An Apology

I'm working tonight, infact I'm working three nights this week, this is why I was so miffed with the vet cancellation....I'd picked Monday as an ideal day in which to sort things out.
Earlier I received an email from a follower of Going Gently 
Politely and with some feeling they informed me that they would no longer be following my blog and their reasons of unaknowledgement is understandable.

"they have made a difference by interacting in your day and you in theirs and isn’t that what a friendship is all about wether it is in person or virtual – being ignored is demoralising particularly when it matters."

I am aware that since Easter I have not been so robust in my answering of blog comments, and for this Basic lack of politeness I am sorry. I have tried to answer some comments but perhaps even this ad hoc nature of interaction could be seen as "favouring the few" so to speak, and so in the future I will try and be a little more proactive.

Tom Stephenson has told me off for similar offences before and I now hold my hands up for being remiss.
In my defence , all I can say that I have been remiss in many things over the past few months.
I haven't even read the correspondence I received from my solicitors two weeks ago.

Hey ho

Dark skies

The  dark nights of winter are here and my pumpkin faces down the lane, warding off bad karma and the ill will of strangers .

Les Choristes

Sometimes things conspire to make customer service a thing of rarity

Mary's operation was cancelled this afternoon and the attention I received by the practice receptionist after I had driven 17 miles to collect her was so atrocious I almost lost my temper in a packed waiting room.

I am glad I didn't, but  after a calming journey through the Welsh countryside on the way home I was still icy cold with the practice manager when I phoned up to " discuss the cock up"

This piece of music by Bruno Coulais from the French film Les Choristes helped my blood pressure return to normal.........it's quite lovely

My Little Girl

She's last on the surgical list today as her ear op is classed as a " dirty op" but I have to drop her off at 9am.....she doesn't do well without me
I've gone all a bit nervous about it all, which I recognise says more about my year than it does about her surgery, but I'm terrified at losing her.
All of my animals hold a special place in my heart but only Mary goes absolutely everywhere with me...I'm never a single with her on my arm
It's a stressful day today

Ps haven't I got small ears?

"DON'T !!!!!"

As it turned out " The Horne Section" proved to be a very amusing night. Little Alex Horne is one of my guilty man crushes so it was always going to be an entertaining evening, but having said this, I did have to negiotiate one rather sticky moment right at the start of the performance .

Chester Theatre Filling up

As many comics do, Horne organised an audience participation exercise in order to loosen everyone up. Now I have always hated this sort of activity. "Hysterical moments" with absolute strangers, I can do without, I really can , and so when Little Alex Horne suggested an audience wide game of twister, my blood ran just a bit cold.

" Touch the head of the person sitting to your right" Alex ordered and plonk, the slightly drunk man next to me landed a sweaty palm on my crown
" Now reach forward and whisper something rude to the person in front of you"
Thankfully the hand disappeared but I did hear a young woman behind me say " Cock and Balls" to the back of my head.
"Now place your right leg in between the knees of the person on your right" Alex ordered..
Before anything moved, I hissed out a loud " DON'T!" at the drunk guy on my left  who thankfully complied with my request with an somewhat shocked look on his face.
Thank goodness the rest of the evening concentrated more on the performances than with the audience.
I even hate that moment in church when the vicar asks you to greet the people around you
It's a pet peeve that has never left me...
And it never will

Today is coldish but bright and Mary and I went to Colwyn Bay beach to have Brunch at the outside cafe on the Prom. Homemade chicken and sweet corn soup and fat bastered thick buttered toast.
I counted 15 dogs all sat with their owners at the cafe....it was a treat for both of us.....tomorrow Mary goes in for her ear operation 🙁

Alex Horne of the

Horne Section 

My guilty man crush

Who is your guilty crush????? 

