A Stream Of Thoughts

 Only 48 hours or so after I publicly announced that I am happy being single 

I have been propositioned by two men. One, I haven’t heard from in a long time ,texted me hoping for a quick roll around in the sheets 

The other had more obscure needs and wanted a Sort of date. 

I’ve politely refused both.

Being asexual is en trend so they say.

So does this mean that I am finally grown up ? or is it as Rachel Philips perfectly explained that us singleton’s  living main benefit is

“.....being answerable only to myself is doing what I like, when I like, how I like and at whatever time of the day I like.”

Yesterday around 4 pm I found that I couldn’t sleep and so I got up, donned my fourth favourite Walking Dead T shirt And pants ! and took Winnie and Albert for a short walk into the churchyard.( I had gotten up a few hours earlier and had dropped off the younger girls at Trendy Carol’s )

Winnie is incredibly slow now and Albert seemed to chivvy her along with morale boosting slides under her chin with his entire body but it still took a good seven minutes to walk up the lane and through the lytchgate .

It was warm and sunny and from our bench we lazily  watched the lane as Mrs Trellis tottered down with Blue she left a carrier bag on the kitchen wall which later I found out contained a home made egg custard , three rustic napkins and somewhat strangely a set of pencils tied together with a piece of wool.

The day before my elder sister left bags containing jigsaws, a homemade cake, snowdrop bulbs and a book

That kitchen garden wall seems to possess great magical properties I thought.

A place for gifts!

It has been for years now.

As Mrs Trellis tottered down the lane I was listening to this piece of music. 

It’s Exsultate Justi from Empire of the Sun 

Somewhat oddly her steps fell in time with the beat of the music and it has sudden become her anthem. Music and Trellis as one as it were.

It seems to capture her nervous vitality quite wonderfully, especially as her Bobble hat “ bobbed “ Smartly as the sopranos trilled 

Days off ! four full days off 

What to do?....got tickets to see the indi coming of age movie Rocks. An “ in bubble” friend is coming for dinner and am meeting another friend for lunch 

I’m going to rebook a pottery class too

I will leave you with two beautiful  women

The Second Hill from The Left

 Oh Lord I’m only two nights in and I’ve gone a bit stir crazy 

So I got up, washed my face , packed Bluebell with uniform, food and books and drove to Colwyn Bay where a walk on the Promenade before work was in order

No one at work knows where I live, so to make it easier for them I point across the bay and say my village is under the second hill from the left 

It’s a sixty mile round trip, home -work-home 

The second Hill a little clearer

I walked down the Promenade with the wind stinging my face , then drove to West Shore in Llandudno to watch the Sunset from the beach next to the  hospice grounds.

Sometimes you just need the shock of the cold to remind yourself things are ok.

The wind turbine that powers Porth Eirias, which is a sea sports centre and restaurant in Colwyn Bay

which is a coastal town on the way to Llandudno

Looking West from Colwyn Bay to Llandudno 

The sunset last night from outside the Hospice on West Shore  Llandudno

I will leave you with some followers favourite cafe and bars.......

Nothing

I am totally devoid of news

I’m out of stories

I haven’t any films to review

Supernova is out soon with Stanley Tucci and Colin Firth as middle aged husbands facing one partner’s dementia 

I’ll pass on that one 

The hospice is quiet still and we cannot make work where is there is non.

I’ve downloaded the new COVID app 

Apparently it’s active and scanning

Another two nights to go

Let’s throw caution to the wind and open a tin of salmon

 

I’m working night shift and the hospice is uncharacteristically quiet.

I’ve completed all of my on line training and updated my revalidation documents and I have researched papers to support my interest in starting some informal staff support meetings around case reviews.

and I have just eaten a healthy supper of gnocchi, asparagus and sugar snap peas tossed in garlic and basil 

The title is a saying pinched from a friend of a friend

It means smile and glide and be kind to yourself 

My healthy eating is a part of that...being kind to myself

It’s something many of us are poor at.

Ive just listened to a message from my niece in law she was discussing Bake Off. 

My nephew Leo has just texted a message that he agrees with my thought that Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure was a bit rude.

Gorgeous Dave wants to catch up soon, Kim isn’t looking for a date. 

Ruth and I are planning to visit South Korea, Nu’s  off to Ireland

I’m fortunate  for the distractions and the company

I’ve come to another conclusion that I’m single and I’m ok with it. 

The world of  mature gay men seems to be fraught with complications, baggage and a little bit of drama

Open relationships are often the norm, apps and expectations are confusing, fickle and seem to have rules of their own 

Rules that I’m not really privy to

Friends without frills are the order of the day for me.

Friends are uncomplicated and are always welcome

That simple tin of salmon will suffice nicely

I will leave you with a few of my followers favourite bespoke eateries 

Cafe Society

 

The former Glass Lounge in Colwyn Bay

I have two favourite cafes in North Wales 

One has gone out of business and has shut for good.

