Friday, 17 February 2012

Ebb And Flow

The break up of a long term relationship is always a sad experience. Of course it is a terrible time for the two central protagonists   and for each of their immediate families but it is also unfortunate for others to watch such disintegration and sadness.
Someone I know split up with their partner last year. It was their decision, and a difficult one no doubt, and like a good friend I tried to be objective and supportive with what was happening.
But something happened to my friend as the dust began to settle.
They changed
Every time we met, the conversation always came around to how awful the "ex" was and this bitterness and bad mouthing has increased every time we met up for  a chat.
Yesterday I decided to to let them know how much I think they have changed and effectively, I guess, I ended our friendship because of how negative things have become.
Perhaps pure objectivity is just too much to ask of someone eh?
Perhaps sides just have to be taken....


On a brighter note I think I have rehomed Thomas, Elizabeth and goose. A local woman rang last night looking for some more geese. She needed some company for her 24 year old ( yes 24!) bird....and will come to visit this afternoon to give them all the once over..... here's hoping that she'll take them.... ebb and flow.... it's all ebb and flow here...

This morning, an old aracuna lay dead underneath her perch, at the same time as spunky old blind Rooster Cogburn started to crow lustily in his newly found baritone voice.
The fully re feathered Crackhead whores are now fully integrated into field life and are looking healthy an happy and this morning I will start to clear out the deserted pig pen ready for new occupants...... ebb and flow.......ebb and flow............ Hopefully the geese will go, freeing up the old turkey house for something else  and more fertilised eggs will be hatching beneath a couple of broodies when they start to sit in a month or so's time.
The Indian runners have started to lay their blue eggs again too...... as Elton John and Tim Rice would say
"it's the circle of life"


  1. Offside ref!

    Sorry to hear about your friend. A clear case of not letting it go.

  2. Hello,

    I'm sorry about your friend,I got already a similar experienced. And I assure you, this gives a very strange feeling...


  3. Anonymous10:53 am

    Can work the other way too, John.

    I never slagged off the man I parted from. Quite the opposite. So called "friends" didn't like it. They were trying to stoke a fire where there wasn't one. Till I had enough. My life is not other people's soap opera with them as the director. And whilst, on the whole, I believe that friendship is forever, I made an exception in their case.


  4. Sad about your friends. I've had similar experiences. We seemed to be part of the divorce settlements, and usually didn't survive with either.

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  6. Oh, the fickleness of mankind!

    I quote from your post of January 27,2012, John - 'I...aim to keep the pretty Elizabeth to augment my little flock...'. Less than a month later, she is to be cast out into a heartless, cruel world to make room for some wattle waving new turkeys on the block! Rehomed!

    I hope that my honorary godgoose is going to be as well looked after as you have looked after her.

    Ah well...ebb and flow...ebb and flow. ;-) xx

  7. Yes Elizabeth, that was my hope but as the two geese are devoted to each other I have made the hard decision to re home them together if possibles

  8. sometimes things happen for a reason and generally it's all for the best........onwards and upwards as they say.........

    Gill in Canada

  9. Then let nothing stand in the way of true devotion...quite understandable as we Elizabeths are all pretty remarkable creatures who have this astounding effect on those we encounter, so I can totally appreciate Tom's being besotted with the divinely feathered beauty. :-D X

  10. I have a friend that was always negative. We went on vacation together in the fall and his negativity was bringing everyone down. We ended the holiday erly and haven't spoken since. I doubt he even knows why. I and my husband just could not take it any more.

  11. Oh my as they say oh my!

  12. Soured relationships are just pure poison. You've been mates with a guy all your life and you take his faults in your stride as he accepts yours. The he gets married and you both like and admire his wife; for who she is and the fact that she can put up with him. Then it all goes to ratshit and your sympathy lies with the wife cos you're looking at it objectively from the outside and your friend feels betrayed. Honest remarks such as, 'Well if you had at least tried to stop shagging around' or 'Punching your missus is hardly going to endear you to her' are treated as though you have stabbed him in the back.

    I know true friends should be there to provide moral support but in situations such as these, I generally run a mile. Equally, I value my friends too much to inflict my sorrow upon them.

    When my wife ran off with a marriied gas bottle filler from AGA gas, I flew back to UK, instructed a solicitor, agreed the division of spoils and a week later was back on the plane. That's the way to do it. Quick, clean and painless for everyone. Even as much as a year later, friends were still asking me how my wife was and were very surprised when I said, 'Helen? She left me over a year ago, I have no idea what she is doing'. And if they were very good friends, they could get away with a wry remark such as, 'The last time we saw her she wss pregnant, we did wonder...'

