Monday, 5 December 2022

Vigil

 I wrote this post, yesterday.


I’m sat in an empty waiting room. 
There is a tv but it’s switched off and thanks to covid there’s no magazines to read.
There is a small selection of wooden toys in a box in the corner, the sort no children ever want to play with.
I’ve been here for two hours, so far.
The vet and his colleague have been treating Roger for the duration. The surgery is seventeen miles from Trelawnyd and so I’ve resisted the vet’s suggestion of going home .
I think they’ve forgotten about me.

I feel scruffy.
I’m wearing my big blue winter jumper, the one with the hole in the sleeve. 
I’ve poked my thumb through it now which makes a sort of glove and it feels good as the waiting room heating isn’t on. 
The other dogs are curled up in the car. They are asleep.

The vet appears, a fresh faced boy of a professional . 
He’s articulate and doesn’t treat me as though I’m dense, which I like. 
Roger is still somewhat “ jittery’ and needs to be observed a while longer
Did I want to go home and come back later? 
When I shook my head he asked 
Is there someone that you want to take over here then ?”
“There’s only me” I told him 
Suddenly feeling very alone in a somewhat upsetting day.

I was brought a cup of tea and half a Kit Kat which was kind.

I hate the feeling, today has given me
I suspect many Singletons do when the chips are down a little and you only have yourself to deal with things.
I know Roger will be fine, I know I can afford the callout charges
But it’s all a bit harder dealing with things alone.
No one to moan to,
No one to bounce off…..

Anyhow, sitting here, I found this older blog entry from a decade ago .
It amused me 


I was standing over by the counter , which is in front of me now, in times when the previous junior vet looked like George Clooney.
It’s worth another look

One of the refugees has a chesty cough
I had run out of antibiotics
So I rang the vets
Booked with the receptionist to collect some
And drove up to the surgery late this morning.
The receptionist must have been on her break for only George Clooney
( the GOB smackingly good looking vet) was sat behind the desk eating a sandwich
I straightened my hair and gave him one of my best smiles
And before I could say anything, he stood up and sang out a lusty
" Mr Gray!" 
And suddenly  I went all silly realising that he had actually remembered my name

" you have a good memory for faces, I haven't been in for ages"
I wittered.
George shook his handsome head
" Not really" he answered in his deep chocolate voice
and  picking  up the bottle of antibiotic from the counter,
he added simply and somewhat wryly

" Your name is on the bottle"



92 comments:

  1. John, I'm so sorry you and Roger have been through this. And I totally get what you say about the loneliness of dealing with an ailing animal, in fact it moved me to tears. Hugs, Jan xx

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    1. It was just a lonely afternoon , sitting in an empty waiting room. All is well

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  2. Vigil? I thought you were going to be blogging about "Thunderbirds"... I hope that Roger is back to normal by the weekend.

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    1. He’s better today , still jittery but brighter thank you yp

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  3. So sorry John, let's hope you don't have to wait much longer, and Roger is soon back to full health.
    Briony
    x

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    Replies
    1. We were back home early evening and he slept in my bed all night

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  4. Bouncing off is interesting. Sometimes people who live alone lack someone to bounce off extreme and irrational thoughts. But I think you have a number of sensible people in your life to bounce off, although not a live in person.

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    1. Thank you ... this was my exact same thought!

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    2. I am lucky Andrew, I know I do. But being single means that particular unsociable phone call or text cannot always be made…you get it, I know you do

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    3. Marcia….sweet ofyou

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  5. It's so endearing how giggly you become at the mere suggestion of remembrance from a handsome man x

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    1. I’m so shallow mave xx but you know me and know that too xx

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  6. George Clooney could have allowed you your little glow :)

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  7. Oh George Clooney, where are you now?

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  8. Yorkshire Liz12:30 pm

    Ah, how I miss stories of encounters with the George Clooney lookalike! But this one was a gem, And made me smile.

    You trip over these singletons-sharing events and stand to the heart when you least expect them, And they catch you unawares. And most often when dealing with animals, not people. You are not alone. Cold comfort, but the best a singletons the other side of the country can offer.

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    1. Nicely put Liz , and more articulate than I could ever be.

