I started to write Going Gently twelve years ago
It was as I told in its " introduction" , a chronicle of how a city boy adapted to village life and this diary morphed over the years into a film review, animal update and dogsbody diary of sorts.
Recently it has ambled back into diary mode, where it has provided me with a safe haven, where some dark and sad thoughts are laid to rest.
Those thoughts, of course , have been sanitised too
The written word is not always the best places for soul searching , especially if it is in the public domain.
After a quiet but indulgent night with a bar of galaxy and a zombie movie, it's time for a bit of bra strap pulling. I took my Sally Field autobiography to the book swap his morning and swapped it for Paul O Grady 's .
There were a few sore heads drinking coffee at the hall this morning after the wine tasting evening last night. I've promised to go to the next one .
I like the way the book swap coffee mornings have evolved into something more sociable.
Small groups of villagers were chatting, some standing some sitting and in one corner a group of kids were playing with a game or sorts.
Newspapers are provided for those who just want a drink and a read and Bethan's collection of books and dvds available for swapping would rival anything seen in WHSmiths .
I said hello to a few faces and chatted to Terry, Ann, Ian and Matriach Irene, all wanted to know how Winnie was doing.
I'll take her along next time.
I think I've told you before, that weekends are the hardest days to cope with when you are suddenly single. They are synonymous with couple activity whether it be banal, routine or social and often now on a Saturday especially I feel as though I am revving a car down a one way street with no where to go.
It's a strange feeling.
So today I've done something about it . I've been to the book swap, am just about to pile the dogs into Bluebell for a walk and tonight I am going to the Chester Storyhouse on my own to see The Horne Section, a musical comedy group headed by Alex Horne who co hosts one of my favourite tv shows Taskmaster.
I don't want to be single, I don't want to do things on my own.
But I recognise that sitting in PJs, even if it is in front of a lovely log burning stove on a cold night , is not always the best course of action.
I also recognise too that I am responsible for not always initiating similar, more stimulating nights out before my marriage split, but it's easy to be wise after the event, especially when reminded by the pangs of loneliness.......
So...it's tits up and tits out!
Tighten bra straps!
And
Chocks away!
Not everything goes right in life
It was as I told in its " introduction" , a chronicle of how a city boy adapted to village life and this diary morphed over the years into a film review, animal update and dogsbody diary of sorts.
Recently it has ambled back into diary mode, where it has provided me with a safe haven, where some dark and sad thoughts are laid to rest.
Those thoughts, of course , have been sanitised too
The written word is not always the best places for soul searching , especially if it is in the public domain.
After a quiet but indulgent night with a bar of galaxy and a zombie movie, it's time for a bit of bra strap pulling. I took my Sally Field autobiography to the book swap his morning and swapped it for Paul O Grady 's .
There were a few sore heads drinking coffee at the hall this morning after the wine tasting evening last night. I've promised to go to the next one .
I like the way the book swap coffee mornings have evolved into something more sociable.
Small groups of villagers were chatting, some standing some sitting and in one corner a group of kids were playing with a game or sorts.
Newspapers are provided for those who just want a drink and a read and Bethan's collection of books and dvds available for swapping would rival anything seen in WHSmiths .
I said hello to a few faces and chatted to Terry, Ann, Ian and Matriach Irene, all wanted to know how Winnie was doing.
I'll take her along next time.
I think I've told you before, that weekends are the hardest days to cope with when you are suddenly single. They are synonymous with couple activity whether it be banal, routine or social and often now on a Saturday especially I feel as though I am revving a car down a one way street with no where to go.
It's a strange feeling.
So today I've done something about it . I've been to the book swap, am just about to pile the dogs into Bluebell for a walk and tonight I am going to the Chester Storyhouse on my own to see The Horne Section, a musical comedy group headed by Alex Horne who co hosts one of my favourite tv shows Taskmaster.
I don't want to be single, I don't want to do things on my own.
But I recognise that sitting in PJs, even if it is in front of a lovely log burning stove on a cold night , is not always the best course of action.
I also recognise too that I am responsible for not always initiating similar, more stimulating nights out before my marriage split, but it's easy to be wise after the event, especially when reminded by the pangs of loneliness.......
So...it's tits up and tits out!
Tighten bra straps!
And
Chocks away!
Not everything goes right in life
Hey ho
Is the restrainer's right breast being injected, or is it an illusion?
ReplyDeletelol,I just had another look Tom and I see what you mean!,xx
DeleteI think that's the whole point of the photo - to illustrate John's statement "Not everything goes right in life" :)
DeleteI guess it's an illusion but it made me lard
DeleteLaughing right out loud . . .
DeleteHope she hollered, OUCH!
I love reading your stories and have for a long time. It is very easy to become a hermit (like me) but it is so good to be out socializing at times...even though it's hard getting out the door.