The other re opened the other day and is holding on by the skin of its teeth.

The one that has closed had a rather stern barista and wonderful food.  The barista , some may recall spent almost two hours listening to an interview I had with my divorce mediator and at one emotional moment came to the table with a jug of iced water and napkins !

I’m so sorry she’s gone.

Y shed in Meliden

The other cafe at “ y shed” is modern and adaptable. It is situated in a converted railway shed and welcomes walkers and their dogs. I went today for breakfast and noticed Dorothy in one of the snap shots the owner takes of the canine visitors .

I ordered a large coffee and breakfast

The waitress thought I ordered a large everything so I was faced with a belly buster meal.

I can’t now eat for the rest of the day

I overpaid the bill in a gesture of support 

“ It’s just nice to have you back” I told the owner.....

We need to support these small businesses 

So please take a photo of your local coffee shop, or tea room or restaurant Or takeaway and send me the photo

jgsheffield@hotmail.com

Let’s big them all up 

And finally today I will leave you with Andy Grammer singing his own song

It’s infectious 

70 Cocktail Sausages !

 

In between kitchen cupboard cleaning and organising 

I went to the cinema to see The Roads Not Taken .

The beautiful Selma Hayek 

A day in the life of Leo ( Javier Bardem) a Mexican author suffering from a dementia like mental illness , isn’t an easy watch.

As Leo is taken to routine visits to the dentist and optometrist by his daughter Molly ( Ellie Fanning) we glimpse two former periods of his life, which are either muddled and sporadic memories or present day hallucinations and the film is a relentless study of a mind fragmented and a psychi blunted 

Don’t go and see it if you are at a low ebb.....

Bardem who is usually so animated and watchable in his movies captures that faraway vagueness of dementia quite brilliantly and Selma Hayek is worth watching too in a smallish but vital role as his grief stricken first wife

Hummmm yes depressing stuff

So on a brighter note, 

When I was out walking the younger dogs Winnie broke into a full shopping bag without breaking a dozen eggs and managed quite deftly to break open a container of 70 cocktail sausages ( 2 weeks treats ) and ate the lot

She remains unrepentant and rather flatulent after my return home

The cottage smells of pork

Sorting

A nice moment of total control in this uncertain world

No covid

Blogger playing up

No rules

No work

No people with their mouths open like naked baby birds 

It’s Raining hard outside

And I am ordering my kitchen cabinets 

One by one

Bliss

Bake Off

 I forgot bake off had started tonight 

Nuala messaged me and I caught up just in time 

As usual a nice lot... but a general representation of London UK not general UK 

Not many gays this year Too ! 

I’m disappointed in Matt Lucas.....

The Broken Hearts Gallery

I’ve been well overdue for a rom com, so one set in a beautifully photographed New York with a likeable cast and a witty script was just up my street today.

The Broken Hearts Gallery fits the bill nicely .

Although wordy ( blink and you will miss the machine gun delivery ) this is a story that will touch everyone who has been dumped in a relationship.

Geraldine Viswanathan 

Lucy Gulliver( Geraldine Viswanathan ) is a twenty something gallery supervisor who hordes memorabilia from every failed relationship She has ever been in . After being fired from her job after been dumped by her boss boyfriend she bumps into Cute as a button Nick ( Dacre Montgomery) Who is trying to built a bespoke  hotel and by chance opens up an art gallery in the Hotel’s  balcony , an art gallery filled with the public ‘s saved Souvenirs from past relationships .

Of course the plot after this isn’t rocket science to work out , but if you add to the mix Lucy’s wisecracking flatmates, Nick’s best friend Marcos (Arturo Castro) - who looks and sounds like an young Bill Murray and a botoxed to death Bernadette Peters as a wacky art expert you can see that writer and director Natalie Krinsky has thrown everything but the kitchen sink into this her first film .

The adorable Dacre Montgomery 

Generally the movie works. 

It’s amusing and sweet despite given a slightly hardened and foul mouthed New York tinge.

Viswanathan is sassy and bright in the lead. Montgomery is very easy on the eye and cries more than the heroine and the supporting cast is likeable and memorable and look like they enjoyed acting out the bright and sharply observed script.

In one interesting scene Lucy is finally able to dump an unsuitable boyfriend and her words to him  resonate amid the laughs “ You are the hero of your own love life And the villain in mine,!”

