3\4 Rainbow

Three quarter the way through night shifts

And Dorothy has now mastered sleeping with me and Mary during the day in bed without losing control of her bladder.

As you can imagine, it makes for a more peaceful day all round.

She still has to get as close as is bulldog-ly possible in order to watch me sleep and more importantly breath, but after the first half hour of anxiety filled dread, she finally relaxes enough to sleep herself, that is,  after she hears me snore like a pig a sound that presumably reassures her that I haven’t slipped away in my sleep. 

The village wardens have all reported in to our leader the Velvet Voiced Linda yesterday evening before I set off for Llandudno which was nice

There was much light hearted discussion about reinstating village stocks after one rather grumpy member of the warden group complained about lights being left on in the village hall but no one had any real news, given the lockdown.

We were all hoping for some sort of social gathering before Christmas....hummm that looks unlikely unless the 30 people outdoor rule changes

My sister Janet visited yesterday afternoon too, but didn’t disturb me as she left a gift in the box by the front door.

A gay rainbow for my window, which was nice.

I’ve been reading about the history of the rainbow flag.

It’s not only the adopted flag of the LGBTQ community ( circa 1970) but also the International peace flag 

It’s brightened the cottage on a very blustery and wet weekend.

dysgu Cymraeg

The Welsh language is a sing song language

It’s musical and very complicated to learn.

I’m beginning to understand more than I ever thought possible

This is a product of working with more Welsh speakers both as colleagues and as patients 

The secret with Welsh is that the Spoken sentences are often constructed back to front 

Let me give you an example 

When you want to say something like 

“Good morning , sorry I am late”

The Welsh will say 

“Bore da, mae’n ddrwg gen i fy mōd Yn hwyr”

Which Literally translates as 

“Morning Good , it’s bad for me, the time late“

Yes complicated but it kinda makes sense after a while

I will leave you with one of the most lyrical and beautiful of Welsh Hymns

Calon Lân which means a Pure Heart

Nos da

Night good!

Films & Books

I think I’m going to lay low this month

It’s not out of choice, believe me.

The lockdown over the North Wales coast coupled with a month filled with night shifts have effectively pushed me into a cul-de-sac of antisocial activity. 

The night money will come in handy. 

The invoice from Mary’s vet came today 😳

At least her infected ear seems better

It fucking well should be for £180 !!

I have decided that I will have to fill the void with some old fashioned winter pursuits, namely reading and video watching. The reading of good books has been put on the back burner since Chris left so over the last two days I’ve done some research and have ordered a load of second hand books on Amazon

Giovanni Room by James Baldovir, Tales of the City by Amistead Maupin, A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara and You Know Me Well by David Levithan and Nina LaCour

All gay themed and interesting sounding.

I’ve also bought a whole plethora of esoteric dvds  Such as  some Korean Horror movies  like The Wailing and Flu as well as a selection of classics that I feel I know but have never watched 

George Cukor’s The Women, John Ford’s Stagecoach, Fellini’s La Dolce Vita are just a few films on order 

I’m almost impressing myself 

Let’s hope the reality is as impressive

The Walking Dead season 10 finale ( spoilers)

 

Old friends Carol and Daryl

I found the finale on YouTube last night

This happens sometimes if you are lucky 

So I watched it before it could be deleted.

It airs in the US on Sunday

Only read on if you want to know what happened

I guess with Covid rules applying to filmmakers, it is understandable that the finale lacked some of the epic feel of those past. Beta for example gets killed in a somewhat underwhelming way that if you sort of blink and you’ll miss it. The same can be said for Maggie’s return, which seemed totally filled with serene smiles and as for the collective populations of Oceanside, Kingdom, Hilltop and Alexandria all climbing Unseen down a lift shaft to safety, well you have to use your imagination for that.

No the finale was somewhat of an anticlimax  but it had its strengths 

The scenes between Daryl and Carol were movingly observed as were those between Carol and Lydia perhaps finally Carol can mother the daughter she needs so much.....we have only one more series to go to see.

It’s time for The Walking Dead to finish now

Of the entire franchise it’s had the best characters and the best plot lines but it has also suffered from some  Mistakes in storytelling which disappoint and spoil the whole.

