Friday Thoughts

Trelawnyd  has a what's app support group that is coordinating the work of the street wardens who are caring for the elderly and the needy of the village during lockdown.
The group is run by Velvet Voiced Linda who clearly knows, quite naturally, just how to organise and manage an eclectic collection of people and from what I can see, apart from some expected challenges the group,is functioning well.
A separate warden social group has been started , which is more of a chit chat group between villagers and the Affable despot Jason, can often be found here posting humourous  and often ribald videos that entertain the troops.
Last night I watched a discussion develop between several of the village women .
Each one recounted how they came to live here, whether through birth or by accident or design and their thoughts made for rather moving reading...so to Wendy the Gop, Tracy Soup, Bunty, Well Street Bridget thank you for a good read....texting words and feelings is such a powerful thing as we all remain on our own miniature Cottage islands.
The clap for the key workers came loud and strong last night with air horns, saucepan bashing and Cameron the boffin's drumming adding to the din and it looks as though we will have a further three " claps" yet before lockdown is reviewed
Next week I'm going to ask if I can ring the Church bell
Our sister village of Gwaenysgor rang their Church bell last night and we can't be outdone

I am lucky.
I am back at work tonight and am working day shifts next week.
My uniform is ironed already

Mrs Thomas Has A Funeral

Mrs Thomas was an old farmer's wife
For the past couple of years she has been resident in a local residential home ( where I nursed her last year) but before that she lived in Bryn Rodyn Farm on the outskirts of the village.
She had a sing song Welsh voice, a bad tempered red terrier called Barney and made loaf after loaf of bara brith for one of my allotment open days , the big one that raised a thousand quid in two hours!
She was well known and well respected by the older members of the village community.

Well it was her funeral today.

I say Funeral , fairly loosely as all you are " allowed" nowadays is  12 mourners and an outside service of sorts, and so as a mark of respect I stood in my field with the ponies as the Minister led he family into the graveyard, the little knots of people separate from each other by the required six feet.
It looked like no Funeral I was used to.
The minister had a fine, strong voice and I could almost hear every word of the bilingual service from  a hundred yards away and as I stood the ponies congregated around blowing down their noses at me.
I turned and for a few moments exhaled loudly as they inhaled our noses touching.
It's always a magical moment when ponies do that.
A breathing hello between two species.

Everyday now in lockdown the Churchyard cockerels fly over the wall to have a brief meal of old cat food. They come because the dogs are all over at Trendy Carol's and there is no hysteria over their visit.

It's been a warm , blue sky day today

A Change Of Scene

Look very closely the second photo enlargement will tell all 

East of Trelawnyd you will find a low wide valley filled with a patchwork of fields, farms and occasional houses. I took Mary Eastwards on London Road then turned north behind Basil the farmer's fields towards the back of Gop Hill . Trelawnyd lies sheltered at the Southern aspect of the hill
In one of the fields I spied a tinyfigure and as I squinted to see who it was I thought I saw a faint billow of a pashmina in the breeze.
I waved and the figure waved back hurrying down the green meadow like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music 
and I was sure I heard " Darling John is that you?" above the chirping of the hedge sparrows .
Chic Eleanor and I  chatted for a while our faces meeting between a two metre gap in the hawthorn but then had to wave our goodbyes after Jo, Ian and "Eleven"walked towards us in a fit of frantic barks.
"Eleven" is my collective name for the couple's whippets, as I never remember their names. Eleven refers to the number of legs the three dogs own between them

chic Eleanor having a Jane Austin moment

This afternoon I have weeded the front garden, read a bit with my head on both bulldogs as they sunbathed , oh and arranged my latest cushion , a handmade yellow crotchet cushion from my sister. She made it to fit in with my new yellow living room.

