Saturday, 31 December 2011

Good Riddance To Bad Rubbish

It wouldn't surprise any one that 2011 has not been the best of years for us all..........in actual fact, tonight at the stroke of midnight I will endeavour to raise a large glass of a crisp white to the arse end of 2011 .......at the same time as I stick two fingers up at it.
My brother's illness and eventual death has had a profound effect on the family .......for most of the year in our own different ways we have tried to support him , his wife and each other as the inevitable deterioration of his body and mood took place as surely as spring turned into summer,and summer into Autumn.
It might sound strange but I kind of miss my weekly visits up in Denbigh. Without Andrew there to "look after" I now feel strangely redundant and "all at sea" when Thurdays come around....."Out of sorts" is another phrase that comes to mind as the nagging thought of "there's a job that needs to be done"  continually creeps into my consciousness.......of course it's nothing to what my sister in law will be experiencing.... but the feeling is there.... and it is an odd, unsettling emotion to deal with.

2011 has been dominated by the shadow of MND.
It is an unforgiving, destructive and terrible disease...............and I hate it with a passion.....As a result  , I am filled with a contempt that makes me want to turn my back on anything to do with the disease in the future..and I mean that.....
......I have had my total fill of it.
.....a fact that shows.............

Of course, I lost Constance this year too. And this little sharp pain of grief was unexpected as it was cruel.
Constance was a sick old dog. But she possessed a big heart and a rather moving and profound attachment to me, which not only pampered to my need "to be needed" but which also moved me greatly.
Watching her blossom from a shy sickly bag of nerves into a confident, kiss loving mass of flatulence, underlined just why keeping dogs can be such a pleasure....... a pleasure that sometimes is so brief and bittersweet on occasion, but one that is to me, as important as breathing.......I still miss her dreadfully

I also miss two friends that went their own ways in 2011 ...another two losses......it feels like a year of losses!

Of course there was good things to remember in 2011.

-Watching  the bloody awful "deal or no deal" with Andrew in the afternoons when he was more active, and watching him laugh at my feigned annoyance at not understanding the quiz rules

-Seeing my sister Janet take on the role of fund raiser extraordinaire, despite being convinced that she would be no good at it

-Being a part of the successes of the Village Flower Show and the annual Allotment open day

- saving no 21s leg with the help of Pat B, my amateur animal helper

It has not been enough though.....

Yes fuck off 2011..!........2012... you, are going to be a better year....I just know you are
and if you are not...... welll... then  you can fuck right off too!

51 comments:

  1. Not awfully fond of 2011 myself...but once we've raged at the unfairness of it all, we'll brush ourselves off, paint on a smile and carry on. Well we'd better... because we'd all be a miserable bunch of sods otherwise!!
    Jane x

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  2. Onward and upward John the Dogs.
    I felt exactly the same way about breast cancer after two girlfriends and my sister died in the space of three years. Just don't want anything to do with anything about it anymore.
    Happy, successful, healthy, wonderful 2012 to you and all of yours! love j.

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  3. Oh John, I can see why you are giving 2 fingers to 2011 (we do one finger here in Canada). There's a lot of good in you John, honesty and integrity. You have a simple life caring for your animals and being an integral part of your village, but it engages your readers who find you most interesting and a delightful "neighbor".

    I am not sure what to wish for you in 2012..perhaps just that your Thursday loose end feeling will be replaced with something better.

    All the best to you and your love ones.

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  4. I truly hope that 2012 is much better for you and your family.

    I absolutely echo your feelings about MND. My experience of it is nowhere near as bad as yours - an ex-boyfriend of mine had died from it about thirty years ago. That was the first time I encountered it and I was devastated, even though I hadn't seen him for years.

    So, as Jacqueline said, 'onward and upward' and here's to a wonderful 2012. x

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  5. I hope this is your best year yet. You are a kind man, and funny too, which makes you alright with me. Stay positive, John and be glad you are alive and healthy.Positive attracts positive, you'll see. Hugs, Deb

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  6. I can see that this post was good for your soul, John! A good 'primal scream' is very cleansing.

    Here's to a new year that will find you, Chris, your critters and your family in a 'better place'.

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  7. All good things in the New Year for you John....happy dogs, healthy chickens, noisy ducks, tasty pigs...and lots of friendly neighbours.

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  8. Here's to be better year in 2012.You are surely due for it.

