The Mystery Guest

I've arranged it
If I die in the non too distant future my colleague has agreed to do something for me at my funeral.
Picture this.
A hall of sorts, ( Not a Church) 
Everyone ( and there is a full house) is seated
The coffin is a pretty wicker one with meadow flowers on it and is situated at The front of the central aisle.
The celebrant is just about to start his address when there is a bang of the hall doors
A mystery woman enters.
All dressed in black.
Large hat
Thick veil
In her right hand a single red rose
In her left a white handkerchief.
The celebrant ( who is in on the ruse) welcomes the latecomer and graciously asks her to sit
She walks very slowly down the aisle, her high heels clip clopping on the wood floor and she sits on the front row to the left.( where a seat has been reserved for her)

The service resumes ........with everyone muttering in stage whispers
" Who is she ?" 

( The Mystery guest may also be a similarly dressed man but That me be a difficult find at short notice )

Shouting Into The Wind

We all need to feel that we have some sort of voice in this strange world we call life.

One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.      

Bryant H. McGill

Surprise Cock

After nights I found a cornflakes box just inside the front gate
In it was a tall and VERY angry red and black adult cockerel
He has one in sours and knows how to use them.
It took me three attempts with a pair of baby blue oven gloves to get him out of the box and into the shed.
There I have left him with a bowl of porridge oats and Albert's water dish.
It's been two years at least since someone has dumped their unwanted fowl on me.
I just can't be arsed this morning as I am tired so...I'm going to soddin bed

Quotes of The Day

Mrs Trellis never puts her bobble hat on properly
It's one of her little foibles
She wears it straight up, pixie style, with the Pom Pom erect as if starched
Can you starch wool, I wondered as I approached
She was standing on her front lawn when I saw her and she looked cross
" My Lawn's a martyr to moles" she sighed cryptically

Trendy Carol ( lovely winter coat in brown btw) is worried too. Her lovely Welsh terrier Seren is poorly and is awaiting blood tests. I told her to text me when she has some news.

Mr and Mrs W, I saw as they emptied their car boot of groceries. Both complained that they haven't seen me for a while.
I apologied and Mrs W whispered that she was having Botox treatment for a dicky bladder the following week
" I 'm up eight times a night at the moment  !" She ventured
I sympathised  as I am only up twice

We have a new postman. He seems cheerful enough but I did catch him sticking two fingers up at Mary this afternoon as she barked at him through the window

really?

The only person I spoke to today was neighbour Mandy
As usual she was rushing to get somewhere
"Any News?" She called out as she shot past the cottage
" I'm making a fat horse in pottery class " I shouted from Bluebell's bumper
Mandy stopped short with a puzzled look upon her face
" Really? " she said
"Yes!!!! the legs are a bit stubby but I'm rather proud of the rest!!" 
" Really?" Mandy called out again
" Yes!!! It does look more like a Shetland pony though" 
Mandy then laughed loudly and before she darted up they lane she shouted over her shoulder
"That's good ....I had a turn for a moment as I thought you said you'd made a fat whore!" 

Spring Cleaning

The Sooty cupboards are now empty and the mortuary type black plastic rubbish bags are in growing lines outside the backdoor.
Papers have been read and filed
Christmas decorations of happier times wiped clean and boxed.
It's therapy time for the old and the unused.
Old photographs will be posted away tomorrow.
I buffed the silver teapot my mother gave to me when she was drunk until it gleamed
And the Virgin Mary sent to me by Charles in the south of France has been dusted.
I'm not religious but I can't quite place her in the unwanted bin...it wouldn't seem right.
Twelve shelves in two faded green cupboards
57 years of someone's life
School reports, nursing certificates, and a graceful Staffordshire flatback greyhound bought from a Lincolnshire antique shop one romantic Sunday.
I polished him and placed him in the window
A Garfield with sooty eyes still smelling very slightly of 1980s perfume
Old pens, a screwdriver with a Scotty dog bitten handle
A pebble in the shape of a heart
£3.42 in change
16 old batteries
A cheap vase my grandmother once held, I saved that....
I could go on ..........
But I haven't the time

A Herd Of Fat Ponies

My pony is the rear one

 My sisters and I glazed our little fat ponies at pottery today. Mine should turn out a pleasing Art Deco earthenware green.
He will be ready next week
My sisters made heart shaped bowls while I messily fashioned a new cat bowl for Albert ( complete with his name on it !!!!)
Before class I went to the funeral of my Ally mcBeal patient. The dogs sat in Bluebell as I sat in the back row of the crematorium and I cuddled them when we went for a walk after the service.
The last time I sat on the back row of a crem was at my father in laws funeral and it was hard to have the reminder
I never wanted to sit in the cheap seats ever again

I fell asleep in the cottage arm chair when I got home and bloody well missed Choir which annoyed me
I woke up with clay in my beard, with it splattered on my trousers and with it dotted on the bridge of my spectacles

Oh, my love, my darling
I've hungered for your touch

Fanny-arsing

I'm watching the National Holocaust Memorial and cried buckets when the survivors of several world holocausts lit candles for the dead.
I've been pissed off on this day of reflection,
A day not to be selfishly pissed off I guess
I shouted at the irritating little man who uses his bad tempered husky type dogs pull him up the Dyserth Walkway on a skateboard.
As usual he made a big drama  play of telling them to be be good boys as they lunged to snarl at Mary and the crouching Dorothy and this morning I told him in no uncertain terms to
" Stop FANNY- ARSING ABOUT and move on!!" 
( For those that don't know, someone who is "fanny ars[e]ing about" is someone who is making a silly meal out of something)
The man started to argue but stopped when I waved him off with Benedict  Cumberbatch waft " Be off with you!!" 
What was I thinking?
I also had a bit of a falling out with my dog insurers on the phone and told two chattering women off in the cinema for talking......TWICE!!!
Like I said I've been out of sorts today.
I know why....but that's not for here

The film 1917 was an inspired choice of movie today.
A simple story of how two young soldiers infiltrate enemy lines in order to stop a foolhardy and suicidal British attack on the German forces was made into a first rate cinematic experience by its technical genius .
You will be simply blown away with the cinematography which gives the feel that the entire film was shot in just one long continuous take.
It's a revelation to watch Roger Deakins work on screen as at every step the soldiers make the camera is there swooping in and around the action with the agility of a hummingbird.
The visuals literally take your breath away.
From the visceral horror of no man's land, the audience " lives" the major set pieces with the actors. And so we are all trapped in an underground bunker,running scared in a burning and devastated Belgium town and are inserted into a crowd of soldiers who are listening to a melancholic prayer/song before they are sent over the top.

It's truly magnificent to watch.....and the wonderful cinematography is supported admirably by the film's editing by Lee Smith and its truly epic score by Thomas Newman
Go and see it on the big screen , you will be blown away
And don't fanny-arse around either!!!!!!