Searching

If Alfred Hitchcock was alive today he would have made the movie Searching 
Filmed totally from the perspective of a laptop screen, smartphones and go pros it is the old man-facing -a-nightmare-situation- alone story where widower David Kim ( John Cho) has to troll through his sixteen year old daughter's internet life in over to piece together just why she disappeared suddenly one night.
It's a clever premise with dad bouncing from Facebook to on line banking, to blogs to vlogs like a thing demented the movie keeps most of the audience guessing even though these are some elephant sized holes in the reality of the piece.
Cho plays the Cary Grant lead role very well. Michelle La is suitably enigmatic as the lost daughter Margot and Debra Messing rather surprisingly pops up as a caring police officer assigned to the case.
A good satisfying early evening movie
8/10

Disneyland For Grief

What do you do on a Sunday morning?
You get an invite to a local pet cemetery for breakfast of course !!
It was the most surreal of moments
The pet cemetery is a phenomenon I find a great deal of difficulty with
I've passed the place hundreds of times on the A55 and it looks very much like a regular cemetery save for a modern brick and glass building which houses a grand and very popular tea room which overlooks the greenlawns and gravestones.
I've always had a healthy disdain for the place
Disneyland for grief , I've always thought

But yesterday morning I found myself parking in it's neat car park with Mary in the passenger seat as moral support. We were 20 minutes early before I met the others for a cooked breakfast (!) so the both of us wandered about the graves of pets long gone.

It was a strangely emotional experience. Set in neat lawns with runner ducks wandering around like stupid wine bottles I read the emotional eulogies of "fluffy",  and of "Leo" and of "International velvet " the racehorse. So much more emotional than the aseptic gravestones of us humans , the gravestones shrieked of loss and love and pain.
A "best friend" lost, a "darling baby" gone, a "rock" mourned , we ambled past dozens of expensive headstones feeling overwhelmed by the loss shared in a safe public place......
I stopped at this grave and promptly burst into tears at it's simple statement of grief

I was glad that Mary and I were allowed into the cafe together. As my table mates and I ate our breakfast platters, the waitress brought Mary her own bowl of chopped Sausage

I hugged her all the way home 

The Blue Lady Of Trelawnyd..a guest post

Today's post has been written by Ann Maltoff
She is my co pilot on the zip wire challenge
Ann is one of those people that light up a room by walking into it.
She wanted me to thank all of you, who have donated to her just giving page by giving you a a little background to why she chose Alzheimer's to support.
The "Blue lady" of the blog title is a description of her mum as in the latter days of her illness she would only wear clothes that were blue!

Hi John I want to say first and foremost that you are the outright winner of this Campaign! You have the most generous and kind hearted followers and dear friends on your Blog. The donations they have made in the last 24hrs has been amazing!  They have not only supported you & the Samaritans but the Alzheimers campaign as well! 

I wanted to say a personal “Thank You” to each and everyone for their help raising money for these charities. My mother Dorothy Morgan as you know passed away last February after suffering with Alzheimers for 17 years. Although this cruel disease took her bit by bit we created many happy memories, which I would like to share with your readers in the form of photographs.

My Mum was always smiling! She had the most beautiful blue eyes. When this first photograph on the left was taken she didn’t know my name but was comfortable in my presence. She lived in our village in sheltered accommodation & was able to live independently with daily support from myself and our family for a few years. We would drive up to the Gop mountain which presides over our village and sit on the white bench admiring the view.

Mum also enjoyed Christmas and visits from her great grandchildren. Although she didn’t know who they were she loved watching them play together. The last photograph on the right shows her enjoying a moment on her 90th Birthday party. Although in the late stages of Alzheimers with limited mobility and speech her spirit for life still shone through!

Please send my sincere heart felt “Thanks” to all your blog readers for their support in making a difference to the lives of these people suffering from Alzheimers who don’t have a voice…. 

Congratulations again my friend!  Catch up soon.

