Going Gently

It’s Time

For all of my adult life I have battled with my weight.

Comfort food is my go to despite on line healthy Korean recipes , mindful sushi and photographs of nice soups

I eat on a late evening

When things are quiet and I’m not diverted with “stuff”

I lose weight when I’m ready to do so, and have done so before

And I’m ready…more than ready now to get my ample arse into gear.

So there you have it.

I’ve joined weight watchers again, weigh in college and choir day every Tuesday

It’s up to me now

Hey ho

I jammed in Everything, Everywhere All At Once this afternoon, in between essay writing and the pre TCA launch meeting at The Velvet voiced Linda’s home. The film was what I expected to be honest, a full one, in your face , frenetic romp of movie with lots to say, even more to see and a cast that was clearly enjoying every bleeding moment of their time on screen.

It’s just not for me .

A conventional story started at a cracking pace. Blink and you’d miss half of what was going on. Evelyn ( Michelle Yeoh) is a frazzled owner of a busy laundromat. She is swamped with difficult customers, a mounting tax bill, a lesbian daughter Joy (Stephanie Hsu) who wants and needs validation, a smiling cheerful husband ( Ke Hue Quan) who wants a divorce and a demanding , negative father ( James Hong) visiting from Hong Kong

The family meet up with the IRS inspector Deirdre Beaubeirdre ( a hilarious Jamie Lee Curtis) in an effort to sort out their failing business and this is where everything is turned on it’s head and present day characters become superhero alter egos in a parallel existence

Fart and you’d miss something as the off beat comedy drama suddenly became surreal, absurd, a fantasy based martial art dream like time busting bit of anarchy.

And that’s when I left it .

Now I know I wasn’t suited to this kind of genre, I placed the above less-is-more clip from Pride and Prejudice as an example of just why I didn’t enjoy it, but I did pick on the films main theme, namely Evelyn being trapped in a life she can’t control or even wished for.

Michelle Yeoh is a beautiful actress and much of this theme was shared by her to the audience in just a few telling expressions and glances in the very first reel. That would have done me.

She was sublime

But the film took its own narrative path and for some that was challenging, exciting and innovative .

It just sort of bored me .

I did love the performances though. Quan is genuinely sweet as Evelyn’s hopeful/ superhero husband.

Jamie Lee Curtis clearly enjoyed herself as the baddie of the piece and Yeoh has that amazing ability to move you with a mere glance.

She has an old soul that woman

I did walk out eventually , and I’m sorry but it was necessary , it was a case of the Emperor’s New Clothes for me

I did so want to love it . But I didn’t

Library

I’m off to the library for the day

Trendy Carol will be collecting the dogs.

I’m taking her dog Bengy to the groomer tomorrow

I work better in the library and have always enjoyed sitting alongside people who are studying

I was once picked up by a floppy haired student in a hole filled green jumper in the reference library in Sheffield .

His name was Alan

He dropped a piece of paper with his telephone number onto my desk.

https://disasterfilm.blogspot.com/2018/06/pride.html

I also remember watching a Muslim woman support a distraught stranger in that same reference library.

A bit of kindness with someone going out of their way for another

It still sticks in my mind after thirty years

https://disasterfilm.blogspot.com/2020/11/sheffield-central-library-1992.html

And my biggest Library joy was this

https://disasterfilm.blogspot.com/2017/01/immortal.html

Anyhow back to today, I grabbed some clothes

Brushed my teeth

Stuffed my notes in my very untrendy Sainsbury’s bag for life

And hurried to the car with my flask of tea.

Only then did I realise I was wearing a green jumper with holes in the neck

Sheffield Botanical Gardens

I remembered his face, but not his name

I had forgotten it a second after he told me.

I was wrong footed at the door what with the dogs barking and all.

So it took several minutes to restore order, quiet and peace.

I sat him on the couch , and I sat on the grey chair under the lamp

He refused the offer of tea.

Albert walked through sniffing loudly before we cut to the chase

I will call him Jim

Jim used to enter my flower show a decade ago

He asked about the “ Sponsor a pane “ initiative for the hall, that’s why he was there

His partner had died four years ago now and he wanted to sponsor a pane in her memory

But they had lived almost 7 miles away so he wasn’t sure he could fit the criteria

I told him of course he could sponsor one.

