Going Gently

Laughter

“ He has been with me for all of my life, so far, I’ve had no one as loyal or as long-standing in my life “

So did a patient describe her brother to me the other day.

It was a quote that lingered in my mind like a YouTube song

And is one that has a resonance for I got the quote as soon as it left the patient’s mouth.

I’ve mentioned it here on Going Gently a few times, that my childhood wasn’t a particularly happy one. Like many sixties and seventies kids , we were a product of our age…..emotionally absent parents but well looked after children, we had siblings and grandparents to nurture us, so we were the lucky ones.

But inside our own four walls things were often somewhat sad.

My patient shared a memory of her brother with me and told me of it’s significance. And over sixty years I thought of what one memory I could share that summed up my sisters’ and me.

I found one easily, perched happily in a cerebral cul de sac of childhood memories in 1972 or there abouts. Janet and I were around 10.

My sister Ann’s house One Saturday afternoon

I think we were making Christmas cards

Ann was singing badly. Singing the theme tune to a popular children’s magazine show at the time

And all I remember was laughter

Pure, unchecked, silly, belly laugh, laughter

Pottering

My sister has been working in the garden and on the patio this morning. We’ve chatted in between jobs.

It’s nice to have someone around the cottage.

The sound of someone else pottering has been somewhat comforting.

Roger has adored the new company and has galloped good heartedly when the leaf blower was unleashed.

He’s watched Janet carefully, enjoying the novelty of a fresh face.

He hugged her before she left, as Welsh Terriers do

Eirlys called round with some free range eggs. You may remember I took her a beef stew the other day.

Not one for sentiment she told me that there was a letter for me in the egg box, thanking me for the thought. She held my eyes for a second longer than usual which was her way of hugging me.

I nodded that I understood.

She would have done the same for me.

I’m working tonight and tomorrow. I’m going to see Spielberg’s The Fabelmans on Monday afternoon. I’d planned to see it today but it’s a long film and needs a clear afternoon.

Spielberg’s upbringing was interesting and his family dynamic complicated.

I suspect the film was his therapy in a way……

I will leave you with this little ballet video…..enjoy your Saturday

Quiet Time

Sometimes it’s nice to be away from the dogs.

Life is like a permanent kindergarten visit when they are always about.

Constant neediness, noise, motion and squabbles.

And of course, those are the very reasons I have them,

But just occasionally they can be exhausting and occasionally you have the need for silence

Total silence without burbs, farts, itches and barks.

And I went to sit in the churchyard for a while

Where it was cold and quiet with only the chirp of hedge sparrows for company.

I wrote this blog in my head as I sat there.

I’m having a grown up day today, which means that I’m going out to dinner with my friend Colin.

It was his birthday a few days ago and he was fed up at being alone on a work night, so I’m taking him out to dinner in Chester and will wear something ironed.

For the past few weeks have been exploring the knotty subject of self awareness in college and have been using the concept of the Johari Window in the look at self which is an interesting if not a bit clumsy psychological romp in itself. It’s always interesting to see yourself as others see you, especially when there is a real I see moment to be had.

I’m not good in asking for things I want off people

It’s a fear of rejection that takes precedence

But I’m getting better at it

We are all a work in progress

A Snooze in the Afternoon

This is the simple jug I bought from Sainsbury’s yesterday . It’s robust and pleasing and suits the daffodils which I’ve now filled it. Tulips will look good in it too.

I took the dogs to Colwyn Bay Promenade first thing and bought daffodils from a little florist in the town before meeting a friend for brunch.

I think brunch is the go to eating event popular with people now. I love it much more that a late dinner out , not that I’m invited out late much anymore .

I popped in Eirlys’ beef casserole, wrote up some college notes and that’s it for the day.

A recent blood test showed I’m a bit anaemic so a crafty little snooze-Ette is the order of the late afternoon

It’s cool , but I cover me and the dogs in a throw and soon all of us will be asleep on the trendy couch .

Organic hot water bottles for each other

I will light the fire later.

Ps fire roaring , curried fish soup for supper, 2 hour chat with friend Nige on the phone

Now settling down to watch crap tv

Food

In my book and in my family Food can often be a metaphor for affection

I’m meeting my friend Colin on Friday and he’s a been a bit low as of late.

We are going out for supper.

Today I cooked a huge beef stew thickened with left over mash potato.

I left it cooking on low for hours, so tonight the meat fell apart as it should for the best comfort food.

