Are You Free?

 I caught up with The last Of Us tonight

Moving as fuck ….

I’m drifting today, and am overly reflective

Someone I know committed suicide on Monday, 

Not a friend 

But someone I met professionally 

I’m drifting and am out of sorts 

and then Chic Eleanor rang out of the blue

Did I want to go to the theatre tomorrow?

Darling I hope you are free she gushed

I said yes immediately 

Grateful, oh so grateful 

That

Someone remembered me 

Unidos por un sueño, Alejandro Vivas - Grupo Talía

This gentle little piece was performed by the lisping choirs and the Metropolitan Orchestra on line during covid, and is more of a hymn or a lullaby than anything else.

In light of some more information I have received I have edited this entry today

The music was written as an on line performed piece during covid 

Turandot

 It’s been on my bucket list ( the back burner one) for years, Puccini’s  Turandot

But tonight a friend asked me to go with them to see it as they had been let down at the last minute .

I’m not asked very often so I jumped at the live showing of the Royal Opera House production .

Operas are often overlong, ( and this is no different ) but I loved Seok Jong Baek as the tubby Prince and

Sondra Radvanosky as Turandot and the 1980s staging was wonderfully impressive

Weaver & Roger’s Little Game

 

The game started on Saturday when I started nights 

I went to bed in the afternoon with Mary and Bun then joining us, frightened to be left out.

Weaver stood guard at the top of the stairs with narrow eyes

Roger was sat on the kitchen table watching the comings and goings in the lane

I almost fell asleep

But then Roger started his usual gallop up the stairs in a clumsy effort to join in.

Roger hasn’t quite mastered staircases, even at the robust age of 5 

He still sorts of runs at one full pelt and hopes for the best

And this time as he almost reached the top, legs spinning wildly, tongue lolloping out of the side of his mouth , when…

Weaver jumped out at him and chased him back down the staircase with a manical yowl and a paw swipe.

This pattern started to repeat itself again and again 

Dog versus cat

With cat winning every time

I had no sleep

They had the very best of times, and gasped like tired children at a garden party by the time I left for work

Like Roobarb and Custard on a repeat time frame.

Camp As Christmas

Next month I take my sister Janet to see the ballet Romeo and Juliet at the Royal Opera House. We are having lunch at the Opera House Cafe and so I think we need to dumb down the night before with a touch of camp. 

What could be better than a romp through the musical Titanique? 

I booked tickets today

Two very different nights out 

What fun 

 

Food Porn

 Positive thinking, I finished my presentation last night, plowed through the references and made a slow cook beef stew when I got home. I had forgotten the clocks went forward , what fun.

I hardly noticed that Bun and Weaver had spent most of their evening sitting inside the living room cupboards ( don’t ask) and remarkably not one bit of China was broken.

I’m off to bed, enjoy my food porn

Bra Straps

 I didn’t want to go to work yesterday. Having nearly three weeks off has done me good. 

But I did go, and it was incredibly busy.

Today I feel flat with two night shifts ahead and a presentation to finish. Funny how your mood can drop as quickly as it soared. So I went to bed. Mary under one arm Bun on top of me.

Chilli bean soup was bubbling away in the slow cooker when I got up and I cleaned the kitchen with purpose after eating two bowls until my lips went numb.

Bra straps ready pulled

I’m not letting a low mood win today

I’ve packed my study books and aim to finish the presentation on my breaks

I will leave you with this choir who are singing a version of the Finnish Reindeer song so loved by my choir

Gorse

It’s a lovely day in Trelawnyd today. I’m working overtime later and I’m finishing my presentation this morning, but I was out early walking the dogs.

The Gop is covered in golden gorse bushes which are in full bloom.

The hill looks glorious.

My cottage, looks neat and tidy too, I snapped a photo before collecting my McDonald’s porridge

Lou Sanders vs Joe Wilkinson - Naughty Taughty -

This is what we need in blogland right now. 

A bloody good laugh

Last One Laughing is a comedy show on Amazon I believe

I’ve not seen it fully, just relying on clips like this one to enjoy but the premise is simple

Ten comedy performers are locked together and they have to make each other laugh

The last one not to laugh is the winner

A simple parlour game , elevated by some cracking performances and golden pieces of TV 

No wonder the show has gone global

It’s an addictive watch 

This clip is better

Last Therapy

 

I had my last therapy session yesterday

It was my therapists last session before retirement 

The session went over by twenty minutes but neither of us said anything

We shook hands as I got up to leave and we both looked a little tearful 

An 80 year old therapist and her 62 year old client

“Be Happy and confident in what you do “ she said squeezing my hands as my grandmother or auntie 

Glad  would have done 

“I will miss you” I told her honestly 

“ I know” she replied, her old eyes twinkling. 

