It wouldn't surprise any one that 2011 has not been the best of years for us all..........in actual fact, tonight at the stroke of midnight I will endeavour to raise a large glass of a crisp white to the arse end of 2011 .......at the same time as I stick two fingers up at it.
My brother's illness and eventual death has had a profound effect on the family .......for most of the year in our own different ways we have tried to support him , his wife and each other as the inevitable deterioration of his body and mood took place as surely as spring turned into summer,and summer into Autumn.
It might sound strange but I kind of miss my weekly visits up in Denbigh. Without Andrew there to "look after" I now feel strangely redundant and "all at sea" when Thurdays come around....."Out of sorts" is another phrase that comes to mind as the nagging thought of "there's a job that needs to be done" continually creeps into my consciousness.......of course it's nothing to what my sister in law will be experiencing.... but the feeling is there.... and it is an odd, unsettling emotion to deal with.
2011 has been dominated by the shadow of MND.
It is an unforgiving, destructive and terrible disease...............and I hate it with a passion.....As a result , I am filled with a contempt that makes me want to turn my back on anything to do with the disease in the future..and I mean that.....
......I have had my total fill of it.
.....a fact that shows.............
......I have had my total fill of it.
.....a fact that shows.............
Of course, I lost Constance this year too. And this little sharp pain of grief was unexpected as it was cruel.
Constance was a sick old dog. But she possessed a big heart and a rather moving and profound attachment to me, which not only pampered to my need "to be needed" but which also moved me greatly.
Watching her blossom from a shy sickly bag of nerves into a confident, kiss loving mass of flatulence, underlined just why keeping dogs can be such a pleasure....... a pleasure that sometimes is so brief and bittersweet on occasion, but one that is to me, as important as breathing.......I still miss her dreadfully
I also miss two friends that went their own ways in 2011 ...another two losses......it feels like a year of losses!
I also miss two friends that went their own ways in 2011 ...another two losses......it feels like a year of losses!
Of course there was good things to remember in 2011.
-Watching the bloody awful "deal or no deal" with Andrew in the afternoons when he was more active, and watching him laugh at my feigned annoyance at not understanding the quiz rules
-Seeing my sister Janet take on the role of fund raiser extraordinaire, despite being convinced that she would be no good at it
-Being a part of the successes of the Village Flower Show and the annual Allotment open day
- saving no 21s leg with the help of Pat B, my amateur animal helper
- saving no 21s leg with the help of Pat B, my amateur animal helper
It has not been enough though.....
and if you are not...... welll... then you can fuck right off too!
