Home

I have slept on and off for most of the day and feel ok except for a persistent headache.
The many kindnesses of today have been a tonic better than any doctor could prescribe and although
I don't want to labour the point into something that sounds something saccharine, I can't quite get over the thoughtfulness of others
Today Emma from The Old Crown dropped off her own hens eggs and homemade soup, and more eggs were dropped off by the gate by Heulwen and Derek only a short time before Greta bearing gin popped by.
Jason marched Mary around the Gop and Trendy Carol took the bulldogs all afternoon and Dr Polly and her daughters sent me a video from home wishing me well.
The phone has rung and clicked with scores of messages as I've slept and Sailor John and velvet voiced Linda, ( the head of the street warden initiative) have physically called around to see if I was still breathing.
And at 6pm, as it started to rain, Bridget from Well street left her family to walk across the village with a hot roast dinner just for me.
A home cooked meal a panacea against all known ills

I could have lost my cottage during my divorce
And I am so glad I fought to keep it and was able to remain

These last three weeks of shutdown have underlined that I am indeed home

The Queen's Message

Well I'm an old Queen Too so I too thought I'd say hello and thank you.
Thank you for the good wishes and the kind thoughts
I'm ok and being very well looked after even though my symptoms are not as serious as some have experienced
I was tested this morning for covid and will get the results in a few days.
I obviously have a virus and have the symptoms exactly like one nurse at work has after he caught something from his daughter.
We will wait to see if it is covid.
I have slept, off and on for most of today, and I have wanted for nothing.
A dearheart from the Trelawnyd Street Warden Group dropped off some home made soup and added to the garden wall gift by leaving a whole bag of food and toiletries which was totally overwhelming and my request for dogwalkers illicited seven offers in an hour as well as three new leads after Dorothy had chewed through hers in a fit of anxiety.

The food parcel 

Lots of messages thank you
Flis..thank you, Trendy Carol and jason  ..thank you
Lots of blog comments...thank you
I'm off to bed soon
But have just talked to my friend Nu who is helping out on the London Intensive care units without intensive care experience
I am so...so proud of her
Stay safe.xx

Oh Bugger

As soon as I got home,
I started to have some symptoms of covid and am now on full lockdown
No cough but spiked a temp, joint pain and now loose stools and have a mild hangover feeling
Worried about the dogs a bit
Have been referred for rapid testing which is fabulous
Off to have a sleep, if this is the sum of my experience of covid
I hope I have it
Hey ho

Uniforms

Something rather unmentionable covered my work trousers overnight , and I had to resort to borrowing a pair of pyjama bottoms for most of the shift.
One of the patients offered me a pair of her fleece lined lounge pants but I declined gracefully stating they were not quite my colour.

I have worn a uniform of sorts on every day bar one in my entire adult working life of 37 years bar for one day.
That was my first day as charge nurse of my own ward, where I went in for management day wearing a shirt and tie.
The mainly Yorkshire staff were somewhat nonplussed by my effort of looking smart and for the most part laughed good humouredly at my efforts.
One middle aged lass, a support worker who had been a colleague for over a decade sniffed loudly as I passed
" You going to a funeral ?" She asked dryly

My ward uniform then was a navy tunic. Going into navy , is a proud step for a nurse in the Uk for it generally means you have reached the rank of " sister" , a position that then signified that you ran your own ward.
Now , with the plethora of clinical nurse specialists and advenaced nurse practitioners sisters can be found in abundance, but still there is a kudos and respect for the role and the experience.

In the early 1990s I went to Pittsburgh to visit the city's rehabilitation units and in one wore my own natty white British uniform in the clinical area
The mainly black collection of patients found it hilarious and often referred to me as "stay puft"Guy
A reference which took me a while to work out

There's always one that will bring you down to earth
Everyone's a critic!

Lockdown a few more thoughts

Overheard but not seen through the living room window

" Hello Darling are you sunbathing" 

Winnie gives the stranger a grunt

" Arhhh Geoffrey he's trying to shake paws" 

More grunting

"Look Geoffrey shake his paw, he's holding it out to you!"

"Hello" ( males voice - presumably Geoffrey's)

More grunting

" She 's showing you the shaved bit on her leg where the vet took blood" I called out from the living room 

" Awwww poor baby let's see your poorly leg then. Come on show us your poorly leg!" 

