Vigil

 I wrote this post, yesterday.

I’m sat in an empty waiting room. 

There is a tv but it’s switched off and thanks to covid there’s no magazines to read.

There is a small selection of wooden toys in a box in the corner, the sort no children ever want to play with.

I’ve been here for two hours, so far.

The vet and his colleague have been treating Roger for the duration. The surgery is seventeen miles from Trelawnyd and so I’ve resisted the vet’s suggestion of going home .

I think they’ve forgotten about me.

I feel scruffy.

I’m wearing my big blue winter jumper, the one with the hole in the sleeve. 

I’ve poked my thumb through it now which makes a sort of glove and it feels good as the waiting room heating isn’t on. 

The other dogs are curled up in the car. They are asleep.

The vet appears, a fresh faced boy of a professional . 

He’s articulate and doesn’t treat me as though I’m dense, which I like. 

Roger is still somewhat “ jittery’ and needs to be observed a while longer

Did I want to go home and come back later? 

When I shook my head he asked 

“Is there someone that you want to take over here then ?”

“There’s only me” I told him 

Suddenly feeling very alone in a somewhat upsetting day.

I was brought a cup of tea and half a Kit Kat which was kind.

I hate the feeling, today has given me

I suspect many Singletons do when the chips are down a little and you only have yourself to deal with things.

I know Roger will be fine, I know I can afford the callout charges

But it’s all a bit harder dealing with things alone.

No one to moan to,

No one to bounce off…..

Anyhow, sitting here, I found this older blog entry from a decade ago .

It amused me 

I was standing over by the counter , which is in front of me now, in times when the previous junior vet looked like George Clooney.

It’s worth another look

One of the refugees has a chesty cough

I had run out of antibiotics

So I rang the vets

Booked with the receptionist to collect some

And drove up to the surgery late this morning.

The receptionist must have been on her break for only George Clooney

( the GOB smackingly good looking vet) was sat behind the desk eating a sandwich

I straightened my hair and gave him one of my best smiles

And before I could say anything, he stood up and sang out a lusty

" Mr Gray!" 

And suddenly  I went all silly realising that he had actually remembered my name

" you have a good memory for faces, I haven't been in for ages"

I wittered.

George shook his handsome head

" Not really" he answered in his deep chocolate voice

and  picking  up the bottle of antibiotic from the counter,

he added simply and somewhat wryly

" Your name is on the bottle"

Chocolate

 An hour, almost two,  after a walk, Roger started to get restless and odd.

He had found something to chew on in a discarded carrier bag  at the lane border and even though I hadn’t witnessed it, I’d seen such symptoms before. 

18 years ago my first Welsh had eaten chocolate and was incredibly poorly, 

The poor lad vomited and opened his bowels all over Bluebell’s back seat

I’m glad he did

A day at the vets, is not what either of us wanted but hours and hours  later , after activated charcoal treatment, various blood tests and close observation he was allowed home looking stressed and tired and upset and I drove him home looking stressed and tired and upset ……but very relieved too.

Fairy Lights

My New York snow globe on the mantle

 I sort of don’t know my arse from my elbow.

I worked a long day Thursday , then covered a night for a colleague last night and am back doing overtime tomorrow on a long day. 

This afternoon and evening I’m arranging fairy lights and eating comfort food.

And that’s it.

An articulate and rather passionate lady was collecting for the local food bank at Tesco’s  and an impromptu speech to shoppers had me moved to tears.

So much so I left her with some selection boxes and tins of dog food. 

She was aided by a rather charming looking Father Christmas with a big black beard 

I could have have sat on his knee quite happily and shared my Christmas list 

I’ve bought a cheap new phone too and a new unchewable cover , and apart from a brief conversation; with Mrs Trellis this morning , I’ve not seen anyone non work in days . 

