whole phenomenon of doggie stockings a pointless and somewhat perplexing activity
So ive saved some money there
Its our choir concert on Tuesday night and as instructed by Jamie our choir master , I invested in a cheapo Christmas Jumper for the night...its my
last major Christmas indulgence..working tonight again do Im off to bed after rubbing the soles of my feet with vicks
Strangely, out of all of the cottage animals, it is Winnifred that has been most affected by William's death. Although she remains her usual lugubrious self, the old girl has become more clingy as of late and now will follow me upstairs when I go to the loo or when I go up to make the bed .
Just now, she is sitting my my side as I splutter my way through a lem sip and a packet of tissues, and will no doubt follow me to bed when I go up in an effort to shake this cold I am suffering from.
She's a giant emotional sponge is Winnie.
That's one of her strengths.
And one of her weaknesses.
I'm feeling sorry for myself today as my cold is making me headachey and muzzy.
Being alone with man flu.....made me envious of a gay couple I followed as they were doing their good natured shop around Sainsbury's this morning.
My basket of cold meds, tissues, small bottle of milk and cat food made me feel like a right sad sack.
I miss a cool hand on a hot forehead and a gift of a cup of hot lemon
I have to go into work tonight and tomorrow too..
No work
No pay.
The day couldn't get any worse
But it did.......as shit days often do when you don't want them to.
I eventually had a very hot bath and breathed Vicks steam through a flannel over my face, which was nice.
I drank another lemsip with real lemon.
The phone went late afternoon, just after I had lit the Christmas Tree
It was Mrs Trellis, in her usual precise sing song voice " I just wanted to invite you to share a mince pie and a glass of something one afternoon next week" she said carefully, enunciating every word with care " I have a rather good sherry and the new range in the kitchen is ever so cosy"
I started to think of some excuse or other when she added
"It would be lovely for me if you could come " and suddenly all of the day's shite was lifted away by the simple and sincere invitation of a mince pie and a schooner of sherry.
