Friday, 10 February 2012

You Can take the pensioners Out Of Liverpool but you can't Take Liverpool out of............


One of the buff orpington's has an impacted crop.
I have tried the usual instillation of oil and have tried to massage the mass away but still the obstruction remained, so I asked animal helper Pat to come around to help me try shift the blockage with some brisk physiotherapy.
She arrived dressed in her scruffs (believe me it can be a very messy job) and as I came out of the cottage to meet her around 30 professional ramblers strode into view from around the lane corner.
I am well used to ramblers.
The cottage lies on a published "walk" so come rain and come shine, long lines of walking "geeks" often march by, all dressed in their designer Berghaus clothing and sporting the obligatory  ski pole walking sticks.

Pat (right) with daughter Joanne
As it turned out this group  hailed from the city of Liverpool, and after a quick scan I had the impression that all were in their late 60s and early 70s and probably all belonged to a walking club. Before Pat and I could make a break for the field, the group crowded around and amid a flurry of questions, I was asked if I had eggs for sale.

I only had half a dozen in the kitchen, so I instructed the walkers to wait and I went into the field to collect as many as I could find.. When I returned I had around two dozen eggs in the bowl and customers for at least double that, and that was when the arguments started.
At first I just thought the bickering between the three elderly ladies was just high spirits, a bit of theatrical banter between friends, how wrong was I? In seconds the three were screaming at each other about who was next in the queue, so much so, I honestly thought that the ski sticks might have been brought into play.

"Derek! Der--ek" the most aggressive of the crumblies kept yelling to her slightly embarrassed hubby
"Derek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! do something!!!!!!! we were first we were f i rs t!!!"
The whole situation had become rather surreal
" I don't know who was first" I said helplessly  to the sea of grey hairs, woolly hats and designer jackets
"you all look the same""
The bickering continued
I couldn't quite believe my ears, so finally I placed the eggs on the wall and said in my best patronising voice "You just have to share them between you" and I strode off to join an astonished Pat who had walked away in disgust.
"Did you hear all that?" I asked her 
"yes" she said " shaking her head, and ever the pragmatist, she added....." you should have charged them all double!"

47 comments:

  1. umm I had a bit of competition with the neighbours when I was selling eggs at the gate !
    Last weekend whilst on a girls' weekend away in Devon, I overheard two women in their sixties discussing one of their group who had been moaning about her seat in the car & luggage space. One of them had simply taken the matter into her own hands & organised for the disgruntled woman to travel home in a different car. The other one just shrugged her shoulders & said " That's Chris for you. Just ignore her "
    I'm glad to say there was no car envy in my group even though the one I travelled in kept failing to start !
    I expect you had a giggle about those silly women !

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  2. Don't know what an impacted crop is, but will have a look on the internet so I can look out for the signs in our hens. As for that gaggle of walkers...... I would have taken all the eggs away, and told them to ****** off! I think you were very patient dealing with them in the way that you did, so well done you.

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  3. Bloody hell... where's the 'grace' in growing old???

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  4. It's lucky you were there, or you might have found all your hens on bricks!

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  5. "...designer Berghaus clothing and sporting the obligatory ski pole walking sticks." You're right, some people think that country walks are like fashion parades. I sometimes get funny looks because I tend to walk alone and don't wear all that designer gear - after all we're not in the bloody Himalayas! By the way, tell that pretty Miss Joanne she can call round for a cup of tea after Charlize Theron has left!

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  6. Might have been tempted to ration them - one egg cracked over one head. Next please.

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  7. Oh, my! A spirited spar over eggs, that would have been something to see.

    How's the hen?

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  8. Don't you just HATE those stupid obligatory Ski Sticks!

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  9. Oh my goodness!
    You'd have thought they would have been grateful for you taking the time and thanked you.

    Hope your orp is feeling better soon, John!

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  10. Mmmn, sounds like you just met my sister-in-law.

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  11. gail
    not too bright
    I have started her on natural yogurt...she may need minor surgery!

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  12. Wandered over from Cathy's blog and decided to stay. :)

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  13. Poor old chicken, hope she's feeling better soon.
    What a bunch of ill mannered tourists they were. Next time you see a bunch like that just don't have any eggs. That will send them on their merry way.

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  14. An impacted crop!? Who would have thought!! So much to learn, so little time.....
    Your quote John reminded me of where I 'come from'......north end Halifax (a little rough).....'You can take the boy out of the north end, but you can't get the north end out of the boy!' That's more and look out!! lol

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  15. Wonderful title! Did they leave their payment on the wall?

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  16. Incidents like this make me wonder what the world will be like post-apocalypse. 'Hope I'm not around.

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  17. Well, now you have learned your lesson, you charge double for the eggs to the non-villagers!

    I hope the hen gets to be okay!

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  18. Two dozen eggs, three people. Tough one that. You see, eight eggs don't fit in a sixer carton...

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  19. Hope they left the money John!

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  20. Good grief, it's only a few eggs, there're plenty more where they came from. Some people will fight over anything. They probably come to blows over who's next for the stile....

    I imagine the next time you get asked about eggs you'll say, Here you are, dear, and break a few over the nearest head.

    Bloody crumblies. Almost as bad as bloody teenagers.

