My sister and I at Bryn Williams for lunch last week
“Darling , you are very good at self care” so mused Chic Eleanor during the interval of Home I’m Darling. The invitation to the theatre had come out of the blue for her and I sensed had brightened her day considerably.
“ I’m getting better at it” I replied and I meant it.
I am better at being kind to myself .
It’s something my counselling course has helped me with I guess.
I’m a character who often wants to be saved.
I don’t want to use the word victim here, but playing the victim is a legitimate if generally unsuccessful mechanism in coping and learning to be kind and positive with yourself is another.
One works occasionally the other most of the time if you remain resolute.
It’s not rocket science I guess.
I put myself down for an extra shift at the weekend .
Another night to cover sickness.
Then I reviewed how I felt.
How I really felt….and realised that I could do without the extra stress of it all.
I have a large counselling essay of 2500 words to get in for the 29th, the launch of the TCA information night is next week and I have to cook a chilli for bugger knows how many on the day.
So I’m not doing the extra shift and I will get my essay plan in order and in between the works stuff I’m
Going to so see a couple of movies I have earmarked.
Is that’s self care? Or selfishness?
Answers on a postcard please.
self care
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteNope. Don't do it. Self care means you look at yourself and see what you need, and then you do it, without guilt. The opinions of those who are NOT you do not matter. Do not ask for permission or approval from others to take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteIf we are not stronger ourselves what can we be to anyone else
DeleteEgggggg-zactly.
DeletePostcard: Self care.
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteI hear you. It's ok to say no.
ReplyDeleteNicely
DeleteDefinitely Self Care, and Sensible too. Good on you.
ReplyDeleteYou'll feel better once you've got the outline of that essay sorted, and you've got the ingredients for that mega curry lined up on the bench.
And sorting a few movies is a great move too.
It’s your own “ balance “ which is not balance in everyone else’s
DeleteDefinitely self care. If you don't look after your own physical and mental well being, how can you look after others'? xx
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a young nurse I partied
DeleteMost do
It’s the live life on the edge way to cope with the edges and sadness of real life.
Now I’m older , and more reflective ( I’m not saying wiser here)
Different things seem important
postcard from Italy ~ Self care
ReplyDeleteBella ciao xxx
DeleteMost definitely looking after yourself.
ReplyDeleteHow do you do this Ruth?
DeleteSelf care. Definitely.
ReplyDeleteDo you manage this?
DeleteI was never one who wanted to be saved or even helped. But I also felt that simply being kind to myself was being selfish. (Thanks, mom.) But I’m much better at self-care now and I don’t ever think of myself as selfish anymore. From what you've shared over the years, selfish is not a word I would ever use to describe you.
DeleteOr to u my friend x
DeleteI think life is about balance. Sometimes you can juggle everything you need and want to do successfully and at other times it just is too much and you start dropping things. You work hard at the hospice which can be emotionally draining, look after the house, garden and dogs, are active helping with village affairs and have study commitments too. All take time and effort and you enjoy them all.
ReplyDeleteSo it's realistic to notice when it's going to need even a temporary re-balancing just to manage that week. And it is also self care. You try to help others when you can and have empathy. Not selfish at all.
Sorry no postcard handy :)
Good point
DeleteNegative Coping mechanisms filer in here
Drugs, sex, alcohol
Defnitely self care and well done as it is not always easy to do or recognize the need to do it. Hugs, noreen
ReplyDeleteMy conclusion noreen is that we all need to accept what self care is, and it’s not being selfish
Deletei think you have to set boundarys John and stick to them for your own good, its so easy to give more of yourself than you should when that is your nature, hugs John x x
ReplyDeleteI get that x
DeleteYou know it feels right.
ReplyDeleteAlways put Yourself 1st John - Remain strong and act towards yourself as you would to someone that you care about deeply x
ReplyDeleteIt is about being kind with yourself, just sometimes there is only you who knows how you feel and what is needed to square the round, take care. Jan in Castle Gresley
ReplyDeleteNicely put
DeleteAs the adage goes: the graveyards around here are full of people who thought they were indispensable. Another is: the NHS (or any healthcare work) runs on guilt. You're part of a team, helping others, and you don't want to let the side down. But sometimes your body - or your mind, is telling you to stop. Sounds as if you're listening to your inner self - and that's a good thing. One of my sisters old boyfriends was found dead, slumped over his pc the other day - his stressors were enormous. He was 59. I think you're good at recognising your stressors; the trick is knowing when to stop or when you need to change course. I guess not everyone can make that choice for financial or other reasons. It's absolutely not selfish - it's the right thing to do. We live in societies where letting the side down is frowned upon - and self-care comes second best. Park the world and enjoy whatever films you plan to watch (that's a large postcard I've sent my reply on).
ReplyDeleteYou make some valid and insightful points P
DeleteGuilt and pressures of team work can be very negative forces.
