Chatter

Burnt by the May sun and now stripped..the blank canvas

Apart from work, the predominant thing in my life this week is the fact my sister Janet has refashioned  my front garden into a semi blank canvas, ready for replanting
For some strange reason I have not had the motivation to re stamp myself onto the plot which has more or less retained its original grass and border set up since the cottage was purchased.
Now with her expert eye on the case, old plants have been ruthlessly dispatched, the dead wood removed and soil now can be seen between the growing clumps of evergreens, buddleia and my one standard rose who enjoys the full sun in the garden which faces south towards the hills.
I want sunburst clumps of agapanthus, Veronica, rubeckia, salvia and echinacea, with geranium in pots and lavender near the door
I'm looking forward to this small venture
It's another way of stamping a new personality on the cottage

The commute to work last night was lovely
On an average day it's a 40 minute drive door to door and last night I was entertained by Radio 4 's The News Quiz and Front Row, where the resident concert pianist Víkingr Ólafsson played Bach so beautifully, I took the long way to work and parked briefly along the Promenade to watch the sunset and in order to listen.

I am aware that I have nothing really of note to say.
Life is plodding on.
A friend is trying to set me up with a blind date with an Ecuadorian hotel manager called Fernando 
an enterprise which is ripe with comic asides enough to fill  at least three blogs .
He has a kind face
But then so have I, or so I've been told.

I'm off two short days then back on nights for five.
If we didn't have any restrictions , I clearly have my own.
Night shifts shackle independent endeavours

But after this I am on holiday from work.
Two whole weeks.
Some of which I had earmarked for some time in Sitges
Now I need to review my plans
I hear the old Santa Maria Hotel has changed hands in the lockdown,
Time for new hotels in new places me thinks

I've been thinking a lot recently, I think we all have

Going Gently has always ostensibly been a diary
Thoughts and news, and opinions and reflections of a mundane life

I have stopped trying to make it interesting

It is what it is..........

The Ocean Is Calling

Yesterday my sister was pottering around my front garden, completing jobs and planning the new flower beds.
The dogs knowing someone was there was restless and woke me early not long after I had gone to bed.
Tired but needing something to do, I washed up, cleaned the kitchen and retrieved a parcel from the back door. The parcel was a poster frame I had ordered and I hung the Art Deco poster I had bought from America the other night
It looks good behind my arm chair
Pleased with myself I went to bed and tried to sleep again but to no avail
Subsequently I'm tired now, and it's going on three am .....only five hours to go before hometime

I have a sore throat too
But no temperature 

Desert Island Discs

We played Desert Island Discs at work

The other nurses I worked with have never heard of the radio 4 programme

I felt old explaining the concept 

Here are my eight Discs 

The great Diana Damrau belting out the Queen Of The Night Aria 

From Mozart's The Magic Flute

I saw the performance at the New York Met on a magical evening

which took my breath away

1992

Sheffield, drunk with three friends 

Singing and dancing to this on the roof of Weston Park Hospital 

Salad days

This song is synonymous with my best friend, Nuala

My constant of. 31 years 

 Well I have to have at least one classic movie theme 

Moon river has it all.

This version is by Lea Selonga who took the original lead in Miss Saigon

Another set of lovely memories of old friends from musical theatre

This ticks a few boxes

My Liverpool heritage ( Mother and grandparents- who adored this hymn)

Hillsborough where I lived for many very happy years

And My home town of Sheffield 

Still dear in my heart

 

This was playing constantly on the radio when I had to take my 

First dog Finlay back and forward to the animal hospital before he died 

The song and his death broke my heart

 

my overall favourite song sung by my own choir 

Beautiful 

A Spanish / Jewish lullaby 

Durme Durme 

And finally a song that underlines optimism 

Hope , moving forward, and the importance of humour 

What's yours

Basil

The rain finally came early doors and the air was warm and moist and not humid when we ventured down the lane as the burnt greenery of the fields and gardens took their first deep gulp of water.
I had bought several pots of growing basil yesterday and had placed the herbs on the old pine set of bedroom drawers so that they could perfume my bed space after I returned to bed
The smell of basil for me is synonymous with salad lunches and bright sunshine

I'm on nights tonight. I'm working a set of three then after that a set of five
Night shift means more pay.
I have the car brakes, my annual nurse registration payment of 120£ and the dog walker to pay for
I'm not complaining.....I have a job to go to.

