All Is Well

Whilst many frightened people were buying toilet paper from Sainsburys the other day
I bought a fluorescent pink light up flamingo
I use it in the kitchen as a night light for the dogs especially when I am on nights
It runs by batteries and sits to the left of my favourite oil painting of "Trees in a shady wood"

Last night just before I went to work I saw fellow villager " Jim"stop and look through the lane window. His dog was waiting to sniff Mary who had gone all stiff legged and serious at the sight of another terrier so close to home
" I like your flamingo" Jim said after We had approached " It's so cheerful........like your pictures "
I always like the way that Jim is unapologetic at being " caught" looking through my window
After all it is I that invites passing looks by constantly illuminating the scene and by not having shades on the windows
"  all is well when I see the flamingo lit!" He said rather cryptically as if liaising with a fellow spy
" All IS well" I told him as the terriers sniffed and bristled together in the darkness

Miriam Is Right

Recently Miriam Margolyes told the world that she was pissed off with her body.
She wasn't bitching about having a short dumpy Jewish moma figure, lord that has been her signature " look" since she was a girl
But she was grieving the fact that in so many ways her body wasn't performing the way that she wanted it to.
It has aged almost beyond recognition
I get that.
I really do
I repaired the cat flap the other day and sat on the hard kitchen floor for around an hour as I did so.
It took a great deal of chutzpah , physical writing and pain and heave myself up again on one of the kitchen chairs without screaming.
Old bones eh
I'm finding that at the end of my night shift. Whilst some of the younger nurses are bouncing off to the gym after 12 hours ,I'm hobbling like and diarrhoea ridden John Wayne towards the safety of bluebell, a couple of paracetamol hardening my muscles leg controls against collapsing on the back seat like a active nymphomanic would do after something vital snapped in flagrant delicto
It come to all of us

Sans eyes
Sans teeth
Sans taste
Sans Everything

Over

The daffodils on the field border which Trendy Carol planted seven years ago have flowered yesterday in the warm spring sun.
I love their resilience and their loyalty.
Daffodils seem to grow out of nothing and they multiply every year.
Like bills......

I've been saving money up since Christmas and this weekend paid off my half of the overdraft of my marriage joint account. It's another hurdle passed and sorted and I'm proud that I've juggled things enough to tick another box towards the goodbye of my marriage
I'm now waiting for the decree absolute to come through and that final tie will be severed.
I've asked my husband to be prudent with the absolute request
It needs to be over

Moody Cow

I wasn't going to blog today as I've started a run of night shifts

However my new postman ( who seems more cheerful and who is wonderfully bearded unlike my previous bad tempered old duffer) delivered a cushion in yesterday's post.

The cushion was handmade by Scarlett who thought it was apt for Winifred who, as you all may remember ,has a healthy dislike for all scatter cushions.

Thank you again Scarlett, I have written to you yesterday.

I was thrilled by it.

I have no other news. Save for the gut wrenching disappointment I have for my new frying pan which seems to encourage everything I try to cook to stick to it.  

I know I need to get out more

Well I am trying xx

Daffodils

I took this picture at the Albion pub in Conwy last week sometime.
I had driven over to Llandudno with Mary to drop papers off at my solicitors then decided to pop over to the Art Deco pub, hidden away in the narrow streets of Conwy town for a drink and a scotch egg.
Every table in the pub was decorated by a simple spray of daffodils

So lost in day dreaming I hadn't noticed a man waving at me through the serving hatch at first, but finally I did and he walked around to my snug table to say hello
I nursed his partner at the hospice

We chatted for a while and during our chat he summed up the whole complicated and multi facetted phenomenon of grief in one single poignant sentence

" Grief is just love that has absolutely nowhere to go" 

Eleanor

Chic Eleanor was standing at the bar brandishing two goldfish bowls of gin when I walked through the doors of The Crown at 6.30pm
" Darling John ! Early doors ! Who would have guessed it!?" 
The pub is always nicely busy on a Friday teatime and it was nice to say hi to a few familiar faces before we found a table not far from the fire
I adore Eleanor, for she is comfortable in any setting she finds herself in
She smiles, she is gracious and she is genuine
I told her that the mysterious P ( one of my blog followers) is interested in meeting her.
" How delightful, is he a dish?!" She cooed
We gossiped for an hour before wanting chips in a bowl
Unfortunately the chef had left early!
The youth club in the village hall finished around 8pm and the supervisors must of galloped over to the pub for a much needed large wine and I hugged Bridget ( the main supervisor) when we got up to go
" We don't see much of you around the village " another drinker said from his barstool perch next to her  and I thought how lovely it was catching up with people at teatime rather than later in the day
I could see that Eleanor agreed
" Darling this early doors thing is quite the fun thing, we must do it again!" She mused swirling her pashmina like batman's cape before we left

Serendipity

I was chatting about serendipity only yesterday over dinner
I've benefitted from this strange and seemingly fickle phenomenon over the past 18 months and one day I shall share some of the stories of its golden touch here on Going Gently but for now I shall share a little moment of more recent serendipity joy.