Janet's cushion on the right

I'm going back to work on three nights on Friday

Body In A Bed

I wake early.
It's the warm light of April coupled with the fact that the cottage faces South with her head in the sun that does it.
I never think about closing the curtains.
I only do that when I am on night shifts

I started to wake around 6 am and rolled over against a large immovable warm body.
My queen sized bed , effectively cut down into half a single
For a split second I flashed to a memory of a couple of years ago when it was normal to have a warm body in my bed and for that split second I believed it to be so again.

Muscle and sensory memories flashed forward then back like a large wave on a beach.

Then Winnie , lying full length like a massive tan sausage roll smacked her gums like a canine Popeye and reality took back over as it quietly always does at times like this

Like the cat walking through the bead curtain scene in Amelie
It broke my heart for a split second

Can You See Lyndi's Charlie?

Lyndi sans charlie

It was Zoom choir tonight and Heulwen and Hattie and I shared some schoolboy humour when we all introduced ourselves tonight
One delightful chorister called Lyndi has a certain resemblance to the actress Margaret Rutherford in more ways than just looks and as we all have a want to do, she introduced us all to her very hairy dog lying at her feet.
His name is Charlie
As always the start of choir, is a bit of a bunfight and as we all waved I called out to Hattie if
She had seen Lyndi's Charlie yet?
The look on a few faces was well worth the Victoria Wood moment 

On Guard

I got the negative result of the local health board email this morning.
My bestie down in London laughed
" You will have to give all that donated food back now " she quipped
With the generally mild symptoms I have experienced I am somewhat disappointed I didn't have the mild version of the virus , so Im back to square one
Mary and I went out for a long walk in the cold sun
She's in season and is suddenly very feisty indeed
She has been guarding the cottage like a lioness

My Best Friend's Wedding

Late last night I received an email from two old friends
The email was titled
" We Will Meet Again " 
It was short and to the point

"So we keep being told........I bloody hope so.

Thinking of you .... keep safe xxxxxx

Ruth & Dale 

Sometimes you don't always say what you want to in a reply. especially with people you are not normally demonstrative with...
But last night I was suddenly  reminded of that scene in My Best Friends wedding when old friends  Julia Roberts and Dermot Mulroney talk about love

Michael O'Neill:
Kimmy says if you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just...

Julianne Potter:
Passes you by...

I wrote back something I wouldn't normally say after my first serious line of  " You two keep Safe", I added
" I love you guys !"

And moments later came the one word answer

" Ditto x" 

It's a time to be honest

Froth

Me and chic Eleanor out for a small jaunt at The Crown 

As played by Russell Crowe and Nicole Kidman

I think we are all in need of a bit of froth
Time for a parlour game

Today's game people is simple
" In The movie of your life , who will play you ? 
As a young version of yourself 
As the older version of yourself" 

Be as inventive as possible !

  but I am feeling better this morning. I'm still tired and have a nagging headache but I do feel brighter.

Home

I have slept on and off for most of the day and feel ok except for a persistent headache.
The many kindnesses of today have been a tonic better than any doctor could prescribe and although
I don't want to labour the point into something that sounds something saccharine, I can't quite get over the thoughtfulness of others
Today Emma from The Old Crown dropped off her own hens eggs and homemade soup, and more eggs were dropped off by the gate by Heulwen and Derek only a short time before Greta bearing gin popped by.
Jason marched Mary around the Gop and Trendy Carol took the bulldogs all afternoon and Dr Polly and her daughters sent me a video from home wishing me well.
The phone has rung and clicked with scores of messages as I've slept and Sailor John and velvet voiced Linda, ( the head of the street warden initiative) have physically called around to see if I was still breathing.
And at 6pm, as it started to rain, Bridget from Well street left her family to walk across the village with a hot roast dinner just for me.
A home cooked meal a panacea against all known ills

I could have lost my cottage during my divorce
And I am so glad I fought to keep it and was able to remain

