Bra Straps & Dog Power

 Found myself a bit low today

So I've kicked myself up by the proverbials and have taken myself to Chester.

The antibiotics have made me feel nauseated all week and strange as it seems the only thing I feel like eating is avocado on toast.

So it's a visit to the Jaunty Goat Cafe and an afternoon showing of Power of The Dog.

I will review the movie later

Later

The Power Of The Dog is Jane Campion’s first film in well over a decade.

It’s an interesting piece. 

Beautifully shot in New Zealand (doubling for 1920s Montana) it’s a brooding, tension filled but unhurried drama which explores themes of loneliness, isolation, jealousy, obsession and anger in between members of a dysfunctional and blended ranch family living in a dilapidated , cold mansion in the middle of no where.

Benedict Cumberbatch plays an angry, brutal but intelligent ranch man who lives in the past when he enjoyed a manly old west life with an idolised ranch hand Bronco Henry.His quiet passive brother George( Jesse Plemons)  ,tired of this bleak lonely existence finds solace with a gentle local widow Rose ( Kirsten Dunst) who he marries and brings back to the family home. 

And then the story really cranks up as the bitter, pained brother embarks on a psychological war against the woman who he perceives has come between him and his old life and relationships .

Having said this, the story is so much more than a two ( then three) handed power struggle, for Campion  adds to the mix the brother’ odd relationship with their mostly absent and passive parents, a back story of Phil’s  homosexual relationship/ obsession with Bronco Henry and the sudden introduction of Rose’s effeminate possibly autistic son Peter (Kodi Smit McPhee) who isn’t quite what he seems 

Kodi SmitMcPhee

Kirsten Dunst

This is a beautiful film to look at. With a sense of decay and sadness in almost every scene . 

Dunst is fabulous as the simple and gentle Rose who can break your heart just with the lost look of a woman who is completely out of her depth, but really the film is totally Cumberbatch’s as he totally captures the blind jealousy and loss of a man haunted by grief and obsession .

Soul Food

 The cottage remains cool, almost , but not quite cold…

I’ve been chasing up the fire workmen ….

Mary had the right idea and slipped under the trendy blue Sofa’s throw to sleep

The sight of her brought a lump to my throat

Just returned from choir 

We sang some lovely African songs which fed my soul

Never Just One Thing

 

One of my bad points is that I’m quick to temper.

I know myself very well and understand that the recipient of my ire is often not the main cause of it.

It’s a common phenomenon and one which , when you are in the centre of things , is very hard to see with clarity.

Yesterday I managed fairly well

Fairly

I finished three night shifts only to face just one day off before a long day shift, and when a colleague acted in a self absorbed, needy way I found my temper rising like lava from a volcano .

Luckily I walked away, muttering like Mutley from Dick Dastardly 

Distance and very cold air whistling in from the North over the Goat free Orme, cleared my head with timely pleasure.

My colleague wasn’t the problem

Tiredness, four courses of nausea inducing antibiotics, a cold cottage without a workable fire and elevated blood infection markers were the problem.

I got that all straight in my head in the calming panacea of the wind and within the hour organised to take an annual leave day today, during which I slept 10 hours overnight, only being woken by a wide eyed bulldog pushing slowly down on my windpipe.

An incorrectly viewed slight from a loved one was taken too personally yesterday resulting in a sharp email which wasn’t worthy of me. 

Another upset I managed to mull about during a warm bath and the temper subsided instantly like the bath bomb I treated myself too from the kind goody bag the hospice nurses received last year from a now defunct Debenhams 

When I was mentoring and teaching new Samaritans and nurses I often explored just why people became irritated or angry with you and themselves 

It was always a knotty and complicated discussion.

I follow a Buddhist nun on tiktok

I understand that this sounds a little flaky and indulgent 

It isn’t.

This elderly Australian speaks more sense in 30 seconds than most can share in 30 months .

Pragmatic and calm and sincere

Her calm voice is true mindfulness in days that can be filled by slights and upsets and tiredness and sickness.

Like everyone, I’m a work in process.

Sometimes I can be good at recognising where my “temper” leaches from 

Other times the camouflage is just too thick.

But let us remember……

It’s never just one thing…….

The Big Switch On

 

I have a twelve inch Tree

I’m one crazy Christmas Bitch

The Aardvark

 

Picking the right gift for someone is fraught with difficulty.