He was so worried that he didn’t qualify

We chatted

“ I miss her on Sunday’s the most “ he told me gently “ having breakfast which we made together listening to the radio “

“Cooking alongside someone without chatting “

I nodded and told him that I was divorced so understood a little tiny bit of what he described .and

Jim surprised me by saying without any guile

“Oh Divorce can feel worse than a regular bereavement “

We talked about it for a while and I was oh so grateful for his insight and vindication , …he was divorced too

He booked a pane of glass in memory of his partner

And I told him the inspiration of the whole event was the fact that for his 31st birthday, many years ago, I had sponsored a pane of glass in Sheffield’s newly revamped Botanical Gardens glass house Pavilion, for the Prof ….

“How Good Is That.” Jim said with a smile

Brain Worm

This is my favourite video relating to self care, love it to death.

It’s 10.30 am and I’ve already walked the dogs, straightened the cottage and enjoyed Breakfast

Ham and eggs on toast with coffee.

The blog is the final distraction before I get down to writing my assignment .

No radio today

Just

A patient at work keeps playing it….it’s my brain worm this week

And finally to work

Albert

Albert is back to normal

He’s joined us all on the couch with a headbutt as I’m watching the dated but highly emotional New Challenge Anneka

Which is based on the revamp of an animal rescue centre in Kent

Emotional , cheap tv

Sobfest

Memorial Windows

Saturday is always a slow blog day.

It when I have my lowest readership and seems to coincide with when I’m working .

I’ve finished night shift this morning.

It’s dull today with a fine grey Misty rain that soaks you to the skin.

I slept in and subsequently missed the TCA coffee morning.

Bridget texted me with two more orders for the Sponsored Window appeal

We now have just shy of 1000£ of orders!

Boffin Cameron has designed a lovely certificate of “sponsorship “ detailing which window has been chosen and in whose name.

I have already printed out the bumf for next Saturday ‘s open day .

My goal is to get firm orders for 50 windows in total next week thats £1500 on the launch .

Apart from that, it will be a slow day

I have copies of The Banshees of Inidherin and Wakanda Forever to watch later and tomorrow when I’ve got a clear hear I’m writing my assignment .

So I’ve found a clean Walking Dead t shirt , have washed my face and will go out to buy some sushi .

It’s funny that when I was just brushing my teeth I remembered the mirror that I was looking into.

It was my grandmother’s , an Art Deco heavy set mirror that always hung next to the bathroom door.

It’s the only item I have that used to belong to her

And it’s sacred to me.

My own memorial Window of sorts

Mary Helena Fry

1900- 1983

The Animal and The Snake

Winter 1983

It was cold in February.

I was allocated to a long stay psychiatric ward called Irby,

Irby was and is a fairly nondescript village on the Wirral.

The ward was a bland place too

The male patients had been in hospital most of their lives and most were institutionalised as well as mentally scarred and ill.

At dinner times they were segregated in order of table manners.

“The Animal”shared his table with no one for his table manners had to be seen to be believed.

His food would fly in all directions in a frenzy of eating no basic behavioural programmes could control, so he was left to his own devices without cutlery or crockery.

He was given his own plastic plate and a large red plastic mug.

Now, even as a man just out of his teens , I knew nicknames such as The Animal were unacceptable and I always referred to his as George and at first by Mr Urmston* , running the risk of alienating some of the more institutionalised staff.

But I played dumb and sweet and young and got away with it.

You can get away with a lot if you smile and look very young.

Now George wasn’t a hard patient to look after. He followed requests and slept for much of the day , so the dinner time eating frenzy and his penchant for eating flowers out of vases was his only vice as I remember.

The only patient I didn’t like was younger man called Henry. He retained a mean streak in his personality and liked to oil his hair like a spiv. He was a bully and loved frightening student nurses like myself by stalking us around the dayroom furniture. He only did this when the trained staff were busy.

But they knew what went on as his nickname they gave him was The Snake.

The Snake cornered me several times and slapped the back of my head just once before I stepped up to him, but one day he made the mistake of goosing a domestic member of staff as she brought in the dinner trolley.

Lunchtime was halted

Before anyone could react George had stood up inserted his hand into his red plastic mug and made a fist .

With his arm raised above his head he ran over to the snake and whipped his hand down, knocking the Snake hard on the head with a loud pop.

The snake collapsed onto the floor and George sat down at his table as though nothing had happened .

