Yael A New Jerusalem

Today’s piece from the lisping choir is a particularly difficult one to sing. 

It’s a short and quite beautiful choral and one which suits my mood.

Yael, one of the original bloggers who passed in and out of Going Gently for years has reluctantly cancelled her blog recently. I thought she had originally changed the privacy settings so only invited readers could access her everyday story of life in Israel for a gentle and thoughtful grandmother, with a big heart.

Sadly I was wrong, she has left for good, because she felt judged and bullied and unheard, feelings non of us would want for her.

I’ve always made it a general ( but not exclusive) policy of mine not to talk politics or current affairs on my blog. 

I have learned that the most innocuous of comments can inflame some fucker out there in blogland , so talking about serious subjects that polarise only causes bad feeling, conflict and upset. 

Saying that, fairly recently a fellow blogger was surprised that I held a firm and serious view of the plight of the civilian population in Gaza and the role Israel has played in that plight. 

I said little here out of respect for Yael , who as an ordinary, frightened Israeli had her very real views on the whole situation.

Now what I’m not saying is that debate should not take place in blogland. Of course it should. 

But I think that with my strong beliefs and ideas that come from a place of peace and safety, I  should be a little judicious in my sharing, especially if others feel threatened and upset by my words.

Ok why pull any punches? Why not give my views, why not shout and scream and call for sanity? 

Well in someways I have . I’ve written and emailed my MP and more , I’ve sent money to an appropriate charity, if I lived nearer London I would have demonstrated more publicly I think.

I hope that I would have anyway…….but…..

There are times to agree to differ, to listen rather than shout the odds.

Now a sweet soul has left a forum she supported with a gentleness and with a genuine concern for others.

Another casualty of this awful war, we all never wanted to see

I’m sending Yael this recording by the lisping choir of Let The River Run with my love and best wishes, I know most of us here are thinking of her 

Meal Of The Dammed

 Sometimes your world can feel very small

That’s what night shifts do to you. 

A quiet night last night. 

A nursing colleague with problems of her own

A very tired support worker

And patients that were stable and who slept.

My world is as small as a gnat’s chuff

In the daytime sleep takes over,

And on warm days, like today it can be difficult. 

I was up at 2 pm eating a pot noodle and although they taste wonderfully cheap

They are still a meal of the dammed

Soon I will make a decision to come off nights for good.

This may not be practical or  indeed possible but like all management quandaries there’s always a pragmatic way around to an agreeable solution.

I walked the dogs and put Swedish IKEA meatballs in the air fryer to cook and returned to bed with the laptop. I love the way IKEA takes the piss out of itself by selling its own meatballs 

They are so clever the way they do things .

I checked the village website out 

No real news expect someone had dropped a full crate of expensive beer at the top of Bron Haul 

Ever cheerful Gwawr informed everyone that it had been cleared up.

Ten days off after tonight. 🤗😎😍😀 

I’m ready to hang my nurses uniform up now I think , and for good 

I’m entering my 42 year 

Men Talking Shit

 No, I’m not talking about the election, though the recent betting Scandal gives you as much confidence as a fart in a spacesuit.

I’m talking about geeky men and their conversations .

I’ve just had an hours worth and as L’Oreal so eloquently put

It WAS worth it.

Now some faghags will understand this phenomenon, as will the spouses of men ( and women) who frequent comic cons, but some people ( mostly men) love to talk shit with other men.

It’s a serious pastime.

I have three male friends I can do this with. Nigel is the friend of choice today and apart from the usual work talk, we galloped around subjects Such as the film The Stars Look Down, serial Killers, minor female characters in Star Trek. How bad Marlon Brando was, in Apocalypse Now and paraplegics we have known .

We had a lovely video chat at my kitchen table

The sun is fierce today and the sky is very blue. It feels like a holiday abroad.

Janet is gardening, it’s nice to hear someone beavering away in the garden.

The cottage feels alive, especially with Roger watching every move she’s making from his vantage point in the window.

I’m on night shift tonight

And  I wonder who I am on nights with? 