These last three weeks of shutdown have underlined that I am indeed home

The Queen's Message

Well I'm an old Queen Too so I too thought I'd say hello and thank you.
Thank you for the good wishes and the kind thoughts
I'm ok and being very well looked after even though my symptoms are not as serious as some have experienced
I was tested this morning for covid and will get the results in a few days.
I obviously have a virus and have the symptoms exactly like one nurse at work has after he caught something from his daughter.
We will wait to see if it is covid.
I have slept, off and on for most of today, and I have wanted for nothing.
A dearheart from the Trelawnyd Street Warden Group dropped off some home made soup and added to the garden wall gift by leaving a whole bag of food and toiletries which was totally overwhelming and my request for dogwalkers illicited seven offers in an hour as well as three new leads after Dorothy had chewed through hers in a fit of anxiety.

The food parcel 

Lots of messages thank you
Flis..thank you, Trendy Carol and jason  ..thank you
Lots of blog comments...thank you
I'm off to bed soon
But have just talked to my friend Nu who is helping out on the London Intensive care units without intensive care experience
I am so...so proud of her
Stay safe.xx

Oh Bugger

As soon as I got home,
I started to have some symptoms of covid and am now on full lockdown
No cough but spiked a temp, joint pain and now loose stools and have a mild hangover feeling
Worried about the dogs a bit
Have been referred for rapid testing which is fabulous
Off to have a sleep, if this is the sum of my experience of covid
I hope I have it
Hey ho

Uniforms

Something rather unmentionable covered my work trousers overnight , and I had to resort to borrowing a pair of pyjama bottoms for most of the shift.
One of the patients offered me a pair of her fleece lined lounge pants but I declined gracefully stating they were not quite my colour.

I have worn a uniform of sorts on every day bar one in my entire adult working life of 37 years bar for one day.
That was my first day as charge nurse of my own ward, where I went in for management day wearing a shirt and tie.
The mainly Yorkshire staff were somewhat nonplussed by my effort of looking smart and for the most part laughed good humouredly at my efforts.
One middle aged lass, a support worker who had been a colleague for over a decade sniffed loudly as I passed
" You going to a funeral ?" She asked dryly

My ward uniform then was a navy tunic. Going into navy , is a proud step for a nurse in the Uk for it generally means you have reached the rank of " sister" , a position that then signified that you ran your own ward.
Now , with the plethora of clinical nurse specialists and advenaced nurse practitioners sisters can be found in abundance, but still there is a kudos and respect for the role and the experience.

In the early 1990s I went to Pittsburgh to visit the city's rehabilitation units and in one wore my own natty white British uniform in the clinical area
The mainly black collection of patients found it hilarious and often referred to me as "stay puft"Guy
A reference which took me a while to work out

There's always one that will bring you down to earth
Everyone's a critic!

Lockdown a few more thoughts

Overheard but not seen through the living room window

" Hello Darling are you sunbathing" 

Winnie gives the stranger a grunt

" Arhhh Geoffrey he's trying to shake paws" 

More grunting

"Look Geoffrey shake his paw, he's holding it out to you!"

"Hello" ( males voice - presumably Geoffrey's)

More grunting

" She 's showing you the shaved bit on her leg where the vet took blood" I called out from the living room 

" Awwww poor baby let's see your poorly leg then. Come on show us your poorly leg!" 

Lots of satisfied grunting followed

Choir meeting last night on Zoom.

Bit of a technological disaster but it was always good to see everyone

Hattie recorded our final song's visuals rather than the singing and speeded up it looks rather sweet given the fact we were all belting out our usual final song 

" You Raise Me Up!" 

Which often leaves a few choristers all a but teary eyed

The physicality of the lockdown hit home on Monday for obvious reasons

I needed a hug. A physical, it will be alright hug

And it didn't come

But what did come was the texts and the videos and the messages and the gifs and all of those wonderful things the mobile phone and the iPad  now gives us all

Almost having friends in the same room .

I've had a shave and a bath and changed my clothes today.

