Tea and Cake

I was in bed for most of the day yesterday. We’d had an incredibly hard and busy shift Saturday night and so I slept heavily and long, despite being woken by the dogs baying at someone at the door in the afternoon. My visitor was Nick from the TCA who dropped off some of the Coronation cake made by bouncy Bridget . I missed his knock but soon spied a parcel of cake wrapped in silver paper plonked on top of my wall basket.

It was bloody lovely too with a hot cup of tea.

But I was soon snoring away the rest of the afternoon so missed any post-mortem from the Coronation afternoon tea which looked impressive on line and which probably  tasted even better in the flesh

The Eurovision night next Saturday will be a much bawdier affair me thinks.

Me hopes so.

So, Trelawnyd life plods along at its own pace. King Charles has his crown and I suspect he shouts and  laughs with Camilla loudly and long.

Eurovision is the next altar to pray at. Then it’s summer 

 

Goose Feet

Jo, this morning,braving the snow

 note Russell the gander and Camilla sitting in the lurid purple paddling pool

Jo is the gentlest of all the geese, she always looks as though she's smiling

If I was a bird, I am sure I'd be a land locked goose for a goose out of water is an incredibly clumsy creature.
Chris watched me trying to get my socks on the morning then laughed when he saw me trying to force two feet into one trouser leg hole.
" I've never met such an ungainly individual " he said with all of the insight of being a seni professional dancer in his teenage years.
I don't think Chris has ever fallen over by accident......ever!
I have fallen over twice today already
and it's only 10.30 in the morning........
Walking geese are always tripping over things. I think it's a product of not being able to see their feet.
I can see my feet and I still went arse over tit....
TWICE

I blame the snow.......

P

The South West view from the village

Ps
Animal update:-
Winnie is now more or less walking normally..though is playing ultra diva when asked to sleep in her usual crate
Phyllis Diller is back to normal after her recent cat attack
Bingley has needed his individual portion of car food today to fight away the cold.

2 years ago!!!!!!!!!!!

Winnie and Jo the female geese are giving poor Camilla a bad time at the moment!
But they to were sweet little babies only 2 years ago now!
Here is an old video of the two of them in 2010.
God I love goslings!

Getting On With Things ( and thanks to Arvon)

Affable Despot a Jason always jokes that he hibernates during the winter months
" See you in spring" he'll sing out if you bump into him on one of his few outdoor jaunts when it is dark and cold and wet, so I wasn't surprised that he stopped by the field gate the other afternoon when it was warm and sunny , and when the daffodils had started to bud on the field borders.
I call Jason an affable despot , because he is always upbeat, and strangely enough when we caught up the other afternoon we chatted about the subject of optimism and coping a subject that was particulary relevant given the fact that Jason's family have had to deal with a recent life challenge of sorts.
" You've just got to get on with things" Jason said brightly
Simple to say, and for some, very difficult to do.
Personally, I think effectively " getting on with things" depends on three factors
1. Not overthinking problems
2. Having a sense of humour
3. Having a plan
Factors 1 and 2 depend on your personality, so just cannot be accessed by everyone........factor three can be used by all so is always useful......so always have a plan......plans give structure, order and security to any unstable situation.
Ok, ...end of the lecture....

Ps Thank You
It's a wet and crappy looking day today and I'm spending some of it decorating again
. I also need to walk up to pen-y-Cefn Isa this morning with a gift of some eggs. It got back to me that Arvon from the farm found Camilla alone down the lane last Sunday and took his time to walk her all the way back home to the safely of the Ukranian village.
I am very grateful
Below is Arvon pronouncing the word Trelawnyd for a previous blog

 

For the other Trelawnyd villagers saying Trelawnyd

See

http://disasterfilm.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/tre-lawn-yd.html

Camilla bombed

Always concentrate on what you are doing where animals are concerned.
It's a good lesson that not always remembered.
The phone went early this morning and as expected it was Olwen who told me that Bob had died peacefully.
I went out to sort the animals out and got to thinking how awful it is for anyone who has lost a loved one when the sun shines and the world looks as though it is going on as normal.
We have all been there have we not?
On the surface everyone else's life is unchanged when your reality has crumbled
My thoughts are for Olwen and her family today.