And second best coping mechanisms help no one
Self care is important. It is good that you are looking out for yourself, hopefully you will gain much more from the counselling course.
ReplyDeleteI think the counselling course is and willbe terribly challenging.
DeleteAnd I hope it will be
I always thought you were a bit selfish .
ReplyDeleteLetting colleagues down by not covering a shift when you obviously can isn’t altruistic .
Ignore whoever that is I suggest - it is someone wanting to be the devil on your shoulder - Flick them off x
DeleteI agree.
DeleteInteresting to see how many times you said "I" in that post.
DeleteIt's all me, me, me, with you isn't it?
Cancelling for selfish reasons after you'd agreed to cover for sickness? That says it all really.
DeleteIm not the anonymous who posted this. Louise
DeleteI only know John from his blog, but I think you'd be hard pressed to find a person who gives more time and commitment to others. And what's wrong with taking a bit of time out to look after yourself anyway?
Deletewell - you sure thought wrong!
DeleteDearest Anon - you have absolutely no idea whether John is “letting colleagues down” - perhaps there are many others who would like to work the shift.
DeleteI volunteered to do the extra shift, because I sometimes think I should rather than want to.
DeletePerhaps I should change that want to need
It’s nice to be seen as a helper, a supporter and boosts our our self image when feedback is good.
But balance IS important
I think anonymous is being reactive to self care for obvious reasons. Lashing out is easier than looking inward. I’m more disturbed by the escalating nature of the comments. The attacks are personal and unlike comments posted elsewhere. I wonder if stalking in person is next, or already happening.
DeleteI think anonymous is being reactive to self care for obvious reasons. Lashing out is easier than looking inward. I’m more disturbed by the escalating nature of the comments. The attacks are personal and unlike comments posted elsewhere. I wonder if stalking in person is next, or already happening.
DeleteI am guessing from the above anonymous comment that you have turned off moderation. Let's see...
ReplyDeleteNo Tom, I let them through today because I’m finding self care an interesting subject.
DeleteOf course you have to look after yourself , that’s a given in any life and job.
But when is self care seen as selfishness ?
And is selfish the right word to use. ?
I think not….
I know someone who will never seem to put themselves out for others. There is always a no when they are asked….
We explored this in college and sort of pulled apart the possible reasons why
It turned out that person just didn’t have the resources to cope with that interaction. Didn’t possess the confidence, the social skill. The abilities to join in on a “ human” level .
Saying no , protected that person from the torture of mixing and social interaction .
Outwardly selfish ….but for all the right reasons
I think that you would do yourself a favour if you blocked anonymous comments like I do. This is Tom S. btw. My phone won’t let me sign in!
DeleteI do daily tom . I just thought it vslid to let todays pass.as its post allabout perspective
DeleteNow i cant post xcept under anon
Im at the beach chugging coffee
Just block anonymous comments at source. It’s not rocket science.
DeleteAnd they continue to be blocked every day
DeleteEven today
Some I’ve let through today for they spark some interest and debate.especially about this subject..
There remains quite some judgemental ideas on self help
Sorry to keep on about this but I don’t think you understand. I am never aware of any anonymous trying to comment on mine, because they are blocked AT SOURCE. You just disallow them in settings and cannot ‘let them through’.
DeleteI allow anon comments but ALL of my comments are moderated before publishing . So only what I allow get though
DeleteOk. I give up. You win. Good luck with TikTok.
DeleteSelf care is when you visit a countryside spa and an Asian lady rubs coconut-scented massage oil all over your body before asking you to put your fluffy white dressing gown back on.
ReplyDeleteNow THAT DOES sound good….and disguised under the humour , I think you have touched on something very important ….
DeleteTouch……some of us don’t get touched a great deal and it’s essential . Having a massage , shiatsu Swedish…whatever means therapeutically you are being touched by another human
How wonderful is that
Selfish ? Naw, self care…….yes vital self care
Since you asked, I think you have your priorities a bit screwed up. How much socialising and self-care does one person need in a week? Stop making excuses and get on and do the assignment.
ReplyDeleteHummm I think I need both to tick along . A great film , is perhaps two hours long……that sets me up for some academic work
DeleteWin win….
And there pops up 'Anonymous'...after all, there's no show without punch!
ReplyDeleteIt's self care John, plain and simple! X
Right thank u , I’m out for a long walk now , then I’m going to buy an article roll if I can find one ,
DeleteI just fancy it.
Will reply to everyone else later then I settle down
A roll in the snow with a cuddly bear x 🐻
DeleteWhat is an "article roll"? New terms are always interesting.
DeleteHus!
I think John meant Arctic Roll. Ice cream in a cake covering. Didn't know you could still get them! xx
DeleteAn artic roll is lovely it’s cheap ice cream, enclosed in sponge with a middle filling of raspberry jam
DeleteThanks for the clarification, HH and JG! SOunds delicious.
DeleteHugs!
Arctic Roll is full of additives and colourings, addictive junk food.