DeleteI love your wit , sense of humor and matter of fact approach to dealing with all the changes. And his picture at the end made the perfect point - no pun intended - and I laughed so hardcover I saw it.
I'm so glad Winnie is doing better!
You making yourself lard made me laugh.
DeletePlease disregard the typos...it was auto correct.
DeleteDoes that include your name for John's?
DeleteTom-Illusion.
ReplyDeleteWishing you a good weekend John ..re: being suddenly single, the one thing I learned right away was to keep busy and try not to look at it as being alone as much as being on my own.
People who are on their own are in charge .. I wasn't in charge of anything, especially my grief but it might be corny to say but Time really does heal / make things better. love to you, C
This resonates with me, and perhaps it boils down to "opposites attract" - but they can't always make it long-term. I'm a homebody, and other than the occasional night out for dinner and a movie, I'm happy to be home. One of the things my ex-husband said during our split was that he wished I was more social and liked to get out of the house more. And now that I'm alone, like you, I DO get out more because otherwise I get lonely! I have thought about that a lot; as they say, hindsight is 20-20 :(
ReplyDeleteMy ex was the original party animal but after a week of 12-hour days I wanted nothing more than to just go home. Besides someone had to get the kids fed. I'm single now and 99 per cent happy with that. Lonely on occasion but better that than the alternative. And like you I do get out now but it's of my choosing.
DeleteThe Horne Section is usually recorded for the BBC. I hear it on BBC Radio 4 Extra.
ReplyDeleteHey ho back atcha . . .
ReplyDeleteSounds like a plan . . .
Talking about tits ... we went to see 'Calendar Girls the Musical' at Venue Cymru last night, it was absolutely brilliant. Like you say not many singletons there ... but there were some.
ReplyDeleteI go to lots of things on my own now, as much as I love being part of a couple I like my independence and do things and go places on my own whenever it suits. Of course I realise that what I have just said is the crux of your problem ... I do it when it suits me ... you have lost the option, for now. Someone as loving, cuddly and thoughtful as you will not be alone for too long, especially if you keep your social life ticking over just as you are doing.
Enjoy your weekend with the furries and Bluebell ... and hold onto your hat if you go along any of our proms, it's blowing a hooley.
Being on your own is an adjustment but you're a brilliant person with interests and abilities to entertain yourself. Still, as my Mom did after my Dad was gone, you can invite a friend to join you sometimes. My mom and her fellow widow went to football games, traveled, met for lunch, and did all sorts of other things together because they enjoyed each other's company. Perhaps?
ReplyDeleteHugs!
well, yes. we are responsible for our own happiness. learning to be a single is hard after being a double. perhaps find another single to do things with and I don't mean romantically, just a friend.
ReplyDeleteYou are quite tight john and I do sense a slight feeling of 'things are looking up' in today's post.
ReplyDeleteI find the weekends hard too, John, since my husband passed away in June. I'm pulling up my bra straps (of my sports bra) and will go to my Zumba class at the fitness center in a bit. It gets me out of the house and around people and out of my thoughts for just an hour but the positive after effects are long lasting. Later, a walk in the park with my Chihuahua and I've survived another Saturday alone. All the best to you.
ReplyDeleteOften times I find that "faking it" does the trick when I know I need to change something. So if I'm grumpy at work for example I pretend I'm in a wonderful mood. And I am always able to trick myself a bit. Getting out there and doing things will help your slump I think. Ultimately it cant be rushed and you just need time and to go through the shit, but I think you are very smart in how you are handling things.
ReplyDeleteYes, you are so very right. Jill says, "fake it." I was told to "fake it till you make it" when I first got sober. And I faked it for many years. Now that I sport a forest of wrinkles I'm pulling back a bit. I still go to things, but I no longer always make sense. I'm like Winnie. Get me in the car and I perk up. And too, you don't have to go alone. I realize Winnie isn't human, but she will draw a crowd where ever you go.
ReplyDeleteMarried or single, we are all faking it in some way. My mom, who went through a lot physically, had no room for self pity and when things did not go our way, she would yell at us to go outside and blow the stink off. It usually worked as we would meet our friends and move on from our bad mood. She was a tough and wise old bird. It does get harder though as we grow older to pull those bra straps up. It may have to do with gravity.
ReplyDeleteBlimey, I thought it was the Pope with that needle. I wouldn't go anywhere near that person with the needle. Nightmare stuff.
ReplyDeleteOh, that last photo, LOL! Bet it was "doctored," but still!
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ReplyDeleteThat last photo-ouch! Enjoy your weekend and remember you are good company for yourself and each day is a stepping stone.
ReplyDeleteTits out up and tits out! I will try to remember that, even though at this stage of the game your tits have a better chance of doing either of those things than mine do.