Ive combed my hair and used moisturiser ( see I do listen Mavis)

I've listen to ghost stories videoed from a friend, Colin in Liverpool

And still have paperwork to complete , which has been laying out since Monday

I am officially single and have let go of the want to have closure of certain things too faraway now to need to deal with. History has been rewritten and will be now believed. I emailed my former husband a last email and wished us both " happier times" 

I made bread last night

And I'm already looking forward to going back to work tomorrow night
On the whatsapp Trelawnyd community warden forum Bunty shared a photo of her extra short haircut and Affable despot Jason asked me for some spare paintings to put up in his new, home made summer house

Albert looks thinner , maybe needs a wormer

Will treat Trendy Carol ( in natty maroon shorts yesterday) and her hubby to Easter eggs from the girls when I go shopping for dog food later. They continue to be stars

Villager Jim passed the cottage last night and looked through the window to see the lit flamingo
We shared a thumbs up sign
" all is well" we mouthed

  

Raising Money For My Hospice

In celebration of the goat invasion 

Order your tee shirts 

https://stdavidshospice.org.uk/shop/?fbclid=IwAR1j1r7hxnLn0ZoOPIPZ_Xvus3qFrjkpAhUnkepaBdqHMLAnMFCNmR8VWvM

Vigil

South West of Trelawnyd there is a flat, wide valley which runs gently down towards the coastal plain nearly six hundred feet below.
One of the fields that border the road seawards has been newly ploughed and seeded and perched proudly in its centre is a somewhat incongruous smiling scarecrow wearing a multicoloured Kagool
I saw him today
Arms outstretched in a Jaunty welcome he faces passing motorists quite cheerfully

Positive and optimistic
It's the only way forward

Decree Absolute

The attachment on my solicitor's email caught me somewhat by surprise this morning.
It was an unsurprisingly dry document stamped from the family court in Newport Gwent stating I was no longer officially married.
The decree absolute in black and white.
My solicitor kindly wished me well and as instructed I printed up the document for safe keeping without really thinking about what I was doing but I read again her words   " I am sure you will be pleased that this matter has reached its conclusion"

"This matter"
Two words that encompass nearly twenty years of my life

In my mind , I have fantasised how I would react to today's news.
On Going Gently I have never bad mouthed my husband's behaviour in deciding to end our marriage
I get that people change and so do their wants and needs and emotions
I have hinted it that has been the way he initiated the split that was so disappointing and awful for me to deal with and I stand by those words now.
The way we split was truly awful to experience
He eventually got what he wanted, a new younger partner and a new, totally different  life style
And he rewrote a history in his head, in the same way his mother had done when she was divorced
A history that I always thought of as ongoing.

I pulled up papers from my box files , and arranged them neatly on the kitchen table.
Today I have planned to sort outstanding bills and statements and filing and already have penned a do do list on a simple square of wring paper
Each line with its own square box to be ticked off

My sister has just video called me by accident, she is crocheting me a new cushion cover for the yellow living room

The bulldogs were lying sleeping in their chair in the kitchen and I went upstairs , changed the bedding, had a bath and got changed into some proper clothes, then me and Mary slipped out, unnoticed by the front door and took a walk up the lane.

The sky is blue here in Trelawnyd but it's kind of cold and we walked up through the Churchyard and sat on the far bench not far from the grave of auntie Gladys's daughter
Tumbled thoughts from the past two years filled my mind until it felt like bursting but Mary as she has a want to to jumped up next to me and leant inwards as only Welsh terriers do and we both looked out over the livery stable fields where the ponies were trotting with their heads high and their nostrils flaring.
They looked, I thought,  like my pottery pony which stands proudly against the art wall in the kitchen
And with Mary as my only company

I had a long and final cry

We Will Meet Again

The old girl pitched it just right.
Balanced, no mention of the virus, and concentrating on our strengths
She underlined all of the low key virtues she feels it means to be British
She also reminded us that she has been making such speeches since 1940
And she was going no where during this crisis
Her final, stoic and unflappable sentence made me tear up
Looking directly into the camera with no dramatic pausing
She said simply
" We will meet again"
Nice one Betty