Mrs Trellis had brought me a homemade Christmas card made from cotton wool and twigs 

It amuses me that she has signed all correspondence, for a few years now  with the one word monika ….. Trellis 

 

Advice

This below post is an old one, 

It’s approximately  a decade old 

It’s full of nice memories of old friend Bunty and my animals  ( Bunty who has recently moved to Tel Aviv with her latest girlfriend a Jewish security expert and part time bodyguard) 

Bunty sent me a text as follows earlier this year,

I’ve just reread her message in my broken phone 

“Jonney Boy, I’ve done it. Ive finally moved in with Gilah in Tel Aviv. Her flat is a bit shitty but the weather is nice…..hope you’ve had a good shag recently  . Bunty x”

I forgot to reply .

Village tongues may be clacking this morning as yesterday, I was seen leaving Pat ( the animal helper's) house with a large bunch of garden flowers. Pat is on a holiday cruise , so I am watering her tomatoes everyday.......the flowers I had permission to remove.....I thought I'd just get that straight.
Anyhow,
Last week, at the animal wholesales, I bumped into Bunty the lesbian smallholder from Llanfair
Talhalarn. I was buying layers pellets , she was looking for rat poison. Though part of me thought that Bunty didn't really need poison to kill anything. She always looks as though she could strangle a hippo with only one hand.
I asked her how the geese were, the ones that she bought from me last year.
" the snotty bastards are still keeping their distance" Bunty moaned " I still can't tame them"
I didn't have the heart to tell her, that with her big booming voice, she was never likely to...ever.
Animals need the Penelope Wilton approach rather than the Brian Blessed

There are several rules that need to be followed where the taming of animals are concerned

You need to move slowly at first and get on with doing quiet routine jobs around them without looking at the animal you want to tame.
If you have jobs or zombie games to play on the ipad, sit down near the animal and keep quietly busy. The animal invariably will come towards you to give you the " once over". When they do approach talk to the animals quietly. This works very well with geese and sheep who are naturally curious...if you are up for it.....lie down in the field face down ( although don't do this with pigs!)
Use food bribery using favourite food stuffs. Cheap white bread is nectar ,to sheep and geese and turkey's and hens adore teats of dog food. Always leave the animals " wanting more" use the same feed bucket or bowl every day and use a consistent animal call to " Marshall the troops"
Try not to dress in different clothes and hats . Consistency is the key.

Never try too hard.
Things you mustn't do when taming animals
Don't have a crafty piss when geese are about beak height is invariably at willy height
Never scream like a girl in the vicinity of potentially hysterical Indian runner ducks
Never hold an animal tentatively. Most animals will go " limp" if you hold them firmly
Keep small screaming children and toddlers locked up in a cage if possible.

And my last post about her from 4 years ago

Last night I went out with Bunty and her new girlfriend Katy.
I was still hung over from my night shift and tried to give Bunty a raincheck text but she was having non of it. They picked me up just before eight and we were in a gay pub in Chester by a quarter to nine.
Bunty checked me over after we had exited the car.
"Nice new pants Graybags!" She bellowed pointing at my clean trousers
"Sainsbury's " I told her
Bunty rolled her eyes
It's been a while since I've been in a gay anywhere!
The pub was loud, good humoured and busy and apart from a somewhat sticky moment where Bunty tried to introduce me to an uninterested but polite bear cub half my age, the night went ok.
I would have preferred a quieter venue but Bunty was on a roll

As Bunty got happily drunk and flirted in a loud goodnatured way with everyone, male and female Katy and I had a long chat . Katy, I liked immediately, she has a job working with abused women and deals with sex trafficing issues locally so the conversation was a rather illuminating and interesting one to me, a bloke who has absolutely no experience in such issues and the two of us carried on the conversation on the way home as Bunty snored away on the back seat.

When we neared the village Bunty was still asleep but she rallied briefly at the suggestion of a McDonalds stop off.
" We'll go gay clubbing next time" she suggested as she bolted down a handful of fries and I was grateful for a wink and shake of the head from Katy which said don't worry- it's not going to happen- I know you are not up to that!
At the top of the lane I said my big sloppy burger tasting goodbye kisses with Bunty and a more civilised peck with Katy who , as I started to get out of the car, squeezed my hand " Chin up dearheart" she said
She obviously reads my blog

( I was sad Katy lasted only a couple of years , I liked her)

Phone

Phone was taken from the kitchen table during 1 minute when my back was turned

Oh lord…….