ReplyDeleteFirm tits are thr order of the day
DeleteYep.
ReplyDeletePlease understand that I don't mean to trivialize what you're going through, John. I know how hard it is. Yet the pace of your recovering as well as you are this soon is so remarkable one cannot help but marvel at it.
ReplyDeleteSeveral people I know became suddenly single when it was no more their choice than yours or mine was. Some of them have grown more sad and lonely with each passing month and year, while the rest of us have been able to fill our lives with people and activities that help us cope and move on towards a healthy and fulfilling life.
The difference in every single case is those that fare poorly sought primarily their own well-being and happiness before and after the devastating event that changed their life. Your caring about other people and creatures, volunteering your services, care and friendship to so many for decades is in direct proportion to how loved and liked you are today. It's the reason you are so popular where you live and online,the reason that you are welcomed and invited to be part of everything that you are.
You recognize not always having initiated similar, stimulating nights out before the split. I hope you also recognize that each of us has a limited amount of time and energy in a day. Most of yours were used in being good to everyone, cut yourself some slack, the way I watch you do for everyone else that's struggling.
Honestly, I don't want to be single, either. In order to change that I need to wait until I'm no longer in love with my now deceased husband, though. Until that happens for either one of us, however long that maybe, it's an honor and great pleasure for me to share the journey with you. -Mary
Mary i still shed tears daily
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DeleteI was at lunch with my sister and two childhood friends I had not seen in 35 years, and my sister mentioned my divorce; I started talking a little bit about it just to fill them in and started crying - and it's been 10 years. I always say "I got through it, but I'll never get over it". On a day to day basis I am honestly happy and content with life on my own now, but it will never not make me sad to look back on it all...
DeleteOuch, that picture reminded me about that one time I got vaccinated instead of Ace, our first Giant Shnautzer. It wasn't painful, that stuff just burnt. Never went back to that vet. But it's good to know rabies is something I don't have to worry about...
ReplyDeleteLife is not fair or locigal. Sometimes you just have to keep your head above the water even if you don't want to. Fake it until you make it. And remember to drink enough (water), because crying makes you dehydrated.
Fake it till I make it........that's what I'm doing xxx
DeleteBe patient. Be kind to yourself. In the course of time there will surely be someone else to share life with you.
ReplyDeleteI hope your tits stay gravity free.
ReplyDeleteThere's room for both in a balanced life...tits out and tits in, as it were. I sense that as much as you try to get out of yourself, your community will be there to help you. Perhaps having moved to-and made yourself a part of--a small Welsh village was a happy accident for negotiating this great change.
ReplyDeleteI've found the warmth of friendships Alison x
DeleteSometimes having weekly or monthly scheduled week-end or evening commitments helps?
ReplyDeleteYou are probably home by now but I hope you had a good time tonight.
ReplyDeleteIt was nice to go jimbo, I sat with a glass of wine in the interval and played with my phone......
DeleteNot easy to do but good on you. Do it more often and it should get easier. Always like your blog, such a different life to mine.
ReplyDeleteGood for you, John, and it will get easier. You certainly won't meet any interesting people sitting at home unless they come to repair or burgle the house. Doing for others also helped me keep my spirits up when I needed to. Glad Winnie is stable.
ReplyDeleteYour blog is an example of the very best. I wish I had known you as the city boy. It’s hard to imagine you without mud on your shoes and dog crap to wash off the floor... and walls.. and doors. Anyway, getting o know you here has been a privilege.
ReplyDelete"I also recognise too that I am responsible for not always initiating similar, more stimulating nights out before my marriage split".
ReplyDeleteNursing, housework, cooking, baking, walking dogs, making and taking breakfasts in bed, when exactly would you have found the time to arrange nights out alongside everything else you were doing?
You should be more kind to yourself! X
Hear, hear...
DeleteMy thoughts exactly
DeleteI agree with this, you shouldered the main responsibility of the household ... surely nights out should have been arranged out FOR you not BY you!!
DeleteGo and do, find fun, laugh until you cry.
ReplyDeleteJohn - I echo the sentiments of most. The duality of believing you need to take strike out amongst the living, AND wanting to cocoon are hard pulls. As Mary said, your nature is to help others (or you wouldn't have become a nurse) and so others are pulled to helping you. “And we are put on this earth a little space that we might learn to bear the beams of love” so said William Blake.
ReplyDeleteSending you some beams of love, from across the pond.
I hope your day went well. It's just one day at a time, I guess. I always planned a weekend project. It helped me and i went out every day. Best wishes,John.
ReplyDeleteI'm a day behind John I should really read your next posting first but that's a bit like reading the last page of a book, I'm glad that you took yourself out and hope you enjoyed your trip to Chester.
ReplyDelete