This kind of warmed and broke my heart all together
Hotel Mumbai
It’s bucket of coffee time before a 12 hour shift and I didn’t sleep well.
It’s a while since a film has given me nightmares ( United 93 was the last) so I should not have been so surprised to find out that Hotel Mumbai had done the same.
For those that don’t know Hotel Mumbai is a fictional depiction of the Islamic terrorist attack on the prestigious Raj Hotel in Mumbai in 2009. The hotel was effectively put into a siege by six heavily armed terrorists and for days those terrorists systematically killed as many guests and staff members as they could before being defeated by special forces flown in from the capital.
This film isn’t an exhilarating Romp Die Hard style.
It is a visceral, very real cat and mouse drama where the protagonists spend most of their time hiding under tables and in cupboards until their captors corner them.
In once scene an elderly house maid is shot sat on the lavatory in the bathroom where she is hiding whilst in another the hotel receptionists are forced to ring the guests in their rooms telling them to come out to be saved by police who are not there.
The film depicts the courage of many of the Hotel staff who stayed behind to protect their guests, but it’s a real and downbeat film which underlines the savagery of the indoctrinated.
It game me nightmares ..... hey ho...off to work
Trim
Needs must.
Mary had a haircut this morning. She will also have a shampoo once the knots and clingons have been removed.
Mrs Trellis spied her through the lane window and mouthed that she was going quite mad due to lockdown.
I’ve made spiced butternut soup ( before the clingon removal ) and this afternoon will watch the movie Hotel Mumbai
Tonight it’s the big gay quiz and I’m working all weekend
So that’s my itinerary
Bra
The Ghost stories of followers have yet again proved more interesting than my original post. I’ve read most at lunchtime at work and shared some with my workmates who found them highly entertaining .
I finished work at 8 pm
When I’m on day shifts I don’t get home much before a quarter to nine. By the time I’ve collected the dogs from Trendy Carol, fed and walked them, fuelled Albert and lit the fire, I don’t get to sit down until 9.30pm or so.
It was a bit after that tonight because Dorothy didn’t want to leave the warmth of Trendy Carol’s trendy sofa.
That upset me
As I sat down my phone beeped cheerfully
It was a co worker from today
She is my age
The message simply read
“ I’ve found my first bunion, I’ve ran out of Bacardi and my bra is now a dirty grey...I’m too old for this shit!”
The Fast Ghost
I wasn’t shocked or frightened, just rather intrigued.
I was at work.
It was around four am in the morning and I just told my colleagues that I was going to pop out to my car to collect some paperwork.
When I got up, so did they for when I returned we had a succession of turns and syringe driver checks to do, and as I exited the unit through the electric doors I felt and sort of saw Ruth , my fellow nurse, move very quickly behind me to enter a patient’s room immediately to my right.
I collected the paperwork from my car, and as I returned to the hospice , I felt strangely unsettled by the “ quickness “ of Ruth’s movement, so much so that I asked if she had indeed entered the patient’s room so rapidly.
She denied that she had. Nor indeed had our fellow fellow support worker, the only other able bodied person inside the unit .
But I knew what I felt.
I felt and half saw a figure move behind me into the patients room with some gusto.
Last week I worked nights again but this time with another nurse. This nurse is well known for her spiritual experiences and comically is referred to by her colleagues being a bit of a white witch.
She is also one of the most pragmatic and talented hospice nurses I have ever had the pleasure of working with.
I asked her about her experiences on nights without explaining any details of my own “ visitation’ and
she told me that knew only of two recent ‘visitors’ .
One she described as a man , who stands quietly on one corner of the hospice away from any other activity
“ And the other? “ I pressed her
“ oh the other is an odd bod” she said cheerfully “ it’s a figure that moves from this corridor into the first of the patient bedrooms” she pointed to where I had seen my “ ghost”
“ she really IS a odd bod too ,” my colleague added
“ why’s that? “ I asked gingerly
“She always moves very fast like a bullet ...always from right to left” she told me with a gentle smile
This used to scare me shitless as a child
Shame
The exceptional Russell T Davies series It’s a sin, has brought back many old memories of the gay world from the 1980s.
