I cannot abide loud people
Specifically people who yell.
I have a neighbour who roars at his yappy dogs.
He bellows and I’m sure has no inkling that he does so even though in a partially passive aggressive way, I often call back with a pointed call of “Stop The Yelling” or my more favourite. always exasperated “ For Fuck’s Sake ! Shut the fuck up”
I’ve never pretended to be Rachel Zegler.
Today I went to Sainsbury’s for breakfast ( avocado on sourdough with eggs) when in the next booth some great unwashed harridan decided to tell her teenage daughter off loudly, rudely, swearily and publicly.
Did I say something?
You bet your arse I did and I would do it again in an instant
She spoiled my breakfast
I turned around, looked the woman right in the face and told her “Will you STOP yelling” firmly and with as much distaste as I could muster at such an early hour.
I was wearing my third best Walking Dead T shirt, which I’m sure detracted slightly from my credibility, but the woman surprisingly shut up and didn’t follow through with any back chat which surprised me.
Before you say anything I know I am lucky.
Yelling accompanied by anger is a childhood fear.
Many children who suffer it regularly by angry parents often are timid and shy
And I was a shy child.
I’m catching up with home stuff today, and with the doors and windows open I hope the yappy dogs refrain and their loud owner is struck dumb
Otherwise I’m fucking playing Edith Piaf full blast.
After breakfast , and ignoring the nasty looks from the next table, I went to the village garden centre to buy some delicate violas and surprisingly some plastic tulips.
The tulips will sit on the kitchen table and obviously won’t need water, water which Roger upsets regularly when he climbs up on the kitchen table in an attempt to see out of the kitchen window.
Sometimes you just HAVE to respond to something, well done. Completely on the other end of the scale we saw and heard a young Mum stop her child from crossing the mid-section of the supermarket car park while a car reversed out of it's space, with a very quietly said ... 'here we don't just look left and right, we look for cars backing out of spaces before we cross'. He did exactly as he was told and they headed to their car. Alan said 'wasn't that refreshing'. It really was. Hope you have a lovely weekend. xx
ReplyDeleteI make it a point of praising good parenting with a smile .x
DeleteBravo for speaking up. It has taken me 60 years to understand and to somewhat come to grips with the sounds my mother made when she was angry. They still trigger dread in me.
ReplyDeleteTriggers are often misunderstood and therefore incredibly frightening , understanding your own is astep towards self awareness and self actualisation
DeleteGood for you. There are some dreadful parents in North Wales.
ReplyDeleteAnd there are some absolutely wonderful ones too, it's the same all over the world.
DeleteA stupid comment by a stupid anon
DeleteLee
Agreed Lee
DeleteHave you not walked around Prestatyn recently John? Full of dirty looking scummy people, it costs nothing to make an effort with your appearance.
DeleteThose plastic tulips look surprisingly real.
ReplyDelete🌷🌹💐🌺
DeleteYes, we always seem to end up sitting next to the loudest person in the place. And they never shut up! I wish I had the guts to ask them to tone it down a bit, but, as my mother said to me when she was near the end, "You've never liked confrontation, have you?" I like to think of it more as picking my battles!
ReplyDeleteLove the tulips. My, haven't plastic flowers come on since the days when you got a plastic flower with washing powder? Or are you too young to remember? xx
I'm not one for confrontation either, much to my m-i-ls annoyance. She loves a wind-up. Those plastic flowers were awful, weren't they. Was it with Daz?
DeleteI think you're right. Daz plastic flowers, the epitome of elegance! xx
DeleteI completely agree with this - but - in the last year I have caught myself being too loud when I speak. It has become a concern for me so I made an appointment to get my hearing checked. I know the difference between what you describe here and what I realize I am doing but it reminded me of it. As my aunt Florence used to say "I am getting on my own damn nerves!!" I love those cheerful yellow tulips :-)
ReplyDeleteThat’s honest of you. Bullies often shout to make a show of their victim. Some like this woman perhaps are just chaotic and naturally loud.
