One Fanny Too Far

Sometimes it is interesting to see yourself though someone else's eyes

It doesn't happen very often,as I am sure we all possess that strange subjective ability to view oneself in a more than glowing light

But, at certain rare times , I think It can be rather amusing to see what other's do

The resulting image can come as a bit of a shock!

Last night, I took a patient handover from a new itu nurse who has an interest in chickens

As it turned out, she is in fact the grand daughter of a lady who was my mother's best friend for over 25 years- a fact I found to be rather surreal..so not only did we have a brief chat out past times, we waxed on fairly lyrically about the beautiful colour of aracuna hen's eggs.

Now I have not been at work for 18 days (bliss) so throughout the night, during those brief moments of quietness between turns, hourly observations, drug administrations and alarm silencing , I regaled my colleagues with fascinating stories of pig culling, meat freezing,blind Rooster tales and goose re homing....

At 5am I was quietly discussing Mabel's sexual adventures

when a patient chirped up from his bed, nearby

"Enough animal stories please"

and added somewhat testily

"You're boring the tits off me!"

Point Taken

Geese gone!

The geese have been duly collected and have left the field sat meekly in the back of transit van.

I am just about to leave for work, often Saturday night can be a little busier on ITU, so we have eaten a wonderful "home grown" pork chop ( the size of my head) for tea as a treat.

It's been a strange sort of "nothing" day.... hail storms this afternoon were a bit of a shock..... and the sex starved Bulldog is still flashing her bits around to all

Have a Good Weekend all

The Walking Dead "I hear Nebraska is nice"

This is a bit of a classic episode
Intelligently written and well acted.. give it a watch if you have not seen it
I really rate it

A Slut In The Living Room

Mabel is in season

Now.....having been through the constant "come hither...goo goo eyes" that Constance exhibited when she was ready for a good seeing to.... we are sort of prepared for the rather nauseating shenanigans female bulldogs get up to as they approach " that time of the year".... mind you.... having said this...Mabel's behaviour towards a somewhat surprised William and an even more horrified George is presently bordering on a porno slut from Hell rather than the more demure eyelash flickering employed by her predecessor.

Presently she has been banished to her sofa in the kitchen after all her Mae West-ish attempts at seduction have failed to achieve the required sexual pleasure........I had to move quickly as Chris was being driven to distraction by constant glimpses of Bulldog fanny being waved around the living room with such gay abandon

Never a dull moment

Ebb And Flow

The break up of a long term relationship is always a sad experience. Of course it is a terrible time for the two central protagonists   and for each of their immediate families but it is also unfortunate for others to watch such disintegration and sadness.

Someone I know split up with their partner last year. It was their decision, and a difficult one no doubt, and like a good friend I tried to be objective and supportive with what was happening.

But something happened to my friend as the dust began to settle.

They changed

Every time we met, the conversation always came around to how awful the "ex" was and this bitterness and bad mouthing has increased every time we met up for  a chat.

Yesterday I decided to to let them know how much I think they have changed and effectively, I guess, I ended our friendship because of how negative things have become.

Perhaps pure objectivity is just too much to ask of someone eh?

Perhaps sides just have to be taken....

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On a brighter note I think I have rehomed Thomas, Elizabeth and goose. A local woman rang last night looking for some more geese. She needed some company for her 24 year old ( yes 24!) bird....and will come to visit this afternoon to give them all the once over..... here's hoping that she'll take them.... ebb and flow.... it's all ebb and flow here...

This morning, an old aracuna lay dead underneath her perch, at the same time as spunky old blind Rooster Cogburn started to crow lustily in his newly found baritone voice.

The fully re feathered Crackhead whores are now fully integrated into field life and are looking healthy an happy and this morning I will start to clear out the deserted pig pen ready for new occupants...... ebb and flow.......ebb and flow............ Hopefully the geese will go, freeing up the old turkey house for something else  and more fertilised eggs will be hatching beneath a couple of broodies when they start to sit in a month or so's time.

The Indian runners have started to lay their blue eggs again too...... as Elton John and Tim Rice would say

"it's the circle of life"

The Cottage By Candlelight

It is a cold and rather damp evening.Chris is working away and the dogs and Albert are all asleep in various warm places around the living room. 