  13. Anonymous1:27 pm

    Perhaps your friends will settle down after a while and realize what they are doing. Then you can get back together again.

  14. Anonymous1:28 pm


  15. Ah, to be loved as those geese have been. Big shoes to fill.
    Sorry to hear about your friend. It takes time to realized that sharing your pain [and all the details of why it exists] does not make it go away faster, it just makes your friends go away.
    Loved the pic of Mable yesterday :-)

  16. Friends are split up in the divorce settlement. It is never easy.

  17. Beautifully said John.

  18. Split ups affect everyone, true.

    Hoping for no new pigs in the deserted pigpens & hope the lady will take the feathery friends. Sounds like an awesome caring home since her bird has made it to 24!

  19. Someone, please, give Yorkshire Pudding a prize.
    Jane x

  20. Yes I agree about relationships John. I find that often the bad mouthing gets less as time goes on. But I know with those close to me who have had breakups. it is sometimes better to stay clear until the dust has settled.
    A 24 year old goose - well there is obviously no chance of that ever going to the table - cannot imagine how long it would take to cook.

  21. It's always difficult when a friend splits up from their long term partner. Maybe they just needed to whinge/moan/bitch for a long time. Maybe they felt you were someone who they could unload on. But it can be very draining when you're the listener.

    It'll all come out in the wash, as my mother used to say. Perhaps they'll realise they were being a pain and start to improve...

  22. I had the very same thing. My best friend - nurse at NGH actually. She left her husband and young family and was clearly in the wrong running off with some bloke that she had met in the pub. I got fed up of her slagging her husband and kids off everytime we met up and still gave her the benefit of the doubt - believing that she was being heavily influenced by her new circle of friends. When she introduced me to her "new friend Diane" I realised I had been replaced, so bowed out of the friendship. Only afterwards I realised how draining and restrictive she had been and how our friendship had been very one sided. You live and learn. xxx

  23. I'm glad you at least had a chance to speak your mind, John. I know there are times where i've spewed vitriol and my longsuffering friends were kind. One dear friend and i warn each other by saying something like, lorry load of slurry coming your way.

    It's hard with breakups because as Hippo pointed out, you can see both sides at times, and you're not being less of a friend by mentioning behaviours that undermined the relationship.

    My tendency is too hold on too long, as i tend to be a friend-for-life sort of friend. When i decided i needed to shed myself of some toxic people, it took great effort on my part. Some of them are still slagging me off, but that's on them.

    I'll keep digits crossed that Thomas, Elizabeth, and goose can be rehomed in another loving place.


  24. It's darned near impossible to remain on the sidelines as a neutral bystander when a couple you care about call it quits. Really sucks.

  25. To everything there is a season...

  26. Relationships are almost always a minefield! And it's so difficult to be even-handed -- which often comes as a surprise -- especially when you've thought you won't take sides ...

  27. Just realised my daughter has been on my laptop so "Tiny Dancer" above was actually written by me - not a tiny dancer, more a "Roly Poly " xxxxx

  28. It's unfortunate that the relationship ended so sadly.

    You have to distance yourself from all the bitterness. You have enough on your plate.

    Hope she said yes to the geese!

  29. Urgh! A Lion King pun. I think I've just been a bit sick!

  30. it took 31 comments for someone to notice!!!!!
    I was hoping tom would have been back to jump on it from on high chris
    tee hee

  31. It's always messy when a relationship ends...employing a hitman makes it easier for all concerned...

  32. Someone had to be the resident cynic.

    Hope he hasn't gagged on a non-organic breakfast sausage.(Genuinely hope he hasn't...)

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  34. John ,how old is 24 in goose years?

  35. molly 20 - 23 years is average I have just learnt!

  36. Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
    A medley of extemporanea;
    And love is a thing that can never go wrong;
    And I am Marie of Romania.

    Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967), Not So Deep as a Well (1937)

  37. You're right, however much you want to be objective about why a relationship ended, or see failings on both sides, there's always that pressure to root for one person or the other. Very difficult to handle.

  38. That's life on a 'farm' John. Too bad your friend forced you to end your friendship. Their loss. Have a wonderful weekend! :)

  39. Your farm/small holding looks WONDERFUL. Thank you.
    I am sad for your friend, and sadder that they are turning people away from them, at a time when support matters.

  40. Oh yes! The negativity is abundant everywhere. We have 'let go' a few ourselves over the years.
    Ebb and flow......deep breath in, exhale.

  41. Lion King? Never seen it.


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