The day before my wedding my sister's gave me my grandmother's wedding ring. It was wrapped in a blue ribbon and was the something old in that old fashioned  wedding gift tradition way.
I was incredibly touched by the gift and kept the ring safe with my wedding certificate .

Over the divorce , I had to send  my wedding documentation off to my solicitors and without thinking the ring ended up with some office clerk who kindly researched where it may of come from and returned it to me.
The ring was placed in my wallet for safekeeping but like things do when life is fraught it suddenly went missing from its second safe place around a year ago.
I've scoured the cottage for it over the past months, without success.
I was mortified

Anyhow a few days ago I cleared out a load of old books from under my bed. I bagged them up into carrier bags and took them to the local charity shop but not before I noticed a small Christmas cracker lying amongst the flotsam of one bag
The Christmas cracker I recognised . It was a tiny one from a box of ten 1940s Christmas decorations I had bought from an antique fair decades ago, so I pocketed it inside my hoodie with the thought of returning it safely.

I found the cracker today. I'm doing washing and like a good housewife was emptying my pockets of snotty tissues and dog poo bags and there it was like a small toffee wrapper.

I remembered where I had placed the box of crackers and located it in the small arts and crafts writing bureau in the living room.
Inside the box were nine another crackers and almost hidden underneath them was my grandmother's wedding ring which had been carefully attached to a  wooden tag of a Welsh terrierby me and then forgotten
It had finally been sent back to me

Friends

Some bloggers turn out to be exactly what you expect in real life
Tonight I met David from Travel Penguin (https://travelpenguin.blogspot.com/) and his husband Jay
In a whistle stop visit from Washington, via Ireland and London we all met up for a wonderful meal at The Castle in Conwy
A lovely chatty evening.

I'm off today and tomorrow before another run of nights and was only thinking of what to do tomorrow when Chic Eleanor drove past in her sporty red sports number
" Darling John " she crooned out of the window " Gin and tonics Friday teatime , over a bowl of chips ..how about it?" And with a fling of a pashmina corner she was gone!
What fun

" Cutchiface"

Dorothy is becoming a powerful and rather energetic little dog
The more confident she has become the more I have to lead her in public, so rambunctious and bouncy and excited she is when out of the house!
Her main problem is her amazing ability to jump and jumping she loves to do directly at you in a wide mouthed google eyed way.
With no thought of the ramifications of dirty paws and muscular legs.
I am training her slowly
She is always put on the lead and under control if another dog or walker approaches and when she does get too bouncy, an outstretched hand and a sharp turn sidewards often stops her in her tracks
It's a work in progress.
Today she had been left to run on a totally deserted walkway in the weak spring morning sun when out of the blue a middle aged woman suddenly appeared in view climbing through brambles out of a field.
Dorothy was perhaps forty feet from the woman and a good sixty feet in front of me and she stopped dead still looking worried.
Then I heard the woman say to Dorothy " Hello cutchiface!"  in an overly friendly way.

Now I must stop here for a moment to add a bit of colour to the proceedings
" Cutchi face" is a a sort of hybrid Liverpudlian/ Welsh greeting of long ago.
Cutchi is an English version of the word Cwtch which means hug or cuddle in Welsh
Hence Cutchi face  literally means huggable face

Hearing such a friendly greeting coupled with an open arm welcome, Dorothy literally jumped at the chance for some affection and so ran forward and effectively dropped kicked the woman mid chest at ten feet away.
Both disappeared through the brambles with a cry before I could even open my mouth.

The first thing I saw when I ran up was a single half Wellington boot lying poignantly amid the brambles
Dotty had literally knocked the woman out of her shoes!
Luckily there was no injuries apart from a very muddy coat and a very dirty sock and after a bit of struggling I had the woman back on her feet in a matter of minutes
" She moves quite quickly for a bulldog" the woman observed wryly as Dorothy smiled desperately at everyone involved

" I'm so sorry" I gushed , hoping not to be sued " These dogs will be the death of me !" 
" Almost the death of me " the woman corrected

Old Brown Eyes

I got home late
On the back door step,
A red rugby hoodie and two boxes of cat food.
On the front door step another letter from my solicitor and a rice pudding under foil
Enjoy Miss Gayle
This is a lovely version of the a Tom Waits classic 

Tits Up!!!