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    2. I hate it when the stab to the heart comes out of the blue. Watching a couple singing Christmas muzac in the supermarket , caught me unawares the other day. Usually I can shake it off with a laugh

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  9. Well, I'm glad both Roger and you survived the ordeal. Dealing with tough stuff on your own is the pits. Hugs. xx

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    1. He’s clingy today which is sweet. He’s fast asleep on top of Dorothy , next to me on the couch

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  10. When my lily refused her lunch one day and sat oddly (prayer position in chair) and hours later passed blood I rushed her to the vet- He said " poison" and "she may not make it" - and caused severe pancreatitis - after 2 days on hospital and then 5 more days of drips in the daytime ( I was. able to bring her home at nights - Feeding tubes attached and I fed her through it)after another 5 days or so she improved enough to take tube out xx

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    Replies
    1. Yes I’m sorry that you went through all that…I’m guessing we were very lucky

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    2. I still check my garden often and when offlead she wears a muzzle as she is quite the athlete x

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  11. Poor Roger...and poor you. I look forward to hearing happy news about Roger's recovery.

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    1. He’s almost back to normal , and has had a treat of chicken and rice for supper which he woofed down . He’s presently asleep next to me on the couch , laid supine on top of Dorothy

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  12. Bless your heart. I know that feeling of being alone in the world all to well. My recent move from a farm to a small indipendant living place really brought home how alone I am in reality, being the last of both of my lines. But the God that I have faith in has chosen to provide me with an entire new extended family (the mover and his clan) who have taken me in to their fold as the new adopted grandfather. So now I have something to do for the holidays. Prayers that Roger will be o.k. and doubtfully have learned his lesson about eating anything that looks or smells good.

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    Replies
    1. Nicely written as always and food for thought.I’m not complaining , just chronicling

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  13. There isn't only you, John. You have lots of friends and family who would be there for you if you need them. And of course, your blog friends who are happy to listen when you need to share, or vent, or just talk. xx

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    1. I know that Ellen , I’m very lucky . But times like yesterday do underline that I’m essentially on my own…..

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  14. Poor Roger. I have to watch Billy as he is always looking for a discarded tasty morsel. Yes, it's hard dealing with pet problems on your own. Thankfully I have a very good friend who will come with me to the vet. I am in such a daze I can't take it all in.

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    Replies
    1. I hate to ask for help , I don’t want to bother people

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  15. It's a horrible feeling having to deal with everything on your own isn't it. Even with lots of good friends and neighbours, when the chips are down it's just you and little ones, whether they be little humans or our furry kids. I'm glad you spotted what Roger had eaten and got him the help he needed straight away. xx

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  16. You aren't alone, John, not while you have so many friends reading your blog. You just can't see us. We're here, listening to every word, grateful for your company, even from as faraway as Kentucky in the U.S.

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    1. It’s nice to remember people are there Sandy.
      On a dark Sunday afternoon sat in an empty waiting room , I forgot that ……as I think anyone would do

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  17. I remember that post about the George Clooney vet.
    It is so hard to deal with things like this on your own. You're not wrong.

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    1. I’m not complaining ms moon , just observing x

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  18. Anonymous2:28 pm

    John, thank you for your honest heartfelt description of this moment. It’s an unexpected plunge into grief. Momentary perhaps but unsettling when it strikes.

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    1. You describe it better than I could ever do .
      Plunge is the right word , I missed in my description , it’s like a cold roar downwards of a rollercoaster

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  19. If only the second Vet was a George Clooney look-alike... This would have lightened the load. Dealing with poor Roger, sick as he was. entirely on your own is hard. Today is a new day and has to be better.

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    1. And it had been , full of village soup and roll , warm hub day

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  20. Dealing with things alone is awful as I know only too well. Keep warm, have a drink of your choice Go to bed early taking Roger with you (so that he doesn't feel alone) and remember tomorrow is another day. xx

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    1. And that’s exactly what I did pat, though got limited sleep as he was very restless until dawn

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  21. I'm so sorry to hear about Roger! (I missed the previous post.) I'm glad he's recovered enough to go home. It's so hard to keep dogs from eating things they shouldn't on their walks!

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  22. Anonymous3:07 pm

    I'm just catching up with the fact your sweet little Roger has been very poorly - so sorry and hope that today he's much better. We've got a young westie who will eat anything and I live in dread of him eating something seriously unsuitable.
    Alison in Wales x

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    1. He’s had rice and chicken today
      NOTHING ELSE

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  23. Barbara Anne3:15 pm

    Remember being a child and being eager to grow up so you could do things alone? It isn't all it's cracked up to be, but that episode is over and all is well.
    Ta for laugh about your name being on the bottle. You're a treasure!

    Hugs!

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    1. He was a lovely vet, I remember taking a piglet to him for some antibiotics and making a twat out of myself for laughing far too loud at his jokes

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    2. Barbara anne10:21 pm

      As another people medical person, you'll have to agree that laughs in any volume are much more welcome that abuse! Fret not.

      Hugs!

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  24. I do love when you get giggly. Glad you made it through the day.

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  25. First time I read this post I thought you were back at the vet, that Roger had had a setback and was more ill. Glad it was just a post from earlier. Poor Roger, poor John.