Bra Straps

I started to write Going Gently twelve years ago
It was as I told in its " introduction" , a chronicle of how a city boy adapted to village life and this diary morphed over the years into a film review, animal update and dogsbody diary of sorts.
Recently it has ambled back into diary mode, where it has provided me with a safe haven, where some dark and sad thoughts are laid to rest.
Those thoughts, of course , have been sanitised too
The written word is not always the best places for soul searching , especially if it is in the public domain.

After a quiet but indulgent night with a bar of galaxy and a zombie movie, it's time for a bit of bra strap pulling. I took my Sally Field autobiography to the book swap his morning and swapped it for Paul O Grady 's .
There were a few sore heads drinking coffee at the hall this morning after the wine tasting evening  last night. I've promised to go to the next one .
I like the way the book swap coffee mornings have evolved into something more sociable.
Small groups of villagers were chatting, some standing some sitting and in one corner a group of kids were playing with a game or sorts.
Newspapers are provided for those who just want a drink and a read and Bethan's collection of books and dvds available for swapping would rival anything seen in WHSmiths .
I said hello to a few faces and chatted to Terry, Ann, Ian and Matriach Irene, all wanted to know how Winnie was doing.
I'll take her along next time.

I think I've told you before, that weekends are the hardest days to cope with when you are suddenly single. They are synonymous with couple activity whether it be banal, routine or social and often now on a Saturday especially I feel as though I am revving a car down a one way street with no where to go.
It's a strange feeling.
So today I've done something about it . I've been to the book swap, am just about to pile the dogs into Bluebell for a walk and tonight I am going to the Chester Storyhouse on my own to see The Horne Section, a musical comedy group headed by Alex Horne who co hosts one of my favourite tv shows Taskmaster. 
I don't want to be single, I don't want to do things on my own.
But I recognise that sitting in PJs, even if it is in front of a lovely log burning stove on a cold night , is not always the best course of action.
I also recognise too that I am responsible for not always initiating similar, more stimulating nights out before my marriage split, but it's easy to be wise after the event, especially when reminded by the pangs of loneliness.......
So...it's tits up and tits out!
Tighten bra straps!
And
Chocks away!

Not everything goes right in life

Hey ho

Home

There is a singer on at The Crown tonight, Boffin Cameron has been promoting them.
And in the Hall there is a wine tasting evening .
A friend invited me to the theatre
And The Wife is showing locally
But I just can't be arsed going out
It's cold outside and the log burner is roaring
And I think there's a small bar of chocolate in the back of the fridge.

Terracotta Army....

It's nice to be city bound occasionally
Lunch at the Indian street food restaurant Mowgli followed by a mooch around a nice museum with a squint at seven very handsome and smiley Chinese mausoleum guards to boot!
Too bad they were made from terracotta...they were seven big hunks of spunk

The exhibition at Liverpool's World Museum has been sold out throughout its run, which is a testament to how such a vast memorial has captured the imagination.
I see that a few bloggers have seen the original Army in situ which , I think must have been an amazing experience....

City Visit

Tell more later

Rehab and Other Stories

When it comes to rehabilitation I am a sort of a knowledgable pratitioner when it comes to motivation. For years I used a sort of pragmatic, warm and humorous approach when mobilising young people in their wheelchairs for the first time, a time which is fraught with issues that can zap the psychological strength out of even the most robust of characters. 

Rehab in animals can run on similar lines, but employing bribery and treats can work much quicker and more effectively than they do in their human counterparts.

Winnie's rehab after her stroke has been Bluebell.  Every day I have rattled the car keys by the back door ( a signal all of the dogs understand as " car trip")  and a minute later she has joined the pack, waiting patiently for leads to be put on. 

Now initially she had to be lifted into and out of the car ( something that increased my flatulence quota considerably) but now with some thought, she can jump up into the back seat, always first, and always with a stupid grin on her big chops.

Winnie adores car trips.

She adores them with a passion only usually reserved for boiler suited workmen and it is this simple psychological feeding of a need not to be bored , which has given her an extra bounce in her step which has in turn overcome her previous odd gait and tilt of the head.