If you need an amusing , light romantic movie to fill a dull afternoon...try it out

Octopus

 

My kitchen is looking more colourful of late

I noticed this this morning when I made pea and ham soup thickened with butternut squash and flavoured with extra garlic

The octopus dish I treated myself from John Lewis yesterday looks mighty fine and rather cheerful

I’m liking the splashes of colour

Going to the cinema later and have booked another cinema trip tomorrow 

Review later 

MND

For those that don’t know , my brother died nine years ago of motor neurone disease 

It’s a cruel disease, possibly the cruelest and strange as it may seem North Wales has a cluster of people diagnosed with the condition 

The three hospices of North Wales often take these patients in for symptom relief, respite  and for end of life care and their care is usually challenging and intense .

Communication of needs is often the major difficult area to nurse and something like the “ simple” positioning of a limb can take an hour to achieve correctly 

Perhaps now you can understand why I had such a hard shift the other night.

Now I’m not being dramatic here. 

I am good at distancing myself from situations that can suddenly become personalised 

Most nurses of a certain age, have to be

But motor neurone patients have special needs and those are ones that we all take for granted 

They need to be understood and they need to feel empowered 

Looking after them can leave you worrying that you’ve failed them 

and I always thought I could have done more for my brother.

So caring for them, can be particularly challenging 

I admitted a patient with MND the other night 

The night I got home very late

A friend and colleague has just texted me to tell me that they had died peacefully..... 

Too sudden but fortunate with the hospice care

And I took the dogs out for a walk in the now cold night 

And in the darkness of the still village

I remembered a lot of stuff running around my head 

And had a brief cry

Tantrums

 

The vet’s bill hasn’t arrived as yet

Mary has has a special “ pellet “ of antifungal meds placed inside her ear canal and she is looking brighter for it even though her already selective hearing has become even more selective 

A new smiley and rather smarmy vet has started at the practice And he didn’t ingratiate himself with me especially after referring to Mary as looking a bit tatty

“ You don’t look all that spruce yourself “ I countered to little effect. 

Never insult the dog of an old queen 

We never forget 

I’m having a mooch day today which is involving sharing the new sofa with Dorothy ( an activity designed to reduce her anxiety and jealous feelings of the other dogs.

Dorothy was Sooooo pissed off

It’s not working as you can see.

As Mary has just joined us

Dorothy is now  in a foul mood 

Foul

I’ve made pesto and sour dough bread this morning and my friend Colin is coming for dinner later which will be nice ( before the trolls say anything he’s in my bubble) 

I’ve just listened to the Whitty and Valance Speech on COVID too

Things seem a little glum and I wonder what gems Boris will come out with tomorrow 

It feels how we just have to live with COVID now and for some the axe will fall

Still maintaining “Dorothy “ time 

I’ve paid bills online, watched the trailer of the Walking Dead finale which airs in two weeks and written some emails 

And after Mary went off to mooch elsewhere Dorothy has had me all to herself 

And her sulking and tantrums subsided to a peaceful hug and her face on my feet 

 I need to get up soon 

The grass needs mowing 

Friends

Me, Sara, Eleanor and Pask

Chic Eleanor picked me up around noon

No pashmina but she was sporting a very expensive Italian scarf which was looped informally around her neck

“ Darling John “ she purred behind her face mask as she stopped “ it’s been too long!”

We didn’t kiss as we usually do

We met friends Sara and Pask up the Conwy valley and was treated to a real Italian meal with four courses, antipasti ( and a special  scotch egg just for me), orecchiette pasta, locally caught muscles in garlic and white wine and meringue with raspberries 

It was lovely 

Quite lovely 

My scotch egg antipasti

 

Violas

 Violas are such cheerful and robust little fellows

Unlike the fat headed pansies that resemble them .. I detest those

I’ve planted them out in pots around cyclamen of varying shades of pink and red and have placed them on the kitchen wall with enough gaps in between so that the regular gifts of tomato’s and the like can be left with ease.

It’s been a nice day, most of which I’ve missed after an extra Night shift

Lunch out with friends and Chic Eleanor tomorrow

Tonight already I’m lighting the fire against the already crisp autumn evening as I watch the live action Beauty and the beast on tv

Tonight I’ve been watching Carrie Fisher give tribute speeches on YouTube 

What a wonderful orator she was

I became quite tearful at her power and intelligence 

Tearful because I’m tired 

After All Tomorrow is Another day

I’m working tonight to cover sickness but had a lovely afternoon catching up with two old friends Ruth and Dale.

After lunch in the garden we had a mooch around the village, seeing all the locals I’ve written about over the years. 

Nice day

Firefighting

 I’ve had one of those “ firefighting” shifts at work .

To be fair they don’t happen very often and so I’m not complaining , I’m merely telling you, but I’ve only just got home this evening and it’s 10pm .....15 and half hours after I left this morning.

I’ve done as much as I could for a complex patient, but it wasn’t quite good enough and I’m left feeling rather disappointed and very tired.

