The patient I was fond of died peacefully today with his family round him.
I'm sitting quietly having a late lunch, alone
It's sunny and I can see the goats on the Orme
Four of them standing very still against a deep blue sky
GGBO
The Great British Bake Off contestants were introduced today and it’s a more ethnically diverse bunch than we’ve ever seen before…. 2 Greeks, a geek, an Asian, a hairy Italian, a humourless German, one posh old lady who cries ,a bright Liverpudlian, a Greta Thumburg lookalike, a gay Jamaican…….etc …..they are all here…. All we needed was a Jewish New York lesbian in a wheelchair and every box would have been ticked.
It feels that they’ve tried a tad too hard…..
The programme still works after eleven years because it’s about nice people doing nicely talented things in a nice way
Holiday End
The lecture was less about understanding violence and more about understanding and diagnosing mental illness which I thought it would be.
It was interesting nevertheless.
I’m back in work tomorrow and I’m a little ambivalent about it.
I’ve so enjoyed my holiday and know the patient I am close to is still with us. In some ways I was hoping he had passed away before I got back on the floor.
It will be fine, but I still has that feeling, I did have as a child the day I started secondary school after the summer holidays.
This morning, as I was messaging my friend in Korea I was cooking udon noodles with chicken for my lunch tomorrow. To give the meal a Korean twist, I use gochujang paste with soy, garlic and honey.
I bought the gochijang in Waitrose and a jar lasts ages
I’ve only just realised that Mr Poznań caught me licking my gravy covered fingers this morning after I had put Mary’s dinner bowl onto the front lawn.
He had distracted me with talk about the buddliea
This isn’t such a big deal except I’m sure he thought that the bowl was full to the brim of dog food.
I must have to admit now , that it wasn’t even though It looked as though it was….a few times a week I treat Mary to some tinned stewing steak. In it I disguise a big dollop of cod liver oil which seems to be helping her coat condition.
But Mr Poznań wasnt privy to this information and now must think, I’m an animal
He was right about the buddliea though. My three bush/trees have lost their blooms and now look dull and brown and rather sad. The clouds of butterflies that enveloped them only a week ago have all but gone
“Prepare yourself for autumn” Mr Poznań lamented
Summer holidays have finished I thought
The Walking Dead 11x05
I’ve caught up with The Walking Dead on Disney+
( Is it me but am I the only one who thinks it a bit odd that a violent zombie apocalypse tv show is airing on Disney?)
The last season has been somewhat variable but this episode 5 was a cracker!
I love this little gentle scene between Rosita (Christian Serratos) and Judith (The delightfully talented Cailey Fleming )
Quite lovely
Understanding Violence
Zoom lectures have become some of the major benefit side effects, of the pandemic
I have enrolled in several film study lectures varying from such topics as new film noir, wind mise en scéne and horror and have dipped my toes into Opera appreciation and Welsh Folklore.
Tomorrow at noon there is a free zoom lecture run by the Chester Storyhouse in conjunction with Chester University. It’s topic should be interesting as it is a discussion by a forensic psychologist on the subject of violence .
I’ve left the link if anyone wants to give the free lecture a try.
When I was a psychiatric nurse I was never really exposed to many violent encounters.
Sure there would be the odd moment when a sectioned patient may have needed restraining, or medication was needed to be given. But the training was good and staffing was adequate that these sort of situations were rare.
As a general nurse however, I have been involved in many more graphic and upsetting physical altercations , not everyone with patients and I must say, being of a bigger build has proved useful at these times.
I have punched only one person in my life. And that punch was meant to hurt and hurt badly, as the recipient had pulled a knife out in a drunken rage..
And I have also slapped someone who said something so hurtful I reacted like a pained child and lashed out.
The punch I don’t regret
The slap I did.
That is a synopsis of my brief journey into instigating violence.
I will listen to the lecture by Professor Taj Nathan with interest.
He’s somewhat easy of the eye too
I wonder if I will see any of you there?
The Intern
The Intern is a sweet unassuming film
I knew it would be.
Essentially it’s an old fashioned romcom with the friendship between 70 year old return to work Ben ( Robert DeNero) and his thirty something Internet sales company wunderkind boss Jules ( Anne Hathaway)
as the rom in the con
The narrative meanders gently from Ben’s quiet and slightly desperate existence without the stimulation of work to his and Jules’ acceptance that success is a balance between home and work and love life ( but only if you are successful at all three which was a tad disappointing, but it was refreshing enough to have a movie that celebrates the talents and experiences of the older population even though DeNero and Rene Russo ( who pops up briefly as a sexy something 60 year old company masseuse )scrub up nicely.