Last night I had a tv night in. I was tired after Monday's night shift and couldn't quite muster up the energy for Choir Practice. 

I needed comfort food , I needed a catch up with The Walking Dead and I needed The Bake Off semi finals.

And so with a homemade sausage casserole ( oh err missus) with mash

we all shared the couch and binge watched.

I am still obsessed with the Walking Dead but even I must admit that it has gone off the boil over the last couple of years . Season 9 still has a few problems , but the reboot by Showrunner Angela Kang ( when did producers become Showrunners btw?) has provided a much needed boost to the vitality and feel of the show.

My take on the downside of the new Walking Dead is the size of the cast. We now have five communities to deal with and a main cast of characters that number well over twenty. With new cast members arriving soon, it is clear that many of our old favourites with have less and less screen time and less and less scream time means less and less drama. 

It's a shame .....in the first three episodes Tara, Rosita , Jesus and Siddig hardly had one sentence to utter which seems such a shame given their popularity .......

Just a thought Angela ...please note

The Great British Bake Off however has gone from strength to strength, thanks as usual by the delightfully eclectic batch of contestants that were shortlisted. The quarter finalists are so sweet they are almost painful to watch. An effeminate and probably autistic scientist , a mental health worker who looks like a stereotypical mental health patient, a slightly disabled spunky mom, and a sassy wisecracking thirty something each character brings a great deal of joy to the bake off tent and I think is clear that they think of each other as a family rather than just friends.
This week the delightfully warm Birony left the competition which was fair but such a shame and I must admit when Sandy Toksvig tearfully announced her demise from the show there wasn't a dry eye in Chez Dog I can tell you .....

Susan J Hamilton

Of Canada...........thank you................

Who would you like to thank today?
And why?

Traditions

Those that " know" me on Going Gently will understand that I do like to maintain my traditions .
After all it one one of the best songs from Fiddler on the Roof!!!

Fresh Flowers in the cottage at all times
Proper trifle with cream and custard at Christmas
Pancakes on pancake day,
Sending Christmas decorations through the post.😢
Gawd we even flew a Union Jack from the windows on the Queen's Jubilee
Halloween is a fairly new tradition for me but for the past decade I have always carved a pumpkin which would sit happily on the kitchen wall of the lane.
I've been busy today, what with more vet visits,  and night shift tonight, but I've bought my pumpkin and will carve it tomorrow as I'm watching The Walking Dead  on catch up
You've just gotta keep the traditions going
Don't ya!

Charlie Cairoli

My new job is a short term solution to a few problems
It stops me from thinking too much.
It eases me back into the saddle of work ( without the considerable pressures of an Intensive Care Unit)
And hopefully fairly soon it will allow me to pay for the rapidly arriving  vets bills post ear infection, skin irritations, minor strokes and tumours!
Like I said, I'm not intending to stay very long,a better paid job is more the ticket..but who knows what is going to happen in the next few months.

I worked a twelve hour shift over Friday night and was in charge of 19 elderly residents. Now one lady I have gotten to know , knew my mother and father  many moons ago now. She is an old colonial sort who spent an idyllic childhood in India. Polite , positive, and a tiny bit gung ho, she is physically frail now , but retains a sort of robust lets-make-the-most of things attitude which is so common of her class and position.
I liked her immediately.
I'll call her Miriam
Now I respect the Care home as it is not one that insists that residents are woken up at some ungodly hour in the morning. Before we go off shift , it is only expected that perhaps a handful of early risers are helped to shower, so inbetween blood sugar checks and medications, I get to do some hands on care.
Now women's make up is an anathema to me. Me looking into a make up bag is like a man off the street twiddling the knobs of an itu ventilator , I haven't got a scooby do. And so when Miriam asked me to outline her eyebrows for her with what suspiciously looked like a child's crayon I balked slightly
" The carers usually help with with my eyebrows" Miriam instructed me " I do the rest"
I had parked Miriam's wheelchair in front of her vanity mirror with a huge selection of potions and brushes and powders in front of her and really needed to get on, so I took the pencil and asked what to do
" just outline my eyebrows" she instructed and taking a deep breath I did just that.
Moments later were were surveying my work in the mirror and thank goodness both of us burst out laughing like a pair of naughty schoolgirls
" I look like Charlie Cairoli " Miriam quipped
And agast I could see the resemblance
You have to be of a certain age to remember Charlie Cairoli