But I was still moved with what I saw last night

Gran Fry

I was reading The Lost Language Of Cranes By David Leavitt with my feet in the sun which created a rectangle of gold on the new carpet framed by the little square living room window

The cottage faces south and by 1pm the stone front has become quite warm after the autumn chill of last night.

I must of fallen asleep, just for a moment 

But as my eyes opened and head jerked back slightly the room was suddenly filled with the scent of cold cream and talcum powder.

It was intense and almost overwhelming 

and it was as if my grandmother has just bustled past,

Her big arms filled with laundry 

Her face wide from smiling 

A broad plain blue dress with short sleeves and a short apron

She’s been gone some thirty seven years now

And just occasionally 

I do miss her so 

Comfort Food

 

Chadwick Boseman a sad loss recently

It was a good job that I didn’t understand the new lockdown rules in Flintshire last night when I had that run in with the two “ ladies” last night 

If I had I would have said a little more than just cheap shoes!

The new lockdown in Flintshire has been a terrible disappointment 

Organised cinema trips To Chester are now cancelled , meet ups with Liverpool friends postponed and even our 1940 s moustached choir master is now isolated along the coast, unable to meet us outside our choir venue.

These little luxuries of social contact have been a life saver 

Now many are on hold.

Anyhow I’m luckier than most , so I’ll shut the fuck up...I thought this , at lunch with a friend today when I learned he was about to lose his job thanks to the virus 

All I could do was to treat him to the meal and to listen 

Not much in the great scheme of things

It’s wet and miserable tonight

Sod the diet...comfort food and a real fire is the ticket tonight

A dvd Black Panther and Homemade cottage pie 

I haven’t got much to complain about 

Cheap Shoes

 

I don’t pretend to be nice all of the time.

Certain trolls will bust their pantyhose at the chance to remind you all of this fact.

I won’t disagree 

I can be a real bitch when I’m in the mood.

More about this later, firstly, I must big up Y Shed cafe again. I met my friend Ruth and after a nice walk with the dogs we chatted for hours over a very passable corned beef hash and coffee

Quite lovely in fact

That was this afternoon

Later on, I was indulging in a loud debate with a fellow customer at the checkout in Tesco 

I wasn’t happy.

I wasn’t happy at all. 

I noticed the woman and daughter were not wearing masks as they were yelling at each other about the cost of some luxury ice cream . The younger woman had a baby looped over her arm. 

I gave them a wide birth, out of range of any droplet splatter

Later on, of course, they came up behind me at the checkout .

Loud and brazen 

It’s called sod’s Law

I caught the older woman’s eye and asked her “why no face mask ?”

I had to repeat myself as she couldn’t hear me

“ what’s it to you ?” She snapped back 

“ I’m a nurse and I wear one to protect you as well as myself “ I told her

“ Oh Fuck off “ the younger woman raised her voice “ mind your business “

The cashier looked at me pleading for the argument not to go any further

So I shook my head in a patronising way and looked down 

Both women were wearing plastic sandals below Stretch leggings 

and I resorted to the old tried and tested

“ Cheap Shoes !” I said and the younger woman countered with a “ yer what? “ 

“C h e a p  s h o e s “ I said clearly and rather too loudly 

And I could see the cashier half smile as I walked away 

Ps..local lockdowns in Flintshire and Denbighshire start on Thursday

Pps thank fuck I was wearing my blue brogues rather than my Aldi crocs lol 

A Stream Of Thoughts

 Only 48 hours or so after I publicly announced that I am happy being single 

I have been propositioned by two men. One, I haven’t heard from in a long time ,texted me hoping for a quick roll around in the sheets 

The other had more obscure needs and wanted a Sort of date. 

I’ve politely refused both.

Being asexual is en trend so they say.

So does this mean that I am finally grown up ? or is it as Rachel Philips perfectly explained that us singleton’s  living main benefit is

“.....being answerable only to myself is doing what I like, when I like, how I like and at whatever time of the day I like.”