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  9. Well said...no love lost for 2011. Not to get all mushy and maudlin on you but - thanks for sharing your past twelve months with us John. It's meant a great deal. Your blog has always been entertaining, occasionally sad, sometimes incredibly funny, and always my 'go to' read with a cuppa first thing in the morning. Wishing you a great New Year.

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  10. here, here, I get what you are saying. I won't go into detail my own events..lets just say they sucked big time! I feel for you and I would be there thinking of that spur of the moment, lets go do something type of thing that I distract myself with. I can come up with some doozies. Thats how I cope. On Constance, I cry just thinking about those bonds you develop with an animal. Recently I had to put down the little bambi that came to live with me this summer. I have never had such a bond and imprinting from an animal in all my raising. She was absolutely pure love to me...seriously. I took a home raised little fawn into my vet to try to repair a severely broken leg and when the vet laid his hand on my shoulder and said..."Let go"..I bawled like baby. Terrible sobbing...and it hit me like nothing else. I think it was my pent-up release from a hundred things that I've encountered after my husbands death some 3 yrs ago. I never did cry long then and I was always reigned in for the kids sake. I was a wreck for the entire week when I thought about that little fawn. So thats why I raise my mug to 2012..it BETTER be good!

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  11. It's not been a good year for anyone I know. So'll I'll join you in that large glass of something and the two fingers gesture. Here's to a vastly better 2012! xx

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  12. Tonight I will bring in the New Year with a fabulous party of 3. Me, a 4yr old and a 7yr old. (The hub will be sound asleep) We will toast you John (with raw milk of course), your family and those who so deserve a better year. Thanks so much for sharing all with us on your blog.

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  13. Yes goodbye 2011! Death is inevitable but it was so cruel to your family and especially your brother.

    I am thankful you took in Constance and showed her true love at what was unexpectedly the end of her days as well.

    Anything will be an improvement for you after the terrible events of 2011. I will remember you in my midnight cheer. Thanks for your friendship. You do not see the smiles you put on my face with your kind comments over at my blog. Some days it is exactly what I need as well. xoxo

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  14. I hope that for you, Chris and your family, and all your readers, 2012 is all that you would want it to be. Happy New Year and sod 2011!

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  15. My best wishes for a better new year, John, I agree, 2011 sucked - big time!

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  16. just having the New Years Eve Blues....worked night shift last night
    and have just sliced big chunks out of my fingers when trying to open a frosted over freezer door
    bah

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  17. I understand everything that you are saying. Sometimes times ARE tough!

    Give the "new kid" a chance! 2012 could be filled with greay joy, unexpected surprises and moments of riotous laughter. You just don't know yet ...

    All the best to you for the new year!

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  18. I am right there with you....good riddance to 2011...too much loss and sadness surrounding it. Hoping and wishing for a much better year in 2012. New beginnings and brighter days!

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  19. Sending you a big hug and wishing that 2012 is a better year for you. Mine has also ended with a massive shock, and it can 'f... right off' from me too :-)
    I raise my glass to you x

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  20. Wishing you and your family a much better year in 2012 - sending you a lot of South Yorkshire Love xxxxx

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  21. Santa only asks if we've been good this year, he never asks about the week between Christmas and New Year. With that assurance I'm going to 'flip the bird' at 2011 for you and for me and yell a hearty 'fuckerfucker fuckfuck' just before midnight.
    Out with the bad, in with the good. John, you and your blog have been one of the really really good things for me in 2011. Looking forward to reading about your animal adventures and, of course, seeing pictures of sweet Mable in 2012.
    Best wishes to you and Chris.
    Hugs!
    Linda

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  22. Yup -well said 2011 can f**k right off ! enjoy the wine and see you both tomorrow -lots of love xxx

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  23. A new year - a new beginning - all the best John to you all.

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  24. Happy New Year to you and to all of us (your loyal fan club)!!! I agree 2011 was a bummer! Looking forward to reading about all your new adventures in 2012!!

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  25. Same feelings here. Started with Howard having to rush up north to see his seriously ill mother and rip the "do not revive" notice from her bed. She recovered fully, to the point that she has moved from a cold damp flat in Huddersfield to a bungalow near the Devon coast.

    My year came to an end prematurely in November when I broke my ankle. I'm only just starting to hobble about with any degree of steadiness. Next week I return to work and have to venture out alone.

    My year was darkened when I got a message in April to say that one of my longest standing friends had inoperable stomach cancer. Then one afternoon in July I got home to the news that he had died.