It was this preoccupation that made me sloppy this morning.
For after emptying the goose house, I crawled inside , grabbed this morning's laid eggs and stuck my head back out , squinting into the sun.
Then Something  smacked me very hard in the eye

Hell hath no fury than a broody Canada Goose called Camillla Parker Bowles

Where are you?

Gop Hill (centre) taken from Liverpool Bay.
Trelawnyd lies in the shadow of the Gop which is around 800 feet above sea level

Another day, another e mail question from Mrs Fickle from the American Mid West.
She asks
.............."Now I know you live in the middle of the Welsh Countryside but when I have re read some of your older posts  you very occasionally make references to visiting the beach.....are you close to the Ocean?
can you clarify things for me"
Warm Regards,
Beatrice M. Fickle (Ret)."


Beatrice It does sound confusing I agree as when I post photos of the village, the whole place seems completely landlocked. Trelawnyd is only perhaps a mile and a half South of the sea.  In the satellite photograph below which shows Liverpool bay Trelawnyd is just inland of the centre peninsular
The coastal town of Prestatyn lies between Trelawnyd. There are some lovely beaches there but I tend not to go in the summer months as the beach car park is extortionate and the nearby Pontins holiday camp is filled with a great number of poor people!

Liverpool Bay , which is the body of water which enters into the Irish Sea

ps/ I have just recieved this email from the lovely Maura @ Lilac Lane Cottage

Hi John.....I just read your post with the satellite photo of your area so with coffee in hand I decided to look it up on Google maps. As I was looking I noticed the name of your little village so zoomed in and had a little 'walk' around the streets...isn't Google grand! Anyway...I noticed a church so I continued on ground level past the church lych gate?...and around the corner down the narrow winding road (I see chickens in the churchyard) and lo and behold what do I see on the left.....critter houses...buckets with water...veggie gardens with wire fences protecting them...at least one white chicken...a yellow chicken...what looks like a turkey and what looks like a little black Scottie dog sitting by a little green building and a man with a rake or hoe in one of the little gardens and what looks like a couple of wheel barrows laying on their sides. The road is called Cwm Rd. Well I nearly spilled my coffee I couldn't believe it....this looked like YOUR 'allotment'?! I decided to see if I could find a few pictures on your blog to see if I could recognize some of the buildings and what do you know....in the picture of Winnie and Jo and the magpie ducks I see a cottage...partly stone and partly white stucco in the background and then in one of your newer posts there's the picture of Camilla with badger and I see the metal gate behind them that I saw as I followed the road on Google. In the picture of the Allotment 2009 in your side bar realized this was taken from the upstairs window looking across the road into the allotment with the tent pitched right where the metal gate was. Don't be afraid John ....I'm not a stalker I promise hehehe but I can't tell you how excited I was to come across this on Google. I felt like I was right there walking that narrow winding road and then it all seemed so familiar...the pens and the fences and gardens and critters. Well now I know I'm right.....I just looked back at some of your earlier posts and I came across one that I missed called "Everyone has a film in them" and at the bottom I see the picture of the village and there written on the picture is ''my field'! I guess if I had been reading your blog more regularly lately I would have known for sure this was your field...duh!
Anyway John...I enjoyed my cup of coffee wandering down your little road and admiring your field and cottage. I had it pictured all wrong in my head....I picture the field running behind your cottage and the church running along side you on the other side of a stone fence. Now I know exactly how things line up. How lucky you and Chris are!!!

Anyway...I hope you, Chris and the critters have a wonderful day!

Maura

A "Fickle" update

The Blind Rooster Cogburn and a very cold and wet ...me

Well enough of the shiny and beautiful in the previous post and let's get on with a huge dollop of reality and "not-so-rugged" good looks. Amid the plethora of emailed Quiz entries (4 !) there was an email from U.S. gal, Beatrice Fickle asking me for a factual update on the field and politely requesting me not to be so teenage with (and I quote) 

"bimbo men old enough to be my sons!!"

tee hee.........another email from someone who has a "pen name " with the deliciously camp title of Gloria Abyss stated that they hadn't realised I was so " homosexualist!"