I have lit the candles and am just going to settle down to watch Olivia De Havilland in The Dark Mirror.

At night the cottage living room always looks at it's best.

I was talking to Olwenna the other day, she was one of the ladies that volunteered to be interviewed for my sister blog Trelawnyd -Voices from the past.

She reminded me that when she was a small girl in the late 1930s she used to come to our cottage to learn songs from a lady called Brenda Smith, the coal merchant's daughter.

(The Smith family, incidentally were the first non Welsh speaking people in the village I have been told)

Apparently the cottage living room looks very much as it did way back then..minus the piano of course

"Duck!"

I wonder if there is any Italian in me?

( don't you dare Tom!!)

I only say this because during a row, I do have a tendency to throw things.

The last inanimate object that was flung in anger as I recall, was an unfortunate packet of basmati rice, but I have been known to hurl more adventurous fare, the most messy being a whole plate of spaghetti bolognase, which decorated the living room quite nicely.

( The dogs were made up because they all were left to lick it up!)

Having said this, I can " come down" as quickly as I go "up", and generally It will be me to be the first to make up and offer an olive branch so to speak.

Now to all of you out there that need a little more help when making up,  the following link may be of help... click on it, write your name in the box and wait 20-30 seconds for the movie to load..... it's worth the wait!!!!!!!!! Enjoy and Happy Rowing!

http://www.obtampons.ca/apology

I don't like tea, I like .........

David Cameron has just banged on about the cost to the nhs of alcohol abuse.....

"Lesbians in Dyserth"

I was up early this morning taking Chris for the 7am train to Bangor. As I drove back home,somewhat blurry eyed, I recognised a man I know exiting the paper shop and he waved as I went past

I won't say more about just how I know this guy as it would, I am sure give his identity away to village readers, suffice to say he is a man in his seventies.

Anyhow I remember this morning a conversation I had with him a few years ago now which was excruciatingly embarrassing for him and exquisitely funny for me... it went roughly as follows

"Does your wife work at the hospital too?"

"I live with Chris , he works at Bangor University"

"oh"

"He's a research fellow"

"oh,....... that's good, "

Slight awkward silence

"We used to have a gay lesbian couple living next to us, they were nice big Jolly girls"

"Really?"

"Yes both worked for Flintshire County Council as I recall

"..........had a lot of rabbits...."

you couldn't make it up

No News Day

Last year I split some snowdrops from the garden and planted them in the old Churchyard

It was lovely to see them making the effort to appear

No amusing story today, I am afraid, as it has been a day for outside jobs. Paths have been cleaned, the accumulated detritus against the cottage wall has been removed and the front garden stripped of dead wood and the debris of winter.

I have even made that extra effort and have made a start of the largest of the allotment beds.

The only thing of note to report is that George has now taught Mabel how to steal and eat chicken coop eggs......Between them they have polished off five from the Tribe of the North's house

They'll both have the shits later!

Valentines

Forgive me if I have blogged about this before.. but seeing that tomorrow is Valentine's Day.. I thought it was perhaps appropriate to repeat it!

My very first date with Chris was in the Sheffield City Centre wine bar ALL BAR ONE.

I was trying to impress ( so actually looked clean and tidy for a change) and because he didn't at that time live in the city.. the night was my treat!

We drank a bottle of wine

We chatted and laughed

We ate and drank some more

and we flirted outrageously

OKOK we got all a bit silly and just a little drunk... but it was fun!

When It was time to go, the waiter ( who I knew) glided up to our table so I could pay the fairly substantial bill and trying to look cool, urbane, in charge and witty I took my debit card out of my pocket and slid it coolly across the table at him

He took it, smiled gently then   slid it back to me

I missed the real point  of his actions and slid it right back at him

He repeated his actions and slid the card back at me

I turned my head with a quizzical expression

as he said quietly right into my ear

"We don't take Sainsbury's saver cards in here sir"

I could have died

Chris had to pay for everything!

A couple of months later he moved in!

hey ho
* for those that don't know Sainsburys is a supermarket

Single and The City

Now I have not always been the welly wearing, animal smelling, country oik house-husband you know and (love). Years ago when I was single, I was a bona fida, card carrying member of the "keep yourself busy"  clean cut Man-about-the-city club, when I would spend my few days off from work exploring the museums and urban places of interest in the city with a spring in my step and a song in my heart!