Lost without my phone……thought I’d never be the type 

 

Stopped Short

 

Yesterday, I spent seven hours at college, most of it reading and writing notes.

Subsequently I slept well after settling down well after 9 .30 pm

I was up early this morning and walked the dogs 

It is the first morning I could see my breath as I poked my head out from under the duvet.

It was the first morning that Dorothy had wormed herself under the duvet

I went out to buy food, and pulled Bluebell into a lay-by in order to concentrate on the first of the Reith Lectures on Radio 4. 

An eloquent, disarming and articulate Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie spoke beautifully about the freedom of speech and for an hour I sat and listened to her wise words, almost without moving a muscle .

I love moments like these.

Yesterday morning, as I went to check on my laburnum tree in the churchyard I noticed a man bending over a grave. His posture looked odd and so it caught my attention and as I watched him , it took me a little while before I realised that he was actually hugging the gravestone.

I sensed he was talking away too

A bitter sweet moment, 

Spied out of nowhere.

And only last night a friend sent me the link to this simple video made from a regular Ukrainian Soldier out on the front line. 

Like the lecture by  Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, and the vision of the man hugging the gravestone, the soldier’s simple honestly and genuineness was simply rather beautiful 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00729d9

Request From The Trelawnyd Community Association

Is there anyone in the village in a position to support all of the good work achieved by the 

Trelawnyd Community Association  ( TCA)

We need helping hands in every area of the association and volunteers can contribute as little or as much as they are able

The Youth Club, Village Pond Initiative, Coffee Mornings and recent Casino night 

all have been successful and popular and there are many more community based activities in the pipeline.

 
 

Ruth

 

My old friend Ruth is down from Findhorn in Scotland 

I made a huge Cottage Pie which we ate with red wine, green beans  and Crusty bread and 5 hours of solid conversation

We had almost finished and caught up on messenger with our mucker Ben in South Korea before bed 

It’s nice to have her back 

 

Proud Dad

Sometimes it’s nice to feel that you’ve brought up your kids right

Yesterday Trendy Carol introduced the dogs to her kid relatives , 

The dogs aren’t used to children at all 

But they proved themselves as good natured , silly friends to a pair of sweet kids 

The Big Country

Film music, in my mind can eclipse many classic pieces as most are melodic, short and paint a picture more vivid that anything else could ever do.

Whilst gridlocked yesterday , I listened to this stirring score by Jerome Moross and after researching the film again was surprised to find out that it was one of Gregory Peck’s least favourite movies.

What is your favourite film score…….and why?

The Half Arsed Tree

I bought a half arsed Christmas tree from Sainsbury’s this morning

The check out guy on self service said it looked “ cheerful “ but his heart wasn’t in it.

I thought it would cheer up the corner under the stairs .

It doesn’t .

I bought the dogs some cocktail sausages as a treat and Dorothy hyperventilated herself so much in excitement that I almost had to sit her down with a paper bag over her head.

She was theatrically sick in the living room right next to Albert’s latest pee stain, then ate the vomit without a blink of an eye

Albert forgot that there is a litter tray in the office for him

The carpet cleaner is getting a bashing this month.

I took Eve Randa’s birthday card round and did a few jobs.

It’s a miserable day, dark and damp

And the binmen made me wait in Byron Street for such an age that Mrs Trellis lapped me twice with Blue in tow.

It’s winter and she’s wearing her very erect bobble hat again.

I listened to the entirety of The Big Country by Jerome Moross  and Borodin’s String Quartet on  Classic Fm before the road cleared.

It was raining heavily when I got home. 