Hathaway is on her best charming form and is quite lovely in the lead role with DeNero gallantly underplaying his role nicely in support.
Light, frothy and at times kind of moving…it was a good choice of film, on a quiet Sunday afternoon
A Quiet Rainy Sunday
Sunday morning.
Coffee and eggs.
The Archers.
I’ve cut flowers from the garden and set them up in dark corners of the cottage to lift the day
Then
A walk around the village
The main road is quieter on Sundays so Dorothy was able to negotiate our way without the usual hysterics.
Few people are about
I waved at Nick and velvet voiced Linda who were having breakfast at their kitchen table and to gwawr out in her car. But I saw no one else.
Most of the neat gardens are still retaining their colour.
Stan’s deep maroon dahlias look marvellous, and the cheerful rubekkia at Graham’s are still a stand out on High Street…but I did notice that the garden around the hall look a little untidy and overgrown .
I will see if I can get a few volunteers together to help me tidy it up
The rain started as soon as we got home.
That fine rain that soaks you immediately .
I’ve written emails in support of the Pilgrim Church and posted more on the village websites about it, but my back is aching so I can’t sit for long.
Yesterday I ordered a dvd which will, surprisingly will be delivered today ( I thought there was a shortage of delivery drivers) Its a gentle comedy drama called The Intern with Anne Hathaway and Robert DeNero
An Ideal Film for a quiet rainy Sunday
Brunch
I met my friend Cheryl for Brunch and a walk this morning. Both off our diets for one day
We had the full breakfast at Bryn Williams with buckets of good conversation and strong coffee.
I’m having a quiet day tomorrow so it was a lovely way of bookending my holiday.
I’ve had a nice productive holiday.
Cheryl was impressed
I must have bored her with most of my list but she didn’t let on ..
A trip to London
A trip to Liverpool
1 art gallery visit
2 theatre visits
3 exhibition visits
1 stand up comedy night
1 evening with ( online)
2 evening meals out
2 cinema trips
I day sanding and decorating a bookcase
Afternoons at Aberfalls, Colwyn Bay, Chester and Llandudno
Brunch at Porth Eirias
An afternoon of very nice sex! Hey ho…
( that one pricked-up her ears)
I got home this afternoon to a jar of jam left anonymously which was nice
A National Treasure
Miriam was interviewed by the delightful and insanely attractive Simon Callow and to be honest she started off in a rather subdued and for her persona of chat tv shocker , incredibly subdued way
But when the audience fired questions at her, she blossomed into a warm, self reflective, certainly strident and intelligent character who , loved celebrated and adored her epithet of national treasure
A lovely evening
Her autobiography This Much Is True was released yesterday
Aber Falls and Miriam
This afternoon the girls and I drove to the mouthful which is the village Abergwyngregyn and walked up to Aber Falls.
The girls were buggered when we got back to the car
Tonight, instead of the cinema , I’ve treated myself to cheese and crackers and I’m going to live stream “An Evening With Miriam Margolyes “ from the Alexandra Palace
I do hope she’s foul mouthed
Missing Julie, Bab’s Patchworks and Lilies by the back door
Even though Trelawnyd is so small, I can go weeks without catching up with Jason The Affable Despot .
He’s a self proclaimed hermit at times.
Last night we managed a meet and went to see the world premier of Missing Julie at Theatre Clwyd.
It’s always fun catching up with Jason. He’s bright and arch and funny and laughs easily . He also doesn’t suffer fools gladly, a trait which I like.
The play was ok. A revisiting and a rehash of the infamous Swedish 1888 novel Miss Julie now set in post World War One North Wales.
It had a lot to say about class and sex and war and post lockdown and we couldn’t help but giggle when Jason likened one of the more dour characters to someone we both know in the village.
It’s weird cos my sister and I saw another adaptation of the novel two years ago at the Storyhouse in Chester .set in 1945 Hong Kong .
That one was unfortunately much better.
I hate to say that.
Anyhow …..Yesterday I received some gifts
Babs from the US, sent me two exquisite home made patchwork wall hangings which will sit beautifully on my spare room/ office walls in the East Wing of Bwthyn y Llan
I love both of them, but adore the fact she incorporated the gay rainbow flag in her design of the star…
I am always so humbled by gifts like these.