Yesterday around 4 pm I found that I couldn’t sleep and so I got up, donned my fourth favourite Walking Dead T shirt And pants ! and took Winnie and Albert for a short walk into the churchyard.( I had gotten up a few hours earlier and had dropped off the younger girls at Trendy Carol’s )

Winnie is incredibly slow now and Albert seemed to chivvy her along with morale boosting slides under her chin with his entire body but it still took a good seven minutes to walk up the lane and through the lytchgate .

It was warm and sunny and from our bench we lazily  watched the lane as Mrs Trellis tottered down with Blue she left a carrier bag on the kitchen wall which later I found out contained a home made egg custard , three rustic napkins and somewhat strangely a set of pencils tied together with a piece of wool.

The day before my elder sister left bags containing jigsaws, a homemade cake, snowdrop bulbs and a book

That kitchen garden wall seems to possess great magical properties I thought.

A place for gifts!

It has been for years now.

As Mrs Trellis tottered down the lane I was listening to this piece of music. 

It’s Exsultate Justi from Empire of the Sun 

Somewhat oddly her steps fell in time with the beat of the music and it has sudden become her anthem. Music and Trellis as one as it were.

It seems to capture her nervous vitality quite wonderfully, especially as her Bobble hat “ bobbed “ Smartly as the sopranos trilled 

Days off ! four full days off 

What to do?....got tickets to see the indi coming of age movie Rocks. An “ in bubble” friend is coming for dinner and am meeting another friend for lunch 

I’m going to rebook a pottery class too

I will leave you with two beautiful  women

The Second Hill from The Left

 Oh Lord I’m only two nights in and I’ve gone a bit stir crazy 

So I got up, washed my face , packed Bluebell with uniform, food and books and drove to Colwyn Bay where a walk on the Promenade before work was in order

No one at work knows where I live, so to make it easier for them I point across the bay and say my village is under the second hill from the left 

It’s a sixty mile round trip, home -work-home 

The second Hill a little clearer

I walked down the Promenade with the wind stinging my face , then drove to West Shore in Llandudno to watch the Sunset from the beach next to the  hospice grounds.

Sometimes you just need the shock of the cold to remind yourself things are ok.

The wind turbine that powers Porth Eirias, which is a sea sports centre and restaurant in Colwyn Bay

which is a coastal town on the way to Llandudno

Looking West from Colwyn Bay to Llandudno 

The sunset last night from outside the Hospice on West Shore  Llandudno

I will leave you with some followers favourite cafe and bars.......

Nothing

I am totally devoid of news

I’m out of stories

I haven’t any films to review

Supernova is out soon with Stanley Tucci and Colin Firth as middle aged husbands facing one partner’s dementia 

I’ll pass on that one 

The hospice is quiet still and we cannot make work where is there is non.

I’ve downloaded the new COVID app 

Apparently it’s active and scanning

Another two nights to go

Let’s throw caution to the wind and open a tin of salmon

 

I’m working night shift and the hospice is uncharacteristically quiet.

I’ve completed all of my on line training and updated my revalidation documents and I have researched papers to support my interest in starting some informal staff support meetings around case reviews.

and I have just eaten a healthy supper of gnocchi, asparagus and sugar snap peas tossed in garlic and basil 

The title is a saying pinched from a friend of a friend

It means smile and glide and be kind to yourself 

My healthy eating is a part of that...being kind to myself

It’s something many of us are poor at.

Ive just listened to a message from my niece in law she was discussing Bake Off. 

My nephew Leo has just texted a message that he agrees with my thought that Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure was a bit rude.

Gorgeous Dave wants to catch up soon, Kim isn’t looking for a date. 

Ruth and I are planning to visit South Korea, Nu’s  off to Ireland

I’m fortunate  for the distractions and the company

I’ve come to another conclusion that I’m single and I’m ok with it. 

The world of  mature gay men seems to be fraught with complications, baggage and a little bit of drama

Open relationships are often the norm, apps and expectations are confusing, fickle and seem to have rules of their own 

Rules that I’m not really privy to

Friends without frills are the order of the day for me.