I don’t remember what happened to the snake. I think he just lay down in one of the two locked dormitories that were full of beds, neatly made up for the night, to recover.

But I do remember what happened to George as the charge nurse maintained order and

Pointing to George , he said to me

“ Give him Extra potatoes and gravy “

And with a tiny smile, I did just that.

* a pseudonym

Dusk

Roger sat in the window for over an hour just before dusk

Watching the clouds go by

Self Care

My sister and I at Bryn Williams for lunch last week

“Darling , you are very good at self care” so mused Chic Eleanor during the interval of Home I’m Darling. The invitation to the theatre had come out of the blue for her and I sensed had brightened her day considerably.

“ I’m getting better at it” I replied and I meant it.

I am better at being kind to myself .

It’s something my counselling course has helped me with I guess.

I’m a character who often wants to be saved.

I don’t want to use the word victim here, but playing the victim is a legitimate if generally unsuccessful mechanism in coping and learning to be kind and positive with yourself is another.

One works occasionally the other most of the time if you remain resolute.

It’s not rocket science I guess.

I put myself down for an extra shift at the weekend .

Another night to cover sickness.

Then I reviewed how I felt.

How I really felt….and realised that I could do without the extra stress of it all.

I have a large counselling essay of 2500 words to get in for the 29th, the launch of the TCA information night is next week and I have to cook a chilli for bugger knows how many on the day.

So I’m not doing the extra shift and I will get my essay plan in order and in between the works stuff I’m

Going to so see a couple of movies I have earmarked.

Is that’s self care? Or selfishness?

Answers on a postcard please.

Home I’m Darling

Jonny ( Neil McDermott) and Judy (Jessica Ransom) are 1950s enthusiasts. They love the style and the decor and thought of Judy being a 24/7 housewife and so when the chance arises , Judy gives up her job to look after the home full time in a sort of freewheeling social experiment.

When money becomes tight , and when questioned by Judy’s somewhat bemused commune living mother ( Diane Keen) cracks in this idealised lifestyle begin to show.

Home I’m Darling is an interesting , crackingly paced play which has a great deal to say about almost everything. Unfortunately , despite a great and rather moving performance by Ransom , we don’t quite understand Judy’s desperate need to live a life her mother finally describes as being “ A Cartoon!” as from the get go, once the housework is done , she sits down at the kitchen table in her Princess Grace pleated skirt and gets out her laptop.

Of course Home I’m Darling’s humour comes modern day gender politics. It looks at the fantasy lives my parents could of and turns that on it’s head when Judy’s mother finally looses her temper with her daughter and lists all that was wrong with the 1950s.

This is a clever, witty and at times rather sad play. Fantastically staged and boldly acted.

An enjoyable night out.

Photos taken 2 minutes ago (11am)

Albert scoffing his dinner

Dating @ 60

I’ve dated the same guy four times now since the beginning of February

I won’t tell you any more about him because he’s not worth the effort

Suffice to say he has just admitted he has a partner that he’s living with and not one that was estranged from him but still sharing the house.

He was good company and laughed at my jokes

Sheesh

why do gay men lie so much?

Carrie Bradshaw, answer me that one?

Mind you I’m not bereft or even upset

I feel more resigned than anything else

What a surprise ? Not!

I had planned to meet him tonight as college was off….and he still wanted to meet even though I saw them both in Sainsbury’s on Sunday afternoon, discussing the possible toppings of what looked like Sainsbury’s home made pizzas.

I’ve arranged to see the acclaimed Home I’m Darling at Theatre Clwyd with Chic Eleanor tonight and have decided to concentrate on my ability to be the best spinster in the parish.

If I had a pashmina I would fling it.

Tár

From the get go Tár wrong foots you by having the majority of the credits in a long opening reel. The rest of film follows suit , by setting the scene by having the leading “Maestro” conductor of the Berlin Philharmonic, Lydia Tár ( Cate Blanchett) in a verbose, over long winded and verbose tvtype interview about the ins and outs of being a conductor.

Tár is passionate, obsessive, compulsive and full of her own self belief. She is an autocrat and a smiling bully who lives her life between wife and daughter in a concrete minimalist house and her old less ordered apartment where it is hinted she shares a double life.

She is also an insomniac, neurotic pill taker and potential predator lesbian , with multiple skeletons in her closet where junior conductors and orchestra members are concerned.

