Tired

 God I was tired this morning

Work in a hospice is not all floating nuns and piano melodies on the radio

Many of our patients, for a variety of reasons can be for resuscitation and escalation of their care. Issues that can prove to be a challenge when you are dealing in incredibly poorly people. 

I worked alongside Julie yesterday, a Lancashire nurse a year older than me. 

My the end of the shift we were still laughing but incredibly weary .

I slept in until 11.30 am this morning,

Something I haven’t done for years.

Today is my set counselling day, but my client is on holiday , so luckily I was allowed that lie in . 

I’ve walked the dogs and checked what food I had in so made a mushroom and chicken omelette covered in spinach and Parmesan shavings 

It didn’t look up to much but it tasted bloody lovely.

It’s already 1.30 and I’m surfing and still drinking coffee. 

I’m meeting Chic Eleanor for early doors at the pub and supper. 

Church & Flowers

 The whistle heralded Islwyn’s arrival at the kitchen wall.

Both dogs barked and raced out to say hello

When I walked out he was itching both dogs behind the ears 

They both love Islwyn 

He was wearing his usual yellow safely coat and had been moving my garden waste Janet collects in one of his large plasticised collection bags. As usual he bantered about doing my jobs for me. 

I smiled , used to him, and thanked him for his altruistic work .

We talked for a while and he asked me to blog about the church 

It is exactly 300 years since the Parry family rebuilt the Church in its present form ( without the vestry) and 300 years since they rebuilt my cottage 

I promised I would , and I have, and I promised to acknowledge his request on the village website too.

As we talked , I cut flowers from Janet’s sculptured herbaceous beds , alliums, blue iris , early roses and honeysuckle, 

And put them in a jug some ITU staff gave me as a leaving gift. 

I’m working today, just one day this week, which suites me just fine

All About………Me

 Right, let’s get away from the wonderful Madrid

However I have just left a video and a link of two of the encores 

The link especially will give a proper flavour of the event .

No doubt I will post more as their arise.

It’s my birthday on Saturday, and I’ve planned a few things. For the past 5 years I have made the effort Not to celebrate the day, going to lengths to work, stay in and play the martyr. Some of that stems from the fact that a had lost a bit of myself in my divorce 

Some of it stemmed from the fact that  I couldn’t be arsed.

Whatever the reason

I’ve changed this year. 

On Thursday Chic Eleanor and I am going out for supper. Friday I am meeting up with Colin and Sunday my friend Ruth are catching a rerun of that classic old Spanish ( what else) drama All about My Mother in Chester followed by a Japanese lunch, and on Saturday night I’m meeting my sisters and family for a meal at La Ricetta.

As you can see it’s all about Me !!

Yesterday I went to see the prequel to Mad Max Fury Road , Furiosa  A Mad Max Saga

Violent, action filled and beautifully filmed this movie had the difficult job to fill some very big shoes and although it tried, the original with Charlze Theron and Tom Hardy ( who apparently hated each other) has remained king not only for how the main actors gave it some gravitas and style but also for the fact the movie had a heart in the guise of a mainly female cast filled with old lady warriors

The prequel bored me which was sad. 

Gala de Zarzuela.Orquesta Metropolitana Madrid.Grupo Talia.

I’ve very aware that I’m doing the Madrid thing to death but I will leave you to these two videos

The top one is the first of five encores at the concert

But if you have patience please have a look at this one as this was the final encore and it’s amazing

 https://www.facebook.com/share/r/GE6mpvcBL7MjanHw/

Pants

 

The “inspired” choice of linen trousers proved to be my undoing

Just as I was entering the Museo National Centro de Arte Reina Sofia , I caught my right pant leg on the corner of a door.

Gawd knows just how 

But it ripped up the seam some seven inches or so as deftly as if someone had taken a knife to it 

And so there I was, in one of the most prestigious museums in the world with a pant leg flapping around like a sailors bellbottom.

I continued my tour of the museum looking like a twat

Photos of the Gala

 

Silvia looking emotional on the fifth standing ovation 

This woman needed to be seen to believed

I was in the stalls at the back near the first light 

Homeward

 Im flying Iberian home and upgrated to buisness for peanuts just for the hell of it. I have a slight hangover but its not a deadly one. 

I got talking to Noel last night who is part of a sort of Madrid singles do culture group. He is a retired journalist and spoke english with ease.

He was intrigued at me coming so far to see grupo Talia, but understood once I told him i was divorced. 

He was widowed for 4 years and insisted he bought me a drink. His son would take me to my hotel and an hour later he did just that, weaving in and out of the late night Madrid traffic like a rally driver.

Airports are jolly places

The End Of A Lovely Evening

 

Its been the best night ive had in a long time.