Birthday Gifts

My latest hen

On Thursday as I was clearing away some paperwork and old post, I came across the pile of my birthday cards from June.

Given the circumstances here I just filed them rather than put them on show, so I was rather pleasantly surprised to find 50£ in cash, a book token and a set of garden vouchers tucked inside the largest of the cards, ( presumably for safely)

Bluebell and I went shopping in a sunny, sunny Llandudno this afternoon.

Instead of doing the sensible thing and saving the money towards William's vets bill, I suddenly became a frivolous bitch and bought a limited edition print of a chicken from The Mostyn Gallery, the new Sally Field autobiography and a special offer box set of Bette Davis DVDs.

How gay was that basket?

The salesperson who sold me the print was a camp little chap in spray on jeans 

" Do you like Chickens?" he lisped ironically as he bubble wrapped the picture

( for those that don't know " chicken" is gay slang for a very young gay man)

" Only the feathered ones!" I said , playing along with the game

"Too right!" he cooed " they're more trouble than they're worth!" 

Afterwards I went to Osborne House and had coffee and a sandwich sitting in the window of the lounge.

It's the first time I've returned there since we split up

It was the venue of our wedding 

The sun shone and I read the first chapter of my book

First Man

Thursday evening I felt the need to get out of the house and so took myself off to the cinema. 

" First Man" is the much lauded first-man-on-the-moon drama about the build up to Neil Armstrong's famous journey which took place half a century ago now.

As you might expect, it's a well crafted and meticulously detailed recreation of that brown and beige time in World history but it has a twist, for the film speaks more about the buttoned up, tight arse nature of male grief and coping than it does just about a spectacular space story .

Director Damien Chazelle portrayal of Armstrong is an unflinching glimpse of a rather difficult man. Plagued by the death of his young daughter , Armstrong ( as played by Ryan Gosling) shuts himself away emotionally from the grief, never talking about his loss even to his emotionally more robust wife Janet ( Claire Foy) and it is this distance and apparent emotional coldness that is compounded in the final third of the the movie when two astronaut colleagues ( Jason Clarke and Patric Fugit) are killed in two separate accidents   

Armstrong is undeniably a character of great force and resolve but his behaviour as seen through the more touchy feeling audience of 2018 could be seen as rather maddening.  So much so it's with a huge gasp of relief to all when Janet finally snaps at her husband's inability to face the reality of their situation and his own feelings and forces him to prepare his children for his potential death in the race to be first on the moon.

The acting is top notch, the production values are amazing and the set pieces in space are all suitably tense. 

But I guess, for me, I wasn't quite that compelled by Armstrong as a character .

Apparently strong silent types get on my tits!

And The Winner is!!!!.....Brunhild....and William

Ok We're down but not out.....

I've chosen the name for the new car, I picked it as I sat in the vet's waiting room this morning
The entries made me laugh, more so than  the new German vet did a few minutes later
Such is the rollercoaster that is my life at the moment.

The winner can be seen at the bottom of this post....please send me your address to jgsheffield@hotmail.com....you have won yourself a Welsh love spoon!

Anyhow the new German vet couldn't have been more stereotypically " German" if she tried
Brusque, no nonsense , loud, and looking remarkable like Rachel Roberts' lesbianish lady's maid from Murder On The Orient Express she checked the inside of William's  bloody ear with efficient speaed remarking loudly and without pulling any punches  " Ah a tumour!"
I wasn't quite prepared for that...I'd only noticed his sore ear seven hours earlier after getting home late after a Sams shift
She was in the middle of talking about " being too old for anaesthetic " when I stopped her.
I returned to my senior nurse days and took control of the gallop before it joined the stampede.