Gifts that have been made over time with care, affection and with skills I will never possess.
Thank you Babs….
I took the dogs out yesterday morning only to find a large vase full of lilies sat on my patio table when I returned.
I was pondering who was responsible when a disembodied voice piped up from next door’s garden
“ We are going away for a day or so, and didn’t want to waste the flowers……..enjoy them!”
I will……..
Before anyone says anything , Albert never goes near the kitchen window .
Today I’ve sent out emails to organise a meeting of the “ Support the Church Campaign”
We need to get cracking on a plan of attack ……
I can’t believe I’ve had almost two weeks off
I’ve had a satisfying holiday
Recharged and peaceful ….this afternoon I’m back at the cinema and tomorrow I’m meeting a dear old friend in Lancashire for brunch and hugs and walks and big talks
It’s funny but before my divorce went through …and until really recently I felt terribly brittle and lonely at times
But this week ….I’ve felt more empowered and ok with the brick bats thrown in my direction .
Mowgli Chat Bombs
It was still sunny and warm when I got to Liverpool yesterday. I walked past Church Alley to photograph the umbrella art before mooching around John Lewis in order to touch lots of nice, fashionable and expensive items.
I met my friend Colin at Mowgli and initiated him in the delights of the chat bomb.
Now if you get the chance try eating this delicate Indian tamarind dough balls filled with an explosion of flavour of chick peas, garbanzo beans, green chilli pickle, a cumin raita, pomegranate seeds and coriander.
You pop the whole bomb into your mouth and bite…kerrpow! BLOODY LOVELY
Not a belly laugh evening, but a sweet smiling one.
As I was eating and socialising in Liverpool Cheryl R was working hard at the village bingo night
She raised 900£ For St Michael’s last night. Well done that woman.
Get Ahead Get A Hat
I don’t wear hats as a rule . In winter I prefer those woolly beanie hats to anything else, but these are purely functional. I don’t go for sports hats. I think in older men, they are generally worn in an effort to look younger or to cover baldness.
I have a big head…that’s another reason I don’t wear hats, so this morning when Dorothy ran over with a black cap in her mouth, I was all ready to return it to the bench from which she had taken it.
I had seen the cap on Monday where it had been placed by a Walker thinking it’s owner would retrace their steps to retrieve it. Two days later it was still there.
I put it on.
It was cool with dew and that felt good
And Cinderella, it was a perfect fit.
I’ve kept it !
It makes me look a tiny bit younger and it covers my admittedly very small bald spot.
Seeing I have to be at Mowgli ( https://www.mowglistreetfood.com/ ) in Liverpool by 6 ish, I’m staying home today to do gardening.
Finally big Good luck to the powerhouse which is Cheryl R who has organised tonight’s Bingo and cake sale at the Memorial Hall tonight. She’s just collected my rather banal banana loaves and is offering lotus Caramel Sponges for sale
Bloody lovely
The Remainder Holiday jaunts
Tomorrow , me and my friend Colin are off to the philharmonic Hall in Liverpool to see Simon Amstell
He’s is a very sharp witted comedian and writer and presenter.
I shall enjoy his view on life.
Thursday night Affable Despot Jason and I will go and see a play at Theatr Clwyd,….I haven’t seen him in ages, the play is cheap so may be crap but he’s already messaged me “ it will be a larf”
Friday it’s Shang chi and the legend of the ten rings at the cinema
Saturday I’m meeting old friend Cheryl for brunch and sea walks at Bryn Williams at Porth Eirias in Colwyn Bay …we both say we need a hug xxx
And Monday it’s a Bodnant Gardens visit with my friend Neil and our respective dogs, luckily his bulldog loves Dorothy .
So the final chapter of my holiday is almost sorted save a few open windows say SUNDAY ? Any takers?
I’m having a lovely time….
But it’s taken bloody organising
Mixed Bag
The cottage is filled with the heady smell of banana loaves baking.
I’m preparing a few cakes for the village bingo night which is raising funds for the Church.
I will leave them on the kitchen wall to be collected tomorrow.
Banana loaves take at least an hour to cook.
So as I’m waiting, I’m catching up on jobs and am pottering
I filled a cheap planter with delicate violas, and filled the hanging basket by the front door with the remainder.
The local news is full of the fact that several of the Llandudno goats have got themselves stranded on a Rocky outcrop by the town.
I will watch this story with interest.