I’ve lit the fire and Roger had eaten two fluffy balls from off my new tree in the time it took to turn around 

Halloumi chips for lunch 

Dorothy is  belching and the cottage is filled with the vague smell of sausage 

She says…….Me Too

mulligan & Kazan

 Journalistic dramas are not new in Hollywood. They can make riveting viewing left in the right hands and this powerful microscopic look into the abusive reign of the sexual predator that was Harvey Weinstein is a sobering, fascinating and intimately ground breaking movie which tells the story of tenacious journalism and institutional sexism within the Hollywood machine, something which would ultimately spark a world wide movement against sexual harassment. 

Two reporters from The New York Times, Megan Twohay ( Carey Mulligan) and Jodi Kantor ( Zoe Kazan) start to investigate an accusation that for decades Miramax film producer Weinstein had abused dozens of junior production staff as well as actresses on the Miramax payroll. 

Weinstein’s legal team had effective buried any of the Women’s’ stories by legal non disclosure clauses, bullying and by other holes in the Justice system, so Twohey and Kantor have to chip away at an ever growing list of victims in order to substantiate their story.

It’s a fascinating tale, intelligently told by writer Rebecca Lenkiewicz and director Maria Schrader.

Time and time again the two women have to face dead ends , frightened witnesses who won’t talk and the money fuelled Hollywood legal system , that is until actresses Rosè McGowan and Ashley Judd risk all by opening their mouths at last.

Jennifer Ehle

A star turn by Samantha Morton

She Said is essentially a succession of “ victim interviews” by Twohey and Kantor, and as the story unfolds two pivotal scenes will linger long in the mind. The first is where former Weinstein aide Zelda Perkins ( Samantha Morton) tells the reporters of how he abused her colleague and friend, (an event she amazingly stood up to him for) and this scene , set simply in a London cafe it is a true masterclass of acting by Morton who I wouldn’t be surprised be nominated for an academy award for just ten minutes on film.

Another British actress Jennifer Ehle puts in a moving turn as another victim haunted by the abuse and Hollywood stalwart Patricia Clarkson puts in a solid supporting turn as the journalist’s editor Rebecca Corbett. 

I can’t praise this film enough. 

It covers so much ground,so much misogyny and so much abuse  

And it seems incredulous to me that this investigation only happened in 2017

Friday

 Don’t you hate that anticlimactic feeling a busy, productive and enjoyable 24 hours often leaves you with.

I feel a bit like that today

So much so, that I’ve trolled through Walking Dead tiktok videos at the kitchen table until my bucket of coffee grew cold and the chill from the wet winter sun has seeped through the cottage’s 18 inch walls.

I need to make a move..

Affable Despot Jason has just texted , incredulous that his eldest daughter is 17 tomorrow. I hope to see him later at the village Casino night. 

Old Trev is home now. I’ve just been round to check on him and he tried to impress me by marching around the living room doing knee lifts to show how fit he was.

I hope I show as much chutzpah if I ever get to 98

My fridge is more or less empty. 

I rooted through the deep freeze and found some garlic breaded mushrooms which I cooked in the air fryer.

I’m eating them for breakfast

Leo has just texted me too. He’s planning to see four films in one day today ( he wanted to beat my previous record of three when I was in Sheffield) 

“ Uncle John, you will note that I’m going to see SHE SAID, which is, I think an important film to see”

She said is the filmed account how two female journalists investigated Harvey Weinstein and is one off my radar list….I think Leo is right …I will go and see it this lunchtime.

Roger is winding Dorothy up.

He’s staring at her and is employing “ the slow tail wag” in order to intimidate her.

She’s growling under her breath as she knows I won’t allow her to initiate a fight 

It’s too cold to sit at the table any longer

I’ve wasted two hours already

Nephew Catch Up

Chinatown 

 I’m exhausted, and on the train about the depart Euston 

My train home, as my inward train was cancelled, so after dropping Leo off at St Pancras I’ve grabbed the next train north .

The rail system is a bit shambolic .

I met Leo yesterday at the station .we checked in the hotel and I was touched just how excited he was at the prospect of having a room all to himself. 

The things we take for granted eh? 

We then walked up to Shaftesbury Avenue , where I remembered  the forbidden planet megastore was located and let Leo submerse himself in everything geek for a good hour.

