Quiet Time

 Sometimes it’s nice to be away from the dogs.
Life is like a permanent kindergarten visit when they are always about.
Constant neediness, noise, motion and squabbles.
And of course, those are the very reasons I have them,
But just occasionally they can be exhausting and occasionally you have the need for silence 
Total silence without burbs, farts, itches and barks.

And I went to sit in the churchyard for a while
Where it was cold and quiet with only the chirp of hedge sparrows for company.
I wrote this blog in my head as I sat there. 
I’m having a grown up day today, which means that I’m going out to dinner with my friend Colin. 
It was his birthday a few days ago and he was fed up  at being alone on a work night, so I’m taking him out to dinner in Chester and will wear something ironed.

For the past few weeks have been exploring the knotty subject of self awareness in college and have been using the concept of the Johari Window in the look at self which is an interesting  if not a bit clumsy psychological  romp in itself. It’s always interesting to see yourself as others see you, especially when there is a real  I see moment to be had.
I’m not good in asking for things I want off people 
It’s a fear of rejection that takes precedence 
But I’m getting better at it
We are all a work in progress 


53 comments:

  1. For myself, the goal I have at this stage of life is to find what engineers call the 'angle of repose'...that point where a slope is stable, and able to 'be' without support. I see it as finding an internal calmness. I am indeed a story in progress.

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    1. I get that. Hard if youve been the doctir and sorter all of your life

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  2. I fear rejection, too, and don't feel comfortable asking people to help me. When I do, I'm seldom rejected, but the rare case of rejection looms over me when I'm in need.

    Love,
    Janie

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  3. Barbara Anne5:16 pm

    I so hear you about quiet time and its importance. So glad the church road is just across the lane from your cottage. An architect named Sarah Susanka wrote of creating an 'away room' or corner in your home and, first, having a "Not So Big" home. That is the title of one of her books.
    Hope you and Colin have a delightul time together with delicious food and lots of laughter.

    Hugs!

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  4. Anonymous5:25 pm

    Too much navel-gazing doesn't do anyone any good.

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    1. Anonymous6:40 pm

      Agree, John. Catriona

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    2. I think naval gazing is one of the roads to growth

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    3. As long as it centres upon positivism

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    4. I tend to call it 'self analysis' rather than 'navel gazing' and I've found that I do it to myself on a regular basis, usually even more so around the times when I have completely changed my life around. It can be a really good way to understand yourself , and of course how others see you.

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  5. My problem is I don't like to disagree with a controlling person - Whether I want to or not I tended to not upset the applecart -At 50 years of age I decided to speak out to - for one example - In laws - and oh dear what a hornets nest I disturbed - My parents would be very proud x 🐩

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    1. Anonymous10:28 pm

      Ha ha, I hear you...I once hit my father inlaw across the face with a wet face cloth 🤣

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  6. Self awareness. Oh dear, I am not sure that I want to see myself as others see me. I may be horribly upset.

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  7. Had to google Johari Window, and OMG. It brought back memories of those "team building" exercises at work. Still gives me palpitations! Enjoy the grown up evening, good food and good company, chatter and laughter. xx

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    1. Traveller6:48 pm

      Am with you HH…those awful team building exercises.

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  8. Wearing something iron to see Colin? How about a medieval suit of armour?

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  9. I hope we are all works in progress until the end.

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    1. Yes we all have the capacity for change even now

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  10. Enjoy your evening John.

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  11. Anonymous9:03 pm

    Re "We are all a work in progress", I feel more like a work that's been left out in the open to rot and crumble. That's progress of a sort, I suppose, like the progress in a rotting fallen leaf that makes it ready to sustain those who grow next.

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    1. That’s a powerful statement albeit a big sad

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  12. I am not sure how others see me. I am not sure how I would see me if i met myself. That is an interesting concept.

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  13. Hope you have enjoyed your evening out!
    I hope people think I am friendly, funny, helpful and kind. That is who I want to be.

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    1. Kind is a big one ….I did enjoy it, nice food, nice chat

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  14. Oh, aren't we though. And I, nearing my 83rd birthday, can still say that.