I once realised that a relationship was going south when a boyfriend bought me a microwave oven for Christmas 

I was right, that relationship failed 

Not because of the Microwave, 

But because he was a knob.

I’m usually pretty good a buying the right gift for the right person.

This year I’ve concentrated on slightly alternative gifts

For friends I have bought tickets to the Royal Ballet, The Liverpool Philharmonic and to the famous Folk Festival here in Trelawnyd. Of course I’m going as well which means that I have in effect bought myself a whole set of Christmas Gifts too ( there’s method in my madness) 

Other gifts have been more eclectic . My sisters always the pragmatists make a Christmas list each, so I’ve gone in quick sticks and ticked off all of their nicest wants before anyone else can get to them. 

Other recipients will get a whole plethora of alternative presents. A toboggan ride on a mountain, a simulated sky dive, trees planted by the National Trust and an “adoption”of the most beautiful of aardvarks in Chester Zoo.

I finish nights at 8am this morning and have been rostered back on day shift tomorrow.

So today will be a rest day.

I will have to pop round to see Mrs R sometime today. She left me a somewhat tearful message on my land line in the middle of my night shifts which I only picked up yesterday. 

Her husband had died suddenly and over the years I had given her practical advice about his health matters

On a brighter note Rachel over at the riding stables has just had a healthy baby boy and Affable despot Jason’s older girl Eve has just celebrated her 16th birthday

Ebb and flow 

I may cancel my landline. I never use it

Iawn

 

I have little to talk about today.

Thanks why I’ve posted Madge & Bisket, who are on good form

I’m on my break and it’s almost three in the morning

The last word I uttered was iawn ? 

Which is the Welsh word for ok 

It was in question form and my patient nodded 

Iawn is pronounced similarly to down with emphasis on following the W 

My Welsh has improved over the last couple of years

I can watch the welsh tv soap Opera Poble y Cwm  without English subtitles and more or less understand what is going on .

Hundreds of Trees were felled here in North Wales last night in the storm

Particularly badly hit was Happy Valley in Llandudno

Just across the town from the hospice

Thanksgiving

 

I like the thought of thanksgiving

We don’t do enough of it.

That is probably because we seldom go to church as a nation.

Mind you thanking God is something I’ve never done

So what am I thankful for? 

Recently I’m thankful that the people I care about , generally are well and healthy

As you know I haven’t been feeling well recently and this doesn’t half focus the mind about what is important 

Health is important 

And it’s a concept you only subscribe to when you are older 

Storm Arwen roared into Wales last night. An old friend from ITU had her roof blown off  ( reported “live” on Facebook) and on the way home this morning , I noticed scores of trees had been felled on either side of the A55 and on the village Whats app group Karen M had shared that her greenhouse had moved next door.

When I got home, I spied my old flower Show nemesis Terry, retrieving the contents of my recycling bins from all down the Lane and after a quick check of the cottage , I found nothing more than cosmetic damage to planters, and bushes even though food tins filled the Lane verges like confetti 

I smiled before I took the dogs to bed

Even my delicate young laburnum sapling in the churchyard had survived the night 

Arwen

 Storm Arwen is pushing down from the North Sea and we are expecting snow on high ground here in North Wales later today. 

I’ve still not heard from the workman who is relining  my chimney so the mobile oil heaters are the only things keeping me warm so far this winter. 

I will chase him up today .

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch at Bryn Williams at Porth Eirias, which is a water sports centre along the coast. I love the recycled art work which has been commissioned to decorate the Promenade and public areas and especially love this cormorant made from recycled plastic, metal and rubber tyres.

Nights tonight, yesterday I lazily mooched a lovely lunch from the contents of the fridge…half a smoked bacon joint, caramelised in velvet Voiced Linda’s jam, garlic infused long beans and a jacket potato softened with turkey gravy .

Bloody lovely I’ve plated up leftovers for supper at work

The dogs adore the left over gravy sweetened with the jam infused juices from the bacon and have to given their share separately to stop spats.

I’ve been back to the doctors early  this morning ….more double strength antibiotics more urine samples and more blood tests 

Hey ho

Gay and Grey ( Gray)

Just four weeks to Christmas and The Norwegian Postal service has filmed a gay themed advert that centres upon two older gay characters.