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    Replies
    1. No he’s home and asleep at my side

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  26. Anonymous4:35 pm

    Oh dear.I hope Roger will soon be on the mend.Barbara

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  27. Anonymous6:41 pm

    Love it....you slide towards a wallow then pull yourself out of it with self awareness and humor. ❤️ You’re the best!

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    1. I needed to remind myself that I’m a tit

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  28. Best wishes for Roger ... and you. Vets are the best. You know what they say: Real doctors treat more than one species.

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  29. Yes, you are right, it is at times of crisis that being on your own is really tough, I completely understand that feeling . xxx

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    1. Thank you,and we just need to get on with it , I know that too xx

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  30. Happy to read that Roger is on the mend after his chocolate indulgence. Sadly it is obvious that Roger is a chewer, it's worried me since his first episode, I'm sure you are well aware what the consequences of an intestinal blockage are, and can result in debilitating health problems and, in some cases, requires major surgery to save your dog's life. Watch him like a hawk.
    xx

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    Replies
    1. Noted and agreed with

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    2. I worry so much about my son. He is a loner and I am quite sure will never marry. When my husband and I are gone he will be alone and it breaks my heart.

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  31. Anonymous8:25 pm

    Happy Roger seems on the mend. I too, know the total loneliness or having no family. In fact I cried most of Sunday ……was just a very hard day……this time of year makes it all more sad for me…..holiday times are family times. Sometimes I hope I don’t wake up in the morning. I also do not want to bother people or be a 3ed wheel. Stay well..

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    Replies
    1. I understand the third wheel mentality you mention only too well….sending you my love and my affection. And support . You writing well …the world is a more interesting place with you in it

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    2. Email me ….jgsheffield@hotmail.com

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    3. Oh, anonymous, there are people out there who want to be bothered. Please ring the Samaritans if you feel so down, anytime. You are not alone. Sending hugs. xx

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    4. Anonymous10:03 pm

      Happy hooker - the Samaritans are just a faceless voice, believe me I've tried ringing them. Rolling out their stock phrases that you know they say to the other callers. Perhaps they're a help to some people but not to me. Once I'd put the phone down I felt even more low than I did before. I'm not suicidal but I'm alone. I'll never be a group joiner or anything like that, my childhood and background put an end to that. On a brighter note - the window cleaner came today and we exchanged words about the weather but I might not talk to anybody else now until my grocery delivery in 2 weeks.

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    5. Anonymous10:05 pm

      And I'm another anon, not your first one.

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    6. Sams are not for everyone..But for some they can be a lifesaver

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  32. I need a hug , thank you x

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  33. Dear tess….thank you
    This post reply alone made my heart lift
    You are welcome anytime deArheart x

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  34. Anonymous10:09 pm

    How did you know the dogs were curled up asleep in the car if you were in the waiting room? X ray vision through the walls?

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    Replies
    1. What is wrong with you ?

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    2. Anonymous11:00 pm

      The first anonymous's comment is perhaps written out of unpleasantness (as they often seem to be), but one surely must admit that it is somewhat logical.

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    3. I must admit I also wondered how John knew the dogs were asleep but I put it down to his usual way of writing which can be somewhat fanciful, not always truthful.

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    4. Flis what makes you jump in to John's rescue at every opportunity? Anon asked a logical question and I'm sure John is more than capable of answering.

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    5. Mike ? It really is possible to pop out to the car - quick peep - and back indoors again 👣

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    6. Anonymous9:13 am

      ...which might reveal that they were at that moment asleep, not that they are asleep when the peeping is done... Logic... Perhaps they were nodding off fitfully, awaking frequently in anxiety, or perhaps they were sleeping sound and deep in peaceful oblivion... Don't some of us just love a pointless online discussion?

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    7. Bloody hell anon get a frigging life…..I was sat in the waiting room several hours, twice I went out to give the girls a pee on the grass and left them curled up and ( presumably) asleep in the blankets in Dorothy’s crate………bored dogs tend to sleep in my experience

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    8. Find something more interesting to debate

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    9. Anonymous9:20 pm

      Such as?

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  35. Poor Roger...glad to hear that he is on the mend.
    Another reason to curse those who leave plastic of any sort lying around.

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  36. There is probably an entry some place on your blog that will make anyone feel better at any time, works for me

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  37. Poor old Roger - and you too. It is SUCH a worry when our animals are ill. They are family after all. I hope he's totally mended now.

    I spent the night worried about Lulu (kitten) who had run head-first into a wooden box yesterday whilst hurtling round the living room with her sister. She went very quiet.
    I am glad to report that when I came down(early - 6 a.mn.) this morning, you wouldn't know anything had happened.

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