DeleteI’m still not sorry for speaking
I’m all for Edith Piaf. The teenager must have appreciated the intervention. Jean in Winnipeg
ReplyDeleteI never looked at her
DeleteWell done John . I’m convinced my decibel tolerance has decreased as I’ve got older and since Covid this country has got very “ shouty!! However when I’m in a cafe in Ireland and everyone is chatting and having the “ craic “ that’s a lively noise . Hope you grab some peace today !! X Bernie
ReplyDeleteWhere in Ireland are u
DeleteI’m an ex pat like Nu ! From Kilkenny but in uk since 1981 . Came to train as a midwife but then did DN and CNS in PAL care . Just retired and wondering g who I am outside of Nursing ! I’ll get there . Xx love your blog
DeleteSometimes a firm reprimand from a male is more effective than what is usually perceived as just a "whinge from a female", although I know that can also go horribly wrong!
ReplyDeleteA shout from a stranger can embarrass just enough
DeleteThink of it as having done a public service. That woman will likely not yell at her child in public again, so good on you. And p.s. I bet the daughter enjoyed seeing her mom put in her place.
ReplyDeleteI didn’t think, I just reacted
DeleteThose tulips look so real.
ReplyDeleteI’m pleased with them , they will save me money
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWell done for standing up against yelling. It is awful to be on the wrong end of yelling..and yelling is a sign that the yeller has "lost the plot"....
ReplyDeleteI hate yelling, even though I yell. I know, I'm a complicated, fucked up woman:)
ReplyDeleteMy dad was often angry and yelling and he terrified me. I'm glad you spoke up.
During my counselling I’ve often heard clients talk about childhood memories of temper
DeletePlastic flowers, are they around again? I remember when in my childhood, plastic roses were given away with washing powder, Daz I think. Mum also had some white Christmas roses to put with the decorations. I've built up quite a collection of different silk flowers since the nineties which I now bring out to place in front of the fireplace and change them to match the season. Currently I have daffodils and tulips in place. I do of course treat myself to real flowers too from time to time, but do have a garden full of daffodils at present which I never pick unless one gets bent over by the wind.
ReplyDeleteJean.
Yes I like the style of these, they are so real
DeleteWell done on telling her off. I am sorry your breakfast was ruined. I am a big fan of plastic flowers as the only flower shop 100 miles one way from here is anti LGBTQ and I am not going near them.
ReplyDeleteI still have my fresh flowers on my kitchen window edge as Alwys
DeleteLovely. I love real flowers too but I live in cold cold Canada and will see no real ones until late May.
DeleteAt first I missed that the tulips were plastic. I was like, "WHY won't they need water?!" So much for reading comprehension.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for speaking up to that woman. I was in a cafe once when an older woman at the next table began yelling into her phone. A man at the table on the other side said, "Can I help you in any way?" Which shut her up. I thought it was an imaginatively kind way to tell her to pipe down.
Yes, a good and practical response , I’m somewhat blunt at times, but only when I’m responding to aggression
DeleteSometime enough is really enough! I've never understood why some folks think yelling is acceptable communication in daily life. Am glad you spoke up and imagine others in the cafe area were also glad.
ReplyDeleteSmart move to put cheery plastic tulip where they won't cause the mess of live tulips if and when Roger knocks them over. Are they in a plastic vase so it won't get broken either?
DH is still miserable with the flu and I've just woken from 11 hours of sleep so hope I'm fighting those germs off!
Enjoy these wonderful days off!
Hugs!
Sleep is a great healer , I’m sleeping less because of the bright mornings
DeleteThank you for being the brave soul I wish I were. And, no, my parents were loving and didn’t yell but I’m still shy.
ReplyDeleteI’m not proud at shouting at the neighbour but I’d do it again
DeleteI loathe it when people shout at others - it’s not effective. My tolerance for noise was never particularly high and is getting lower with age. Also my tolerance for perfume/cologne/aftershave. I think people become nose blind and put on more and more. It is particularly annoying when people have doused themselves in something and then sit at the table next to me whilst I am eating!
