Being LEFT WELL ALONE

 My bladder played up in the night. 

The pain isn’t bad , it’s just cramping so I drank lots of water took an extra antibiotic and paracetamol at around five am then walked the dogs and went to bed.  I woke again around 9am then again at lunchtime when I realised that I’d left the kitchen door open and both the twins and the Welsh were sharing my bed albeit in different corners. 

I felt too rough to separate them and when the spitting started I just thought may the best cat win.

This is only my second UTI In a year so I’m doing very well. And this infection is a result of my pharmacy not sending me enough tablets  on my last prescription, something which is happening more frequently in North Wales I noticed . 

I’ve lit the fire, fed the animals and have retuned to bed with a hot water bottle.

I am beyond caring when I hear Roger trying to sit in the cat litter tray in a Valiant attempt to use it as the twins do.

Sat

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Bombing

Today is just a chatty post

I returned to work last night and the change in routine antibioticsfloored me.

I slept a couple of hours today then took the Welsh to the vets.

Mary has an ear infection again. 

I left Roger making lurve with the receptionists whilst Mary put up with an examination and a first dose of steroid and antibiotics which she had via the meat and cheese of a pre bought McDonald’s cheeseburger.

Genius 

I sat down with a cuppa and the twins and the purring sounded so loud from their plot on the sofa top, it sounded as if wartimebombers were going over.

My sister Janet had to have her dog Ossie put down today so I've called down with a takeaway for her and her hubby as well as gin and whisky. My elder sister Ann was already there with beautiful roses from her garden. I wasn’t surprised

Bun and her fish cushion

Newsflash

 The twins have both crossed the bannister borders and are now occupying enemy territory 

Mary leans to say hello to Bun

Why

 I never have a problem with crying, or so I thought.

A film such as Touch had me dirty crying in my cinema seat only a day or so ago and I cry and talk about crying enough but only yesterday I realised it is a solitary thing which is never shared with anyone but Nu and Mike, and even then rarely.

My own therapy is the putting to bed of my grief of my separation and my therapist has been as ruthless as I wanted and needed her to keep to my brief.

I was exhausted yesterday, totally exhausted.

We talked about invasive and repetitive thoughts .

And she asked me about being busy, but this next observation floored me when she said quietly

“How can you move on with a head too full of whys?”

I looked at her and she mimed an action which beautifully summed her her comment

she put a hand out on each side of her head and whirled them around, 

And I cried for the first time of being understood and validated .

I will leave you with the lisping choir and one piece I remember from the zarzuela concert 

No news

 Summer is back, albeit for a few days, and the garden is bright and the sky an azure blue. 

Malinka Le Vay walked past the cottage,with her dogs, and looked as warm as the sky.

The horses in the livery stables bow their heads together in the glow of  midday and the bullocks on the field at the end of the lane sit and chew in the grass with their doe eyes closed.

Apart from the traffic on the main road, the village looks quiet, delicious smells come from The Crown’s kitchen when I drive up to get my McDonalds coffee 

I drove to the Storyhouse and read some notes from college. Ten minutes turned into two hours 

Now I’m home , walking the dogs and cleaning up kitten detritus 

I’ve bought a new kitchen clock. It should be delivered today

Lee Millar

It’s been a nice weekend of film watching ….from the cheese filled The Wedding Planner, to the worthy The Critic and the toweringly good Touch , I’ve seen some quality films, and so it’s lovely to end the weekend on another high with Lee 

The story of Lee Millar’s War Time photography career makes for an interesting watch. Slightly too old for the role ( my sister pointed that out) ,Kate Winslet still shines as the damaged former model who spent a frivolous early adult life in the South of France with her beautiful French artist friends, totally unaware of the horrors to come. With the support Vogue editor Audrey Withers ( the striking Andrea Riseborough in academy award mode ) Lee chronicles the liberation of Paris and the fall of Germany including the liberation of the death camps But does so at a heavy cost, of lifelong untreated PTSD , treated only by herself through alcohol and tablets. 

There are some beautifully observed scenes, especially when Lee meets up with her French model friends in Paris after the liberation.  . The crushed Solange ( Marion Cottilard) and artist Nusch (Noemi Merlant) are comforted by Lee and you can almost feel the real warmth of Kate Winslett gushing forth on screen. It’s an amazingly moving moment.

The audience should ignore some clumsy writing though ( the fact that Lee was sexually abused as a child  is thrown in a rather arbitrary and heavy handed way) as the visuals are strong enough to carry the film on their own.

I will leave you with the first official photo of Roger and Weaver, taken yesterday morning in the living room. Bun remains shy and careful 

Blue Angel

 

I watched Last Night Of The Proms last night

American Soprano Angel Blue looked remarkably moved by the roars of the crowd 

I liked that.