It’s sweet and relevant and underlines just how older gay men are often made invisible, in social media, cinema and television. 

Of course we will always have the waspish, screaming queen stereotypes in such shows as  Vicious but serious and positive depictions of older gay life have been few and far between.

I spent a good hour this morning, walking the dogs and when ambling, I listed all those gay films I could think of. The Korean film Twilight’s Kiss (2019), the American Love Is Strange 2014 and Pitstop 2013

and the French/Israeli movie Kol Erev ( 2010) 

Not a definitive list, but it is a short one

Pitstop

Love is strange

Twilight’s Kiss

Kol Erev

Anyhow like I said , it’s almost December.

And today it feels it, as there is a crispness to the air.

Having said that, the sweet peas that have covered my garden arch over the front gate are still blooming albeit delicately and I have cut them with the remaining geraniums, yellow roses and oxeye daisies and have put them in a small vase on the kitchen table

This morning I’m wrapping the Christmas decorations I bought yesterday. Every year I send some to friends in Australia and Derbyshire and this year I’m on point with the tradition. 

Tonight I’m writing Christmas cards, which is another tradition I have always enjoyed.

There is something constant and warming and comforting when you sit down with a quality pen, a pile of cards and your address book.

I think it’s an old fashioned activity now.

Pottery

 Back to pottery tonight. 

I’m the only one not making Christmas decorations 

I’m making a selection of spoons 

The camp instructor clapped his hands joyfully when I told him

“ I love  spooning ! “ he chirped 

Suitably I made soup for supper on this cold night

Smoked bacon and butter bean soup with a hint of chilli 

Bloody lovely . 

The dogs and Albert are all on the couch with me watching The Repair Shop

Plan

 

 I never expected to be working full time at 60 years old let alone at 65 or older

(I’m seven months from reaching 60)

And to keep my home safe  and my mortgage paid I will need to be in employment until I am almost 70

Nursing full time is physically not really an option for me I know, so recently I’ve had to seriously review my work future

( an odd thing to say seeing that I’m already in receipt of my nursing pension) 

I’ve decided to complete my counselling degree. 

Back in the 1990s I completed several counselling courses at Sheffield Uni but too much time has gone by for those to be of any use to me now, so I have to push through the degree from the start 

I may be able to incorporate study days from work given the nature of the course but we shall see but the idea in principle seems doable to me and is something that taps into my strengths and abilities 

Another door is perhaps opening 

I’ve always been a late starter…….

I’m A Celebrity

 I’m a celebrity get me out of here  is being filmed just a few miles west of Trelawnyd 

I have such a crush on the actor Danny Miller

The Last Song

Dorothy was quite badly behaved for my sister over the weekend . Picking fights with her dog, peeing and pooing. Demanding attention . I doubt she will be asked back. 

High Maintenance is the phrase she used.

Hey ho. 

Its a soup day today . 

Cold and bracing  

Butter bean, chorizo and garlic soup , extra thick by adding a potato… is heating in the slow cooker

I shopped, caught up with Nu by phone and listened to the new ABBA album in the car 

Comic con and London seem a long way away today .

Comic Con

Leo is presently getting photographed with some superhero actor.

I am lying on the floor, resting gently as a group of Spiderman climb up some metal girders nearby.

Its been a nice day.

I met Leo at St Pancreas and we took the tube across town.

I have never been surrounded by so many geeks since I was doing my film degree

We had lunch in a rather nice sushi place near Olympia then continued the geek fest 

It was lovely to see him again, he was my family and

I had missed him dreadfully 

Covent Garden

 The West End was rammed with people. 

I walked up from Euston just in time for a late lunch of lamb chops and black daal at Dishoom in StMartins Lane,  The Covent Garden Christmas Tree was suitably festive and I sat and people watched until it was time for the theatre .

The Ocean At The End Of The Lane was an interesting choice of mine as I picked it without knowing nothing of the production.

It’s a fantasy/drama about a man who after attending his father’s funeral visits his half forgotten childhood. A childhood full of sadness, grief, loss and disappointment and of fabulous witches, monsters, life long friendship and magical powers.

It’s a surreal and rather beautiful production full of visual tricks, superb puppetry  and a clever lead performance by James Bamford who captures all of the angst, confusion and pain of a twelve year old boy  who is hiding behind his fantasy pre teen, bookish safety net. Not wanting to process  what real life actually is.