Im miles from my hotel but sod it. The concert has finished after five encours and I followed a group of happy 60 something Spaniards to a local bar where im having a massive Gin.

I havent joined them, ive just shared a lovely concert with them, one that i will have to show you when the videos come out rather than to describe adequetly. 

It was lovely and couldnt have been more Spanish if you given King Filipe a sombrero and a litre of sherry to down

The lisping choir, men in victorian spanish flat caps and women all hands on hips with their shawls, belted out some doosies as dancing flamenco girls with castinets to die for wowed the local audience to such a pitch that they stood and yelled for more.

These were a class act

The whole experience was totally untique,and im not ashamed to say I  cried at the end, and ive cried a little now as I sit on the fringes of a group of chattering Spaniads without a bloody clue what they are saying.

A few days ago Anon on the blog kindly reminded me that im making the best of a bad job. That the experience would have been better with aman on my arm.

I agree wholeheartedly to that oh so not kind comment. But do you know what? 

Im going to have another gin, im going to pluck up courage and chat to the person next to me, and i'll find my way back to the hotel slightly pissed in a wonderfully chic city, and oh so happy that I came in the first place

Buenos noches

Coffee, Art and Parks

 It’s hot here but I can do everything at my own pace saw Picasso’s Gernica at Museo Nacional Reina Sofia then after coffee spent the day around the Parque del Buen Retiro.

The concert tonight is a mismatch getting there  via the metro, so I am going my taxi and will return via tube.

I haven’t felt hungry but I had some wonderful tasting ( but terrible looking) Patatas Bravas in a cafe overlooking the Alfonso XII monument a late tea, and several chouros for breakfast

Spritzer

 My driver was adorable. Big as a bear and with a lisp to die for, he couldn’t speak English much we but chatted away like old friends without really understanding what the other was saying .

Madrid has no beach but the people are warm was the gist of his lecture

The woman opposite wanted it so bad

My hotel is near Atocha which feels like soho in London and my room has two balconies! 

 I’m writing this in a bar overlooking a fountained square with a large Aperol Spritzer 

And all is well

Linen Pants

Just changing planes in Barcelona for Madrid 

I’ve got my linen pants on and look like demis roussos

Constellations

 The hospice has kindly let me off on Thursdays so I can see my own clients. I saw my first client for the second time this morning and had my usual self debrief over a coffee in the car afterwards, with the window open and with rain on my face.

There is a beach at Abergele, where I park up. Apparently it’s a notorious doggers beach but during the day, thank the lord there is not a heaving buttock to be spied .

So I made my mental notes and relaxed.

Last night Chic Eleanor and I went to see Constellations at Theatre Clwyd. 

This reboot of Nick Payne’s 2012 play is a love story where physicist Marieanne ( Gwenllian Higginson) meets Bee keeper Roland( Aled Pugh) and they  act out brief repeated scenes from a whole series of possible relationship scenarios, with the outcome changed each time.

It’s a rather wonderful piece , that generates its own rhythm  and in one moment the actors lapse into Welsh, which is an nod to the performance in a week or so’s time which will set entirely in Welsh .

The cottage felt cold and unloved when I got home. So I went straight out again, walked the dogs and stopped by the shop to buy logs and some cheerful Ice cream. The cheap vanilla stuff, you used to love as a kid.

On my return the log burner was soon lit and as I ate the ice cream ( so slowly so it turned slightly frothy) I packed my bag for Madrid 

Mucho Gusto

https://www.grupotalia.org/

It’s been a busy day culminating in a cracking theatre production at Theatre Clwyd. I’ll report on that tomorrow. I’ve had supervision and explored some old memories from my psychiatric days which surprised me. And I’ve booked a car and driver from Madrid airport to my hotel for peanuts. Remember it’s my first jaunt abroad alone since my aborted trip to Rome , and I’m mindful that led to a thwarted visit to A&E

Am I nervous at travelling alone ? 

I am …..but I feel it needs to be done

You ve Got A Look Of Eva Braun

My laburnum has flowered.

In fact it’s bloomed. 

I went to visit it this morning 

It’s sturdy and straight and looks very well and healthy 

I’m pleased 

I’ve tried to change my GP practice today too.

I make no beans that I have a poor relationship with my doctor, but I didn’t want that fact broadcasted around a doctor’s waiting room.so in hushed tones I tried to discuss this with the surgery reception I want to join. 

It was like pulling teeth with two of the staff acting as the stereotypes so much discussed on longline mumsnet and the like.

I was reminded of one of the last put downs on Victoria wood’s Canteen Sketch and could quite easily have countered the unhelpful passive aggressive apathy I received with a pithy “ Youve got a look of Eva Braun?”

 It’s Nu’s birthday today.