(she/he managed to get all the names right btw)

 Anyhow, the field ( or as it can be now nicknamed- The Somme) remains largely unchanging in it's routine and make up. The winter has taken it's toll on the old and weak (one of the Crackhead Whores, Gloria the old turkey and an ancient old black rock have faded and died ), but most of the population is doing quite well.

The four tame geese, Jo, Winnie, Russell and the Canadian Goose Camilla square off gamely every day with the three interlopers that were dumped here in the autumn. I have provisionally sold the ever aggressive Thomas and his subordinate female to a guy down the Felin and aim to keep the pretty Elizabeth to augment my little flock....the female geese will be starting to lay fairly soon

 

Winnie, Jo and a perky Russell

The field now has four cockerels though with Rooster Cogburn safely in his own run with vinegar tits, there are only three "alpha" males to protect the flocks. Old Stanley who is almost 7 years old remains firmly in charge. His "second-in-command" is a feisty little fart of an unwanted frizzle who I have called Eric .

Not six inches high, and with an attitude the size of an elephant's head, he spends most of his short winter's day streaking back and forth across the field in a desperate attempt to shag anything he can get his tiny little beak on.

For most of the time it is the slow moving giant buffs that he buttonholes and it is almost heartbreaking watching him riding these unconcerned fat ladies without ever being able to "dunk the carrot" so to speak

Little man syndrome .....Eric the ever randy frizzle

Way down in the wettest part of the field, the pigs are enjoying their last few days in Trelawnyd.

I have given them extra rations today ( complete with the recently expired old black rock)  and blissfully unaware of their fate, they have squabbled and bickered over the most tastiest bits and pieces like old pub drinkers on an afternoon binge.

No 12 schleping through the mud

In the cold and rain, I stood and watched both pigs for a while....enjoying their obvious delight in filling their fat, greedy faces....despite the weather, the whole of the field seemed to be in constant and interesting motion. Boris and Bingley the stag turkeys spar together in lazy circles as the hysterical runner ducks totter by desperate to reach their pond before the geese beat them to it.

In the distance Albert is stalking back towards the warmth of the cottage as the guinea fowl scream at him from the top of the Church wall and everywhere else little knots of hens shelter against the weather, their shoulders hunched and bowed against the wind.....

nothing much changes.......

Te Aroha

My dyspraxia is fucking up choir practice
Jamie, the 28 inch waisted choirmaster, taught us the Maori song Te Aroha ( the song can be basically translated as LOVE, FAITH,PEACE to all beings) and wanted us to slap our chest and things and move our feet appropriate to the tune...
Could I sing and slap and shuffle like the rest of my fellow choristers ?
Could I bloody coco!
I'm just not programmed to co ordinate mouth, hands and feet.
I can't even rub my stomach and pat myself on the head like any seven year old
It's a disability !
Hattie and Heulwen from the village who had been moved into the opposite  Alto section for the evening- we sing in a circle btw )  literally pissed themselves silly at my every attempt to click my fingers at the given moment

After an hour, an ever so slightly exasperated Jamie told us all not bother with the moves

Not our choir but this is the song

Perhaps blog follower Hāmitānā-Hēni 
Can give me a few pointers

Ps from the recording of I'm sorry I haven't a clue 
What is a Royal based famous film?

CAMILLA's  IN TNE MIST , 

What We DO have!

Welsh Terriers William and Meg "smiling" for the camera

Concentrate your life to one thing and you are in danger of neglecting all of those other things waiting in the wings.

Today has been a day to catch up with gardening

and today has been time to appreciate what we do have rather than what we have lost

Here is a brief snap shot of some of the good things

Winnie and Jo (centre and right) Russell (left) and you can just see Camilla  behind

Albert looking startled ( out rabbit hunting)

I have agreed to take another duck after the weekend
A robust Muscovy drake

Sorrel and baby are doing just fine.....well the fat bastard  hasn't stood on him yet!!!

George looking older than his years, hidden away on Mabel's sofa

Buster- the abandoned bantam (right) giving it large with the geese

The Night Before School.