I wasn’t officially gay then .
No, the hatred and misinformed ideas of gay plagues and gay lifestyles shamed me into the closet so deep that not even my emotional intelligence could reach it.
This was the story of many young gay men of my generation .
We would be destined to come out later when the 1980s gave way to a more enlightened 1990s.
There was no internet then, no phones no apps ......if you were confident and ‘serious’ in having a relationship you met another man in a gay bar or from adds in the newspapers. If you weren’t you trolled around the same gay bars or else ambled around the parks after dusk.
I met my first proper boyfriend through the Sheffield Star.
He was closeted and angry and was generous and exciting and the relationship was a real abuse disaster waiting to happen.
The abuse did happen and a couple of years I walked away with my head kind of held high and my mind firmly fixed about what I would and would not accept from a relationship with a man.
I would never again accept that it was alright to be denied, to be hidden away, to be lied about.
I deserved better than that.
Before I met my husband, I dated a guy from chesterfield . He was a lovely, big teddy bear of a man, a broad country speaking animal feed wholesaler who worked through the Pennines and for several months we were happy with me visiting him , mainly at weekends or visa versa. One week day he unexpectedly found himself working in Sheffield and we met up for coffee and before we sat down I saw the wedding ring on his finger.
It wasn’t one of those he’s married kind of scenarios at all
But it was a case of him wearing a wedding ring to pretend he was straight in the eyes of his colleagues and his customers.
I reluctantly walked away from the relationship and didn’t look back
Shame has no place in being gay
Shame has no place in being anything
Three Hours later x
Three hours on zoom and messenger
And I’m back to some sort of supported normality
My friends ........the gold bars of covid
Typical Lockdown Day
“Oh Darling John, I am now invigorated for the day!”
Chic Eleanor was on good form this morning.
We met in McDonald’s car park and drank our coffee in our respective cars
No pashmina but in place was looped a long dark green woollen scarf.
Her hair looked glorious
Later Ive seen The German Lady and The Uber Couple out on my walk and said hello to all
At home I’ve made vegetable soup spiced up with horseradish
And I’ve lit the fire early, it’s cold and wet and miserable
I will go to zoom choir tonight, I haven’t been for over a month
I’m a bit lonely today
It’s a Sin
It’s a sin
The reality of this 1980 s based Russell T Davis tv Drama set in the gay world during the aids crisis wasn’t part of my world and indeed of my history but boy is it a powerfully emotional glimpse into a piece of history where a whole generation of men were failed
A wonderfully evocative, moving and important piece of filmmaking
I sort of recognised myself in the characters but boy did I recognise Nu
Rubber Chicken Abuse
Somehow Mary has gotten hold of Winnie’s rubber chicken
For the last 65 minutes she has been attempting to kill it in the East Wing upstairs
The calm of the evening is lost forever
Negativity
I love this photograph
The character in the blue could be anything...it could be covid, a toxic relationship or just life at its very worst, but we have all, at one time or another, felt it’s pull and experienced it’s draining feeling.
“ She could suck the lifeblood from out of a lemon” was a saying my mother would employ about a negative and chronically pessimistic friend oblivious that she would act the same with confines of her own family
What do you think of when you look at the photograph
Answers on a postcard please
Bloody Hell
Night shift, so it’s sleep all day.
Everything goes tits up in that 45 minutes in between waking and leaving for work.
Dorothy had projectile vomit all over the bedroom and landing ( probably due to a large piece of her leash that she had managed to chew off and SWALLOW )
I found the offending article amid a pile of steaming stomach contents lying at an astonished Albert’s feet in the east wing.
Another job for the carpet cleaner on my days off, I told myself
The vomiting thing made me late, so I just managed to grab my uniform and a pre made salmon salad from the fridge before emptying the post box and setting off for work.