Reflection

 I’m writing a presentation today on a Gestalt therapeutic intervention 

After this I have one client presentation to write and give and one assignment on diversity in the workplace to complete. 

Then if I have all of my counselling hours in place by May I will graduate.

Three years have shot by and only now, do I feel that I could become an effective counsellor.

So what have I learnt in these years?

I’ve finally understood what a therapeutic relationship is and how, by walking beside someone who is actively engaged in therapy you can reflect and support and help with their ability to change.

I’ve learned to be still and to listen and to use supervision as a tool to learn and to grow

I’ve engaged with my own therapy and used it to understand my own motivations and patterns of behaviour

And I’ve realised the importance of self care, not only within the counsellor/ client relationship but generally in my everyday life

Obviously there are the academic theories and ideas to be added to this list, as well as IT skills and the like 

But I’m a very different person than I was three years ago

I’m kinder

Kinder to myself

I’m having my last personal therapy session this afternoon

Hence the reflection

He Used To Be Mine

This isn’t a love song

It’s a song about change

And is all about self awareness

It’s One of the most moving pieces of musical theatre I know

Flow

 The best film of 2025 so far is a strange rather epic post apocalyptic animation from Latvia. 

It’s a true delight. 

The narrative is seen through the eyes of a small grey cat who lives a quiet life in what we presume to be his or her former owner’s cabin

There are other animals living in this lush wilderness but no humans, and the animals act as animals do in this green world that is suddenly engulfed by a flood of biblical proportions .

Director Gints Zilbalodis keeps explanations minimal . The animals don’t speak, they have no names and for the most part they act as their species would dictate but when a damaged sailboat arrives five animals find themselves thrown together in an uneasy alliance . The pragmatic cat, a benign and calm Capybara, a dim Labrador , a loyal but aloof Secretary bird and a prissy lemur obsessed with trinkets meet by chance, and this group navigate deserted ancient mountain topped civilisations and their own innate animal drives to work together for a common good.

The obvious metaphor isn’t driven home too heavily , but you do find yourself rooting for this odd little band of brothers.in one of the most visually stunning films I’ve seen in a long time.

It’s rather delightful and a timely story given some of the Trump loving and nasty blog posts I’ve read recently 

 

Mindful

I’ve been home all day.

I’ve been mindful and still 

Listening to the radio with the fire lit uncharacteristically early. 

Donna Ockenden an interesting listen on Desert Island Discs)

And then reading on my bed, 

Not a novel but an interesting study of the treatment of PTSD.

I fell asleep for an hour and woke with the Welsh curled up either side of me and the twins at my feet with paws tucked under them making them look like egg sitting hens. 

I’ve always been moved by the animals’ need to sit with me

Tonight I’ve made noodle soup with ramen stock, chicken and pak choi, and the cottage feels toasty with the limestone walls warmed by the roaring log burner

The Welsh are sleeping. 

And the twins are in the bathroom play fighting in the shower cubical

 

People That Yell ( and plastic tulips)

 I cannot abide loud people

Specifically people who yell.

I have a neighbour who roars at his yappy dogs. 

He bellows and I’m sure has no inkling that he does so even though in a partially passive aggressive way, I often call back with a pointed call of  “Stop The Yelling” or my more favourite. always exasperated “ For Fuck’s Sake ! Shut the fuck up” 

I’ve never pretended to be Rachel Zegler.

Today I went to Sainsbury’s for breakfast ( avocado on sourdough with eggs) when in the next booth some great unwashed harridan decided to tell her teenage daughter off loudly, rudely, swearily and publicly. 

Did I say something?

You bet your arse I did and I would do it again in an instant

She spoiled my breakfast 

I turned around, looked the woman right in the face and told her “Will you STOP yelling” firmly and with as much distaste as I could muster at such an early hour.

I was wearing my third best Walking Dead T shirt, which I’m sure detracted slightly from my credibility, but the woman surprisingly shut up and didn’t follow through with any back chat which surprised me.

Before you say anything I know I am lucky.

Yelling accompanied by anger is a childhood fear.

Many children who suffer it regularly by angry parents often are timid and shy

And I was a shy child.