Auld Lang Syne upset me a little . I couldn’t remember the time I sung it let along link arms with another person whilst doing so. 

It’s a song best sung drunk

Another thing for my bucket list,to do.

It’s a grey blustery day here and the village feels as though it’s hunkering down for winter. Affable Despot Jason will be hibernating until April 

Islwyn’s autumn bonfire on the pony field will come and go with only the kittens to observe him. They miss nothing from the bedroom windows and he likes to fire it mid afternoon.

The cottage is quiet and my mindfullness has changed into a doze on the couch. The Welsh are sharing the reading chair in the kitchen , the twins sat carefully on the landing their front feet folded beneath them.

This afternoon I intend to watch The Wedding Planner with a family sized strawberry trifle

Touch

Iceland just before lockdown sees an elderly widower Kristofer (Egill Olafsson) receiving bad news from his doctor, who suggests helpfully that he puts his life in order rather quickly. Haunted by an old memory. He flys from Iceland to London in search of an old Japanese restaurant. 

A flash back occurs

In 1960s London young Kristòfer (Palmi Kormakur) is a quiet, easygoing Icelandic student looking for a job. He starts pot washing then cooking for the owner of a Japanese restaurant Takahashi-San  ( Masahiro Motoki) and starts a secret passionate  affair with his daughter Miko ( Kôki)

During their courtship Miko admits to Kristòfer that she and her father are Hibakusha, survivors of the Hiroshima bombing ,and are now people viewed by some, as damaged and unclean. Soon after father and daughter disappear from any contact.

During lockdown an aged Kristòfer now flies from London to Hiroshima in search of his former love,

What will he find ? Will the pair be reunited and why was Miko forced to give up her first love in the first place?

Touch is a beautiful, beautiful love story , with Olafsson literally breaking your heart as the benign, big hearted Icelander battling with a loss of memory and a lifetime of grief.

You will be dirty crying at the end, and will remember this very different love story for a very long time after first seeing it

The Critic

 

The one thing about Ian McKellen is that he has balls

Cast as a vicious, nasty Queen, a critic for a failing 1930s newspaper, the camera lingers over his calculating scheming face in almost nauseating close up. We see him naked in the bath and at other times indulging in rough trade sex at the local park.

He’s not a nice character but McKellen seems to revel in the role.

Playing Jimmy Erskine, McKellen is a powerful man, used to the luxuries of his position. But when the Vicount Brooke, son of the previous owner takes over the business (an underplaying Mark Strong) Erskine is taken to task and told to be nicer to the actors he demolishes in print. 

Brooke is obsessed with actress Nina Land ( Gemma Arterton) as is his son in law (Ben Barnes) who is unhappily married to cold fish Cora (Romola Garai) and all of these characters come together rather disastrously when Erskine blackmails Land to help him keep his job.

You can tell that the main jist of the plot comes from a complicated and successful book as you are left wanting more from the characters. 

The man of character ( Strong) his cold antisemitic  daughter ( a cracking turn by Garai) and the wonderful Lesley Manville ( as Land’s mentally more robust mother) all sadly have little to do as we concentrate on McKellen and his odious manipulations. 

The hidden gay lifestyles, a sudden appearance of the facist black shirts ( who Erskine valiantly challenges in the street. Are touched upon but would have been more interesting explored as would the other characters but McKellen plays such a monster so well, your eyes never leave his beady eyes and smiling face.

Soup

 This made me laugh , in a way I like; a big belly laugh which erupts,

Unstoppable.

I’m off for a few days now, and have just been figuring out what to do. I’m going to see Lee with Kate Winslett this afternoon and The Critic this evening. (With my sister) . I’ve also booked to see an Icelandic movie Touch tomorrow. Not many friends are around that the moment, Chic Eleanor has moved out of the village and is away, ( we’ve arranged coffee soon) and Dave ( aka Gorgeous Dave) has effectively ghosted me, which I’m sad about. I can understand the ghosting of acquaintance / friends , (we all go through phases of meeting new people who don’t quite fit into your psychi) but for a friend of ten years or so to suddenly vanish from the radar without some sort of narrative is a shame. 

I miss him. 

Bit and Bats

 Everything feels changed somewhat. 

I’m back in university with less academic essays to worry about but with an increased client number to deal with. We have a mental health component too which should be easier for me given I’m still registered as a psychiatric nurse.

And so Tuesdays continue with 8.30 to 2.30 in lectures followed by my personal counselling at 4pm and Choir at 6 pm. Thursdays I’m now seeing clients from 10 am and 4pm. Supervision is usually on alternate Wednesday mornings. My two hospice shifts work around all this where possible. 

Autumn term brings autumn with it and the villagers are planning the apple festival weekend . 

Soon it will be Christmas 

I’m tired just writing all this. 