I've not been in work for three weeks

I am working this evening

The day has a feeling those Sunday evenings did before school.

Hey ho

I'm off to find an elderly neighbour now with a gift of half a dozen eggs.

This morning she found Camilla wandering in the road

( probably after a crash landing somewhere in the village) 

And returned her in one piece to the Ukrainian village 

Field Watching

It is 13.34pm and I am on field watch .
The guinea fowl have been particularly noisy over the past hour or so, and  so I suspect that there is a fox about some where past the field borders.
The weather is turning more blustery and somewhat violent, and tomorrow we are expecting the last vestiges of hurricane Katia  to arrive.  It is not going to be a day for gardening.


The animals are not used to me being sat up against the church wall with my laptop and they crowd around to see if I have any treats hidden away in my pockets. After a few minutes of waiting most of the hens melt away, leaving Boris and the geese watching me carefully.
Boris, is not after any food, all he is wanting is protection  Bingley the other stag turkey on the field is more dominant and aggressive but will tend to keep away from me when I am around, next to me Boris has a chance to relax and settle......and settle he does, sitting on the grass beside me like a dog.

Winnie and Jo chatter quietly away to themselves and crowd even closer to me as I tap the ground with my fingers .It was a habit I did when they were goslings which I am sure they remember, and they bow their heads low to see what I am doing, their deep blue eyes placid,calm and always curious 
Camilla is a little way behind them, still courting favour and still not quite being accepted by the group. She looks slender and breakable compared to larger geese, who all have keels like the Queen Mary, and remains rather a beautiful and sweet natured bird. All four geese , settle like Boris has done, and make themselves comfortable a couple of feet from where I sit.
The hens, in their ones and twos amble away to sit comfortably in the shelter of the Church wall out of the wind and the guinea fowl glide noisily into the riding stable fields to peck through the small mountains of dung  lying temptingly in the grass.
This afternoon all eight ducks are sleeping in the long grass next door to the pig enclosure, each one with their head tucked tightly against their wings. I suspect they feel safe a stones throw distance from the pigs, who since their arrival have provided a strong arm deterrent to predators whether they be foxes or badgers.


From where I sit I can only see no 12. Even at 200 yards, he is a fine figure of a pig and somewhat charmingly, he always seems to sit on his haunches like a very large pink and brown dog.
Even at this distance he looks rather benign even though he is now over six feet long and has more fat on him than the average sumo wrestler .


As the wind increases even more, the field clears itself of birds completely. I leave the Church wall for a while and pick the last of the raspberries in the allotment with only Boris again for company. I hand  feed him the spare overripe fruit which he gobbles down with some gusto,making the most of this moment of male bonding

Time flies when you indulge yourself in these sort of jobs,
I am back now at the computer and its quarter past three.....
I think it's about to rain

Cloud Watching

Today I managed to indulge myself in the first of this year's cloud watching moments.

It's been far too wet and cold all winter to be rolling about on the grass

But today, although it remains a little chilly,

It was sunny enough for me to lie down for a few minutes and stare up to the sky.

The neighbours are well used to see me prostrate on the ground in fine weather

They no longer worry about it.

However Camilla did find my corpse like body rather intriguing 

She wandered gently over, chunnering quietly to herself

And stood with her head turned quizzically  like this for a good while......

regarding me carefully as I watched the clouds blow merrily by

Broody despite the weather

I was due to take neighbour and friend Carol over to Alfreton in Nottinghamshire today to collect her new Welsh Terrier puppy from the breeder we bought all of our terriers from. However when I got up, the weather had changed from being a benign spring back to a  rather chilly snowy winter , so reluctantly we thought it prudent to cancel the trip,
I am glad we have, crossing the Pennines in snow is not a bag of laughs
Animals HATE being very wet and very cold. They can do one or the other quite easily, but do not fair well if both are on the cards, so I placed extra feed inside the hen houses today as I know the birds will not be venturing too far from home.
One old buff is holed up on eggs in a broody box which is safely tucked away on the allotment. All of the broody boxes this year have been set up inside donated dog crates, making them impregnable against the marauding badgers which still troll through the field at night.
In the duck house another old runner has made a nest for herself. and in the goose house both Winnie and Jo have laid their huge white oval eggs together in the name nest. This accounts for their behaviour with Camilla, I suspect as the juvenile female is "too close for comfort" to be allowed into the same nesting area.
Out grazing the Canada goose seems to have rejoined her companions safely. only at night does she separate off to join the slightly bemused "crackheads " in their house

