Bootham Park Psychiatric Hospital York
Christmas Night 1986
It was very cold and snowy and I remember.
I wasn’t very happy.
I had just started work in the November.
A new staff nurse role, in a new city of York
I’d barely been there a month and still lived at the nurses’ home at Clifton Hospital a couple of miles out of the city.
I knew no one properly and I was homesick
And already I had been put onto night duty.
The ward was quiet.
A psychiatric admission ward with ten general admission patients and an attached mother and baby unit with a half complement of two mums and two newborns.
We had three staff of duty. Staff nurses clive and I covered the main ward and Sue who was a motherly enrolled nurse took charge of the nursery.
Around midnight Sue and I were in the darkened office, each of us feeding a baby.
I couldn’t see her face properly just a glint of her glasses from the lights from the snowy garden.
She was asking me about me, and I had been yacking on in the dark for an age.
I had no idea what I was doing but my baby was large and content and sleepy so from the get go..so I was lucky.
“ Are you gay John? “ she seemed to ask me out of nowhere and she nodded when I defensively replied no, just a little too quickly .
“it’s ok if you were you know? ” She said slowly in her broad flat Yorkshire accent “I’ve always loved gay men”
And in the comfortable silence that followed, something quietly and inexplicably shifted in me
As we fed babies in the dark on Christmas Day
Things seem to be changing slowly John don't they? I have gay friends and they are so happy and contentd together Now that I feel I know you well - that is what I wish for you too. xx
ReplyDeleteI think things have changed so very much pat
DeleteIt's amazing how much easier it can be to share in the dark.
ReplyDeleteThat’s the point of my blog
DeleteI'm so pleased for you that you no longer feel the need to lie about who you are. If only the world was a kinder place, no-one, anywhere, would feel that need. xx
ReplyDeleteI was too young to venture into coming out land , but she made me turn a corner
DeleteAnd it still will all be okay. I think many of us have those quiet moments of shift someplace in our history.
ReplyDeleteAnd we all owe it to each other to help others in those quiet moments
DeleteWorking out who we are, and living it, otherwise we are living a lie. So important.
ReplyDeleteI think it was the very first time I was asked if I was gay without it being ( and intended to be) an insult
DeleteI think that people who allow others to simply be who they are without judgement at all are really a wonderful gift to this world.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what happened to debbie
DeleteBe yourself and be kind and be happy. xx
ReplyDeleteA good mantra for all of us
DeleteThat's a lovely story, John. The image of feeding babies in the dark is peaceful all on its own but the added element of acceptance and care makes it that much sweeter.
ReplyDeleteYour story's left me wishing I had a baby to feed. Sigh...
I’ve never fed one since
DeleteJohn, your stories are lovely and the way you tell them makes my heart grow! Acceptance by another has a way of getting into our hearts.
ReplyDeleteThat’s sweet of u Karla
DeleteI will be thinking about this all day. There are moments of almost-angelic intervention in our lives sometimes, aren't there?
ReplyDeleteI so agree
DeleteA situation underlines it.
The babies suckling meant we were going no where . The dark was a confessional
Debbie the priest
Lovely.
ReplyDeleteXx
DeleteQuiet acceptance - wonderful x
ReplyDeleteYes ….planting the seeds
DeleteBeautifully written, John. Your storytelling powers increase with each new year. Merry Christmas.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
My mother could tell a good tale
DeleteA beautiful moment nicely recalled.
ReplyDeleteCheers YP
DeleteYawn ..
ReplyDeleteLovely John. Wishing you a beautiful Christmas
ReplyDeleteYou too Linda….have a peaceful time
DeleteWhat a touching story well told.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Thanks babs
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete? Xx
DeleteIt was off point.
DeleteThe power of acceptance!
ReplyDeleteAnd a valuable lesson how well a closed question can work if the situation is right
DeleteIt's nice to get that kind of support, especially at that age and in that time.
ReplyDeleteYes, it was subtle but not too subtle to be remembered by a gauche 24 year old
DeleteAn angel appeared xx
ReplyDeleteA middle aged mom who knew her stuff more like
DeleteYou "paint" such wonderful scenes when sharing the stories of your life. Thank you for sharing these beautiful and quietly touching moments, as well as the every day.
ReplyDeletePerhaps I live too much in the past
DeleteAnother simply and beautifully told story. I never had that question (although I know it was asked behind my back). But I wouldn’t have had that quiet and inexplicable shift. Although I, too, would have answered too quickly “no.”
ReplyDeleteYes behind my back too..or used as an insult
DeleteIt was the first time I had heard someone liked gay people
Beautifully written and would make a lovely chapter of your memoirs... (hint, hint) I was the second person one of my dear friends told that he was gay and it was an honour. He had lived a life not being true to himself out of fear of being rejected. Louise X
ReplyDeleteThank you louise x
DeleteYou paint the scenes so well that your readers can see it with you. I think these essays deserve a wider audience.
ReplyDeleteLol anon would disagree lol
DeleteAnon is a jealous shrew, who cares what it thinks. I agree with hart!
DeleteJo in Auckland
It was nice to remember too…..
ReplyDeleteI am for writing up some of these and sending them to the BBC. Whomever makes the shows. Another newer take on nuns/nurses. Men of all sorts who are nurses who work with nurses and doctors. You've got it. I sent you something to help along the way a bit.
ReplyDeleteXx
DeleteShe obviously had a very good sense of timing. I'm glad you benefited from your time together
ReplyDeleteTiming is everything in counselling
DeleteDo people still ask (you) that? You'd never hear it here in Brighton.
ReplyDeleteA very special moment.
ReplyDeleteSnow on Christmas Day 1986 in York? I don't think so!
ReplyDeletePerhaps your memory has dimmed somewhat.
No I remember it well
DeleteA memory to be treasured.
ReplyDeleteSuch a touching story, John.
ReplyDelete"And in the comfortable silence that followed, something quietly and inexplicably shifted in me.
As we fed babies in the dark on Christmas Day."
Those last two lines gave me chills of writer envy.
x0x0 N2
Thank u
DeleteDr Itua herbal medicine cure my diabetes and my husband's erectile dysfunctions it's help us a lot and we thank Dr Itua very much on his good deeds to us so reason I have been writing about him on every blog I came across with for people with health issue can relate and get well with Dr Itua herbal medicines, Dr Itua can cure Hiv,Herpes,Als,Hepatitis,Cancer,Ms,Menstrual Pain,Parkinson and some other health problem human being can encounter.
ReplyDeleteContact him on drituaherbalcenter@gmail.com or visit his herbs store https://drituaherbalcenter.com/shop/. Thank you for your love and opened to sharing your knowledge with us all through this blog site. All my love,