Off to bed shortly , but I want to read yesterday’s 9/11 comments first.

Typically much more interesting than anything I could write .

Weaver is still with us, by the way . Just to let you know

9/11

 

Twenty three years ago, where were you? 

From early afternoon, I was sat on the arm of the sofa. 

Chris on the wicker chair,

We had started to fill a skip which sat in from of 59 Wynyard Road Sheffield. to watch the drama unfolding

The worst of world news

Today Kamala make short shrift of the lunatic clown

She looks every bit the disaster movie American President 

Good in a crisis with pearls.

I bought these for my friend Mike Kilner today

He’s always wanted his own lightsabre 

Cute or what?

I will leave you with my lisping choir singing Star Wars

It feels like autumn , the twins are desperate to sit in front of the fire but still haven’t  left the stars 

 

School

 Back in college today 

My last year of three.

There are 18 in my group. And no fallouts, which is unheard of.

All students have made it through academia too, and all are in placements practicing as counsellors around North Wales with support.

If you said that I’d be on a University Course at 62 a few years ago I’d tell you that you were an arsehole !

But I’m still here, plugging away at university jargon, software and protocols with the best of them .

 

Mrs Trellis Visits

 Mrs trellis came around this evening to see the twins, 

She brought them a homemade toy made from pheasant feathers and a ping pong ball.

I wasn’t expecting her and had Mary in the shower, washing out her ears with baby shampoo so

I didn’t have chance to close my bedroom door properly as I called out “ it’s such a mess”.I could tell immediately that she’d clocked the underpants pile on the floorboards waiting to be washed…but said nothing more than “Have you been busy recently?”

The twins came out quite bravely , especially as I had a very wet Mary in my arms and dog and kittens touched noses as Mrs Trellis smiled and  clapped her hands silently.

“Roger and Mary and Weaver and Bun” she observed 

“ Your home is full again”

“ But Bun is a daft name “ 

Bun

 What a horrid day. Wet and windy

Miserable .

There are no films showing that I want to see, and so I’ve watched season 6 of Bake Off  ( the one with the lovely Tamal and Paul and Nadia ) and snacked on squid rings and ice cream.

I’ve read some of Memoriam By Alice Winn, showered in a hot long shower and shaved and walked the dogs briefly inbetween the rain bursts.

I’ve played with kittens and dozed on the bed 

Weaver proves to be more assertive and friendly than  the shy Bun 

Yes I now have a name which suites more than Lilly and Beans

Bun suited better me thinks 

It’s the right name for sure .

Bun is shy and bouncy

The Archers tonight should be the fallout of George’s arrest

Mozart

 Watching Mozart at the Proms

And got the hots for the conductor Ricardo Minassi. 

I need a shag!

Lol

mooch

 I’m having a quiet day today.

Being single in your sixties often means others are busy at weekends

Family time, days out. Nights in with bottles of wine and a take out..

Weekends can be fun if your single friends are about 

Mine arnt this week

So it’s been quiet.

I’ve mooched today, Been to Jackson’s ( the village garden centre) and bought things that looked nice but which I didn’t need. 

I bought an ice cream and shared it with the Welsh in the car park overlooking Prestatyn before coming home to watch some gung ho film on talking pictures

The twins have found my mother’s table clothes still airing on the clothes horse in the bedroom window and have made two hammocks in the top of it, here they laze some of their day away watching the activity on the lane.

Tonight I’m listening to loose Ends on radio 4 as I read today’s real treat Empire Magazine 

Read All About It

 As counselling students we have to experience two lots of counselling, covering at least two modalities of counselling theory. 

I’ve already covered pure person centred theory last year, which was interesting.

Now I’ve started with are more interactive and dynamic counsellor who I think will challenge me more.

She talks a lot too. 

I like that also.

She was recommended  to me and has a practice in a little market town out in the sticks of North Wales some 20 miles South. She is sharp eyed and has a ready smile and although in her late seventies I suspect she misses nothing. 

We started today upon how I deal with loss.

The day is bright, almost hot even and when I left the office I spied two black nuns, resplendent in light blue habits with white borders, sat at the nearest bus stop. They were laughing and the whole scene felt a good omen

“ Do you rest much John?” the counsellor asked me after watching me get up out of the chair with a struggle and before I answered said “never mind, I’ll come to that again” with a smile

I am reminded of this song

As I drove home through the glorious Welsh countryside 

Stress tired

 The stress of yesterday rebounded today.

I saw my counselling clients from mid morning and after taking the dogs to Sainsburys on the way home in order to buy them some mouth watering ham , we got home around 2pm

I fell asleep by quarter past ,

Sat on the bed with the twins

I’ve only just got up

It’s just after 6pm!!!

Ok it was a balls up, but my essay I now in. My revalidation done and the flower Show finished

I needed that sleep