This is where the film becomes suddenly interesting

For as her past comes in to haunt her, she is plagued by paranoia, creepy encounters and visits to her child home.

It’s all becomes rather surreal and cleverly Blanchett keeps you watching, even though her character is intense, fascinating and totally unlikable .

An interesting, rather bleak movie

Ps I will leave you with lovely reply by Jamie Lee Curtis to a well intentioned Oscar question

Pps.

I must say a big thank you for your comments about Albert.

I’ve been incredibly moved by so many comments about a bad tempered , old Tom , who won’t even sit on my knee for a cuddle.

He has moved so many by being himself for fifteen years here on Going Gently

But let’s not be under any illusions here…he’s an old boy

So Glad They Won

I got up early to check the Oscar winners with a coffee.

My predictions were correct in all the acting categories and even though I’ve not seen Everything Everywhere all at once and The Whale , it was fitting that the actors won their plaudits .

I was shedding a tear over Jamie Lee Curtis’ speech when Albert walked through the kitchen without a hint of a limp followed by Roger who was skipping.

Albert gave me a look then popped through the cat flap into the garden for a wee and a poo. He watched as I marshalled the dogs into the car and when we returned he had returned to the back bedroom before eating the chicken I had left for him.

Animals , they always prove you out to be liars.

Cinema afternoon

22.07 Bedtime

I’ve just checked on Albert and he’s hidden himself away under the spare bed again.

Roger crawled underneath the flotsam when I climbed the stairs and has decided to stay with him which is odd

Or perhaps it’s not .

I’ve left them both there lying close to each other.

Funny animal humanity on show

Mary and Dorothy just can’t be arsed .

Hey ho

Catch Up

As a student nurse , I knew this view very well.

It’s the view of the west side of Sheffield from the multi story Royal Hallamshire Hospital and I love this photo in particular as in the recent snow storms a few schoolboys had written this greeting to all of the patients whose wards look out over the city.

How sweet is that?

Thank you for all your best wishes for Albert, who is brighter today , although certainly not out of the woods health wise .

In the middle of the night, tired of the cramped conditions , I retired to my own bed followed by Mary and Dorothy. Roger remained on guard and was fast asleep on the floor when I got up at 8 am for their walk.

Albert stirred from under the bed when I moved it aside and looked at me angrily

He hissed when I tried to examine him

He doesn’t look well and has lost weight but, still there he was, so I left him be and took the dogs out.

He was sat on my bed when I returned.

I crushed some cat food in my fingers and put it in front of him.

And he ate it.

But not all.

I’ve left him with towels on the floorboards and the fan heater on.

I have a plan.

I will take him to the vets tomorrow if he gets worse or remains off his food. But I’m not wanting heroics.

He’s a cat who hates being touched, abhors strangers and loathes vets and the thoughts of investigations and blood tests and let’s see what we can do ? is not kind for the type of cat he is.

I’m in two minds to take him up to the surgery but its 17 miles away and well out of the vets visiting district.

But we wait and see.

Albert

Thank you all for your comments and concern

It was Roger who found Albert under the bed, in the a spare room as soon as I brought him and the girls back from Trendy Carol’s. Albert had curled himself up inside a firm Sainsbury’s carrier bag and looked poorly.

I can’t believe I missed him

Roger ran up and down the stairs five or six times before I realised he’d found him.

By the look of him, I think Albert has had a cerebral event , probably a stroke.

But he looks comfortable and is not distressed

I’ve given him some painkillers and water via a syringe and all of the dogs and I are lying on the bed with Albert quiet underneath us.

I’ll see what the night brings

Animals….they break your friggin heart don’t they?

Albert’s Gone

He was it of sorts yesterday afternoon and took himself upstairs to lie on my bed with a swishing of his tail. He ate only one small meal first thing and his gait was hesitant when he went to sit in the window seat as I made the bed.

His head was hunched and his tail remained thrashing.

He then pawed the soft cushion underneath him like a kitten pawing for milk.

This was not like him.

When I came up to bed last night, he wasn’t there , nor was he in the spare room .

I searched the cottage and I couldn’t find him.

The churned up snow on the patio had already frozen so there were no paw prints to see and there is no sign of him this morning.

He’s not at the neighbours, the garden or the sheds and I’m somewhat worried given his hatred of the cold and snow.

He’s an old boy with only a broken leg in his long life that ever needed treatment and he hates the vets so much.

I’m working the late shift today