We then ambled up to long acre and walked into Dishoom past the queues that were already snaking along the pavem

Dishoom staff could not have been kinder. I had already texted  that it was Leo’s and they made a fuss of him, and even proudly  presented him with a birthday pud with candle on it.

Which was sweet.

The food, as usual, was divine

He spent a great deal of time texting on his phone ( which I didn’t mind at all) but we talked too about the merits of Black Panther 2 compared to the Black Panther 1 and other films he has seen this year.

From Dishoom we walked around Chinatown , then down to the Southbank where we had a drink at the BFI 

I was knackered when we walked down the Strand to see Six

After a shaky start Six won me over.

Think of a superior Spice Girl tribute band ( plus one) who can really sing and act 

Give them tons of sass, seven or eight uvula wrenching songs and some costumes to die for and you have a joyful pop exploration into the lives of the six wives of Henry VIII

Standout was Dionne Ward Anderson who was playing Anne of Cleves, 

She couldn’t have injected more life into her role if she had inserted a stick of dynamite up her drawers

Amazing

We got a tube back to the hotel were I soaked my feet under some cool shower water.

After a nice breakfast…We are now both on the way home .

Our next meeting Is London Comic Con 2023
 

Leo

My favourite photo of Leo , watching ducklings

Administering antibiotics to one of the ghost hens

I’ve arranged to meet my nephew at St Pancreas around 2pm but my train connection from Crewe has been cancelled.  

At least they texted and emailed me the news.

I’ve caught the earlier train just to make sure.

Trendy Carol’s husband Ewan agreed to sort the dogs out.

What a star.

No comic con today, we are keeping it simple.

Check in to hotel, visit to superhero mega store on Shaftsbury ave.early dinner at Dishoom in Covent Garden and Six the musical down on the Strand .

I haven’t seen him for a year so we have lots of films to mutually review and news to catch up on. 

Leo isn’t my blood nephew, but I’ve known him since he was a baby

Over 20 years now 

Man and boy…..

I wonder how long he will keep in touch as we lead very different lives on opposite ends of the country

Who knows 

Where Is Fanny Stain When You Need Her !

 I always spell my surname out when I encounter any officialdom.

It’s a habit, I’ve got into as many people spell my surname as in the colour and not the Scottish/Irish monika.

The receptionist was polite enough, though I did have to wait a little as Karen still hadn’t come back from her break yet , cue much eye rolling.

The ultrasound department is like any other small hospital outpatients. 

Faceless and sanitized.

Another two men, patients too were sat in a gown to my right. 

One looked nervous .

Another receptionist called out “ Thomas Jefferson “ but no one reacted.

She snorted and picked up the phone

The three of us sat in silence for a while longer.

I got out my phone and started to write this blog after Karen or was it Annette could be heard muttering 

“ I don’t know where Mr Jefferson has got to…what does he look like?”

We are all invisible, I thought to myself , invisible  men in our sixties

I galloped backwards in my mind to the minors unit at Sheffield’s Royal Hallamshire Hospital.

Circa 1989

A student nurse with a set of false notes was calling a patient into minors for a procedure, she was blushing with the importance of calling the next patient in whilst surrounded by the poorly general public 

“ Fanny Stain? Is there a Fanny Stain here?” She called out hopefully

And from behind the nurses station came the muffled hysteria only hospital staff can be responsible for .

No More Walking Dead

 

For nearly 12 years I’ve stuck with The Walking Dead and it’s been a variable ride all told.

I’ve always thought of it as a 1970s disaster movie with zombies and that is how it has felt for most of its history.

It’s a shame that the tv series followed the comic novels, most of which feel cold and rather absurd.

Most of the action scenes in the finale were rushed in order for everything to be wrapped up so neatly we are left with only a few threads to be answered.

The Walking Dead, has always been shite at crowd scenes anyway but it crammed in it’s Easter Egg moments….Daryl mimicking Shane’s hospital moments in season 1.The dinner party scene in Alexandria.