The racist news from America lies heavy on my heart today
Boris' statement that he is now going to take control of the covid fight is even more troubling
Almost 10 weeks without rain feels like a metaphore for false positivity
Reality hidden away, just a little , behind bright sun and summer clothes.

Burnt Bonce

I met two friends today.

I met them in separate meets
one in a garden
The other outside Theatr Clwyd 

I burnt my head in the hot sun at the theatre and
I have to say I travelled a little longer than my allotted but suggested 5 miles
(14.9 miles to be exact)
But in Wales driving 5 miles gets you nowhere.
Literally nowhere

Having no coffee room to go to , it was initially strange meeting my friend on the long grass outside the theatre. Theatr Clwyd looked fallorn
Unused and unloved and silent. My friend and I lay in the grass like schoolboys and swapped stories whilst watching the sky.
We were suddenly boys in the school yard and not 50 something men
Talking while watching the clouds amble by.


Tonight was our 10 th Weekly choir meet on Zoom
This week was more like group therapy with the choir sharing " lockdown" photographs of each of our lives with a discussion of each.
Jamie , sans his 1940s RAF moustache has done a sterling job organising it all
Such is the talent of the wartime forces

 I've been uncharacteristically gay this evening
Moisturiser on face, moisturiser booties on my feet ( thank you Wendy and Alun), and several bulldog covered naps which cooled a hot forehead

The weather is said to break tomorrow....
It's time for rain

Trolls

My sister's homemade birthday card me in PPE !

Yesterday I foolishly took on a particularly nasty troll and a blogger who enabled the troll to vent her bile .
This was on another blog, so it wasn't my fight
But sometimes you have to say what you know is right.
Especially if you consider the blogger, an old friend

The troll turned her venom on me and foolishly I reacted
The first rule of psychiatric nurse training!
Never engage with a mean drunk!

The troll delighted in reminding me that I was now living alone
Mental illness sharpening the presence of a half hidden wound
And amid other insults I finally left her to vomit her bile alone

I've not had a lonely birthday
Lots of cards and gifts from the get go.
Villager Heulwen left a cake with a ribbon on it. Hattie ,a mug with Mary's photo on it and the Velvet Voiced Linda called down with a bottle wine from her and her hubby
The Randa girls brought a hand delivered card and school gossip
A lily and goodies from Wendy and Alun
And Mrs Trellis left a mars bar wrapped in a napkin!
( it melted before I could open the wrapper)

I spoke to friends Nigel in Manchester and Nu in London and missed a call from AM in Phily
And my oldest friend Nia called filled with warmth from Australia .
Last night was filled with giggles with Sheffield Jane and Colin in Liverpool
But Nia's  made me tear up when goodbyes came around again.

I caught up with family at tea time.
Gifts of cheerful geranium in terracotta pots, homemade cushions, bespoke gin and a pair of tracksuit bottoms to replace the ones Dorothy ripped the arse out of , but ones I still wear.

Facebook friends said hello, more emails, blog best wishes and messages too this afternoon. I even reminded my nephew it was my birthday by text and he promised me a review of the Korean disaster movies I sent him

A lonely birthday?

Naw!

The troll got it wrong

Birfday

I slept in today,
And am now still sat at the trusty kitchen table with my bucket of coffee waiting for the postman who always drops my post last in the village
Thank you all for your thoughts, cards, calls, gifts and notes.
I'm very humbled by everyone's best wishes
Everyone who understands my irritation of nice over kindness
Well today, I've experienced everything kind!!!!!
( apart from one troll on another blog tee hee)
Special thanks to CAZ who sent me the above lino print of Dorothy) 
It perfectly captures her brittleness! 


I will be going to my twin sister's house later today with gifts and my own tea in a thermos

The Scent Of Honeysuckle

Yesterday one  of the sisters on our local intensive care unit sent me a photo of the staff accepting Mrs Trellis' sponsored walk monies.
She asked me to forward it on which I will do
I will probably frame it for her also.
A nice momento for the kitchen wall.

Siri? What day is it today?
Sunday! Crikey ...it's the last day of May today !!!
It's June 1st tomorrow ....