Brooding birds never cease to amaze me. They possess a strange ability to completely "Zen out" to everything around them and will possess that strange faraway look which is usually employed by habitual drinkers when you try to engage them in conversation.
Poke a broody hen and they will fluff themselves up and will growl like a dog, but they won't leave their eggs for anything.
This is motherhood in the raw. Instinct and innate behaviour.
No thinking whatsoever.


The cottage looked very dark and rather forlorn when I gazed back at it from the icy field.
Time to light the fire and switch on the lights.
Winter has returned for the day

Janet n John

At five I looked like Prince Louis

Now I look a bit like Camilla 

 

Don't thank me......thank the Lord!

Badger and Camilla (still together)- I was going to take Delores' advice and photograph them

I didn't have bloggers block!!!..I should have known it. I've just had a case of the anticlimactic blues coupled with a late night watching Susan Sarandon battling breast cancer in the Antarctic (in the tv movie Ice Bound)...

I took several of you kind bloggers advice and planned a gentle head clearing , so, and with Classic FM on the headphones and with gardening clippers in hand, I told myself to stop feeling sorry for myself and "get over it" with a long bout of weed clearing.

As it happened, it was the good folk of Trelawnyd that bucked me up. The Red Faced Welsh Farmer , chuckling with delight at some piece of farming gossip he had heard, stopped his land rover by the gate and bundled a large present of wild mushrooms into my lap without wanting anything in return

The lady from the still house, who had lost her dog recently called around with a kind gift of all of her old pet's food and treats..and as I trundled the dogs out for their walk, Jason, the part time baker, slowed his car, opened his window and called out playfully
"Get blogging soon! if you don't I will have to buy a bloody paper!"
But not surprisingly it was 92 year old Gladys that made me smile the most today
Beaming with pleasure she made a point of letting me know just how much she had enjoyed the Flower show on Saturday . Even though she had helped run the past 38 shows, she chirped that this one had been the best ever!, which was so kind of her.

As I left her house she pressed a dozen neatly wrapped scones into my hand with a smile
"Thank you" I said
"You're welcome" she said laughing gently and as she touched my face with her hand she called out sweetly
"Don't thank me..... Thank The Lord!"

Bloggers' Block?
pah!

Tom Chambers

The Housewives choice ruled all this evening when camp -as- a- row- of- tents Tom Chambers finally won Strictly Come Dancing with professional hoofer Camilla Dallerup draped all over his arm. Chris spent the evening frightening the dogs by yelling at the tv ( he's a fan of the talented but vacant Rachel Stevens) and Aunt Judy ( who had called up for a pre Christmas supper) spent her time yelling for Tom.

Strangely I have been slightly bored by the finalists this year, and have grieved for the personalities such as Jodie Kidd and Cherie Lunghi who were kicked off a couple of weeks ago.......

Where is Raquel Welch when you need her?

Chris is still away, so I have treated myself to a cheap afternoon out at the cinema. Now I have always had a soft spot for a boys own type action adventure film, so two hours in front of a bit of daring do is just what the Doctor ordered, Unfortunately 10,000 B.C. (2008) is the worst film of the year, it truly is! in fact it is the worst film I have seen for many years, and in a strange perverse way, I actually enjoyed some of it, albeit for all the wrong reasons.

The plot has been directly stolen from the bloody Apocalypto (2006) Dreadlock'd Mammoth hunter D'Leh (the pretty Steven Strait) is separated from his tribe and girlfriend Evolet (a Blue eyed and cardboard Camilla Belle) by evil slave traders. He and his small band of helpers battle Sabre tooth tigers,man eating birds and a hoard of,zealous Egyptians to get her back. Yep you can see the holes in the story from space......stampeding mammoths trash the great pyramids, the cave men are all made up of native African Americans along side New Zealand Māoris (with Jamaican Mona Hammond from Eastenders) thrown in for good measure and everyone talks very-very slowly in a sort of mid European heavy accent a pebble's throw from allo,allo.......