ReplyDeleteYes the older I get, the less tolerant I am but I love sniffing expensive scents on people as well as plain old soap
DeleteI have come to the opinion those that wear too much perfume and such , haven't had a bath in awhile and are trying to cover up BO.
DeleteEdith Piaf should be played at every opportunity also Etta James.
ReplyDeleteI do feel sorry for your neighbours dog being shouted at. Hopefully the owner
will get a sore throat.
Irene
He shouts at them all, I know all their names by heart
DeleteThose tulips look amazing, but I would never leave them in Roger’s way. The cats dictate where I put things. Wouldn’t want to inconvenience them. I grew up in a home of yelling, mostly my father’s, and his rages were terrifying. We lived in an apartment building so I know people heard. Some really nice neighbors on another floor clearly knew and were so kind to me when we shared an elevator and even asked me some suspiciously pointed questions. I only once answered honestly. My heart breaks when I hear parents yelling at their kids and speaking cruelly.
ReplyDeleteRoger isn’t a chewer
DeleteSo the tulips are safe.
He is however terribly clumsy and a vase with water in it would be sent fling
I think sometimes you/John enjoy a good confrontation! Maybe you're a bit irritable that day and it serves a ''letting off steam'' purpose? Or you just reach a point of ''fed up"? My parents yelled some, but it never bothered me, an angry silence is so much scarier. Then when I worked in NY's garment world, temper tantrums and yelling were a given. It was theater, no one was really angry---just--volatile, voluble divas. It was quite fun.
ReplyDeleteRoger will prob eat the tulips? If you keep the chairs pushed all the way in he probably can't get up on the table? But the plastics look good, we'd never have known.
lol I love the way you give advice , as if I’m not 62 years old lol . I don’t like confrontation but I Dont shirk from it either . I hate bullying of any kind, and I hate people using loudness to make a point too.
DeleteCalling the neighbours out is a case of overload, there is no peace in my own garden
I understand the irony of me shouting backi conceded that .
Roger climbs on the table from the arm chair
I apologize. Of course you know best and know what works etc, sorry.
DeleteGood idea to get plastic tulips. As long as none of the animals eat them, you'll have them for future years too!
ReplyDeleteMy grandmother had plastic tulips too I seem to remember, she wouldn’t of wasted her money on bought flowers
DeleteThe tulips look so real! I’ve always become unsettled when others yell. Irritates some people when I don’t respond to it when issues are being discussed. Inside my stomach is in knots and I try not to cry or tremble.
ReplyDeletePerhaps my physicality of response is flight or fight in nature
DeleteI tend toward introversion and find loud boorish people frustrating and annoying. I have never had an abundance of patience. I find myself exclaiming "For fucks sake!" more often as I get older. Time is running short. I have fewer fucks to give. (That doesn't sound quite right, but I'm going to just leave it there).
ReplyDeleteWill Jay
No I get you will….only too well. I’m not proud of shouting at my neighbours but I’ve done it nevertheless
DeleteI am thinking about countering shouting with a good hearty outburst of "roll out the barrel" or some such.
ReplyDeleteWhen my neighbours behind me get loud in the summer, I play bagpipe music very loud to annoy them. I think Edith Piaf would be a treat. I have had those tulips in red for many years and they are in a box of stuff ready to donate but on seeing the price of real tulips this morning, I think I will be keeping them.. The price of real ones has more than doubled since last year. I lived in a very quiet house, no arguing, no yelling, so it really upsets me to hear that stuff. Even in my first marriage our interactions were not loud, just hurtful to me. I really like peace and quiet, and being by myself now, thats what I get. I usually play music or have the TV on for some semblance of a life. Gigi
ReplyDeletePoor dear Roger needs a perch at the window sill - we finally rearranged the living room so the dogs can sit on the sofa back and see out the window - not the best arrangement for humans but we make do. Even as a rather elderly adult I tend to cry when people shout - very humiliating for me but it does tend to shut things down now, as a child it just caused more yelling.