I’m 58 and I feel it today

I’m too old for this shit 

But at least Dorothy has licked my sore feet back into shape 

Hey ho 

5 of Us

Mary a beautiful study by boffin Cameron

When I finish a day shift it is now very dark when I get home.
It was today and will be tomorrow
Albert is always sat on the kitchen wall waiting for me rather impatiently and gets down after a face to face rub to follow me to Trendy Carol’s to Collect the girls.
He never walks through her gate, for he knows he would be attacked by Carol’s fox terrier if he ever did so, so he stands and waits for the reunion he so clearly loves and craves for with tail swishing and eyes glowing.
The bulldogs bounce out of the conservatory like baby hippos and we all have to wait with everyone tap dancing In excitement for Mary who is usually secreted away on Carol’s knee for her daily love in .
Then the five of us walk home, with Winnie in the lead and with Albert trying manfully to rub heads with each of the dogs that don’t quite understand the greeting.
All they want is dinner
All he wants is for his pals to be together.

Half an hour later all four are crammed onto my new sofa fast asleep

I’m looking into getting Mary covered by a Welsh Terrier stud
One set of puppies before she gets too old
If all goes to plan I will keep one male puppy ( who will be called Roger ) and will give Trendy Carol  a gift of a bitch to thank her for all of her kindnesses with the dogs since my divorce.
Without her, I could never have kept them with me, so it’s the least I and Mary can do

Another adventure in the making me thinks.

Hey ho

Roses Around The Door

Yesterday........
Was
Lunch with a friend who is having a bad time.
Mary’s vet visit and steroid treatment for her bad ear,
A troll who irritatedly took my time
A heavy heart at work tomorrow when I’m not quite ready for it
But at dusk
I stood in the garden and realised that the climbing rose around the door had bloomed again
And everything was well

“COCK OFF!”, Troll, and other irritations ......

The new cockerel on the block

Old cock 

Yesterday a new cockerel has suddenly appeared in this part of the village and the resulting “ Cock off!” between him and the single and rather lonely bantam cockerel who has lived between Church and gardens for over two years now was loud and never ending since around 4am.
Like my fellow blurry eyed neighbours , I am very much in need of my bucket of coffee this morning.

The new cockerel with his distinctive crow has proven to be a minor irritation today
Yesterday I was irritated by a troll, which is the way of the world , if you have, like me,  blogged for any length of time.
Trolls surface like pond scum
Or as Julia Robert’s Julianne said in My Best Friend’s Wedding 
“ pond scum. Well, lower actually. like the fungus that feeds on pond scum.“
Anyway the analogy is true Trolls surface, like pond scum, from time to time.

For those that didn’t pick up on it, my troll appeared in Sunday’s blog. She ( and the language and way of writing proves the gender of the troll to me) disguised herself as a somewhat angry and traumatised elderly man called Bill, who had been separated from his Alzheimer suffering , nursing home resident wife because of Covid . “ He” took me to task about us not social distancing or wearing masks on the beach, not adhering to Government rules ( which we were) and eventually  became more angered with a  more pointed rant “ People like you ..selfish....hugs and kisses with a friend .....etc etc “ All personal attacks centred around me ,emotion and not in any fact relating to personal “ bubbles “ and rules of the time.

Bill’s logging on to blogger was only on that day. The threats and arguments had been clearly been collated from months ago and the troll didn’t factor that her use of language and argument  had been clearly used before under other pseudonyms and guises.
It is easy to compare the wording and grammar
Exactly......A no shit Sherlock moment ..

How dare that troll.
How dare you, pretend to be and hide behind such a vulnerable character, in order to make a point and to obviously win an argument.
And how sad that you have spent the time processing this infantile disguise in order to garden support and sympathy .

This is not the way adults should behave
You should be ashamed of yourself.

There, out with anger , in with love!

My bucket of coffee is almost empty and I’m more awake and I feel more human
and finally the Cock Off has quietened down somewhat, so much so that  I can hear the hedge sparrows arguing again in the honeysuckle over the front door.
Big breaths
Out With Anger , In with Love

Today is a mooch day .
I considered cinema but the weather is good and Mary has been booked in to the vets at 4 pm for a check up on her recurrent ear problem .
So I will be making low fat meals for my Next long days at work.
I’ve arranged to meet some old friends on Friday who are staying at Matriarch Irene’s Caravan park
and Sunday it’s lunch out with Chic Eleanor and friends 
All lovely social things to look forward to
Social distancing and government guidelines permitting
.........of course!

I will leave you with this video

It reminds me of my singleton days before Husband and after my first boyfriend

A Quiet Corner

A quiet corner by the front door.

The last of the garden roses fill the space with scent of old summers.

Thumb sticks made by a village friend stand guard 

Over etchings and needlepoint 

And a grumpy old Welsh lady.

And the yellow walls suck in the sun over the wooden heart of

the little desk fresh from being fed beeswax and oil