I’ve plated a bowl up and wrapped it in foil .

I will take it around to Eirlys tomorrow morning. I can’t believe it’s been eight weeks since her husbands funeral. Food is always a good gift when grief is involved .

I skimmed a small bowl of gravy from the casserole and let it cool on the garden wall before taking it up to Albert who has been under the weather today .

He finished the lot

I was going out to a forensic talk on serial killers in llandudno tonight but couldn’t justify the 30 quid ticket cost ! Having said that I bought a pair of wellies and a reduced priced jug from Sainsbury’s this afternoon.

The jug is perfect for daffodils

Radio

Last night, as I was driving home after college I listened to a little gem of a radio programme on radio 4

Set in a northern city school File On Four learning to survive , was a gentle, but honest look of how an inner city school deals with a population ravaged by the financial crisis .

One sequence, had me geared up at Bluebell’s wheel

It was the moment the school organised a “day in pyjamas”

The children and staff all turned up in nightware, which was not just a bit of fun , but a crafty way for the senior teacher to see which children needed a proper fitting set of pyjamas later in the year.

“Of course we provide the new Pj’s “ she added “;but only after they won them in a raffle”

And it was that lie that really broke my heart just a little.

What a wonderful head teacher

What a fantastic bit of documentary radio and

What a lesson learned

He Used To Be Mine -

Planting Out

I took the iris and lilies my sister donated to the TCA down to the pond this morning and submerged them in a space I found beyond the little jetty.

I checked with Nick who was one of the TCA that spearheaded the pond if I had done ok then came back home to shower all of the dogs, all of whom had acquired a real doggy pong.

Not surprisingly it was taking a neighbour to Dyserth for a doctor appointment that sealed their showers, the neighbour opened the passenger door window and poked a nose through when they thought I wasn’t looking.

I’ve been washing bedding and throws all morning.

Tuesdays , I’m in college 6pm until 9 but will get the library early to catch up on my workbooks and journal.

I’m tired, as my rhythms are all out after nights

Goodbye Jennifer

Jennifer Aldridge died rather fittingly with a glass of Prosecco in her hand and her sister, Lilian by her side, but all rather strangely this happened off screen as her son Adam burnt the carrots for a family dinner, and husband Brian shared a cheese cracker with Justin Elliot .

I was so surprised I had to stop the car on the Promenade in order to listen

Angela Piper has played Jennifer since 1963

A year after I was born

Jennifer always reminded me of my sister Ann in a way.

A fierce mother, a community stalwart, popular , and funny

She visited me today with lilies and iris for the village pond

And left on the patio table was homemade marmalade , cheese and chutney

It’s nice to be looked after

Web Page

I’ve not had much free time over the weekend but I’ve knuckled down and made more than a start on the Community Association web page, which I’m pleased about.

https://trelawnydcommunityassociation.blogspot.com/

That’s one less thing to get done. I have yet to expand the page suggesting the hall is an ideal venture for a “ do it yourself “ wedding. We’ve had a few of those over the years and they have proved to be quite delightful.

There is nothing I want to see at the cinema this week.

Spielberg’s homage to cinema and his family is on next week but this week’s offering of Babylon has left me somewhat cold.

My book club book arrived Three Hours By Rosamund Lupton

I will give that a go

“Maoz Tzur” sung by cantors from across Canada.

I loved this

Tired

Off to bed

Mindful

I’m sat at the kitchen table.

It’s cold and I have my bobble hat on.

I’m singing gently to this song from the musical waitress which is on the radio

And I’m sewing by the lane window which has the best light

Sewing the rip in the arse of my work pants.

The rip that started a great deal of night shift hysteria last weekend.

I’m back on nights tonight and it took ages to find my sewing box.

The hardly used one with the chickens on the lid….

Filled with the flotsam of forty years…..

The dogs are watching me carefully.

Confused by the singing

“she is messy but she’s kind…….”

A Memory

“ John can you sort out the visitors for your patient ? we have more requesting to come in”

So asked one of the support workers on Intensive Care when I was at my busiest time.

My patient was dying and we as a team were withdrawing treatment from him which meant that extra ventilatory support and meds keeping his blood pressure elevated would be discontinued after a long discussion with family.

The patient’s family was with him but as the patient was a popular man, extended family and friends kept turning up at the door. At these times the next of kin would organise which people would be able to visit and who wouldn’t and it was my job to sensitively put those wishes into practice.

I entered our small sitting area outside the ICU and fielded requests to come in.