I'm making a tomato, papaya, salmon and mozzarella salad for lunch
The ones I used to love in Sitges
But I've forgotton the fucking basil !
Bollocks

I wasn't going to blog today but my sister in law just video messaged me worried that I had not blogged for a few days .( she had not refreshed her Going Gently page )
At least if I ever succumb to a serious illness , I will always be found by a worried relative or friend before the dogs start eating my face off!

That's the down side of blogging sometimes.
Everyone seems to know  your news but you don't always know theirs
A one way mirror of sorts.

Lockdown changes here tomorrow and I will go and see my sister  to give her my birthday gifts.
I think it's going to be as hot as it is here today so we shall sit in her garden and I shall drink tea out of my own cup and saucer, and made by me in my sturdy thermos!

How different we do things?

I can't tell you how glorious it is here
Right in this one small moment of time
I have the front door of the cottage open and the sun is heating the honeysuckle flowers that adorns the front of Bwthyn y llan so that the whole house is filled with the scent of a June birthday!

The intensity of the fragrance cannot be described, it's so strong and heady
The carpet needs a hoover, Winnie has kicked around three of the fifteen scatter cushions in temper as she waits for her lunch and Albert needs a feeding .
I haven't made my bed yet
And there are dishes to wash up
Oh and all of the plants on the patio need watering after which underpants need fetching from their sunning places on the garden shrubs

But the cottage is full of honeysuckle , and I'm not moving for a few more moments yet!!

Awakenings equinox

Last night , just before bed the five of us walked slowly over to the field to sit in the last 

Rays of the sun

I found this piece of music recently and listened to it on my headphones as the dogs 

Slipped into comfortable lumps at my side and lap.

Albert tiptoed amid the bodies to sit

And typical of his breed, he narrowed his eyes towards the sunset

Thoughts at the Kitchen Table.

This photo brought back some lovely memories today
Thank you Facebook for randomly choosing this photo to remind me of times past
The ones you usually fucking pick for me, invariably piss me off big style.

This one shows me teaching my nephew how to give a sick ghost hen it's medication
It was perhaps eight years ago now, at the height of the Ukrainian Village boom

He had undiagnosed Aspergers then so was seen to be slightly awkward and somewhat heavy handed., but I do remember his abject concentration at the task in hand once I had showed him how to master the vagaries of a one ml insulin syringe full of antibiotic.

I will be posting some of my lockdown dvds to him today. Some Korean disaster movies as I am trying to widen his interests away from Star Wars and Marvel 

The lockdown has sort of cemented some of my relationships and have helped to blossom other newer ones.
I'm presently at the kitchen table and have sat through two recorded short stories written by a friend of a friend who has become my friend over the last few weeks. Later I will give the author some feedback
Oh I'm never short of an opinion 

Daily my two Hospice besties Ben and Ruth will sign in on our shared messager channel for a natter. Nothing sparkling, some gossip at work, a shared dough story, a kind word and from Monday we may even be able to sit in each other's gardens with a glass of Ben's homemade beer
Hey ho

Days off at home amble to their own pace now
I've hit that wall that so often happens on the second week of a much anticipated holiday
I've relaxed.

Just looking at the masses of potted geraniums and antirrhinum lined up next to my agapanthus and violas in the sun of the patio is enough for me this morning. I have no blistering need to plant them out not just yet
It's too hot anyway.

The shapes on the greenery are my underpants drying in the sun

Mary is out walking with Hattie.
Winnie is sucking the life blood out of a charred pizza which I left far too long in the oven last night
 and Dorothy is probably contemplating having a piss of my newly laundered bed spread
The one my twin sister was getting rid of
I called her down a few minutes ago and she sat in my arms for a few mintes as I listened to the taped stories, rocking back and forth like a worried baby, her eyes never leaving mine
She's a damaged little soul
And will, I suspect, remain one all of her life

I've bought salad and king prawns for tea and have planned a chicken salad for work tomorrow.
I had a text from one of the hospice support workers thanking me for explaining PPE properly to her whilst she was stressed and fraught and fearful
It's nice to get feedback
But looking at the photo taken of me instructing my nephew in animal husbandry

I think I've always been a good teacher

Clacker Problem

Hattie' s recent oil painting of the Church

It's the illustration which represents the village Warden Group

At the 8pm clap Hattie and I made a truly miserable social isolating attempt at pulling the Church Bell for the briefest of times .
We had left a donation for Church Funds and hope the vicar has enough to buy a new clacker as I am sure it was the clacker and not us to blame for the poor bell ringing.

