Ian Parry Scholarship - 30th Anniversary

Ian Parry was a good friend of mine. 

We grew up in Prestatyn 

He took this photo of Rol and I ( yes the one from a few blogs ago) in the 1980s

A photo I have always treasured 

He shared so much of my salad days in North Wales and I miss him still

I have many of his salad day photographs

Me and my sister Janet joking together

Me and my nia at the cinema 

My grandmother laughing

Kelly Ann, a friends baby

Back To Work

 Back to work today, so it’s bucket of coffee time at 6.20 am and I’ve packed my antibiotics for the day.

I’m not doing anything of note until Thursday when Gorgeous Dave  and I are off to see An Evening With Nigella Lawson. He has been given clear instructions not to get an erection when she describes her cooking with her usual sexual sub references.

Saturday I’m going to London again, this time to meet my nephew for a day at comic con

He’s warmed me that he’s dressing up as what looks like a red superhero

Gawd help me.

For the first time since I started work at the Hospice, I have Christmas Day off.

The family in its entirety have planned to meet up at my sister’s home on the day

There will at least sixteen of us all told.

What fun

Hey ho

A Grey Day

I met my friend Polly for lunch at Bryn Williams https://portheirias.com/.

A grey day 

I need a shave

 

Another Time/ Another Country

Rol and I, at another time, in another country

 When I was 20 I sort of fell in love with my best friend Rol

I didn’t understand the feeling, for sure.

I didn’t even understand I was Gay at the time

But in that clumsy, awkward, oblivious ,adolescent way…

I fell in love.

That secret, unrequited sort of love with a six foot, extrovert  rugby playing straight bloke who was destined for university, marriage and fatherhood in The Midlands

Our friendship waned after he went to Oxford and University  and I went nursing, and like many heterosexual men, he never really kept in touch although over the last forty years our paths have crossed at odd opportunities and situations and I was always aware of his general news as my friendship with his younger sister Nia has continued even after she emigrated to Australia. 

Our “parting” wasn’t a tragic separation, there was too much going on, for that to be the case, but it hurt a little at the time…. the way only things hurt when you are a gauche, immature , young man who had no real idea of who and what he was……

Last week Rol messaged me through social media and asked to meet. 

I was intrigued and happy to do so and this morning we met up at y shed.over coffee.

A brummie accented grandad and an almost 60 year old gay divorcee with a mild hangover

It was strange as we had never sat down together, alone and on a 1 to 1 for almost four decades but the years melted away as we chatted  and caught up. For me, it wasn’t a return to those uncooked unrequited  Love days…how could it have been ?  we both are very different people now , but it was a nostalgic and gentle nod to a friendship which was important to both of us in a country and a time so different from today. 

Now, the reason for the reunion turned out to be a serious health scare during lockdown . 

A reminder that people that matter and who mattered need to be touched base with.

No apologies for not keeping in touch for all those years

There is no need for apologies 

And we were both moved to tears by the catch up and the feelings that we shared.

We hugged each other firmly as we said our goodbyes.

Hugged for the good past times and the memories

Hugged for the shared uncertainties of approaching our sixties

And hugged for the fact we are still here ………..

And as we hugged Rol kissed me gently on the cheek 

A gesture that moved me greatly.

Normality

Just having three guests 

Fills the cottage

I haven’t had more than one visitor here for a year and a half

and having serious, funny, raucous, and important conversations over dinner and wine 

feeds your soul and makes things seem so much nicer than they did before

 

Bum Marks

 I’ve just given the cottage a once over

The bathroom is spruced and the kitchen and living room are immaculate 

I’ve got friends coming around for supper. 

The first time I’ve had friends around since before lockdown 

On the hall wall there is a scuff mark

One day I will paint over it but not yet.

I hope my guests don’t think I’m a slob

But to be honest I don’t care if they do.

The scuff mark is of William’s bum

He loved to rub it on the wall and did so until he squealed in painful pleasure

The marks are  layers of Welsh terrier hair oil

Left with much delight and satisfaction over several years

One day, I will paint over them

But not yet

William, a few weeks before he died

Friday Night

Terms of Endearment

Do you know someone who has the gift of the gab?

Someone who is clever in communicating?

Someone articulate with words?

But the words ring insincere, self serving and false when spoken?

I’ve been contacted by two such people in two days 

After the first I was minimal in my replies, but the conversation and my lack of chutzpah  bugged me and I kept  thinking of a film scene that I couldn’t quite remember clearly enough

I kept musing about of Meryl Streep sort pulling a face

Before the second conversation I remembered the film scene which was haunting me

I was in Sainsbury’s by the udon noodles, and I said out loud Shirley MacLaine! When I recalled the scene  properly .

In 1983 James L Brooks made Terms of Endearment. For those few that may not have seen it, it is a comedy/drama Autumnal love story between eccentric neighbours , the middle aged  Aurora and Garrett,  (Shirley MacLaine & Jack Nickleson )as well being a study of mother/ daughter love between MacLaine’s character Aurora and her feisty daughter Emma played by Debra Winger.

In one pivotal scene the cowardly  Garrett finishes his budding relationship with Aurora and does so with all the right words, “ sincere” reflections and articulations but  the humiliated Aurora, who sees through his insincerity, just sits there and vomits out a reply of “ Blah, Blah,Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah , Blah ………Blah.

” 

It’s a clever play by Brooks who lets the scene speak for itself…I’m sure that last Blah was improvised

My second unsatisfactory  conversation was today. It was with Someone who just wanted something from me  A shallow request 

I replied with an equivalent of Endearment’s  Blah Blah BLAH 

Not Meryl today , but with Shirley’s Aurora , totally on board.

Hey ho