Love 

Ann  x

Anns just giving page is

 https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/ann-malthoff

A Bridget Jones Night

I'd planned to go out with the affable despots tonight for a night in the pub but I didn't quite feel up to it.
I hope they understand.....of course they will.
Instead I did what any self respecting gay middle aged old pongo does when faced with the glums
I put my pyjamas on, made chicken and Thai noodles, Skyped a friend for an hour, and rearranged the living room furniture .
I also set up a cheap DVD player I had bought from the supermarket and am now sobbing myself through Amelie 

I now have an armchair for reading in

Butch

One of my colleagues at Samaritans has the nickname of Gorgeous George*
This nickname was attributed to him by a female friend of mine who has long gone from the centre , but the name stuck....because George is indeed gorgeous, buff and a very very attractive thirty something
Now George only does occasional shifts and yesterday he worked with me.
I was his mentor when he started two years ago.
We haven't seen each other for an age, so we swapped news before we started shift
I told him I was now single
He told me that he was too
He had a long term girlfriend and children.
I had a husband and dogs.
Now we are both bachelors of the parish
We counselled each other over custard creams
" Can we have a boys night out ?" George asked passing my coffee " do you play pool?" 
" I'm a 56 year old gay ......do You think I play pool?I quipped
He nodded then added
"Netball then ?" Rather helplessly....
I liked the joke
" Pool will be fine" I told him " I'll butch up!" 
I ve never played pool in my life! 
If I have to drape myself over a pool table with one leg up , I just know I'll break wind with the force of the Queen Mary's hooter! 


* not his real name

Musical Interlude

Someone has commented on one of my husband's social media pages today

I suspect it may be one of my followers though to be honest there is no way of knowing

I don't want things like this to happen 

I have never ever bad mouthed my husband here. This is a safe place for me and my feelings  and my journey during this difficult time I know I have shared with you all, but I don't want anyone to feel the need to chip in, in order to give him their two penneth worth. 

It's just not anyone's place

Now enjoy the lovely ( and very gay) Matt Alber

On a more positive note I'm still getting some donations via PayPal and by the donation page so keep em coming. It would be lovely to reach 4000£ xx

Violas

Thanks to a lateral thinking blogger, I have now recieved four more donations toward my zip wire Adventure via PayPal .This seems a good alternative to my donation page which some people have found difficult to navigate. My email for PayPal is jgsheffield@hotmail.com

Any bloggers who want to donate off line can send a cheque payable to Rhyl & NE Wales Samaritans to us at Samaritans , 23 Bedford Street, Rhyl Ll18 1SY

Right that's the money stuff done.

Last week Mr B took me to task about the state of my plant pots

" They are not up to your usual standard"  he commented looking at the barren dried earth filling each planter. 

His subtext shrieked 

" Get yer arse into gear!" 

This morning I planted them out with cheap violas. Violas are the most valiant of flowers I always think and the kitchen wall has been returned to its usual cheerful backdrop. 

Mrs Trellis stopped as I was watering and I had that conversation I was dreading. . She had heard in church about my marriage break up and wanted to check for herself.
She was pragmatic and thoughtful and diplomatic

The ponies are leaving fairly soon and as you can see the field, which had been totally overgrown only a month or do ago, has been cleared almost down to its last weed. The carcass of the Ukrainian village has now been picked bare and this week the dilapidated hen houses will be dragged to the bonfire for burning and the allotment borders of Bosoms will be dug out again in readiness for winter planting 

The robust home made hen house on stilts can then be cleaned out and made good again.

New Friends

Last night I joined a conversational Welsh class in the next village
Bugger alone knows why, as I can't speak Welsh properly at all.....but at least it's a beginners class
And I've always wanted to do it properly
There was  seven people in the group... I was the second only man there

At the " coffee and biscuit" break the only other bloke introduced himself
He's retired married, gay and comfortably friendly.
I told him immediately that I was separated
" I think you need a friend " he quipped after a time,  but I know that  he meant it,
And we shuffled over coffee cups
" my name is Jonathan !"  he said
" John" I told him
And we bumped cups
I've found a friend