Friends are uncomplicated and are always welcome

That simple tin of salmon will suffice nicely

I will leave you with a few of my followers favourite bespoke eateries 

Cafe Society

 

The former Glass Lounge in Colwyn Bay

I have two favourite cafes in North Wales 

One has gone out of business and has shut for good.

The other re opened the other day and is holding on by the skin of its teeth.

The one that has closed had a rather stern barista and wonderful food.  The barista , some may recall spent almost two hours listening to an interview I had with my divorce mediator and at one emotional moment came to the table with a jug of iced water and napkins !

I’m so sorry she’s gone.

Y shed in Meliden

The other cafe at “ y shed” is modern and adaptable. It is situated in a converted railway shed and welcomes walkers and their dogs. I went today for breakfast and noticed Dorothy in one of the snap shots the owner takes of the canine visitors .

I ordered a large coffee and breakfast

The waitress thought I ordered a large everything so I was faced with a belly buster meal.

I can’t now eat for the rest of the day

I overpaid the bill in a gesture of support 

“ It’s just nice to have you back” I told the owner.....

We need to support these small businesses 

So please take a photo of your local coffee shop, or tea room or restaurant Or takeaway and send me the photo

jgsheffield@hotmail.com

Let’s big them all up 

And finally today I will leave you with Andy Grammer singing his own song

It’s infectious 

70 Cocktail Sausages !

 

In between kitchen cupboard cleaning and organising 

I went to the cinema to see The Roads Not Taken .

The beautiful Selma Hayek 

A day in the life of Leo ( Javier Bardem) a Mexican author suffering from a dementia like mental illness , isn’t an easy watch.

As Leo is taken to routine visits to the dentist and optometrist by his daughter Molly ( Ellie Fanning) we glimpse two former periods of his life, which are either muddled and sporadic memories or present day hallucinations and the film is a relentless study of a mind fragmented and a psychi blunted 

Don’t go and see it if you are at a low ebb.....

Bardem who is usually so animated and watchable in his movies captures that faraway vagueness of dementia quite brilliantly and Selma Hayek is worth watching too in a smallish but vital role as his grief stricken first wife

Hummmm yes depressing stuff

So on a brighter note, 

When I was out walking the younger dogs Winnie broke into a full shopping bag without breaking a dozen eggs and managed quite deftly to break open a container of 70 cocktail sausages ( 2 weeks treats ) and ate the lot

She remains unrepentant and rather flatulent after my return home

The cottage smells of pork

Sorting

A nice moment of total control in this uncertain world

No covid

Blogger playing up

No rules

No work

No people with their mouths open like naked baby birds 

It’s Raining hard outside

And I am ordering my kitchen cabinets 

One by one

Bliss

Bake Off

 I forgot bake off had started tonight 

Nuala messaged me and I caught up just in time 

As usual a nice lot... but a general representation of London UK not general UK 

Not many gays this year Too ! 

I’m disappointed in Matt Lucas.....

The Broken Hearts Gallery

I’ve been well overdue for a rom com, so one set in a beautifully photographed New York with a likeable cast and a witty script was just up my street today.

The Broken Hearts Gallery fits the bill nicely .

Although wordy ( blink and you will miss the machine gun delivery ) this is a story that will touch everyone who has been dumped in a relationship.

Geraldine Viswanathan 

Lucy Gulliver( Geraldine Viswanathan ) is a twenty something gallery supervisor who hordes memorabilia from every failed relationship She has ever been in . After being fired from her job after been dumped by her boss boyfriend she bumps into Cute as a button Nick ( Dacre Montgomery) Who is trying to built a bespoke  hotel and by chance opens up an art gallery in the Hotel’s  balcony , an art gallery filled with the public ‘s saved Souvenirs from past relationships .

Of course the plot after this isn’t rocket science to work out , but if you add to the mix Lucy’s wisecracking flatmates, Nick’s best friend Marcos (Arturo Castro) - who looks and sounds like an young Bill Murray and a botoxed to death Bernadette Peters as a wacky art expert you can see that writer and director Natalie Krinsky has thrown everything but the kitchen sink into this her first film .

The adorable Dacre Montgomery 

Generally the movie works. 