Night shifts are another strange place for talking shite! 

Beach

 We went to Colwyn Bay beach first thing and shared a sausage bap at Parisellas 

Roger got over excited which is his want,  running at anyone in reach with a determined I love you look upon his face.

It wears thin after a while.

We walked down the Promenade to Porth Eirias which was nose-to-nipple with jet ski enthusiasts. It was all butch types stripped bare to the middle, wet suits a flapping.

Nice to look at but a little bland I thought.

The village has been titivated by the go green group. The exotic sounding Malinka Le Vey has filled tubs and planters with flowers by the bus stops and some other kind soul has titivated the bed near to the Church which still displays delicate yellow Welsh poppies who brave the elements so well.

The community orchard has been strimmed. 

I have a long list of requests for Flower Show Flyers and hope to get the first delivered tonight 

In the meantime I’m eating lunch before I’m sorry I haven’t a clue 

Then I’ll make up my other kitchen chair

Which I did in record time. 

I showered the dogs using baby shampoo, then spent almost 45 minutes deep cleaning the shower, before washing the towels used and hanging them on the garden wall. 

Animal Helper Pat called around for a flower show booklet and it was nice to chat and gossip with her in the evening sun of the lane 

Roger climbed onto the table soon after this photo and smashed the milk jug

The slap Mildred Pierce

Mildred Pierce has always had a gay following. It’s Joan Crawford beating flour stew thickener without even looking as she argued with her husband, it’s Joan Crawford learning to be be a waitress ( and a good one) in a frantic bed tempered restaurant, and it’s Joan Crawford listening to Eve Arden’s sassy manager before getting her eyelashes slapped off her head by the most odious of movie daughters.

It’s a life as improbable as Crawford ‘s shoulder pads that’s why the gays love it so much.

It was worth going to see a restored version at the Picturehouse this lunchtime.

I wasn’t the only gay in the audience 

IKEA

 I will leave you with this little village video. I’m out for the day

IKEA is fun especially when you find the meatballs 

I went for a duvet set and came back with ( are you ready?)

2 kitchen chairs,

A selection of chopsticks, 

A tablecloth and napkins

A vase

A tea pot, 

Sushi knives, 

Plates,

Kitchen hooks in the shape of dogs’ tails 

A rainbow doormat

And a toy dinosaur

Summer

Will from Byron Street came around this morning to repair the roof slates moved by storm isha. Older than me, I was impressed by just how quickly he got up that ladder. 

Like a rat up a drainpipe.

It’s almost oppressively warm here, with hazy sunshine lifting the day.

I’m seeing clients this afternoon and have lots to do at home.

Summer may finally be here

Today’s video is of the surprise speech from Princess’s  Leonor and Infanta to celebrate the first decade of their parents accession to the throne. 

King Filepe’s face is a picture 

 

The Goat

 

My adopted nephew Leo is visiting me next week 

I haven’t seen him for a year or so

I’m so glad he’s coming up to see me 

I’ve been booking stuff for us to do, which is easy has he is a total film geek like me so we are going to see A Quiet Place Day One with the glorious Lupita Nyong’o as well as the Theatre Clwyd production of Rope 

I’ve also booked us and my family for a meal in The Goat which is a new eatery in Llandudno ( a homage to the Kashmiri Goats living on the Orme) and we have plenty of time to fill in with other movies he wants to see.

Mary is ten years old this month too so it will be nice for Leo to meet with her for the first time, she’s an old gal now. When he was a little boy he visited and bonded with old George so I suspect him and Roger as well as Mary  will become firm mates too

 

Leo and George on my field 

Many years ago 

Quandary

 I’ve found myself at a V in my road today.

Something quite profound happened today but in a small way as it often does, and I’ve had to choose how I cope with it.

The choice ( and I’m not apologising for how vague I am being) is between lying to myself or facing the music with a nod and a word of thanks.

I’ve chosen the latter, without excuses and bullshit.

I am flawed like we all are.

