Quandary

 I’ve found myself at a V in my road today.

Something quite profound happened today but in a small way as it often does, and I’ve had to choose how I cope with it.

The choice ( and I’m not apologising for how vague I am being) is between lying to myself or facing the music with a nod and a word of thanks.

I’ve chosen the latter, without excuses and bullshit.

I am flawed like we all are.

Now this sounds all very mysterious 

It isn’t really, I’m just protecting myself from embarrassment, so the full story remains where it is.

Dealing with a proper embarrassment is a life long trauma for me. 

It has the ability to crucify 

And stems from a childhood where a mother salved her own embarrassment by picking of those exhibited by her children. 

Teeth and wounds 

Wounds and teeth.

I’m sad , I can’t be frivolous today.

I’ve made the girls I work with laugh tonight as I normally do

But it has been a serious day all told.

I will leave you with this silly video, don’t be too irritated Andrew xx

Non Nobis Domine. Orquesta Metropolitana y Coro Talía

The lisping choir completing one of my favourite pieces of music, this time during distancing restrictions , a hard job indeed if you have ever been part of a tight knit choir, and are used to having your fellow harmonisers at elbow distance.

I’m sorry for the quality of Going Gently recently. It feels somewhat disjointed and variable in content ( which it is anyhow to be fair), I think it’s reflecting a slightly misaligned, not too joined up thinking which is me at the moment. 

I’m in a neither fish nor fowl frame of mind. 

Still a student not yet a counsellor,

But with clients of my own 

A part time hospice nurse, just outside the loop,

I’ve had a couple of dates over the past few months, both perfectly nice individuals, all told , but not for me and I’ve decided that being a spinster ( and I like using that epithet , before you open your cakehole troll) is the way forward.

I’ve thought this before

Now I’m embracing the concept.

The Hospice is due to close for a month for some refurbishment in August and a month away will do me some good to re group and redefine 

Siestas

 

The garden is lending itself nicely with flowers for the cottage. I’m working nights, so today is a catch up day, with washing set out on the bushes and walls and pad Thai noodles being prepared for supper.

I haven’t got much to talk about today, I have a bit of a longing for some excitement again but like most people who crave it, I am a bit of a loss of where that particular itch can be scratched.

The usual election tit-for-tat interviews are boring me 

They sound like a divorcing couple scoring points at each other at a boring relate interview. And the more I hear the less I take in. 

My father was a big political fish in a small conservative pond.  

We were local politics orphans my sister Janet and I 

The weather is cool but sunny and the rooks caw loudly from the tops of the churchyard elms

I’m off for a siesta….do the good people of Madrid sill siesta I wonder?

Answers on a postcard please

Blind

 Blind as a bat at work, sat on my specs

An Old Camera

The lisping choir at its best, look at Silvia at 1.46 when the harmonies merge, her face kinda breaks your heart. 

I found an old camera this morning in a travel bag on the wardrobe shelf. I used to film short videos on it for the blog before my mobile phone  when the Ukrainian  Village still stood and the mechanics of which  were so hokey that Tom Stephenson used to comment that he thought a helicopter was permanently hovering over Bwthyn y Llan .

The film was dreadful , a wordy, dull and improbable study of a dying Freud’s discussions with CS lewis about God’s existence, worthy I guess but terribly dull, sorry Freud’s Last Session

Back to work tomorrow , an extra shift to cover sickness .

Hey ho

Sweet Charity

 

The problem with watching an amateur theatre production is that there are always a few actors that let the side down . It’s the nature of the beast, and one that you make allowances for.

Last night, Janet and I went to Theatre Clwyd to see the Chester/Wrexham TipTop Production of Sweet Charity and boy was it hard to see where amateur ended and professional started

It was a quality production all told .

Musicals live or die on their popular set pieces and the glorious Rhythm of Life song in this production was a doozie, with the large cast belting out their roles with real professional confidence. Not one performance reminded me I was at a amateur production ….a fact supported by my sister who asked in the interval 

Why are tickets for tonight so cheap? 

The selfie didn’t turn out

We had a lovely night out , I love nights like this one, that surprisingly impressed 

Lunch In

 

The sushi have been a mindful make, what with making a prawn paste, highlighted by salmon and anchovies, some have beetroot and carrot, that gives a sweeter taste, others have cheese paste, tartare, cucumber and coriander. 

A financial advisor called today. He was amused at Roger who whilst giddy had trouble running up and down the stairs.

“ He can’t coordinate” I explained “ He just runs at the staircase and hopes for the best” 

He refused the offer of sushi 

I’ll leave you with the lisping choir Grupo Talia

Counselling and Patio

 Thursday is my counselling day. In the morning I see my own clients and in the afternoon I continue to see my own counsellor. Every other Wednesday I see my own supervisor and every month I have joint supervision from my placement supervisor on a Thursday lunchtime.

Today was the day for that too.

This afternoon,  I feel a little counselled out, so braved the cold and sat on the patio with a coffee, closed eyes to the wind.  

I sat like that for an age and it felt very good.

The wind whipping away negative thoughts allowing space for the objective and the balanced.

Village leader Ian ,dropped by with the Flower Show Schedules and I’ve just dropped the first one off at Jenny Morris’ home, surrounded by the most delightful allotments . She is the “ face.” Of the flower show this year 

Im meandering to the end of my annual leave weeks and I have recharged nicely . The patio planters look pretty and colourful, another small job done, a list line ticked

Tomorrow , Janet and I are off to see Sweet Charity at Theatre Clwyd and Saturday I’ve booked to see 

“ Freud’s Last Session” at the Storyhouse 

It seems an appropriate film given the counselling feel of my holiday

I’ve learned a great deal this week, 

That’s why I’m weary and tired

Tomorrow , I’m making sushi 

Bloody lovely