Unlike the director's most famous adventure romp (the campy but stunning Independence Day (1996) 10,000 BC lacks any sense of tension and suspense. The editing is invasive even though the cinematography is at times quite stunning, and the whole narrative lacks drive and emotion. In short the whole thing is a disappointing mess, but I must be honest hero Steve Strait has got lovely teeth and looks marvelous in an off the shoulder bearskin.

I could hear myself chuckling when Strait uttered lines such as "A good man draws a circle around himself, and cares for those within: his woman, his children. Other men draw a larger circle and bring within their brothers and sisters. But some men have a great destiny. They must draw around themselves a circle that includes many, many more" and I suspect the film will become a bit of a cult classic with University students all over the world as it does have a clunky campy sort of charm........I think I will get the DVD when it come out

Opera Shopping

My favourite Supermarket

( I was given a scotch egg from Waitrose by Camilla's former owner's daughter today

9/10). It was lovely.

Anyhow I did enjoy this little Opera interlude too!

Thanks Megan

Bodnant Welsh Food

Now, there is nothing that pleases a couple of old poofs more in this world  than a classy venue.
Give us the clean, expensive lines of a National trust tea rooms or the sleekly clean crispness of the Ritz cafe ( yes I have been! And in a clean pair of trousers too!).... And we will wander around with smiles on our faces and a spring in our step
Unfortunately in Wales , these venues are rare as a shy bulldog, so when they do surface, we get excited as Tom Stephenson at a Germaine Greer lecture.
It was St David's day here in Wales yesterday, so we drove over to the Conwy Valley to visit Furnace Farm, the Bodnant Centre for Welsh Food.

Lovingly restored, the seventeen century farm boasts a restaurant, tea rooms, farm shop, cookery school,wine shop and bee centre. It's all slightly aseptic, but it's undeniably and reassuringly expensive and classy
We ate cawl in the cafe ( cawl is a rustic Welsh stew) and I came over all unnecessary when I spied a massive pile of BLACK PUDDING SCOTCH EGGS  in the farm shop. At 2£'each , they proved to be somewhat of an extravagance , but they were BLEEDING WORTH IT!
Never has this old poof tasted anything better!
Scotch eggs of the gods!

Hey ho

Good old Camilla knocking back the scotch eggs at the opening of Bodnant food a year back

" The Bastards"

The Bastards

Meet " The Bastards"
These two young and badly behaved lodgers arrived just after Christmas and will be guests on the field until sometime in February. They are the property of the owner of a local bed & breakfast, who is off to Malaysia for a month. I didn't know him from Adam when he turned up with the sob story of not having a goose sitter, but true to form, I accepted the challenge, even though the new bees are two of the most narky, bad tempered birds that I have ever had the misfortune to meet.
Ever since they arrived the resident flock of geese, the sheep and a few of the older, slower hens have been pecked,intimidated and bullied , so much so That I have had to employ a daily regime of behavior modification in order to  assert my dominance over the pair, who think nothing of slipping an orange beak down the crack of your underpants in order to grab a pound of flesh when you are bending over a feed bucket!

So, every morning I will drag each bird out of their house. Take a firm hold of their neck and wings, then will take a walk around the field with the bird tightly tucked underneath my armpit.
It's an old trick that can tame an aggressive cockerel, for after a while, you can actually feel the bird " relax" a sign that it has accepted you are the boss.
It's labour intensive...but effective.
And so, every morning I look like a strange Scot playing a set of white bagpipes around the field, as " The Bastards" are hopefully transformed from evil devil birds to a pair of twittering canaries .
Having said this, I was goosed in the knackers rather violently only this morning, when I dropped my guard opening up the goose house......

Slowly slowly catchy monkey.

The gentle and well behaved resident  flock
Winnie, the graceful and rather beautiful Camilla , Russell and Jo