Some days are just shite

My mobile phone magically decided to shut down at breakfast time just as I was what's apping a friend about meeting up for lunch.
The little cunt ( and Im talking about the phone and not the friend) demanded a security password totally unknown to me and so for at least four hours, I searched the Internet for ways of bypassing the problem .
Finally I now have a functioning phone, no internet banking and have lost numerous contacts and so much information it actually hurts.
I hate the I've actually become one of those new age people who literally can't function without a friggin phone!!!!

My friend cancelled lunch

Mary nipped the fingers of the new postman who forgot that he was supposed to use the box by the front door to deposit letters into and I had to apologise profusely to be given aletter from my fucking solicitors who demanded another ( and arbitrary) £216.00!!!!!! Payable RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

I went to the bank for help with my app
( no luck) then dropped and smashed a jar of mayonnaise in Aldi
Before coming home and flopping on to the bed for a moment of peace.

I woke up groggy and disorientated and in the dark.
I have now fucking missed choir practice

Late Post

I told a story today.
I told a story like my mother told her stories
I told a story which amused me
I think I remembered it right

Back in the late 1980s my eldest sister and her husband went to see a movie
They weren't big film goers.
Middle class and well spoken they sat through Bruce Willis Die Hard
An interesting choice given its language and violence.
In those days the ice cream lady still came around with her tubs

And my sister turned to my brother in law and in her well spoken brogue said loudly
" Do you want a fucking ice cream motherfucker or don't you?" 

Mighty Fine Coffee

Jorge blew himself out overnight and Sunday blossomed into spring this morning.
I had fixed the broken cat flap yesterday in a fit of testosterone and so the kitchen was warmed nicely by the weak sun by the time I got up at 8.30 am.

Mary,Dotty and I walked through the scores of dog walkers and kids on scooters that lined the Dyserth Walkway and went for breakfast at Y Shed ( English translation The Shed duh!) 
The cafe does lovely illy Coffee and the best bacon sandwich this side of Offa's Dyke

.

I saw an old friend with his daughter at one of the tables
Our friendship had kind of come to an end a few years ago after he had left his wife for another woman. I regret not being able to have been impartial at the time.
But sometimes you just have to act the way you do.
We shook hands and chatted briefly and politely.

The Coffee was indeed a delight as was my sandwich, which I shared with the dogs.
The walkway was sunny and somewhat crowded with walkers and I was reminded Gently of walks past around Central Park. So Jaunty and animated the atmosphere was.

Sunday jobs are on the agenda today
Car cleaning
Soup making,
Friend calling
More proper coffee and perhaps a doze in the chair by the window

Jason And The Zombies

Some friends, you can just pick up where you last left off
affable despot Jason is one of those characters.
Now in winter, he tends to go to ground and is not really seen until Spring, so in some ways I must of felt grateful he ventured out of Tŷ Wynne as Storm Jorge steam rollered in
" Jorge" Jason said " Sounded rather more like a Brazilian toyboy than an Atlantic Storm
I agreed.
Jason is naturally funny and knows it
Admittedly his humour can be somewhat schoolboy in nature but he has a good brain in his head which is a bonus when he is your theatre companion .
Night of the living Dead-Remix is an interesting theatrical experiment.
It takes the original film which it more or less runs in its original form on one screen and with seven actors with handheld cameras on an innovative set reinacting the whole film scene for scene.
It's a clever concept which is implemented almost flawlessly by the cast who must have been rehursed until they dropped but with the use of miniature models standing in for the exterior shots, I wasn't quite sure if we should have been amused or just impressed with the results.

Jason and I can talk for Wales
We can also laugh all night too.
He's a good person to know and I like him

The cottage was warm when I returned home......in a fit of testosterone I had refitted a new cat flap this afternoon

Zombies to look forward to.....

I hate Saturday mornings
They shriek of couple time and wherever you go , you seem to be surrounded by couples catching up on the mundane and the routine things in life.
I tried to divert myself from coupledom by reading the latest twitter feeds
But it would seem all the gay twitter feeds I follow have hirsute men selfies on them proclaiming goddam awful hangovers and showing a beautiful range of bed linen.
I bought some nice bed linen this morning on the back of it ( special offer in Sainsburys )
It was either that or a cat flap, and I couldn't face the pet store this morning
Not with all those doggy couples about!
The bed linen looks crisp and inviting so bedtime should be a smallish treat tonight
Having said that the wind whistling through the catflap is a pisser .
I've had to fashion a curtain of kitchen tissue in the meantime, which has thrown Albert into a dicky fit.
Later I'm catching up with Jason the affable despot.
We are going to theatre Clwyd to see Night of the Living Dead remix, which is a " remaking" of a famous original zombie movie on stage!
Frothy and rubbish , I suspect, but frothy and rubbish is ideal if you are in the company of some who laughs easily.