I had almost finished when a man in his sixties approached and said he was an old friend of my patient.

He had been told earlier of the present dire situation the patient was in and was clutching a small sunflower in both hands. He had been crying.

I know visiting is only for family” he said quietly “ But could you give him this ?”

He gave me the sunflower

I said I would even though it was against policy to accept flowers and as the man nodded a tearful thank you he almost stumbled through the automatic door back into the hospital corridor.

Something made me follow him and as he caught his breath. I asked him if he was alright

He pointed back to intensive care

“ He was my sunshine” the visitor said crying and he reached out to hold my hand for a moment

“He was always my sunshine”

His words and his grief has always stuck with me even until now, some fifteen years later

And I was glad to have been able to place the sunflower next to that patient

As I had been requested to

Book Club

Our Book club is a new one, a spin off of an original 2005 club who has been going strong .

I was first into the meeting room, closely followed by a friendly forty something South African Asian chap called Faisal who I liked immediately because he shook my hand, had a big smile and the fact that his dog had ripped apart his book of the month. I showed him my phone case which Roger has chewed only five hours previously, and he nodded knowingly.

I think we are going to be firm friends

The rest of the group by chance had all met in the foyer with Alison ,our bubbly facilitator and found their seats some ten minutes later.

The demographic was much younger and varied than I expected . Out of twenty of us , two thirds were in their twenties and half of those described themselves with the pronoun of “ they” . Apart from Alison there were just three older group members, including myself and so the energy in the room was different than I expected.

One young person dominated the conversation, but I enjoyed listening to the discussions, having not fully read the book of choice.

I’ll go again.

LGbTQ+ Dumplings

I’m going to an LGBTQ+ Bookclub later. I will blog about it when I get home.

The cockerel died this morning as I predicted.

I’ve read my book and drank tea and made chicken dumplings steamed in miso

Ordinary is Good

I had a simple and ordinary night tonight.

Supper with Gorgeous Dave and his seven year old daughter

Paella with long discussions of not hiding your prawns under the rice and no pudding until you finish

Some showing off in front of the guest

I made some brownie points bringing a girl’s magazine

Nothing too heavy

I sort of played a benign uncle and sat there and listened

It was Lovely

Family

I’m sat in the living room alone.

The dogs ( well mainly Mary ) have been reprimanded severely after a surprise attack on the bantam cockerel who was trying to fill up on cat food and bread which I’d put out for him in the snow.

Instinct took over and Mary was up the garden dragging the poor bird which was screaming at the top of its lungs, as the others piled in to help. Luckily I managed to separate bird from bitch amid a cloud of feathers, but the damage may have been done.

Chickens , especially lone ones often do badly after an attack.

I left him the remains of the cat food and then made coffee silently in the kitchen.

Dogs know when you are angry at them and hate being ignored. Non of them could look at me when I came into the living room

Best to let them stew for a while.

I’ve been studying the relationships between the Greek Royal family and the other European royals and have found it fascinating. The scenes where Crown Prince Pavlos and his mother Queen Anne-Marie of Greece thanked the crowds for their spontaneous cheers of support for the late King Constantine II were incredibly moving and I’ve enjoyed the subsequent who came from where? puzzle which has various country Royals related to another and all meeting up at what is essentially an extended family funeral.

I’m not doing much today . There is more snow forecasted , and so I will do some laundry, make a rich bolognese sauce and will start bringing together a new webpage for the Trelawnyd Community Association.

Ive just collected handfuls of chicken feathers from the back garden too

A miserable looking bantam sheltering in the front garden

Snow

I was snowed in again this morning

This happens because of the topography of the lane rather than the amount of snow falling.

From my cottage the lane snakes upward into the village at quite an angle .

When snow falls and gets iced, the cars just cannot get past the church.

My sister and brother in law dressed in matching emergency yellow and black ski tops came to the rescue with a food pack and Sailor John from next door dropped off some logs .

Mrs Trellis tied a plastic carrier bag on the gate with two Mars bars inside wrapped in Christmas napkins

Ive been looked after.

Which is very nice.

Indeed

Tonight as usual I’m crammed on the trendy blue couch

Roger is snoring gently on my shoulder,Mary & Dorothy and Albert scattered liked curled fur cushions crammed in the gaps .

Albert’s broken leg stuck up in the air

I’ve been rather moved by coverage of the funeral of King Constantine of Greece

And the fire is roaring

I may be single , but I don’t feel alone tonight