ReplyDeleteCheers, Ceci
I tend to keep quiet. Maybe I am a coward. The other day, riding on a bus, a young woman had her feet up on the rear seat right next to a sign that said, "PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOUR FEET UP ON THE SEAT". She was immersed in her smartphone world. I was sorely tempted to confront her but I didn't because I was not in the mood for any kind of kickback. Perhaps I should have taken a leaf out of your book.
ReplyDeleteI do not like yelling of any kind and am not afraid of conflict.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, some people think the louder they speak the more forceful they are. Put a loud voice with aggression and I lose all respect for the individual and hold said individual accountable for their statement(s)/action(s). They usually decide not to take me on.
Good for you! (On that 'shut up' tirade) Too many of us sit and take it.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I wish I could change in my life is yelling at my children when they were young. All adults now and I have told them how sorry I am of my yelling. Ugh. I am 69 years old and still think about it often. Regrets…..Kathy
ReplyDeleteYelling at and telling people off is not in my nature to do so. Having been a teacher the worst thing you can do in a classroom is yell and tell students off in front of others. It means you have lost control of the situation. I would rather speak with someone quietly or just give them the evil eye. My sons used to tell me I had a killer stare that did the trick!
ReplyDeletePerhaps I am a coward though . I have often thought of putting dogs poo in dreadful neighbours letter boxes but wonder if they could ask the authorities to do a DNA test!
There are artificial flowers and "plastic tragics". The clever trick is using high quality artificial flowers IN SEASON, and using some real live greenery as well. Many years ago a fantastic arranger did our church's flowers like that, and they were stunning. I can't bear shouting - there're a group of people who come to our cafe every week after they've been swimming and their ears are blocked, so they SHOUT at each other. It is the pits! As a teacher I learnt that dropping your voice and speaking very quietly was far, far more effective than raising your voice. And my gorgeous children were just wonderful!.
ReplyDeleteI read only this morning that yelling at a barking dog just makes it think that you are joining in! I really must stop shouting " quiet" at my yappy little darling! I have found that a tin with stones in it, rattled at the barking works a treat...perhaps you could suggest this to your neighbour?
ReplyDelete( the dog in the thumbnail pic isn't the barking one....we lost him to cancer in December..he only ever barked at the doorbell.....new one is a rescue maltichon )
Oh, Neighbours, aren't they just wonderful. The idiot (yes) next door shoveled all the snow off his deck over the fence into my yard. They have a large yard, but he said he was sharing. So I did the same to him. He got mad at me . The Neighbour on the other side is really a winner. We have a shared path, in winter they shovel their path to where it meets up with mine and then stop. They walk through the snow on mine to get to the street . When I get really fed up with them , a very loud F You works , at least for me .
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of neighbors, have you met the people that bought the house you posted recently? Sorry, I don't remember the previous owner's name even though I know you have told us.
ReplyDeleteAs a child, I had a friend who was Italian, and she had a large family, like 10 kids or so, and she was the youngest. I loved her family, but they were loud, and everyone yelled. Constantly. It really was something for me to wrap my head around, that people could be yelling their heads off and nobody was going to be punched.
ReplyDeleteCultural differences greatly influence how a person behaves as an individual, in a collective and other complexities. As one comment here says, Italians ARE loud by nature, as are the Spanish, etc. People whose physical agility due to disability or arthritis shout, usually, as a way to to attract attention until they can physically get closer. Western psychology/counselling tends to be "one size fits all" without any consideration for cross-cultural diffences which extends to perceptions from upbringing rather than experiencing. Body language and gesticulations. Was this woman raised in a different culture to that of her own? Was she deaf? Deaf people or partial hearing are loud and often heavy handed. Mental health issues where people are loud are viewed as spititual issues in many traditional cultures. Europe especially, is a blend of so many cultures and beliefs attempting to integrate, mostly not very successfully.
ReplyDeleteShoulda woulda couda
DeleteAnon is another asshole
DeleteLee
Or, someone born with a disability into a multicultural family, where one side is considered loud and the other, considered measured, and who has grown up around the world. Every person has their story, and emotional baggage. Some do the work and are sel aware, others do not and suffer the emotional pain.
Delete