Like naughty school girls we both emerged from the vestry , red faced from our poor attempt, and were greeted by the Randas who were less than impressed with the performance ! Affable Despot Jason later wrote on the village what's app forum thus....
" I went down to listen .....like most artists, I feel Johnstruggled to match his first album !" 

At least old Trevor from Cwm Road was happy . He was born in the village 95 years ago and was holding his phone up to his equally aged sister in nearby Prestatyn so she could here the bell ring!!!

Village leader Ian texted " you'll have to do some practice on your rhythm John...." 
Which was answered by The Velvet Voiced Linda who cuttingly said " Anyway what about the bell?

Everyone's a critic !!!!

Pride

Mrs Trellis and her famous bobble hat at the Christmas Fayre

There is something quite moving and incredibly charming about someone's unexpected pride in something they have achieved.
Tonight was a case in point.
The jungle telegraph from The Velvet Voiced Linda and her Trelawnyd Street Wardens was that Mrs Trellis had raised 500£ from her sponsored walk, money which would be earmarked for the staff of my own former Intensive Care Unit
I caught Mrs Trellis out near Byron Street and I told her just how proud we all were of her
Looking beyond the laughter, and the chatter and the matter-of-factness of our conversation
I suddenly recognised a slight waiver of the chin and a watery glint in her eyes and as I repeated the words " Well Done" 
The old lady  raised her head proudly and firmly nodded her acknowledgement to something rather special

And her sudden tearful pride made my heart soar like the swallows over Well Street

lonely

I couldn't sleep that well last night and was up around 5 am bathing before thinking about going to work.
A flapping at the window signalled the arrival of the now single bantam cockerel on his way to the gardens towards Trendy Carol's for the morning.
He sat on the window sill looking at me for a moment
Then sat some more
Quietly and without panic as I splashed quietly away
In the first time in his life that has spanned over two years now,  he is alone
And I am sure he sat watching me , because he recognised me as someone who occasionally feeds him.
He's in his own lockdown now.
Alone and suddenly lonely
And sat a few feet away from someone he was familiar with
A moment that may have made him feel just a tiny bit better.

Double Entendre

Knock on the lane window around 1.30 pm
It was  old "Mr Hughes" brandishing an Aldi Carrier bag

He's a brusque fellow, not really known for his warmth,
I came out to the kitchen wall and said hello

Apparantly his street Warden had given him a couple of ready meals that were not quite to his taste
" I thought your dogs may like them!" he said with uncharacteristic generosity
I looked at the container

" I hate offal" he said seriously and I laughed
" Oh I haven't had a nice faggot for an absolute age !" I replied ....giddy as a kipper!!!

Mr Hughes sort of half smiled and there was a faint twinkle in his eye

" Aye..... that's the lockdown for you we've all had to make sacrifices  " 

Some may a bit of help to get this joke
See

faggot

/ˈfaɡət/

See definitions in:

All

Sex

Savoury

Needlework

noun

noun: faggot; plural noun: faggots; noun: fagot; plural noun: fagots

1. 1. 

   INFORMAL•OFFENSIVE

   a male homosexual.
2. 2. 

   a bundle of sticks bound together as fuel.

   • a bundle of iron rods bound together for reheating, welding, and hammering into bars.
3. 3. 

   BRITISH

   a ball or roll of seasoned chopped liver, baked or fried.
   
   
   
   
   
4. 4. 
   INFORMAL•DATED
   an unpleasant or contemptible woman.

   
   

   ps

   
   

   
   

   Just to add to the local colour

   Village Boffin Cameron
   has a birthday today

   he is no longer a teenager by many months

   he's 21!!!

   I messaged him today reminding him I ose him a cold beer at The Crown

   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

   
   

Nearly 58

My back garden 

I've done practically nothing today

I was still so tired.