The magnificent art deco Sheffield library and arts gallery, The Millennium Galleries (above), Weston Park Museum, The Showrooms cinema and media centre and the Winter Gardens all proved to be  valuable panaceas against a certain amount of loneliness that is inevitable when you are in your 30s and you are single in a couple dominated world.

I was always off doing something.......

Think of a fat, bearded Carrie Bradshaw without the bling!

The Winter Gardens ( pic by Diane)

So it was with great sadness that I read my Sheffield friend

Diane's account of the dire problems faced by the millennium Galleries in this awful climate of public sector austerity cuts.

Apparently the museum has lost all of it's funding from the Regional Arts Council this year and is facing dire financial problems as it struggles to maintain a World Class, modern Day service to the South Yorkshire Population...... 

This sickens me.

Museums like the "Galleries", I always think, bring a certain sparkle to the ordinariness of life.  Not only do they teach, inform, stimulate, celebrate and flagwave; they offer a free centre for escapism, for socialising and for comfort.........and when I look back on those few days off I had when I was a single career nurse, I always remember these places of sanctuary with a great deal of nostalgia and affection.

On Saturday when Chris and I ambled around the art gallery at that single beacon of "culture" which is North Wales' Theatre Clwyd, I did spare a few regrets at not having all of those Sheffield cultural places of interest "on tap" as there were when we lived in Hillsborough.

And I say to Sheffield residents.... you need to realise that these museums must not be just taken for granted.... in these days of cut... cut.... cut.... they need to be fought for and they need to be cherished.

Well done to Diane... and to all of those people that made the effort to support the Galleries by taking part in the big sit down picnic at the venue yesterday. Their  visual demonstration of dissatisfaction and support was fantastic and...... believe me...... I would have happily taken my flask and my butties down to Arundle Gate, and I would have joined in without a single hesitation

Sit down for what you believe in

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Weight Watchers Weigh-in today 14 stone 11 lbs

Weight Lost since 2nd Jan 1 stone 3lbs

Weight Loss last week 2lbs

The Best TV in the World?

We have the cheapo package from sky tv

500 channels\ 24 hours a day

Plenty to choose from

and you know what?

 I only found  one good programme over the entire week

Borgen.. the Danish version of The West Wing

The worst programme?

The vomit inducing Call The Midwives

is pretty high on the list

 

 But the winner must be the BBC  weekly  journey into rural life for the Middle Classes ONLY

The bloody patronising

" Countryfile"

Thank Goodness The Walking Dead resumes next week

I THINK I WILL GO AND READ A BOOK!

Sans Everything

Hedydd Dylan as Rosalind and Alex Felton as Orlando

Last Night we went to Theatre Clwyd to see perhaps the easiest of all Shakespeare's romps to understand...Terry Hand's production of  As You Like It.

Now Shakespeare isn't quite my cup of tea, but apart from some painful overacting from the obese actor playing Touchstone, I absolutely loved this version of the play.

My enjoyment was primarily down to the  Welsh actress, Hedydd Dylan who played Rosalind , for it was her faultless delivery and timing that most impressed me and the audience. Indeed,in the second act, when she turned on the selfish shepherdess Phoebe with the line "Sell while you can... you are not for all markets" the place was in uproar.

I was equally impressed with Philip Bretherton who played the melencholey Jaques,,,for me  it is his character that has the lion's share of the most moving lines "sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste sans everything!"

A cracking description of the seventh age of man.

It was nice to do something "adult" for a change

Phillip Bretherton (far left) with the cast

A Moan From Myfanwy

myfanwy said...

"Shameful stereotyping on your part. The fact that the pensioners were from Liverpool is irrelevant."

She was in fact unhappy at my stereotyping of the scouse grey hairs in my previous "old people fighting over the eggs blog entry" (http://disasterfilm.blogspot.com/2012/02/you-can-take-pensioners-out-of.html)

And of course she is right.... it was wrong of me to stereotype Liverpudlians as battling old gits with no manners and I am sorry if she took umbrage .....

As it happens my   mother was born and bred in Liverpool( Everton)..... having said that.. I must admit my mother was a bit of a battling old git......who in her latter years would have quite happily bitch slapped any woman who pushed ahead of her in a queue!!!