    It could have been the sunniest, warmest summer on record, but I wouldn't have noticed.

    One bright note was that I managed to get in touch with my cousins in America. My dad had fallen out with his sister when I was a child, so other their names and a vague idea of where they had been born, I had no idea where they were. But the wonders of the internet and my analytical mind found them.

    But all in all - sod off 2011 - you've been generally crap.

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  26. John - we're all thinking the same thoughts as you. Hope 2012 is so much better for you and your family. Love Molly x

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  27. I don't blame you for saying "fuck off 2011" and I hope 2012 brings some joy.

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  28. Hi John
    As they say in Derbyshire - get the'sen of t' a**e and gerr on wi' it '
    Roll on tomorrow, lol
    Jane

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  29. It seems so many people had a bad time in 2011. My family also were not immune. But I do have great hopes for 2012 and wish you all the very best as well.

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  30. You mean there are rules to Deal Or No Deal?

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  31. Wishing you a healing, healthy and happy 2012!

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  32. May 2012 be a fine year for you and all of your family. xxx

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  33. John, it's obvious to us all that 2012 cannot fail to be a better year for you than 2011. Tragedies always leave their ruts, but, as everyone else says, there is no other way to look than forwards.

    Chris, the animals, and the village, are all privileged to have you amongst them. Very best wishes, Cro x

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  34. In every year there are losses, and you experienced very difficult ones. I love though that you wrote of the posiives also - as with the bad always come some good.

    I also have mourned some painful happenings this year and expect some in the coming months. However,despite my heartache, I wish to live in the moment, as there are always unexpected times of peace and joy. I wish that for you John.

    Take care my friend.

    Arleen

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  35. powerful, post, from the heart, and I salute your honesty here. May 2012 truly be a better year for you.
    Leanne x

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  36. Even with all your sorrow, I am wishing you a better new year ahead.

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  37. I love January 1st. No matter what has gone before, it holds all the hidden promise of a newly minted year. Good luck John :-)

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  38. I was going to make a joke about you having an 'annus horribilus', John, but thought better of it.

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  39. Hope you have more of the good and less of the bad this year

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  40. Wishing you all the best in the new year.

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  41. Fuck off indeed 2011 - too much change for us all to take on board. I send you love and demand that 2012 will be better. I see the last year as being the 'labour' before the 'birth'so fingers crossed the result doesn't have jug ears and a hare lip.

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  42. It was not the best year for me, either, ('specially the broken leg), but well, Happy NEW Year, and we will indeed make it better!

    Cat

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  43. *hugs* God bless and a Prosperous New Year to you both.

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  44. I am new to your blog. Found you just roaming around on the internet today, New Years Day in fact. I stopped to read your good riddance post as I thought it was about the economy. But no, it was about loss of your loved ones. Life is like that -- not so good things coming in lumps. It tears you up. If it is any consolation I lost my son and sister in the same year three years ago. I just rode the emotional roller coaster as you will. You learn to live while adjusting. Rotten yes -- but as many told me -- life goes on. Tough words for one to hear but true I think. The best to you in 2012 -- barbara

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  45. Some very good comments here. Yep, 2011 sucked rocks so welcome 2012, it has to be better and it's going to be GREAT. Thank you John the Dogs for your excellent blog.

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  46. Been sitting here for several minutes trying to think of something brilliant to say John to ease your pain! The best I can do is send you love and hugs and hope that 2012 will bring you a measure of peace!

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  47. Dear friend, It's been a crappy year in many ways. I sure hope 2012 treats you with kindness and you get covered in blessings. You're a special fellow. love,C.

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  48. Just wanted to say that I loved your absolute honesty in regards to 2011, that I read your blog with a warm feeling in my heart for you. Sending you loving thoughts as you start wending your way through 2012.

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  49. 2011 bit the big one - and showed off by sending me a speeding ticket on the 31st December. 2012 I love you already!

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  50. John the dogs, you and I are in much the same place.
    My mum died this fall ~ I still can't believe that it's true. I spent every morning with her for months while my pop had a nap or did errands. I know exactly what you mean by that feeling of redundancy. I don't like it.
    Also, my 16 year old dog, Cookie, died this summer. Another loss, another friend gone.

    I'm with you on the sentiment ~ Fuck Off 2011! The next year has to be better...

    Onward indeed.
    e
    plufrompdx

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