Amy’s death scene in season 1….which was fun

I didn’t mind that as much, because the characters were left to shine and in probably the first time in the Walking Dead history, the remaining characters stopped and told each other I love you.

Diane, who hasn’t spoken for three seasons survived too!

Rosita ( Christian Serratos) had the biggest role in the finale and her death scene with best friend Eugene (josh mcDermitt) was incredibly moving to watch as it was left centre stage and wasn’t hurried at all.

  Daryl and Carol voiced their love for each other when they came to say goodbye and with the exception of Luke all of the  other characters all settled down to a normal life in Alexandria or the Commonwealth with hugs all round.

Will I watch the spin offs? 

I’m not sure…..I doubt it. 

I wonder how long my Walking Dead T shirt collection will last? 

Who knows..

David Harewood

 

This afternoon Gorgeous Dave and I went over to the Storyhouse to see “an audience with…” 

The 1:1 talk between David Harewood and the new director of the theatre proved to be an interesting listen. With much candour the actor, director and writer explored some rather painful memories of childhood racism in Birmingham in the 1970s before linking that ingrained trauma to a psychiatric breakdown when in his 20s.

The subsequent racism he experienced as a patient ( mostly concerning being over sedated by a fearful mainly white nursing team) resonated with me, and I recalled one snowy night in York where I faced my own inherited racism during one pragmatic shift

It was 1987 and it was winter night filled with snow in York.

I was transferred to take charge of an elderly ward as staffing was dire.

I was a very junior staff nurse supported by two support workers.

The support workers were two Jamaican ladies of mature years.

I was told to refer to them with a respectful " Mrs Lewis and Mrs Williams by the handover nurse

" They will show you the ropes" I was told carefully.

I had never really spoke to a person of colour before. You never saw many non whites back then in North Wales and Chester, where I grew up and trained as a psychiatric nurse, but I was bright enough even then not to pull rank on two experienced nurse aides, and so I stepped back and allowed myself to be told what to do.

Mrs Lewis and Mrs Williams worked at their own pace. They were unhurried and respectful, as they washed dirty bottoms and undressed the confused and the mute and I watched with some awe as together they bedded down 25 confused elderly ladies with the tired and practiced ease of two broad hipped grandmothers that had seen some hardship over a 40 year career.

They sang together as they worked and they laughed and hugged their patients with some warmth when hugs were needed and by midnight the ward was quiet as they dished out their own suppers of rice and peas and jerk chicken at the nurses station.

I was given a plate too, with a napkin and a glass of homemade ginger cordial and as I listened to them chat and laugh and I answered their questions about my home and family I realised just how sheltered I had been for the first 20 years of my life

At 6 am I asked their Christian names.....Matilda and Angel, I was told and we all laughed....

It was a cold and snowy night in York and I took charge of an elderly ward of 25 senile patients

And I learnt more about good nursing care and life from two big hearted support workers in 10 hours than I ever did from six months of my psychiatric nurse training.

Blazin Fiddles

Lovely night at the hall…great to see The Manleys, Boffin Cameron’s parents, Pippa , village leaders Ian and Helen, Velvet Voiced Linda , Nick, Claire and Other choir members all enjoying the music

The Wallet

I drove back to Trelawnyd and had to meet other trustees of the Community Association for a meeting.

I was late getting home.

Tonight I was due to drive back over to the hospice for a curry night out with staff but the prospect of the hour and a half round trip was something I didn't quite need.

I need to stay in the village today

So I’m going to see Blazin’ Fiddles at the Hall 

Ian from down the lane said he’d Knock  on the window for me if I managed to get a ticket, and I did, so he will. Several other people I know will be there from the village and from choir.

It’s what I need today.

A few beers and some good music 

I had a lie in this morning, ( another thing I needed) and came down stairs to find that Roger had managed to remove my leather wallet from the kitchen table and had done a good job on it

It had been a birthday gift from The Prof from years ago. 

And I was surprised just how upset I was when I found it in tatters

Another reason for a pint with good friends tonight