I wish I hadn’t collected the post for in it were two ...yes TWO ! speeding fine documents
Apparently on one of the few day off I had, when I ventured to the supermarket I had been clocked doing 35 miles an hour in a 30 zone TWICE !!!!
Once on the way to the supermarket and the other on the way back twenty minutes later.
Now before Miss Angry from Tumbridge Wells Leaves a snotty comment, I KNOW, I am to blame, but I do think it is a bit rich, certainly given the area I was caught in.....
Hitchcock, Wind and A Night Train To Venice
I’ve missed last Big Gay Quiz because of work but I shall return to the zoom session next week.
Last night I did some research in the quiet corners of the shift and took a leaf out Rachel’s book and booked myself some online study lectures from London’s City Literary Institute
And so over the next few weeks I shall be looking at the Spy Thrillers of Alfred Hitchcock and how the spy genre responded to changing political and cultural contexts as well as exploring The Wind In Film ( which strangely speaks for itself)
I’m a bit tired of tv box sets and crap tv.
Anyhow all is now booked and debit card has been emptied yet again.
I’m also looking to book the night train from Paris to Venice for later in the year.....I’ll tick that fantasy of sleeping on a train very soon.......
Recipe and The German Lady
If you want a full proof recipe for a heart winter soup here’s mine for Broad Bean & Chorizo Soup
Chorizo and broad bean soup
Three large tins of broad beans
Vegetable stock
1 large onion.
2 cloves garlic
1 small chorizo ring
Large tablespoon low fat Creme Fresh.
Black pepper
This is the best of homemade winter soups!
Gently fry off the onion with chopped chorizo,
The oil will ooze out of the sausage and stain the onions .
Add garlic and fry off.
Add beans with their tinned juice and stock and bring to boil
Then simmer gently for at least an hour
Liquidise, add creme fresh and season
Bloody lovely
I’ve turned into fucking Nigella ....
After making soup I took the dogs for a walk and as usual bumped into Uber Couple and after them German Lady.
I like German Lady
We only say hello, but I like her genuine smile, her jaunty terrier who is always ready for a row with Mary and her flared jeans .
Her hello is friendly and almost overwhelmed by her thick German accent
Today she said Hello, then added “ Your old Bulldog? Has she died?” as she stopped.
I told her that she had and the woman nodded sympathetically
“ She alvays made me laff” she said “ You must ave many good memories of her”
I liked the fact that the woman immediately went for the positives of the situation.
Further down the lane my best memory came back to me and I almost turned to look for German Lady in order to tell her about it.
It was just over two years ago.
Christmas day late morning
I was sat on an empty Promenade by the sea
It was a grey cold day and I was newly separated from the Prof and grieving not only him but William, who had died in his sleep a couple of weeks before. I remember George and Mary were sat on my left pressed hard against the cold and Winnie sat on my right sulking.
Winnie was annoyed in a way only bulldogs get annoyed ,
She was livid .
I had not only brought her out for a cold walk on the beach and not her usual sheltered railway walkway, but I had made her walk, far too long along cold concrete , then made her sit with her fat face facing the wind.
She wanted to go home and she “ Harumphed “ loudly when I started to play with my phone, in order to get the best of Christmas selfies
Twenty minutes later she finally lost it
And grabbing my shoulders with her massive paws she heaved herself up and looked me square in the face.
Eyeball to eyeball
Her expression said it all
“Now Fuck off ...Im Cold.....I want to go home”
I snapped the “ look” in a selfie
I miss those knowing looks and those quietly authoritative temper tantrums of hers.
Nominations & Big Ups ( village social media)
Today’s blog feels very community and social media based....
Our Hattie has reached the final of a National Heroes competition !
So the news shared our local paper! How lovely is that ? She sooo deserves to win
The takeaway menu is wonderful and eclectic 
Storm Christophè has caused some local flooding here. Pippa from the rectory posted this photo on the wardens social media page yesterday and messages bounced around from village leaders ian and Helen’s home which is called y felin which means Mill in welsh . Their house lies down the valley from me and was the position of an old water mill.