Have a nice day!

Liebster Award

Well thank you Cathy over at http://muskokariver.blogspot.com/ 

for my infamous "Leibster Blog Award"

Apparently according to the "lovable Rosie O'Donnell of Bracebridge" the Leibster blog is awarded ( and I quote)

"All this is in aid of the Liebster Blog Award, which John Wiswell honoured me with this morning. I think the rules are something like, take a photo of yourself with the sharpest object in the house and name five other bloggers who you think aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer. Or maybe they ARE the sharpest knives. Sharp. Dull, wtf, I don't know. I forget and I'm way too lazy to go back to John's and find out."

And so

I have to say that strange as it would seem, I am the sharpest thing in our house!!!

I only say that because  I have just beaten Chris again in a game of Scrabble!!

Now as long term readers of this blog will suddenly realise, that this is no mean feat

basically because I am a really SHIT speller

and Chris is a PhD with little grey cells oozing out of his arse!!!!

I will give my nominations further thought!

You Can take the pensioners Out Of Liverpool but you can't Take Liverpool out of............

One of the buff orpington's has an impacted crop.

I have tried the usual instillation of oil and have tried to massage the mass away but still the obstruction remained, so I asked animal helper Pat to come around to help me try shift the blockage with some brisk physiotherapy.

She arrived dressed in her scruffs (believe me it can be a very messy job) and as I came out of the cottage to meet her around 30 professional ramblers strode into view from around the lane corner.

I am well used to ramblers.

The cottage lies on a published "walk" so come rain and come shine, long lines of walking "geeks" often march by, all dressed in their designer Berghaus clothing and sporting the obligatory  ski pole walking sticks.

Pat (right) with daughter Joanne

As it turned out this group  hailed from the city of Liverpool, and after a quick scan I had the impression that all were in their late 60s and early 70s and probably all belonged to a walking club. Before Pat and I could make a break for the field, the group crowded around and amid a flurry of questions, I was asked if I had eggs for sale.

I only had half a dozen in the kitchen, so I instructed the walkers to wait and I went into the field to collect as many as I could find.. When I returned I had around two dozen eggs in the bowl and customers for at least double that, and that was when the arguments started.

At first I just thought the bickering between the three elderly ladies was just high spirits, a bit of theatrical banter between friends, how wrong was I? In seconds the three were screaming at each other about who was next in the queue, so much so, I honestly thought that the ski sticks might have been brought into play.

"Derek! Der--ek" the most aggressive of the crumblies kept yelling to her slightly embarrassed hubby

"Derek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do something!!!!!!! we were first we were f i rs t!!!"

The whole situation had become rather surreal

" I don't know who was first" I said helplessly  to the sea of grey hairs, woolly hats and designer jackets

"you all look the same""

The bickering continued

I couldn't quite believe my ears, so finally I placed the eggs on the wall and said in my best patronising voice "You just have to share them between you" and I strode off to join an astonished Pat who had walked away in disgust.

"Did you hear all that?" I asked her 

"yes" she said " shaking her head, and ever the pragmatist, she added....." you should have charged them all double!"

In The Dark

I have decided that when it is dark, animals of all species enjoy order and routine more than at any other time. Well before dawn, as Chris is just thinking of getting out of bed, the house animals slumber and rest. On the kitchen sofa, Mabel will have her head jammed tightly behind her own green pillow as she snores like a train and in the living room William is stretched out on his own sofa, gently woofing in his sleep. Between us in bed, lies Meg who couldn't quite cope with not being in the direct epicentre of the house pack and at the foot of the bed is George, who is content with being just close enough to Chris--- but happy, in that inimitable Scottish Terrier, "I am ever so slightly aloof" kind of way

Only Albert and I are awake. 

He remains on sentry duty at the bedroom window, and is scanning the field and lane for interesting nocturnal activity. I know that something is around because he is still and alert and is obviously watching something moving around in the frost. I suspect it is a fox or perhaps a badger because the Guinea fowl are muttering to themselves like worried pensioners. The threat however remains at the field borders at present, I can always tell that if their grumbling is subdued.