I've read more of the wonderful book " On The Red Hill " by Mike Parker surrounded by bulldogs and only moved to go to the loo where I continued to read, still surrounded by bulldogs before returning to my original resting place

The lane was busy with walkers, so when I eventually ventured outside to buy pet food conversations were had with German Bernard and Marjorie, Animal Helper Pat ( who was adding her garden waste to my field  bonfire) and Meirion ( a meeting I cut short with the excuse of feeding the animals as he likes a rather long chat)

I returned to the sofa soon after and was interrupted by a neighbour who was worried about the disappearance  of one bantam cockerels who live the gardens around here.

Mary, Dorothy and I went for a scout round and found lumps of sad feathers in a nearby field
I remember well, my livestock keeping days, they taught me well the ways and habits of the fox and badger

I will break the news to the locals later . They all have grown to love the bachelor cockerels.

The single surviving bantam quietly made his way across my garden to his roosting tree in the graveyard at dusk tonight.  

It's sad to see him alone.

My sister has just asked what I want for my birthday and after long think  I've asked her to upgrade by tiny front garden with her green fingers and some colourful planting.

We are 58 in a week's time 

58! The last time I really noticed I was 40
My sisters are a constant in my life...I've known them both 58 years!

Where does the time go?

Flip Flop

Over two days of twelve hour shifts I have run the gauntlet of PPE
I'm not complaining , it's just a statement of fact
IMAGINE a large pink hairy pig being squeezed into a flaccid sky blue  condom
Add to the mix a tight plastic mask , the size of a large breathless yogurt pot, clinging blue latex gloves and a steamed up visor which looked as though it may have been born in Chenobyl and you may get the gist of what I have looked like since early yesterday morning.
One of my colleagues , whilst finally helping to  peel the sweaty plastic mess from my slug like body summed it up thus
" Jesus!!!!!You smell like fucking  Gandi 's Flip Flop!"

I Say

This week I wanted to say this to someone I know

" You are a nice person

But you'll never be a kind one " 

but of course I didn't

In the great scheme of things .....
It's not important

But Inso need to say it !
Hey ho

  

What We Shall Remember

Do you remember the covid lockdown daddy?
The nights we had Zoom night quizzes with the family?
Where The Mummy, A cowboy, Indiana Jones, Johnny Depp, Charlie Chaplin and Princess Leia amongst others battled for a single Cadbury's cream egg!
Do you remember those days daddy?
Do you remember?

Pottering

Yesterday I planted out deep red geraniums in pots, Spanish style,on  the kitchen wall
The winds increased to gales this morning and I found all of the pots hidden safely in the shelter of the front garden stone wall, saved by a kind passerby.
I was going to use the word nice here rather than kind to describe the Good Samaritan but in my considered opinion  many nice people are not kind.
Kindness is an action
Painfully nice people just use words
I made avacado on sour bread toast with eggs for brunch
Sorted out cupboards and drawers
I took Dorothy and Mary for a walk out of the village to the East, past Chic Eleanor's. Large White washed home
By chance she saw me passing and invited me onto the patio with a swirl of her scarf in the wind
" Darling John, do have a socially distant double shot coffee and we 'll brave the storm together!!"
I sat on her windswept patio as she made coffee from scratch
"Forgive me, I look a right sight!" Eleanor gasped " I have my lockdown tat on" 
This made me laugh as Eleanor would look good wearing a bin bag
We chatted for a while before the dogs got bored and needed to move on

I made chicken salad for lunch and prepared chicken noodles for my lunch tomorrow at work.
For the first couple of months of lockdown the Hospice kindly made all of their staff a free lunch, which was incredibly kind. Now, realistically that kindness cannot be sustained so it's back to preparing my own.....
Not a bad thing

This afternoon I'm making a hat with a sign on it
The sign reads Happy Birthday Chris written backwards
I'm attending a Zoom family quiz and it's my nephew's birthday !

I ve just popped into Church to leave my donation for bell ringing , I re positioned a painted stone I found on my wall yesterday...it's a pass it forward good wishes stone left by a local child and videod the laburnam , which shines golden in the sun.

 Affable despot Jason has added to his huge collection of morale boosting videos on the Street  warden's social group...I'm watching them now as I juggle writing this and making soup

The Bells The Bells

Well I must say Deborah Kerr in Black Narcissus made pulling the fuck out of the Great bell on the side of the Himalayas look like a piece of cake.
Hattie and My efforts were all a bit shaky compared to that nun in a heavy habit
As you can see
Great fun !!!!!
One less thing on my bucket list