It is surrounded by water.
Sandbags may need to be moved there in the morning ......watch this space...
The lane just around from my cottage
More social media news. I got a tag from liv Randa yesterday evening who finished and loved the book I bought for her
It was Little Women
The family Sent me a photo of happy baby sitting days ....well with old William doing the babysitting
Liv and the book
Covid has increased community spirit here...as it has done globally
Peace
Lady Gaga’s Golden dove of peace said it all
I shed a tear at Biden’s speech.......sanity.......sometimes there are days when you need to lend a hand and days when you have take a hand
Amanda Gorman ...amazing
Let’s move on
Whatever your politics, the President of the United States must be articulate and calm and possess a sense of humour. Biden and Kamala Harris seem to have have those traits.
Good luck America
Cheers
I may know a single man in the village who would benefit from meeting Chic Eleanor .
We talked about him today and laughed about it.
She’s a delight for she’s not adverse at meeting someone new.
We talked about it today in McDonald’s car park
She asked me who I would like to meet, the kind of guy she could look for
I laughed
“ A man with an easy smile , who wears a jumper with a hole in it” I told her seriously
She understood where I was coming from
And we raised our coffee cups in our respective cars......
Cheers
We toasted
And she smiled her warm Lee Remick smile
Training Dorothy and Coffee with Eleanor
For over a year I have been walking Dorothy along the site of the Prestatyn / Dyserth railway
Yesterday we passed a couple who I have nicknamed The Uber Couple, they are a couple I bump into regularly .
Now The Uber Couple are always together and always dressed in some sort of Lycra. In their late fifties they have hips and cheek bones to die for and always walk with a sheepdog collie who is trained to behave within an inch of his life.
Their buttocks glint with the flash of polished steel.
The sheepdog is never leashed, but to be fair he doesn’t have to be because with one click of their fit fingers his owners have him under more control than Trump had over Melania.
The Uber Couple know about dogs and about dog training and their superiority is palpable
I always feel like the poor relation when we pass....
Poor relation because when William and George were alive they used to behave ,as terriers so often do when confronted with farm dogs, they behaved badly .
I did explain to The Uber Couple that the boys had been once attacked by a collie dog at the farm above the village , so they smiled their thin smiles of understanding as their dog trotted by with his nose in the air and William and George yapped with the zeal of two chihuahuas fighting over a gravy stain.
Winnie of course added to their slightly patronising eyebrow raising as she would deliberately walk in between all of them with a sanguine dry smile and a look which never wavered from the road ahead.
Her amble gave all three of them a massive “ fuck you” message
Anyway Mary has long since followed the William And George school of terrier behaviour and she growls rather magnificently when we pass but Dorothy with all of her neuroses has tottered forward on her lead with her frightened expression turned away from any strangers.
Now over the past six months I have been letting Dorothy off her lead for short periods whilst down the walkway and when another walker with a dog would come into view I would call her gently to return to be leashed, an order she would always comply to. This habit, we have adhered to until recently, when I felt that Dorothy’s confidence was at its highest.
Yesterday Uber Couple approached us with all muscles flexed ( they even had on matching bobble hats! ) and as Mary stiffened for some bad behaviour I clicked my fingers and asked Dorothy who was trotting ten feet ahead to return to my side where she walked with what I hoped would be the precision of a police dog.
And she did so, without a murmur and after we passed the Ubers the lady Uber turned around and commented
“ You’ve done a great job training that dog .... well done ”
I preened at the praise , so much more than I should of done.
I almost shed a tear too as Dorothy tottered forward and
With Mary still growling at the end of her lead.
This morning I drove up to McDonald’s to meet Chic Eleanor in the carpark for coffee.
The weather was atrocious but she looked fresh faced and as smiley as ever
“ Darling John..it’s almost like a tryst “ she admitted almost guiltily, pulling a green cashmere scarf tighter around her neck. “ Chin chin “
We raised our coffee cups from our respective driver’s seats, our breaths steaming in the cold air
She reminds me of the actress Lee Remick.
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