I've arranged it
If I die in the non too distant future my colleague has agreed to do something for me at my funeral.
Picture this.
A hall of sorts, ( Not a Church)
Everyone ( and there is a full house) is seated
The coffin is a pretty wicker one with meadow flowers on it and is situated at The front of the central aisle.
The celebrant is just about to start his address when there is a bang of the hall doors
A mystery woman enters.
All dressed in black.
Large hat
Thick veil
In her right hand a single red rose
In her left a white handkerchief.
The celebrant ( who is in on the ruse) welcomes the latecomer and graciously asks her to sit
She walks very slowly down the aisle, her high heels clip clopping on the wood floor and she sits on the front row to the left.( where a seat has been reserved for her)
The service resumes ........with everyone muttering in stage whispers
" Who is she ?"
( The Mystery guest may also be a similarly dressed man but That me be a difficult find at short notice )
John Gray, have you been on the catnip, again?????
ReplyDeleteNo not drinking.....lol am on night shift( on my break)
DeleteWell this explains that!!!! But I love your ideas!!!! Funerals are so boring and predictable!!!! How about remembering the joyful, full of life side of people (if they had one, of course). For my funeral, I'd love for the people (if there are any attendees!) to sing, drink and be merry!!!!
DeleteVery Rudolph Valentino of you. LOL.
ReplyDeleteor edgar allen poe
DeleteI think the Mystery guest may have never forgotten the meaningful relationship earlier in life-not wishing to stir any problems but just wants to be there for closure x
ReplyDeleteI love it! I am sure your friend will do this for you.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with funeral arrangements of any kind is that the main character isn't alive to enjoy them :)
ReplyDeleteThat's wicked in a good way, lol! Even better, have a second person that is younger, overheard saying, "I love you Daddy".
ReplyDeleteHahaha! That's brilliant!
DeleteA.
Oooh, I love that. So wicked!
DeleteForgive me, but why? I think it would shift the focus in that packed hall away from you, to the ceremony (which I think is disrespectful of the people who came to remember you and celebrate your life). Is that really the way you want to be remembered?
ReplyDeleteThis is a fantasy postdearheart
DeleteA bit of fun xx
To be fair, your first line "I've arranged it", then the next sentence about the colleague agreeing to it, suggested it was no fantasy. Can we assume you have not actually "arranged it?". Us naïve readers can be easily confused.
DeleteA fantasy agreement , night nurse hysteria
DeleteSo can we believe anything you write? To be honest this post has made me wonder what I'm doing here, I've better things to do than waste time reading fairy stories.
DeleteFairies are magical x
DeleteThat sounds fun. Maybe you should change career, and start 'Mystery Funerals Ltd'.
ReplyDeleteI think you should be writing books, or at the very least short stories!
ReplyDeleteHow about adding three or four ragged urchins trailing after her, all crying "daddy! daddy!" THAT'LL get tongues wagging!
ReplyDeleteD'oh! I just read the previous comments and I now see that Steven of Soooo-this-is-me has the same twisted mind as I do. Given that we're both Canadians, that's understandable.
DeleteI suspect that the mystery guest is a horse as she was clip-clopping on the wooden floor. See? I am just like Sherlock Holmes.
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ReplyDeleteWill it be RuPaul?
ReplyDeleteNow THERES an idea
DeleteMore likely it would just be a rampant cockerel running around looking for a hen, or just its morning feed.
ReplyDeleteYour solicitor also declares you left all your money to fallen women.
ReplyDeleteThe mystery guest would be reviled by everyone as a scene-stealer.
ReplyDeleteThis is brilliant. Can I steal it? Maybe even SEVERAL mysterious mourners all arriving at different times.
ReplyDeleteLove it! I'm all for going out in style.
ReplyDeletegreat idea but posting about it in advance sort of blew that fantasy. and we all have very long memories...haha!
ReplyDeleteWhat fun that would be . . .
ReplyDeleteNot fun to have you die though!
And the organist starts playing, "all the girls I've loved before, who wandered in and out my door!"
ReplyDeleteOr its raining men !!!
DeleteI like that
DeleteI did threaten a similar entrance at my ex's second wedding. Wide brimmed hat, lace dress. You know the part 'If anyone has reason for the union not to complete'. He believed me as well. lol
ReplyDeleteAnd then, the sound of creeking hinges as the coffin begins to open . . . . .
ReplyDeleteWith Russell Crowe popping out
DeleteCan it be turned into a Cluedo style boardgame where participants have to guess the identity and purpose of the mystery woman? Was John Grey done to death - or exploded (Mr Creosote style) after a surfeit of scotch eggs? I'm already imagining the players names and the board layout...well, it is Sunday afternoon...
ReplyDeleteYou could make millions
DeleteHaving worked plenty of nights, I understand where this thought came from! I agree, and have said before, you should write books. Oh, yes.
ReplyDeleteI do love the boardgame idea that P had, too.
Sweet dreams today and hugs!
Good sleep
DeleteLovely catch up with an old friend then cinema x
And, at just the right moment, you leap out of the casket - "Ta-DAH!" :-)
ReplyDeleteNo show without punch eh? Xx
DeleteHow lovely. Would make s lovely film. Hows your cock (erel) by the way?
ReplyDeleteHe's been moved to a local farm
DeleteSuch drama! A wicker casket...I don't think I've ever heard of such a thing. I suppose it's environmentally friendly, though.
ReplyDeleteThey've become more popular in the U.K. in recent years. As you accurately put it, they're generally used for environmentally friendly burial rather than for cremation. Rapidly bio-degradable - would be my choice too.
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DeleteFantasy or not, we can't send you off in a wicker casket, they look too much like laundry baskets! X
ReplyDeleteOh I thinkmthey look lovely
Deleteor..
ReplyDeletemore than 1 mystery guest. shooting mean glances across the room, followed by pie fight, or fist fight, your choice
A blazing Saddles pie fight would be great x
DeleteGosh, that sounds fun! When my lovely mother-in-law died a mystery middle-aged gentleman turned up at the funeral. He was handsome, tanned, beautifully dressed, well-spoken and had exquisite manners. I lost count of the number of elderly (and not so elderly) ladies who whispered "Who is THAT?" at me with a twinkle in their eye. I had no idea, so asked my father-in-law, who explained that it was their new Lebanese next-door-neighbour....
ReplyDeleteI do have many updo's and a selections of black hats and veils if that helps?
ReplyDeleteHired
DeleteShe has to finish off by standing just before the end of the service and placing the rose on your beautiful wicker coffin and saying 'Oh John ...' and then slowly and serenely walking out, her head held high. She MUST be seen being whisked away by a limousine with blacked out windows just as the other mourners exit the building.
ReplyDelete