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  15. Hello John, my own progress means I can comment as myself again (it was technical contractual stuff - good, not bad). We are certainly always changing, even though we may not notice, and more importantly we are always capable of change. I increasingly try to think each morning: "What's the situation and what do I want to change today." Making the change is another issue, of course, but it often moves me in the right direction. Your changes amid some adversity over the past few years have been admirable, I'd say.

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    1. Lovely to hear from you again my friend x

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  16. Why not just get on and live your life without the anguish? Practice kindness and the rest will slot into place. Absolutely no need for all the codswallop that's peddled these days. Practice kindness at all times, love when it's appropriate and your life will be simpler and fulfilled.

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  17. “ Mike”
    Whilst I agree with the kindness aspect of your reply , I think self awareness, proper self awareness, is a rarity and important even if it evokes angst on occasion
    You can see the examples here in the comment section all of the time, of people with no self awareness and with no emotional intelligence

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  18. We are all "works in progress." Sometimes a quiet day is absolutely required. I hope you enjoyed the day. A meal with Colin sounds like fun. People without self awareness and no emotional intelligence tend to be troubled and tedious. Most are unhappy but some seem content (and friendless) exactly as they are.

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  19. One of Gods blessing, is that we as free thinkers get to be our own best humans.

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  20. Sitting in the churchyard is one of life's pleasures; I do it often whilst Billy plays with his friends.

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  21. For me, self awareness always winds up turning into selfconsciousness. That is what I would like to beat...

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  22. I find I need a little quiet time to myself sometimes and am sure it's good for everyone when possible.

    I'm surprised sometimes when I realise just how someone "sees" me. Some comments are so varied and it's interesting how most people have a very different idea of me. Am I so different when with people, or are there just many aspects of the same me but in many separate relationships and situations I wonder. Maybe I adapt my behaviour to suit the person. Definitely a work in progress though.

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  23. Even when I am out in the countryside I always look for a church. They are calm and relaxing places where I can sit for a while and feel at peace with myself.

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  24. I hope to always be a work in progress and ever more self aware.

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    1. After reading your thoughts in your writings I think u are right

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    2. Thanks. That's nice to know.

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  25. Some 30 years ago I was training to work as a non-paid volunteer at London Lighthouse (which was then 100% caring exclusively for AIDS patients/sufferers. I think it has a wider remit nowadays). At one session we wannabe helpers who'd been split into teams of seven or eight, when I, constructively wanting to assist our own exercise at individual self-awarenesses, came out with the idea of telling each other member of my team how they came across to me as people, with what I saw as their strengths and weaknesses, we not having met each other until about a month or so before. I was really looking forward to hearing their own impressions of me. On explaining my idea, which I'd prepared in writing at home, one of the team just tore into me, even yelling, that he already has to take on board so much shit about himself from others he wasn't going to submit willingly to hearing yet more 'insults' from me. He was apoplectic! - while I cowered into silent shock, knocked completely speechless at his unexpected reaction. I did NOT pursue the idea. (Incidentally, my little speech which I'd written out at home shortly before, was, as it turned out, the most positive view I took of ANY other member of our group - though I couldn't bring myself to tell him that!)

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    1. Obvioushis problem and not yours Raymondo , but a difficult situation and experience neverthe less

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    2. Thanks for reading my rather self-centred contribution, JayGee. After several decades of reflection on what happened and why, I'm somewhat inclined to blame myself for not having explained my idea satisfactorily and how it could have worked to everyone's benefit. But there you go!

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    3. Of course I read it myopic always have something interesting to say Raymondo

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    4. I have no idea why predictive text put in myopic, there. The word I wanted to use was you

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    5. Understood, J. XXXX

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  26. Yes, it can be bliss to be out and about without the dogs every now and then. There are so many places around here that let dogs in, including lots of restaurants and cafes that they are usually with us. Being out without them for a meal and having no tap, tap, tap of a little paw on our feet as they beg for titbits, and not having to explain to everyone that tries to attract Suky's attention that she is deaf, is an hour to be savoured.

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  27. One of the steps to understanding and helping others, is to understand ourselves first. It is an interesting and at times frightening journey that few people take.

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