Hugs

I hugged a patient goodbye today
It's a common thing for hospice staff to do when their patients go home
Contrary to expectations
Many patients get to go home

In my experience there are two types of hugs
The first is the polite hug. The hug of affection that perhaps lasts only a second or two
It's heartfelt and warm and sometimes unexpected !!

For many hugs are rare as hen's teeth

The second type of hug is the bear hug. That long, long hug of need and want
The kind where back slaps tighten into embraces that hate to be opened.
The all enveloping hug

Tonight I came home to a dark ......silent cottage
And near empty, in my psychological  reserves
I sat and cried sad selfish tears for a short while

Moments later the dogs arrived home,
In a blast of hairy, goggle eyed  Bon viveur !
And bulldog and terrier hugs commenced in earnest
Big, fat, long fuck off bulldogs and terrier hugs

How lucky am I ?

The Best Agony Aunt Question

Dear Deirdre

I am 29 and have just had my first period?
Is this normal?

Best wishes
Dave ( Bristol )

Chic Eleanor and a bag of chips

Living in the big house, East of Trelawnyd, Chic Eleanor has been pretty quiet of late.

We have two mutual friends who live in a nearby walled town of Conwy so today went to meet them.

The venue, the Art Deco real ale pub The Albion  was a place Eleanor had never been to before, but she was game and walked into the public bar with a swirl of her lovely pashmina

She stopped short when she saw the little puddles of dogs all sat at their owner's feet ( the pub is a renown doggy pub) and she beamed

" Darling John.....the. Dogs!!! Look at all of the dogs!" She cried

And she went around the tables saying hello to each one.

I love this about Eleanor

Her ability to find joy in the simplest of things.

We met our friends Sara and Pask in the snug and put the world to rights over a few beers and when the subject of dinner came up, I suggested chips on the little seaside quayside that borders the east of the town.

Eleanor beamed again 

" Darling.. chips, mushy peas and gravy sound absolutely divine" 

and with a swirl of classy cologne she led the walk across town 

And we ate our chips on the little harbour wall overlooking the estuary in the dark!!

A late thought over tired feet

One of my favourite patients died early this morning.
It wasn't the only death we had to deal with today
Her husband returned to the hospice later in our shift
And the staff quietly gathered in a respectful and impromptu vanguard to say their goodbyes to him and his family
His reaction was terribly moving

I work with some incredible people

Kissed on the cheek

Billy wilder said of her
" God kissed her on the cheek and there she was,..."

Deeper......Deeper

My recent foray into hypnosis has been met with a limited success
The therapist involved made the mistake of thinking it was a panacea to all of the ills they thought I was suffering from
I hadn't thought the offer of one off session through enough
The sadness of my impending divorce made me needy enough just to give it ago.
Their blind belief in the power of their therapy pushed them into offering

Now I'm left with the feeling that I've let them down as the suggested and expected eureka moment just has not materialised and this in turn has made me feel let down and frustrated
Feeling let down is something I don't do very well.....
I wondered if I had actually been hypnotised at first, as I was very aware that some post had been pushed through the letter box and a dog in the kitchen was scraping his nails on the laminate flooring!
But the longer I sat there, the more convinced I was that I had indeed moved into some parallel state.
One of relaxation
But nothing really more.

The eureka moment didn't show itself during the session, nor did it arrive after it

A salient lesson for both of us I guess 

A blog from a decade ago.....

I wrote this when I was on fox watch a long, long  while ago, and have only just remembered I saved it on the laptop...

It was written ten years ago

I hope you enjoy it

........It is 8.30 and the evening remains warm, dry and quiet. I am sat under the elm which borders the Churchyard and from this advantage point I can see every corner of the field. No sightings of Mr Fox as yet!

George is sat quietly in Maddie's old spot at my feet and the Welsh terriers are tied up next to the water butts and look asleep in the evening sun. Everything seems calm and serene.

The pace of the animals is slowing down in preparation for the night. The four female turkeys have separated from their daytime meet up and in two groups of two are ambling slowly towards their respective stags. Jane and Lizzy (the slate and Bourbon girls) make their way down towards Bingley in the far pig house and Gloria and an almost bald Theresa wait patiently just a few feet away. They know I will be shortly moving them into their shelter with Boris, who is still huffing and puffing away in the back ground.

The indian runners stand uncertainly just beyond the turkeys. They are eyeing me nervously and are also waiting for me to direct them into their duckhouse. I am late tonight and they know it............. and I am just that little bit amused that it seems to bother them.

The hens are all gliding their way to their own hen houses in groups of two and three. The buffs swinging their fat bottoms as they walk heavily home. The only birds that don't move home wards are the six battery hens in the furthest coop. They remain still and silent in a sad looking flat group in the warmth of the sun, yet the very fact they have all taken the chance to leave the safety of the hen house proves to me that at least the natural light and heat they now feel is in fact healing.

The two new foals in the field beyond the stream are galloping around is silly circles together and I can see Albert sitting on top of the Church wall watching them with some interest before he jumps down into the grass and rubs his head against those of William and Meg waking both dogs up.

The guinea fowl totter past and leap the 6 feet to enter the old Graveyard. They chatter noisily when they spy Albert, then move on to sit under their roosting tree, muttering to themselves like grumpy old people 

I take a long measured breath in, as one of the roosters crow

I am home

Up With The Drawbridge

The cottage looks at its best by candlelight
I got home after a work half day, walked the dogs and cooked a casserole.
The candles were lit just before 4 pm
Sometimes it's nice just to come home and shut the doors to the world.

I'm watching the TCM movie channel
The Four Musketeers is on...I forgot just how good Oliver Reed ( Athos) and Faye Dunaway ( as the evil Milady) actually were.

I'm lying on the couch with Dotty and Mary
And thinking of the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

" ....if I lay here

            If I just lay here........

            Would you lie with me

            And just forget the world ......?"