I wake early.
It's the warm light of April coupled with the fact that the cottage faces South with her head in the sun that does it.
I never think about closing the curtains.
I only do that when I am on night shifts
I started to wake around 6 am and rolled over against a large immovable warm body.
My queen sized bed , effectively cut down into half a single
For a split second I flashed to a memory of a couple of years ago when it was normal to have a warm body in my bed and for that split second I believed it to be so again.
Muscle and sensory memories flashed forward then back like a large wave on a beach.
Then Winnie , lying full length like a massive tan sausage roll smacked her gums like a canine Popeye and reality took back over as it quietly always does at times like this
Like the cat walking through the bead curtain scene in Amelie
It broke my heart for a split second
It's the warm light of April coupled with the fact that the cottage faces South with her head in the sun that does it.
I never think about closing the curtains.
I only do that when I am on night shifts
I started to wake around 6 am and rolled over against a large immovable warm body.
My queen sized bed , effectively cut down into half a single
For a split second I flashed to a memory of a couple of years ago when it was normal to have a warm body in my bed and for that split second I believed it to be so again.
Muscle and sensory memories flashed forward then back like a large wave on a beach.
Then Winnie , lying full length like a massive tan sausage roll smacked her gums like a canine Popeye and reality took back over as it quietly always does at times like this
Like the cat walking through the bead curtain scene in Amelie
It broke my heart for a split second
John this happens to me regularly. I wake and put out my hand to take hold of the farmer's hand as I did every morning. Then I realise he isn't there and never will be. And, as you say, the memories wash back and forth over me - not necessarily sad but there.
ReplyDeleteOh wow, John...
ReplyDeleteThat was quite something!
Dreamscapes, landscapes, yesteryear,now...seem here seem real
ReplyDeletedawn draws attention away from a warmth sharing the bed
Now almost fully awake, what's truly to be had? Coffee, friends as near as this screen, all's well,Good Morning,gorgeous! -Mary
Someplace I have a picture of a cap, I took on Castro Street in San Francisco that simply says "Sleeps with Dogs" - Winnie and Dorothy will keep you warm.
ReplyDeleteThose few moments between sleep and fully awake can be blissful, without a care in the world and then reality slaps you awake. I used to fear going to sleep for that slap.
ReplyDelete.....and then overwhelmed by the unconditional devotion x
ReplyDeleteA poignant moment indeed. xo
ReplyDeleteA reminder that life is in constant flux.....though still a shocker at times. Take care.
ReplyDeleteI was completely there for a minute, not really of course but you know what I mean.
ReplyDeleteFar better though to have a loyal Winnie lying next to you ...
I had those moments few times after my sons died. The bliss of "everything is fine" and then the horrible fall of truth.
ReplyDeleteNowadays my mind won't let me forget reality, I'm usually fully awake right away. I'd rather like to have a looser sense of reality than this tight grip.
My heart ached for you when read this.
DeleteYes this take on the subject really breaks your heart. ulvmor my thoughts are with you x
DeleteSuch sorrow to read this and I understand that moment. I had a sweet baby who died only months old.
Deleteparsnip x
I was imagining the same thing last not for a moment. Spooning with my ex seems like such a distant memory. something that I don't believe I will ever feel again. :(
ReplyDeleteJust be thankful you didn’t get in the mood and give ‘you know who you thought it was’ an amorous kiss. That would have woken you up pretty smart-ish.
ReplyDeleteLX
Dogs are the backbone of happy lives.
ReplyDeleteI know it is not the same of course but some find a long body pillow helps for comfort.Something fun to do would be to have one of those dummy people but I expect they would be quite pricey.Personally I prefer to cuddle my dogs.Then again I'm "passed all that" x
ReplyDeleteSo glad to know you are doing better John - and up to your old tricks!!!
ReplyDeleteAwww - at least you weren't being spooned by her.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Nicole Kidman (sidebar) has ever been referred to as "a massive tan sausage roll". I think she would refer it to her legal team.
ReplyDeleteThere must be so many painful memories like that one. I hope there are better times to come.
ReplyDeleteLucky to share a bed John. Reminds me of waking up years ago to a licking tongue gradually ascending my bare leg. I thought I was in luck until I realised it was the dog...
ReplyDeleteYes, painful memories....but how nice to have a big warm canine to have there to hug and take away some of the hurt.
ReplyDeleteI ended up with left knee pain because I had to sleep with it bent so our first dog would have room at the bottom of the bed. She liked to stretch out as Winnie does.
ReplyDeleteWhile you're off work, I suggest you close your bedroom curtains before bedtime. Who needs to rise at 6am on your days off?
Hugs!
When my husband died,I went out and adopted a tiny blue kitten, the 2 of us comfort each other..another warm body to snuggle..even it it's not the body you would wish for.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, I thought someone had died. Better a warm cozy Winnie than a cold ungrateful partner. Close the curtains!
ReplyDeleteBut honestly, how could Winnie break your heart? She LOVES you, after all!
ReplyDeleteGood thing you didn't lean in for a good morning kiss before fully awake. Although the shock may have helped you leap right past the sadly wistful bit.
ReplyDeleteI hope you didn't become amorous before you properly awoke. We have to keep standards up in these troubled times.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. Those moments (brief as they are) yank on the heart strings.
ReplyDeleteJust a hug.
ReplyDeleteI need One today
DeleteI love your work.
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