I’m catching up with home stuff today, and with the doors and windows open I hope the yappy dogs refrain and their loud owner is struck dumb

Otherwise I’m fucking playing Edith Piaf full blast.

After breakfast , and ignoring the nasty looks from the next table, I went to the village garden centre to buy some delicate violas and surprisingly some plastic tulips. 

The tulips will sit on the kitchen table and obviously won’t need water, water which Roger upsets regularly when he climbs up on the kitchen table in an attempt to see out of the kitchen window.

Covid 5 Years on The COVID Nun ( Revisited)

 BBC Radio 4 has been broadcasting a series of programmes exploring the ramifications of Lockdown.

I’ve been thinking about them, on my way home after a lovely day with Nigel in Chester, where we shared coffee and Phad Thai over tables together and sat and talked on a bench in the cathedral grounds.

We both had very different experiences of lockdown. 

He enjoyed his

I hated mine

Unlike millions of people, I worked full time on the front line. I wore PPE everyday and felt and looked like a pig in a condom But this story , out of everything is one that I remember about lockdown, and is one I choose to cherish 

My patient was admitted from home, incredibly poorly. Their family requested a Priest to be called , little did they know that unlike nurses and Doctors, Priests where not making hospice calls during covid

I stayed with the patient and hissed a request at a pragmatic smart support worker   “ Get Me A Nun”

During lockdown , it had been almost impossible to get any chaplaincy support, but knowing that there was a nearby Convent I thought a nun was better than nothing , and even though nuns can’t officially give the last rights they can provide their version of the prayer over the dying to give comfort.

An elderly nun duly arrived in what seemed only like a minute or so .she was well into her eighties and looked valiant as she glided in breathless but twinkle eyed. 

I had seldom seen anything so brave.

The nurses immediately surrounded her, 

Helping her into PPE and mask and gloves and  apron, with gentleness and respect

And clutching a bible and some holy water the nun hurried to the patient’s bedside seconds before they passed away

I wish the official inquest and the BBC had heard that story , which stands up with a thousand others that should be heard 

A brave old nun, not frightened or bowed by covid 

Doing the right thing at the right time

Glad

 It’s March 20th

14 days ago it was March 6th

I had forgotten the significance of that date until today

Back in 2015 it was my wedding day.

I’m glad I forgot, 

It says a lot of where my head is finally at 

I’m glad

Solar Panels

Mary in her new Jumper

Roger

 A few more pounds lost this week and I’m now back to what I weighed when I started at the hospice. 

I’ve decided that having a chronic condition will work to my advantage so I contacted the  rural Advice Wales department who deals with the energy efficiency of cottage properties like mine in Flintshire.

Apparently I am eligible for an air source heat pump and heating upgrade, a full home insulation job and a solar panel system for free! 

Bloody hell.

Bloody Hellllllllll

How good is that? 

The helpful man-on-the-phone laughed when I kept saying what’s the catch? 

Apparently there isn’t one ! 

The company that completes the work will be contacting me soon. 

I know several villagers who have had the work done, so I know it’s to the highest standard

Serendipity strikes again.

So today has been a chore day. The Welsh are having a groom and haircut so I’ve been out and bought Mary a jumper, given that the weather remains chilly. I will post a photo later when I have a mind to 

I’ve given Bluebell a jet wash , shopped and drank coffee in the nature reserve at Rhuddlan where I watched a group of swans push a floating log about a pond.

I’m now pottering around before collecting the dogs

aprendiendo a hablar español

 Today I’m in college and I’m staying late to study in the library, so todays post is an early indulgence 

Allesandra Fortuna is a cook who tucks her tea towel down her bra straps before getting stuck in making pasta from scratch. don’t you adore her? My plan is to visit Italy with my friend Nige in 2026

Our trip to Madrid seems real now as I’ve booked our tickets to see the lisping choir and Metropolitan Orchestra of Madrid. I’m also looking at booking a Spanish cooking afternoon “experience” too which sounds great fun ( sparked by the Italian video) , so it won’t surprise you that I’ve also decided to learn Spanish when I complete my counselling diploma . I will start that in September 

This impressed me too

And finally this , shivers up the spine 

The best mini series Anne with an A

Bluebell

 

Bluebell is in the garage having a pre MOT service. 

Like most old ladies, there are several worn out bits that need attention and she’s in for the full day which will be expensive. 

She’s been a good friend to me over the past seven years

A very good friend. 

Another year or two together will be great, but I suspect, as she’s around the clock

I will have to start saving for a replacement.

She has been good to me and good for me

And I shall miss her

When her time comes