Bush Trimming, and Gay Thoughts

I've just harnessed my innate gay energy

I've finally summoned my inner most Mildred Pierce and in a fit of gay energy have cut down the overgrown evergreen bush in the front garden to a manageable height.
I could almost hear neighbours Mandy & Sailor John breathe  a huge joint sigh of contentment after I had finished
It had been an eyesore for a year
It's a hard job given that Dorothy and Albert are following my every movement.
Winnie is sitting my the gate watching for any passerby to stop.
When they envairably do, she isn't shy at showing each one her shaved leg site where the vets took a blood sample.
She's very conscious of it's haematoma
She's such a drama queen

As I was humping the cut foliage across to my field bonfire I spied Rhodri driving down the lane .
He waved rather self consciously . " Rhodri " is my friend with very occasional benefits. I won't say any more than that, after all he's single and outwardly very straight but it was nice to see a friendly, masculine face today
I'm very sanguine about Rhodri 
Him being firmly in a closet is his own affair and not my problem.
Now writing this snippet of gossip should get the locals' gums gnashing!
I wish lockdown could be lifted for a sweaty 40 minutes!



Already this morning there are several dozen what 's app messages from the warden's group to catch up on as well as a few pithy one liners from friends to answer.
I caught up with my old friend Nigel yesterday for nearly an hour

Apparantly I remind him of Angela Landsbury 
WTF?

I'm tired after my gardening ablutions but will finish the job before sinking into my armchair for a snooze.
Ive not got to the Miranda Hart" fruit friends" stage quite yet

 But I will leave you with this somewhat worrying photograph of two Welsh policemen on duty.
In light of the fact the London parks are still full of sunbathers yesterday, our Welsh boys have taken loitering in public places an arrestable offence

Stay safe

Hey ho

Beautiful

One of most beautiful woman I have ever seen is
Emma Thompson at the end of Nanny Mc Phee

Diary Of A Nobody

Yesterday
Finished work at 8.00 am
Laughed with colleagues, negiotiated around wild mountain goats in car park
Drove towards home on deserted roads
Stopped at Sainsbury's for provisions
Told to get to front of queue by nice trolley man who read my name badge
Old man in queue complained loudly that I went before him, so much for the Blitz spirit
Bought gin and bread and beer
Old man who complained snorted when he saw my purchases

Drove home
Village quiet
Waved at Mrs Trellis who was out with Blue, she had starched her bobble hat again.

Walked dogs down Gypsy lane,
Shepherd Graham was tending to his new lambs
Checked Trelawnyd 's Emergency whatsapp group. 34 messages!

Cleaned kitchen floor

Realised I had lost my wallet again.....searched house
Rang work to see if wallet was there....no....bugger!!!!!
Searched car and house again
Checked washing machine ( where I had found it before )
Nothing
Spent 1hour 49 minutes waiting to to get through to Barclays to cancel credit Card
Fell asleep doing so
Woken up by lovely Sonia shouting " Helloooo" from scotland who kindly cancelled my card
Made avocado on toast ( with egg)
Finally went to bed at 12.30 pm.....shattered
Dogs woke me at 3pm , barking at Postman
Gathered them up and took them round to Trendy Carol's ( who was wearing a floaty cream and brown ensemble) 
Walked back home realising I was still in pyjamas
Went to bed again
Woke up at 5.30 pm

Drank cold coffee left over from breakfast


Fed Albert
Spooned out dog food
Answered phone , old friend Nigel, told him I will catch up with him today
Collected and fed dogs , realised I was still in pyjamas
Washed and then donned uniform, washed up pots
Left message on recycling for binmen with beer..thanking them for working
6.45 pm left for work
7.22 pm stopped at West Shore and admired the view and the very cold air

Felt human for a few minutes
7.29 got to work.
Laughed with colleagues
Placed gin I had bought in office
It is a gift to one of the support workers who will cut my hair before I leave for home tomorrow