" let's treat the infection and the irritation first, then we can look at cause and the next step" I told her
firmly. She tried to pour oil on the water by cracking bad jokes.
I smiled thinly and politely.
I agreed to return to the surgery on Monday after she gave William an antibiotic and a steroid injection.
William accepted everything with his usual good humour, even though he now looks rather tired.

We passed the MacDonalds at Caerwys on the way home and as I did With Winnie, earlier in the week, I stopped and bought us breakfast. Coffee and a egg muffin for me, a warm sausage muffin for William and we stopped in a layby in the sun and ate in silence.

It's warm and bright this morning and the Blue of the new Vauxhall looked mighty fine in the sun
Her new name is a no brainer
Thanks to Amy (at love made my home)
The car is going to be called Bluebell.

Bev Kilner

Bev At my wedding

I spoke to Mike, who is one of my best male mates last night...he lives in Sheffield
I bloody well forgot his wife's birthday from a couple of days ago ....she is another best mate....a friend since 1989
I hate that..for I seldom forget a birthday.....ever
But I have forgotten it ....and it's bugged me big style.....I've let a lot of things slide recently.

Bev and Mike came to my wedding and I loved them so much for doing so as they represented my old Yorkshire life , they were ( and are) the back bone of my friendship group for a decade and a half
I aim to visit them before Christmas.....it's about time
Bev , I'm sorry I haven't caught up with you

Ps the result of " Name the car" will be tomorrow xx

Name The Car

Back to Going Gently of old....today is a bit of a quiz with an actual prize!!

What shall I call the new car?

I think it deserves a name, I really do as  Vauxhall Agiva doesn't quite fit the bill.

I picked it up today and we all piled in for a vet checkup. 

Winnie has some minor neurological deficits but the joy of a car ride perked her up quicksticks.

So name that car ! 

The sillier and funnier the better

Theatre Trip

My sister and I went to the theatre tonight to see a reboot of the 1985 Charlotte Keatley play My Mother Said I Never Should 
It's a story of the life, milestones and regrets of four generations of women from North Western England and isn't a bag of laughs which is strange given the area in which it is set
It was, however  a nice treat and one I shall reciprocate with a night out at Chester's Storyhouse Theatre soon.
My sister is good company at the theatre , she's good at the pithy one liner in reviews
When I got home , I did that nurse Glasgow Coma scale  neurocheck on Winnie as she waved her fat paw very slowly in the air at me from her resting place on the couch.
She passed.15/15

Change Only What You Can Change

Sharing a car with a soon to be ex husband is difficult,
Like many things that have happened to me recently I feel that I am in a position devoid of any control, in the country, without access to a car, you are effective marooned at times, and reliant on the kindness of friends and family....so it's a big official thank you to my sisters, sister in law, neighbours and Jason the affable Despot

Recently it's felt a little like life is happening to me rather than with me.

It's always the case that you can see solutions in other people's problems and life issues whilst being totally incapable to sorting your own out, and so when reflecting and exploring a life change with a caller at Samaritans the other day I experienced a bit of an arhhh Ha !  moment .
Change only what you can change I suggested
It's not fucking rocket science is it?

I bought a car of my own yesterday.
It's not flash, it's not sexy.....but it is clean and economical and it's bleeding mine
It has five doors and a roomy back seat just built for dogs and tomorrow Winnie will travel in it for the first time , a trip a for a check up at the vets, a check up which will hopefully concur that she is indeed recovering from her " do" of the other night.
She's brighter again this morning and to prove the point has just sucked all of meat off an Aldi lamb shank.
She's the only dog in existence who could probably be resuscitated after a full cardiac arrest by wafting a garlic sausage under her nose.

My old girl is back!

British Bulldogs are built of strong stuff