I usually send her flowers from Bloom & Wild but she’s away.

I’m in the middle of plan B, which getting her a theatre ticket, like me she loves most mainstream stuff  but unlike me loathes musicals

It’s left me with a few choices.

I called in to The Velvet Voiced Linda and her hubby Nick for coffee too. They laugh long and hard 

And I like that .

I haven’t done a lot today, but it feels as though I have

Monday Jobs

Janet has come to do the garden so I did shopping and had a shower. Janet tried to teach Roger how to jump into her arms but he couldn’t quite grasp the concept.

No more work for over 8 days.

It’s our birthday on the 1st and the family, eight of us, are going out for a meal to La Richetta  Usually I play the martyr and work, but not this year, it serves no one to do so, and so I’ve booked the weekend off, planning a jaunt to Liverpool with friends on the Friday and movie and a Japanese lunch on the Sunday. 

All about My Mother is the film, it’s considered an old classic now 

It’s a cracker

Mrs Trellis and Blue stopped to say hello. 

She’s planning to enter veg in the show 

Olla

 There is a memorial for old Trevor this afternoon in the memorial Hall. It would have been his 100th birthday. His family has organised the event 

I will go if I manage to sleep for a few hours this morning . Night shifts don’t half cut into what you can and cannot do, and the older I get the less my reserves cope.

All the judges have confirmed that they will be attending the Flower Show  this year. We have some lovely  judges all told. Debbie was a stalwart of the Prestatyn Flower Show and knows her onions. She is diligent and helpful and joins in with the fun. She also looks the part, often wearing summer frocks and a cheerful straw hat for the judging day. 

Mrs Cooke is another good egg. She marks the cookery ( what else) and if she can’t make it her daughter ( another mini me  qualified judge) jumps into the breech. 

Meirion Jones from the village has accepted the tough remit of Flower Judge for the second year. His garden is the unarguable beauty in Trelawnyd and has to be seen to be believed, but he hides his talents under a Bushel and I had to do some crawling to get him to agree to come.

I’ve recruited Eirlys from the Marion and jo ( she of the three legged whippet fame) to act as judges chaperones. Village Leader Ian usually goes around with the cookery judge so he can lick her spoons.

And so dear reader before I can sneak off to bed , you can see that I’ve won an award from the lisping Spanish Choir and has been recognised as one of their top fans

Canta con todo tu cortazon

Authenticity

 For me, the overall positive experience of developing my awareness of self , it to feel authentic. Nearly 62 years on this planet has allowed a myriad of bad habits, and unproductive , useless behaviours to cloud what I am and how I see myself, and others. 

Things are complicated, they are bound to be.

And being authentic is hard

I’m better at saying no without trying to justify and people please

I’m better at being kind, where kindness is what I want from others

And I’m better in allowing  myself to revisit a hurt but not to pick that feeling up raw with both hands as I once would have done.

Yesterday was a case in point . An email from my ex husband , some background information I needed to know on my nephew’s upcoming visit. Usually something like this would elicit a whole set of feelings and behaviours and would have me spiralling away down rabbit holes of being grateful for contact, that needy victim, so to speak . 

The email , was just an email, and I could smile at that fact and be kind to myself that seeing his words in print could still remind me that I love him.

Another person, elsewhere,  was rude to me and I called that out, politely and, in my mind appropriately and when the reply wasn’t exactly what I wanted, I walked away without feeling bad or angry in any way.

It’s all a work in progress.

We all are

Am I authentic? ….Blah! 

Well if I sit here and allow myself to gallop over old turf I’m not

I’m on nights tonight and I’m going to open the cottage windows wide to the sun and give the place a bloody good clean.

Friday night

 The lisping choir does it again. Love the look on Silvia’s face

Long day at work today 

The blackbird mother has left her nest by the front door

Which is sad

A Gift From Mrs Smith From Herefordshire

It’s a small world 

Mrs Smith from rural Herefordshire was in London last week. 

In between French Fancies at Fortnum’s and a quick look at the tweeds at Burlington Arcade she ventured down the South Bank to peruse the books and fell in love with this ladybird book on the Honey bee

Inside carefully written in pencil was my name , written as a child would write it 

Strange as it may seem….

I did write it

I was around seven years old 

 

Starting

 The Welsh poppies are in full bloom beside the Church gates.

I noticed them as I drove to my counselling placement centre which is located in Abergele? 

I had my first client which was lovely, a bit stressful due to an anxiety dream last night which surprised me. This had my client drunk and irrational.

Thank goodness it was only a dream..

My first meeting went ok.

This afternoon I’m going for  supper with Alistair a friend from Chester, I met him on those lonely Fridays of the Big Gay Quiz in covid lockdown

Those days seem a long way away now.