DeleteA bit of what John fancies will do him well 🍥🍙
DeleteThere's certainly nothing wrong with rationing your time and not overcommitting yourself!
ReplyDeleteIs it a British condition to be guilty ?
DeleteNo...because I am American and I am always guilting out about something.
DeleteBiting off more than you can chew is counterproductive. I should know as I do it all the time and end up being miserable and unfit to live with which is unfair to my family. So no, you are not being selfish.
ReplyDeleteA brave and honest comment Linda thank you
DeleteYou touch on what happens when we don’t listen to our inner voice
John I think I know you well enough by now - being probably your longest bloggy pal - when you are at work you give your all. You just can't always be the one who takes on that extra shift, who can always be relied on to take on extra work. You have to think of yourself too - so don't feel bad about yourself for not doing extra work. You need to coddle yourself sometimes, to think in a bit of quiet. I always think you are overdoing it. Much love x
ReplyDeleteDear pat xx
DeleteI have a need to “ look after”
It’s a persona you cut out for yourself
I am always the strong one, but the older I get the harder it is being the strong one I find.
ReplyDeleteThe dynamics of relationships
DeleteTake care of you, or you won't be here to take care of others
ReplyDeleteYou too david
DeleteYour profession is about caring for others which you do without complaint,so you should give yourself the same amount of care as you would to a patient. Definitely self care.
ReplyDeleteI’m not dying..yet but I exactly get what you say
DeleteIf you don’t look after yourself, who would? Not at all selfish.
ReplyDeleteYes….I think wanting others to look after you is a common thing
DeletePostcard - Self Care Yes...from Texas, USA
ReplyDeleteLearning to say "no" is one thing. Learning to say no and then not ruminating about it is another. You are getting there!
ReplyDeleteYou have hit the nail on the head with that one Ms Moon….to say no and let it go…that is the toughie for many of us.
DeleteAgreed , and I’m a work in progress there as I have a need to be liked and to please
DeleteIt's simply good time management! You can't do everything for everyone.
ReplyDeleteSimples !! Lol
DeleteSelf Care for sure. You have time-consuming things to do and it's nobody's business to judge you.
ReplyDeleteNo postcard as the one I send long ago never arrived, s stolen or lost, who knows?
Hugs!
Perhaps the postie is your fan
DeleteLooking after your health and wellbeing - as long as it doesn't hurt others - is a no-brainer. Selfishness in its purest form. Go for it.
ReplyDeleteHummm I think when self care is perceived as selfishness , all balance is already lost and judgements come into play .
DeleteAnger is the easiest emotion to mobilise , I know that through the whole of my nursing career
And we see it here in blogland too
Don't you need the extra shift to fund your lifestyle?
ReplyDeleteYou certainly cram in lots of films, theatre, food out, buying 'stuff', etc.
I’ve already done an extra shift this month. I try to do one a month at least
DeleteSelf care, and we should all be more cognizant of the need to take care of ourselves. Thank you for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteStay safe & well.
You too
DeleteI was once told, if you do not take of yourself, nobody else will. Upholding this is not selfish. How can we care for others if we do not care for ourselves? Caring for ourselves keeps us whole and that is most important.
ReplyDeleteNicely put susan , I think that puts self care in a nutshell
DeleteSelf care. I’ve learned to say “no”....
ReplyDeleteI’ve learned to say no with a smile and limited explanations
DeleteIt IS self care, and more than that it's common-sense!!
ReplyDeleteWe all get caught up with oughts and shoulds
DeleteIt is self-care, although ideally we should say no first rather than saying yes and then backing out of what has essentially become a commitment. But when we're in the learning stages of self-care, sometimes that will happen until we become more able to recognize a problem before it becomes one.
ReplyDeleteGood point , but things can change
DeletePostcard from Arizona: Self care.
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteSelf care, easy to say but hard to practice - but I am slowly learning also. Dee
ReplyDeleteHopefully we are all works in practice
DeleteSelf care, definitely. It's recognising that had you done the shift on top of your other commitments you wouldnt have been able to have given 100 per cent to them all and would have been spread too thinly. Too much can lead to burn out and its important to have a life as well :) Hope Eleanor leant you the pashmina! Louise X
ReplyDeleteShe hugged me as she always does and smelled glorious
DeleteYou can't pour from an empty cup. Xx
ReplyDeletePerhaps the best final word
DeleteIt's smart to recognise when you have taken on too much and have the ability to dial back. I always said yes to everything as I guess I didn't want to give people an excuse not to like me. These days I realise I actually don't like many people anyway and socialising isn't something I am really good at. 1:1 or 1:2 is just about all I can handle. And I turn down more work than I actually do because to be honest I can't be arsed to have to be flexible.
ReplyDeleteJo in Auckland
Nicely put jo. And I concur
DeleteBeing liked and accepted is oh so important , when you accept yourself ….most of the battle is won
You look awkward in the photo
ReplyDeleteI am awkward
Delete