The weather is so so today and I’m contemplating what I’m going to do with the rest of my day.
Apart from my ABBA gift I will leave you with this photo
I took it on my way back from London
I’d love to know his story
Lovely weather this afternoon , so we all went to Colwyn Bay Promenade and shared a panini .
Long walk included a visit to the=newly completed 130 foot truncated pier.
Co-Pilot
Asli ( Canan Kir) is a Turkish/ German Muslim living in 1990s Hamburg. She leads a relaxed Westernised life as a medical student, a life which changes over a five year period after she meets a slightly more orthodox Arab Muslim Saeed (Roger Azar) who is Lebanese.
She drinks and smokes and has non Muslim friends which he starts to disapprove of but the couple embark on a sexual relationship which finally leads to marriage.
Only then does Asli start to realise that Saeed is more fundamental in his beliefs than she once realised.
Co-Pilot , a film by German film maker Anne Zohra Berrached , feels a little flawed halfway through as Saeed’s path towards piloting one of the planes during the 9/11 attacks is clearly defined for the audience to see, even though his erratic yet loving relationship with his wife remains steadfast.
Would such a fundamental Muslim terrorist actually see his wife as his co pilot in life? especially one who smoked and drank without even a hint of a hijab ?
Unfortunately we see the drama unfold purely from Asli’s point of view. We understand nothing of Saeed’s motivations or his history ( save for one sequence when Asli strangely visits his rich, very liberal, matriarch led Lebanese family) and so I felt somewhat let down by the time the horrible truth is revealed to all.
I must add that one particular scene did Berrached proud as a filmmaker .
On a wintery German street when the couple are courting, a love struck Asli pretends to be a plane with Saeed playfully piloting her…they run down the street then very slowly are raised into the night sky with the street falling gently away behind them .
Ok a heavy metaphor for the co-pilot title, a reference to their marriage and a foreshadow to his terrorist future but a beautiful scene.
Office
I’ve had quiet morning doing paperwork and catching up with bills and life organising.
I love working at my desk as it’s a comfortable sit…thank god for John Lewis’s rather expensive but bloody comfortable desk chair
The girls, as usual are asleep on the bed behind me .
Both are snoring after their walk
It’s stopped raining , so Albert is out hunting rabbits, I’ve seen him walk up the lane …he knows there are a few in the Churchyard and he is too old to climb the six foot wall.
He prefers now to walk through the gates.
I’ve booked tickets for Ode To Joy at the Philharmonic to compensate for the ones I missed yesterday
I’ve never heard it live .
The bills are all paid, (another satisfying job in itself) and I’ve booked to go to the cinema this afternoon in Chester.
What Pleases Me
I bought this ceramic cheese board today.
It cost 8£ from Sainsbury’s
It’s cool to the touch and you can feel the leaves when you run your fingers over it.
I was so pleased by it.
I love being pleased by simple things
The joy of a gift given, a sweet view of the sea on the way to work last night
And the cold touch sweetness of a cheeseboard
Bought as a self gift
No one else would buy you
Hey ho
Best Laid Plans
I never made the bloody concert
It was a case of best made plans.
It was Sod’s law for me to have volunteered for what turned out to be one of my busiest shifts this year during which I felt my old nemesis of a urine infection hitting home.
I drank buckets of bland fluids but that was a difficult balancing act given the workload .
Subsequently I was exhausted and feeling rather under par when I got home.
I slept heavily until 3 pm .
In one way I was glad to have gone in for the extra shift.
For one of my “ favourite” patients was approaching the end of his life.
Clinically I know I am an unflappable nurse. This comes from my psychiatric roots where I was always taught that good nursing was 50% Confidence , 45% Knowledge and 5% bullshit
The secret of reducing anxiety in patients and their family is to take control and have a plan.
I took control and had a plan
I felt vindicated in doing the shift when my patient’s mother whispered into his ear
“It’s alright , John’s here!”
Luckily this sort of thing happens with many of the clinical staff at the hospice.
The night team left work late this morning and I emailed the concert tickets to my friend in Liverpool before going to bed.
I needed a heavy sleep and felt better for it.
I was sorry to have missed the concert though
This afternoon I walked the dogs and went to Sainsbury’s where I bought chicken and salad , dog food and of all things, a ceramic cheese board.
On the way home I popped by Hattie’s neat new home to drop off a Welsh terrier toy for her new baby , which is due in a couple of weeks.
It was nice to see her.
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