Now this sounds all very mysterious 

It isn’t really, I’m just protecting myself from embarrassment, so the full story remains where it is.

Dealing with a proper embarrassment is a life long trauma for me. 

It has the ability to crucify 

And stems from a childhood where a mother salved her own embarrassment by picking of those exhibited by her children. 

Teeth and wounds 

Wounds and teeth.

I’m sad , I can’t be frivolous today.

I’ve made the girls I work with laugh tonight as I normally do

But it has been a serious day all told.

I will leave you with this silly video, don’t be too irritated Andrew xx

Non Nobis Domine. Orquesta Metropolitana y Coro Talía

The lisping choir completing one of my favourite pieces of music, this time during distancing restrictions , a hard job indeed if you have ever been part of a tight knit choir, and are used to having your fellow harmonisers at elbow distance.

I’m sorry for the quality of Going Gently recently. It feels somewhat disjointed and variable in content ( which it is anyhow to be fair), I think it’s reflecting a slightly misaligned, not too joined up thinking which is me at the moment. 

I’m in a neither fish nor fowl frame of mind. 

Still a student not yet a counsellor,

But with clients of my own 

A part time hospice nurse, just outside the loop,

I’ve had a couple of dates over the past few months, both perfectly nice individuals, all told , but not for me and I’ve decided that being a spinster ( and I like using that epithet , before you open your cakehole troll) is the way forward.

I’ve thought this before

Now I’m embracing the concept.

The Hospice is due to close for a month for some refurbishment in August and a month away will do me some good to re group and redefine 

Siestas

 

The garden is lending itself nicely with flowers for the cottage. I’m working nights, so today is a catch up day, with washing set out on the bushes and walls and pad Thai noodles being prepared for supper.

I haven’t got much to talk about today, I have a bit of a longing for some excitement again but like most people who crave it, I am a bit of a loss of where that particular itch can be scratched.

The usual election tit-for-tat interviews are boring me 

They sound like a divorcing couple scoring points at each other at a boring relate interview. And the more I hear the less I take in. 

My father was a big political fish in a small conservative pond.  

We were local politics orphans my sister Janet and I 

The weather is cool but sunny and the rooks caw loudly from the tops of the churchyard elms

I’m off for a siesta….do the good people of Madrid sill siesta I wonder?

Answers on a postcard please

Blind

 Blind as a bat at work, sat on my specs

An Old Camera

The lisping choir at its best, look at Silvia at 1.46 when the harmonies merge, her face kinda breaks your heart. 

I found an old camera this morning in a travel bag on the wardrobe shelf. I used to film short videos on it for the blog before my mobile phone  when the Ukrainian  Village still stood and the mechanics of which  were so hokey that Tom Stephenson used to comment that he thought a helicopter was permanently hovering over Bwthyn y Llan .

The film was dreadful , a wordy, dull and improbable study of a dying Freud’s discussions with CS lewis about God’s existence, worthy I guess but terribly dull, sorry Freud’s Last Session

Back to work tomorrow , an extra shift to cover sickness .

Hey ho

Sweet Charity

 

The problem with watching an amateur theatre production is that there are always a few actors that let the side down . It’s the nature of the beast, and one that you make allowances for.

Last night, Janet and I went to Theatre Clwyd to see the Chester/Wrexham TipTop Production of Sweet Charity and boy was it hard to see where amateur ended and professional started

It was a quality production all told .

Musicals live or die on their popular set pieces and the glorious Rhythm of Life song in this production was a doozie, with the large cast belting out their roles with real professional confidence. Not one performance reminded me I was at a amateur production ….a fact supported by my sister who asked in the interval 

Why are tickets for tonight so cheap? 

The selfie didn’t turn out

We had a lovely night out , I love nights like this one, that surprisingly impressed 

Lunch In

 

The sushi have been a mindful make, what with making a prawn paste, highlighted by salmon and anchovies, some have beetroot and carrot, that gives a sweeter taste, others have cheese paste, tartare, cucumber and coriander. 