I loved it

After the theatre, I walked the streets for a while.

Down to the National Portrait Gallery, then up over through Leicester Square, Soho and  Chinatown 

I bought a box of fresh Noodles from Wok & Go and ate them as I walked with cheap chopsticks bummed from the server.

The streets were filled with couples and groups of theatre goers and drunks

But it was nice to be a part of it all

I’m a bit nervous about tomorrow 

I haven’t seen my “ nephew” for over three years 

I hope he still likes me 

He was a child when we last saw each other 

Heyho

London Bound

 

There is a chill in the air this morning.

Winter is approaching and the dying ash trees in the graveyard are stark against the cold marble sky in the west. Ash die back has decimated the trees nearby and those around the Church have been marked with yellow paint spots by the council and are awaiting their sad executions.

It was dark when I returned home last night, so I didn’t notice that my sister had titivated the garden which now looks clean and tidy and ready for the winter. 

She had planted pansies in the flower beds and left a colander on my garden table filled with alpines

I’m going down to London today and the quiet coldness of the village feels a million miles away from the lights and bustle of Covent Garden . 

I’m staying in Z Hotel again 

I need to pick my train but I need my coffee first.

Our tickets for Comic Con are not until tomorrow but as Leo wanted an early start and has only got to travel from Kent, I have arranged to go down today so that I can meet him from the station.

A night free in London will be filled by a trip to The Duke Of York’s Theatre to see The Ocean At The End Of The Lane.

My nephew has Aspergers and I think it’s his first time travelling to town on his own, so it’s kind of a big deal. His mom emailed me yesterday to check if I had arranged to meet him and I assured her I had.

It’s strange to think that the last time we were in London together he was a little boy.

Dorothy is off to my sister’s shortly and Mary to Trendy Carol’s 

Enough time for another coffee me thinks

Sheldon

 There was a plastic bag tied to my doorknob when I finally got home after work  tonight 

I knew by the strangely wrapped gifts inside that Mrs Trellis was on one

A Mars bar surrounded by kitchen roll, 

A homemade 2022 calendar with a photo of Mount Kilimanjaro on the front.

A packet of children’s crayons ( opened )

And a pink, slightly balding fabric shrimp with a label saying “His name is Sheldon, I found him at a rummage sale at Glan Clwyd Hospital”

Hey ho

Poor Gorgeous Dave

 

I don’t know exactly what Gorgeous Dave and I were expecting from Nigella Lawson but her one woman let us both down. 

No doubt he was hoping for a pussy galore-esque Nigella  in a tight fitting black polo neck ,playfully fingering an irritating gravy stain on her bosom with a red nailed index finger.

I was hoping for a playfully funny story teller.

We both were a little disappointed 

She kept everything , verbose, food orientated and meandering 

Lacking the obvious tight direction she has on tv and the close seductive relationship with the cameraman 

Dave and I had a nice chat but that was on the way home 

4 pm

It’s four pm

How did that happen?

What have I done today?

I slept late, I know that much, and I’ve shopped for lunch tomorrow and for dog food.

I’ve booked a pottery lesson for next Wednesday evening and for the cinema on Thursday followed by an on line evening zoom Night with Patricia Cornwall on Fane 

Next week I’m working more hours than I should

I’ve had a bath and cooked Korean noodles for lunch tomorrow and walked the dogs 

I downloaded my covid pass, bought some Christmas gifts on line and “talked” to my friend Ben who was drinking beer on his Korean balcony in Seoul .

Autumn days just fly by. 

It’s almost dark and from my office window the village lights are just starting to twinkle  through the Church yard trees

It’s 4 pm …….how did that happen?

Soup spoons

Bit of a crappy day at work 

Came home and no post in the box by the front door ( I was expecting some old essays to be posted back to me) 

Disappointed they were not there.

I sat with my hoodie on as tge cottage warmed up, with the dogs on my knee

A neighbour brought around a parcel at 9 pm 

It had been left by the postman 

Four beautifully home made ceramic soup spoons, which I had ordered an age ago now

I was too tired to make soup to try them out 

So ate some tinned low fat custard

Using each spoon in turn to try each one out 

Eaten from the tin