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  21. Probably all high on OAP meds cocktails.
    Jane x

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  22. This made me laugh sooooo much. xx

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  23. You know you should have just scrambled to lot - easier to share!

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  24. I'm with Pat. They should be lucky you didn't crack the eggs on their heads.

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  25. Unbelieveable!

    For awhile, i lived in a place that was swarmed with tourists--wait, i do now, too--anyhow, in that other place, i saw all sorts of antics and wondered if i filmed them and showed the films to their neighbours, would they be surprised at their behaviours?

    It seems some folks can never pass up a chance to act like an idiot. I myself try for only one out of ten these days--have better things to do with my energy and life force than squabble.

    megan

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  26. This did make me laugh. I used to care for seniors and they were a feisty bunch of old gals :-D

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  27. Good thing you were there!

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  28. Us OAPs have a lot to answer for -- if only we could remember what!

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  29. That pretty much sums up my experience in working with old people. Squabbling and queue-jumping is what they do best. If there's a bargain going, look out as you're likely to get trampled on in the rush or be shoved out of the way with the rubber end of a hefty walking.

    The wisdom and gentleness that is supposed to come with old age is in short supply in this part of the UK.

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  30. like hens at a good insect on the ground...one finds it by good fortune, and all the others start to crowd around to see what she ate, whats on the ground, and then discuss loudly with a few pecks shoved in for good measure


    LOVE your descriptive writing - I could feel the tension mounting - so is this where the term "old biddies" comes from??? :D

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  31. You do not disappoint John, EVER! I have this vision in my head of the squabble you described and it's made me chuckle a couple times.

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  32. I remember my Da' treating chooks with impacted crops. He would put an eyedropper full of vegetable oil into the crop and then massage the crop to soften the impaction. He showed me how to do it. You have to put the dropper all the way back in the bird's mouth and past the little hole that leads down to its lungs and slowly push out the oil. Any vegetable oil is good: olive oil, corn oil, or canola oil.

    He also made used a mix of 1/2-cup baking soda in 1 pint of warm water

    He would fill a syringe (without needle, of course) and then Da' would insert it as far as he could into the mouth of the chicken. I would hold the bird upright in front of him. He would slowly and very gently fill the crop then gently press up under the chicken’s breast and slide his hand up to the crop. This makes the bird open its mouth and the impacted mess will come out the bird's mouth. Push the contents up and out of the crop and out of the mouth.

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  33. Oh btw - mostly impacted crops were caused by our chooks either, 1)eating too much cut greens - vegetables or grass - instead of letting them graze and rip pieces of that they could swallow easily, or, 2) lack of SHELL GRIT - not enough shell grit in their diet. I used to use a hammer on a plank of wood and smash up shells we brought back from the beach and throw the grit around their feeding areas.

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  34. How rude of them, you would think that the older people get, they would learn some manners, sadly it's part of how they survive in the urban jungle.

    I would boil some eggs and have them on hand for the next lot, I doubt if they'd be asking for more the next time they come a'hiking :)
    ~jo

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  35. thanks for that john.... i think the buff's problem was eating too tough stalks of grass ( by the feel of the rubbish in her crop) my hens have lts of grit and stones in their diet as there is a ton of debris by the church wall...we have tried to lavage the problem today without sucess

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  36. I've used warm molasses for an impacted crop. I hope your cure worked as well.

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  37. Eggs are such a blessing and so easy to share. NZers don't have the queuing mentality - well they do it in their head and most people understand where their place is in the genial gaggle around the counter or at the bus stop.
    I have to confess to a realisation that I'm ready for a stick. Friends use them (dressed in all manner of style and scruff) but I've just found them a nuisance... till now: I'm ready to find myself a nice bit of carved wood for steep and rocky roads.

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  38. I've loved this post, right from the "professional ramblers" to "you all look the same" (had to wipe the keyboard down after reading that!).

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  39. and things are supposed to be quiet in the country!!

    Gill in Canada

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  40. Shameful stereotyping on your part. The fact that the pensioners were from Liverpool is irrelevant.

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  41. You could have sold them one each!

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  42. myfanwy
    it gave colour to the story......please don't sweat it, but you are right it was sterotyping of the worst sort!!!
    and I apologise if you were upset by it!
    btw... my mother was liverpudlian.... she was an old cow at times!!!!!!!!!!!

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  43. I could not believe what I read about these old people, John. How awful that you went to all that trouble (AND you were busy with a sick hen and someone decent came to help you) and yet people could not even have money. I like your reply to Myfanwy's gripe! Have a great weekend. Jo BTW you had such good ammo: a couple of dozen eggs in your hands, mmm. I know what I would have done! LOL!

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  44. Don't be too hard on walkers who use sticks - like Lady Mondegreen (love that name) I find a good sturdy stick useful these days, especially when crossing streams or on steep or uneven ground.

    "I don't know who was first ... you all look the same" Love it!

    I hope the buff is responding to treatment. They are nice hens, Orpingtons. Big and placid, as a rule.

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  45. I can't believe I missed this post. HILARIOUS!!!
    I came back to it after I read your current one with the negative comments. All I can say is puhleeeese. This post made me laugh so it's a lot of all right in my books.

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