It’s amusing and sweet despite given a slightly hardened and foul mouthed New York tinge.

Viswanathan is sassy and bright in the lead. Montgomery is very easy on the eye and cries more than the heroine and the supporting cast is likeable and memorable and look like they enjoyed acting out the bright and sharply observed script.

In one interesting scene Lucy is finally able to dump an unsuitable boyfriend and her words to him  resonate amid the laughs “ You are the hero of your own love life And the villain in mine,!”

If you need an amusing , light romantic movie to fill a dull afternoon...try it out

Octopus

 

My kitchen is looking more colourful of late

I noticed this this morning when I made pea and ham soup thickened with butternut squash and flavoured with extra garlic

The octopus dish I treated myself from John Lewis yesterday looks mighty fine and rather cheerful

I’m liking the splashes of colour

Going to the cinema later and have booked another cinema trip tomorrow 

Review later 

MND

For those that don’t know , my brother died nine years ago of motor neurone disease 

It’s a cruel disease, possibly the cruelest and strange as it may seem North Wales has a cluster of people diagnosed with the condition 

The three hospices of North Wales often take these patients in for symptom relief, respite  and for end of life care and their care is usually challenging and intense .

Communication of needs is often the major difficult area to nurse and something like the “ simple” positioning of a limb can take an hour to achieve correctly 

Perhaps now you can understand why I had such a hard shift the other night.

Now I’m not being dramatic here. 

I am good at distancing myself from situations that can suddenly become personalised 

Most nurses of a certain age, have to be

But motor neurone patients have special needs and those are ones that we all take for granted 

They need to be understood and they need to feel empowered 

Looking after them can leave you worrying that you’ve failed them 

and I always thought I could have done more for my brother.

So caring for them, can be particularly challenging 

I admitted a patient with MND the other night 

The night I got home very late

A friend and colleague has just texted me to tell me that they had died peacefully..... 

Too sudden but fortunate with the hospice care

And I took the dogs out for a walk in the now cold night 

And in the darkness of the still village

I remembered a lot of stuff running around my head 

And had a brief cry

Tantrums

 

The vet’s bill hasn’t arrived as yet

Mary has has a special “ pellet “ of antifungal meds placed inside her ear canal and she is looking brighter for it even though her already selective hearing has become even more selective 

A new smiley and rather smarmy vet has started at the practice And he didn’t ingratiate himself with me especially after referring to Mary as looking a bit tatty

“ You don’t look all that spruce yourself “ I countered to little effect. 

Never insult the dog of an old queen 

We never forget 

I’m having a mooch day today which is involving sharing the new sofa with Dorothy ( an activity designed to reduce her anxiety and jealous feelings of the other dogs.

Dorothy was Sooooo pissed off

It’s not working as you can see.

As Mary has just joined us

Dorothy is now  in a foul mood 

Foul

I’ve made pesto and sour dough bread this morning and my friend Colin is coming for dinner later which will be nice ( before the trolls say anything he’s in my bubble) 

I’ve just listened to the Whitty and Valance Speech on COVID too

Things seem a little glum and I wonder what gems Boris will come out with tomorrow 

It feels how we just have to live with COVID now and for some the axe will fall

Still maintaining “Dorothy “ time 

I’ve paid bills online, watched the trailer of the Walking Dead finale which airs in two weeks and written some emails 

And after Mary went off to mooch elsewhere Dorothy has had me all to herself 

And her sulking and tantrums subsided to a peaceful hug and her face on my feet 

 I need to get up soon 

The grass needs mowing 

Friends

Me, Sara, Eleanor and Pask

Chic Eleanor picked me up around noon

No pashmina but she was sporting a very expensive Italian scarf which was looped informally around her neck

“ Darling John “ she purred behind her face mask as she stopped “ it’s been too long!”

We didn’t kiss as we usually do

We met friends Sara and Pask up the Conwy valley and was treated to a real Italian meal with four courses, antipasti ( and a special  scotch egg just for me), orecchiette pasta, locally caught muscles in garlic and white wine and meringue with raspberries 

It was lovely 

Quite lovely 

My scotch egg antipasti