A financial advisor called today. He was amused at Roger who whilst giddy had trouble running up and down the stairs.

“ He can’t coordinate” I explained “ He just runs at the staircase and hopes for the best” 

He refused the offer of sushi 

I’ll leave you with the lisping choir Grupo Talia

Counselling and Patio

 Thursday is my counselling day. In the morning I see my own clients and in the afternoon I continue to see my own counsellor. Every other Wednesday I see my own supervisor and every month I have joint supervision from my placement supervisor on a Thursday lunchtime.

Today was the day for that too.

This afternoon,  I feel a little counselled out, so braved the cold and sat on the patio with a coffee, closed eyes to the wind.  

I sat like that for an age and it felt very good.

The wind whipping away negative thoughts allowing space for the objective and the balanced.

Village leader Ian ,dropped by with the Flower Show Schedules and I’ve just dropped the first one off at Jenny Morris’ home, surrounded by the most delightful allotments . She is the “ face.” Of the flower show this year 

Im meandering to the end of my annual leave weeks and I have recharged nicely . The patio planters look pretty and colourful, another small job done, a list line ticked

Tomorrow , Janet and I are off to see Sweet Charity at Theatre Clwyd and Saturday I’ve booked to see 

“ Freud’s Last Session” at the Storyhouse 

It seems an appropriate film given the counselling feel of my holiday

I’ve learned a great deal this week, 

That’s why I’m weary and tired

Tomorrow , I’m making sushi 

Bloody lovely 

Choir

Last night I went to the 10th Birthday party of the Gwaenysgor Community Choir. 

It was lovely seeing everyone Margaret and Richard from Trelawnyd was there with the Turpins so I caught up with them before catching up with the ever happy Hattie, Heulwen and Derek  before touching base with Jamie sporting a fledgling 1940s RAF Moustache.

I’ve missed choir but have been sanguine that something had to give between, college, counselling days and work. 

I’m not superwoman

I can’t juggle every ball that’s thrown my way. 

My plan is that I return to choir in September.  

It’s a good decision , especially as I was moved to tears by some of their latest songs, so powerful and strong.

Grupo Tallia and Gwaenysgor 

I can live with two choirs in my life

Going Gently

 I didn’t follow Michael Mosley at all, but like thousands of people was saddened by his death. He seems to have been an all round good guy and his death by natural causes has shocked and surprised many. 

In my experience , people, often behave like animals do at the point of death. They can become agitated and disorientated and often have the urge to hide away on their own . Blood chemicals disarray  , hypoxia and delirium all play their own part in this, but in my view there seems to be something more primeval in play. 

There is often a need for people to be on their own. 

To be away from the sickbed, 

To be alone from the clan .

This phenomenon is well know amongst hospice nurses, who invariably warn relatives of what could happen if vigils are broken, even for the most shortened of times. 

Often families wrap this age old behaviour into some sort of altruistic sparing of their loved ones feelings and I get that totally , but at the end of the day , I sort of understand more the urge to hide away somewhere cool and dark and comforting as the body systems slowly shut down one by one.

Necessary Shopping

A cat flap kit ( Dorothy smashed the last, one in a fit of pique) 

4 litres of white masonry paint ( to paint the back of the cottage which is looking decidedly grubby,

A large bottle of white vinegar ( to clean out the washing machine)

An insulated lunch box carrier for work and counselling days ( in rainbow colours) 

8 pigs ears ( assorted ears , assorted pigs)

1 city break scented candle “ experience the vibrant energy of a rooftop bar overlooking the iconic Manhattan skyline”  ( smells like peony)

Various tinned goods ( to fill gaps in cupboards)

2 pairs of boxer shorts with a sports gusset 

Small tine of condensed milk ( bugger alone knows why)

I potted blue salvia 

I box Mango slices

Batteries ( various sizes) 

24 cans of discounted just to be out of date Diet Coke

Ibuprofen tablets 

Plastic containers ( 24!)

Dog shampoo and food and a measuring glass for cooking

Stamps

I know not an interesting post 

Life is mundane 

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