I get up and get the sleepy dogs walked, we will all go back to bed for a short while when we return. But before we do, I take my trusty wind up torch and went to check on the coops, just in case a predator was about.

Hearing me crunch in the severe frost the geese "chunner" their own kind of warning. There is a small window in the goose house and I can just make out a couple of heads popping up to see what is going on........ the "chunners" subside as they recognise me. A similar low chatter comes from the duck house, but it is more a squabble about  best positions rather than one of anxiety and from the nearest hen house, one of the usually silent hens allows herself a brief and rather musical little "cluck" of concern  before going back to sleep.

When it is dark, hens for the most part are truly useless creatures.

It was badgers that Albert had seen from the bedroom window, In the moon light I can  just make out a large dark grey arse by the pond, shuffling homewards before first light, They won't be a threat again tonight

Even in the dark, everything has an order and a pace  of it's own.

Constants

What is that phrase about death and taxes? It's something like..what is life's constants? ..the answer being death and taxes.....well it's near enough.......

This morning I have been thinking about constants........

After what was hailed as the coldest night of the year, I walked out onto the field as I do every morning and was greeted by the guinea fowl legging it over the rock hard ground, all desperate for their breakfast of mixed corn.

The guinea fowl are just three of my constants.

Come rain, come shine, come everything, every morning Alf, Hughie and Ivy will be there chattering away like little clockwork toys as they scuttle neurotically back and forth as though they are stuck on a video player's fast forward.

And every evening, by force of habit, I will always check on their roosting positions in the Churchyard trees, counting their silhouettes...one...two....three...as they settle down against the sky . 

Apart from is twice daily contact, our paths rarely cross during the day, for these three odd little birds will be off foraging  but like anything in anyone's life that is taken for granted, if by any chance they don't turn up in the stillness of the early morning,one day, I am sure,I would be quite heartbroken.

Alf

A programme I watched on television last night gave me nightmares this morning which have probably caused these melancholy thoughts about constants and death first thing. Death Unexpected, a documentary on the BBC last night was a fascinating look at the work of London coroner Alison Thompson in a typical week that saw her and her team cope with the constant puzzle of suicide, murder and, sudden death  .

With typical British understatement , the mechanics of the coroner's job were tastefully all left "off screen" for the most part, and it was left to the articulate and rather glam Mz Thompson to explain her role to camera, which she did eloquently and with some passion.

Coroner Thompson

On reflection perhaps watching a documentary like Death Unexpected was not really a good idea,for I dreamt about death for what seemed like an absolute age overnight.

In my last dream, I found myself emptying the car of bags of layers pellets. As I looked back at the cottage I saw my brother standing on a ladder painting the gable end.

"make sure you don't fall" I called out and without saying anything he just stuck up his thumb in way of an answer

A fairly innocuous dream, you may think, but it has unsettled me somewhat...

I'm off to clean the church

200 Books

It was our Flower Show Meeting last night.

The meeting was just a short one really as  the schedule for the day and all other necessary "to dos" have already been finalised and sorted but it is always rather fun to meet up around auntie Glad's kitchen table with tea, scones and chew the fat so to speak.

This year's Flower Show will be the village's 40th. 

The proceeds of last year's show will go towards re stocking the Churchyard with native saplings (I have yet to sort this out) and last night we have agreed to help out the newly formed Village Jubilee committee this year with a donation  to support their plans for a village gala in June. 

It was lovely to be in a position to boost a new Trelawnyd venture, especially one that celebrates the ideas of people that are not the " usual suspects" in village affairs. I have promised to big up the new committee's itinerary as soon as it is made "Public"

After Auntie Glad dished out the tea and scones, Irene our Treasurer told us all about her up and coming cruise holiday then showed us the newly printed certificate for first and second place entries as well as the 600 odd raffle tickets we all need to sell before and on the day itself.

92 year old Gladys asked for her portion of tickets there and then explaining that  she wanted to get organised with her sales!"

"How many books do you want?" Sylvia the show Secretary asked

 "Oh my usual 200!" Gladys said cheerfully, scooping them all up in her arms

And you know what? she'll sell every bloody  one of them!

no not our comittee... but it could be!!!!!!!!!


For those that are interested
The 2012 Schedule for the Flower Show can be seen
here
http://trelawnydflowershow.blogspot.com/