A sudden sleet/ snow shower has whistled through the catflap like a rat up a drainpipe, sending the dogs scuttling back into the warmth of the living room.
I now friggin regret not buying one....
Hey ho

Yes, but is it art?

I took some annual leave and went back to bed this morning.
I walked the dogs ,
Brushed my teeth ( yes I have all of my own) and pulled up my bra straps
I also collected my latest creations from pottery class
The bowls are from an artwork instillation I have been recently working on called  " fish" 
As you can see I am inspired by nature .....
Lol , and before of you get carried away, yes I am taking the piss out of myself.
The bowls are rustic to say the least  

Thank You Dorothy

Thursday was a surprisingly down day
I had contacted my husband by email  re the final death throe paperwork  of my marriage first thing in the morning and the down feeling never left me until I got home after the cinema

Dorothy had a mad half hour of glee when I let the dogs out for a wee walk and she suddenly decided to leap around like a fat antelope and in a fit of showing off like a toddler who is just feeling their mortality often does, she galloped around the garden and bit the heads off nine daffodils just because she could.
So proud she was at her her work!!!!... I just couldn't tell her off....as she finally stood gasping for breath at my feet with shredded petals in her mouth  ...and with a grin the size of a split water melon .
I bent down to hug her like she was my own personal star.
And her stubby tail span around like with bulldog pride as if it was a 1970s foodmixer
So happy she was.........at making me feel so happy

In The Mood

I have been intrigued to see the much discussed Korean movie Parasite since it pissed off Trump by winning best film at the Oscars.
So I popped over to Chester , had soup and a pretentious tap at my iPad in the Jaunty Goat 
before walking around the corner to the Storyhouse for the 3pm seniors (!!!) showing

I didn't get it.
I mean I understood its message about the haves and have nots in South Korean society
But I just didn't get it!
Sometimes you just have to be in the mood for a certain movie
And I think today I needed something rather different

The dogs shared a pizza tea with me
Happily crunching the crusts noisily in front of the fire
I was glad to get home

I had a hot Bath
A weep
And watched Double Indemnity in bed
Cracking!!!

Barbara and Fred never liked Aldi

76 Years

As you all know I work in a hospice
I am used to watching people closely
And today I was privileged to watch one old friend say goodbye to their lifelong friend.
I noticed the moment when no one else did.
I noticed it because I was looking for it
Unless you are Scarlett O'Hara saying her goodbyes to the saintly Melanie 
I think friends can be slightly overlooked in the access to their chums in the dying process as family members often take centre stage and today I watched the briefest of a hand hold and a brave kiss on a forehead before the family took things over
I followed the visitor outside and asked if they were alright
" Seventy six years" they said quietly with tears in their eyes " we've been friends for over seventy six years," 
And I nodded an acknowledgement
" Seventy years is special " I said lamely
" That it is !" The visitor said and we shook hands carefully before they walked head down across the car park

Oh Lord

Sometimes you are just glad that you made the effort with something unknown.
The Royal Ballet's Dances at a Gathering proved to be a pared down and joyous Jerome Robbins journey into Chopin, with a bare stage allowing the dancers to show their skill and their personalities
Stars Marianela Nuñez, Francesca Hayward and Alexander Campbell were real standouts and after an hour of watching them literally open mouthed We then had the fortune to sit through a brand new ballet, Cathy Marston's The Cellist.
Being " back" at the Royal Opera House was always going to be a moving experience for me  but I am so glad I was able to see something of so much depth and quality
The ballet centres around the aclaimed Cellist Jacqueline Du Prè and through a series of set pieces we see how Jacqueline fell in love with the instrument which catapulted her to stardom.
The cello is played with sublime skill by Marcelino Sambè who initially and magically becomes the instrument she obviously bonded with as a girl.
The two have a love affair on stage which is incredibly moving to watch and the humans in her life, her parents, sister and husband Daniel Barenboim sort of play a supporting role as multiple sclerosis starts to limit her abilities to perform.
I have never been so moved at the end of a ballet as I was at the end of The Cellist 
Unable to move on her own, we see the dying DuPré positioned around the stage by a series of grey figures as she says her goodbyes to her loved ones and as she melts into inactivity into an armchair her cello spins , almost out of control across the stage, playing frantically.
Lauren Cuthbertson literally broke my heart in the lead role.