Casablanca

 I’ve never really liked Casablanca .

I watched it again yesterday afternoon with some onion rings and a lascivious bitch under each arm in the hope I would enjoy it 

I know I should like it , after all it’s supposed to be one of the biggest screen love stories of the 20th century .

But I just don’t get it. 

Rick is too bad tempered. Ilsa flitted from one man to another in a blink of an eye and the film noir stalwarts such as Sidney Greenstreet and Peter Lorrie just got on my tits as did Claude Rains with his jaunty kepis.

I didn’t believe the story and I was bored …..

The love affair between Bergman and Bogart feels wrong to me and as I did in Now Voyager , my affections clearly swing towards Paul Henreid as the quietly spoken Czech resistance leader .

Boy was he a dish, especially when he got the Night Club crowd to belt out the Marseillaise to drown out the nazi singing 

He had me at “ Ahoj”

Thursday

 I’ve been reading some interesting articles by Imran Ahmed, the CEO of the nongovernmental organisation CCDH ( Centre for Countering Digital Hate) . He discusses people who exhibit the psychological trait of “negative Social Potency” which can be simply described as “ Wanting to upset or hurt” couple this with boredom, a need for attention or personal amusement and you have what my mother would occasionally refer to as a shit stirrer .Professor Mark Griffith from Nottingham Trent University discusses the need to be amplified and adds this concept into the mix.

We all want to be heard but people with Negative social Potency want to upset whist being heard.

It’s a sad way a run a railroad. 

And a dysfunctional way of living a life.

I had sausages cooked in the air fryer for brunch today. I made them into hot buttery sandwiches with flat bagels, perfect with a mug of tea.  I’m going back to bed shortly as I’m on nights , and I will be taking the girls with me as hormones are raging here still..

I will leave you with a thank you for  a pre Christmas gift I received yesterday. A lovely leather bound note book, which is quite beautiful A kindness of which I’m extremely grateful for 

I love  this video, it’s the Chap’s Choir singing Book Of Love which was produced to support the men’s mental health charity CALM . Campaign Against Living Miserably .

Sweet…..

Happy Christmas 

Last Night Out

 “ Darling John I need a hug “ 

You always know you’ve had a Chic Eleanor welcome 

Hugs and darlings all round

Heads turned in The Crown .

They always do when she’s around.

She smiles wildly and flicks her hair like Lee Remick did in the 60s

I had the stroganoff and she had the chicken 

And we talked like two old friends do when they are on the same wavelength 

I’ve done lots of talking the last six days, 

Lots of friends ……now it’s back to work for two nights now 

Then it’s back to my sister Ann’s for Christmas. 

I’ve always had my best Christmases at Ann’s ..

Choir

 The Community Choir’s Christmas night at the Eagle And Child pub was a rather emotional affair all told. We haven’t had the traditional night out since well before the first lockdown and singing together in public remains a novelty since zoom choir .

We had a rather nice meal and a catch up. Heulwen, Margaret and Dave, from Trelawnyd were there, Hattie turned up from the local nurse picket line and sang and the lovely Lindy swished up like a younger / trendy Margaret Rutherford without her Charlie .( Charlie was her dog who used to join in when we all met up on zoom over lockdown )Gentleman farmer Peter who I sing next to  was there too in a fetching Christmas shirt

I promised myself to video the whole  performance but I so wanted to sing with them……I didn’t .

I’m so hoping to get back to choir in March .

Conductor Jamie ( Sans his RAF. Moustache ) led the charge in the encore and his new project of Only You  really impressed me as it was so difficult . 

Here are a few snippets of the evening .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfOUGUDgudI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-97lBPE3Wo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCKfcBizwt8

Off for a meal with Chic Eleanor this evening

It’s Almost Christmas

 I will report on the Choir Christmas Night out tomorrow 

But today I’ll report that I’m feeling a little more Christmassy 

Just Outside the village to the East is Jackson’s Garden Centre https://www.jacksonsgardencentre.com/

Every year the garden centre gives every house in the village a gift, a small pot of spring bulbs 

It’s a lovely thoughtful gesture  and one that surprised me again this afternoon.

Animal Helper Pat , called around with a gift of bara brith wrapped in silver foil and a huge sprig of holly and Sailor John left me a bottle of bubbly and a card .

Tomorrow I’m meeting Chic Eleanor for an early supper in the pub ….lovely

Babies In The Dark

 

Bootham Park Psychiatric Hospital York

Christmas  Night 1986

It was very cold and snowy and I remember.

I wasn’t very happy.

I had just started work in the November.

A new staff nurse role, in a new city of York

I’d barely been there a month and still lived at the nurses’ home at Clifton Hospital a couple of miles out of the city.

I knew no one properly and I was homesick

And already I had been put onto night duty.

The ward was quiet. 

A psychiatric admission ward with ten general admission patients and an attached mother and baby unit with a half complement of two mums and two newborns.

We had three staff of duty. Staff nurses clive and I covered the main ward and Sue who was a motherly enrolled nurse took charge of the nursery.

Around midnight Sue and I were in the darkened office, each of us feeding a baby.

I couldn’t see her face properly just a glint of her glasses from the lights from the snowy garden.

She was asking me about me, and I had been yacking on in the dark for an age.

I had no idea what I was doing but my baby was large and content and sleepy so from the get go..so I was lucky.

“ Are you gay John? “  she seemed to ask me out of nowhere and she nodded when I defensively replied no, just a little too quickly .

“it’s ok if you were you know? ” She said slowly in her broad flat Yorkshire accent  “I’ve always loved gay men”

And in the comfortable silence that followed, something quietly and inexplicably shifted in me 

As we fed babies in the dark on Christmas Day

Sex at Bwthyn Y Llan

 Bwthyn y Llan has never been a hot bed of sin to be sure.

Ok, I’ve had my moments, this is true, but Don Juan is not a nickname the neighbours have or will ever give me.

I’ve booked Roger in for his castration in January and after a couple of years of barren wilderness 

Dorothy is now suddenly  in full season. 

Subsequently Roger has become a panting, blob of hairy jelly and Dorothy has suddenly morphed into Rita Hayworth in Gilda.

The air is electric , and filled with eager panting and lots of come hither looks. 

It’s like a soft pot video with 12 nipples and fur.

I met my sister in law for lunch today at Bryn Williams and took Roger with me . He sulked like a teen and only perked up when walking back to the cottage to see Dorothy flashing her toilet parts at him through the cat flap with a lascivious look on her face

Chatter

 

This morning I took Roger to Porth Eirias  where I met my friend Polly for lunch at Bryn Williams

By 3 pm I felt all talked out after at least seven hours solid chatter since Colin arrived yesterday. 

I needed the company of friends this weekend 

After lunch Roger and I braved the Promenade wind and now, as it’s approaching four , the dogs , Albert and I are heaped untidy bundles on the coach as the fire roars.

We underestimate the therapy which is chatter.

And when I say chatter, I’m talking about that proper two way interaction with friends .

The mixing of ideas, serious one and the frivolous , the sharing of confidences ,silliness and laughter.

It makes you feel more human 

Doesn’t it?