Lots of satisfied grunting followed

Choir meeting last night on Zoom.

Bit of a technological disaster but it was always good to see everyone

Hattie recorded our final song's visuals rather than the singing and speeded up it looks rather sweet given the fact we were all belting out our usual final song 

" You Raise Me Up!" 

Which often leaves a few choristers all a but teary eyed

The physicality of the lockdown hit home on Monday for obvious reasons

I needed a hug. A physical, it will be alright hug

And it didn't come

But what did come was the texts and the videos and the messages and the gifs and all of those wonderful things the mobile phone and the iPad  now gives us all

Almost having friends in the same room .

I've had a shave and a bath and changed my clothes today.

Ive combed my hair and used moisturiser ( see I do listen Mavis)

I've listen to ghost stories videoed from a friend, Colin in Liverpool

And still have paperwork to complete , which has been laying out since Monday

I am officially single and have let go of the want to have closure of certain things too faraway now to need to deal with. History has been rewritten and will be now believed. I emailed my former husband a last email and wished us both " happier times" 

I made bread last night

And I'm already looking forward to going back to work tomorrow night
On the whatsapp Trelawnyd community warden forum Bunty shared a photo of her extra short haircut and Affable despot Jason asked me for some spare paintings to put up in his new, home made summer house

Albert looks thinner , maybe needs a wormer

Will treat Trendy Carol ( in natty maroon shorts yesterday) and her hubby to Easter eggs from the girls when I go shopping for dog food later. They continue to be stars

Villager Jim passed the cottage last night and looked through the window to see the lit flamingo
We shared a thumbs up sign
" all is well" we mouthed

  

Raising Money For My Hospice

In celebration of the goat invasion 

Order your tee shirts 

https://stdavidshospice.org.uk/shop/?fbclid=IwAR1j1r7hxnLn0ZoOPIPZ_Xvus3qFrjkpAhUnkepaBdqHMLAnMFCNmR8VWvM

Vigil

South West of Trelawnyd there is a flat, wide valley which runs gently down towards the coastal plain nearly six hundred feet below.
One of the fields that border the road seawards has been newly ploughed and seeded and perched proudly in its centre is a somewhat incongruous smiling scarecrow wearing a multicoloured Kagool
I saw him today
Arms outstretched in a Jaunty welcome he faces passing motorists quite cheerfully

Positive and optimistic
It's the only way forward

Decree Absolute

The attachment on my solicitor's email caught me somewhat by surprise this morning.
It was an unsurprisingly dry document stamped from the family court in Newport Gwent stating I was no longer officially married.
The decree absolute in black and white.
My solicitor kindly wished me well and as instructed I printed up the document for safe keeping without really thinking about what I was doing but I read again her words   " I am sure you will be pleased that this matter has reached its conclusion"

"This matter"
Two words that encompass nearly twenty years of my life

In my mind , I have fantasised how I would react to today's news.
On Going Gently I have never bad mouthed my husband's behaviour in deciding to end our marriage
I get that people change and so do their wants and needs and emotions
I have hinted it that has been the way he initiated the split that was so disappointing and awful for me to deal with and I stand by those words now.
The way we split was truly awful to experience
He eventually got what he wanted, a new younger partner and a new, totally different  life style
And he rewrote a history in his head, in the same way his mother had done when she was divorced
A history that I always thought of as ongoing.

I pulled up papers from my box files , and arranged them neatly on the kitchen table.
Today I have planned to sort outstanding bills and statements and filing and already have penned a do do list on a simple square of wring paper
Each line with its own square box to be ticked off

My sister has just video called me by accident, she is crocheting me a new cushion cover for the yellow living room

The bulldogs were lying sleeping in their chair in the kitchen and I went upstairs , changed the bedding, had a bath and got changed into some proper clothes, then me and Mary slipped out, unnoticed by the front door and took a walk up the lane.

The sky is blue here in Trelawnyd but it's kind of cold and we walked up through the Churchyard and sat on the far bench not far from the grave of auntie Gladys's daughter
Tumbled thoughts from the past two years filled my mind until it felt like bursting but Mary as she has a want to to jumped up next to me and leant inwards as only Welsh terriers do and we both looked out over the livery stable fields where the ponies were trotting with their heads high and their nostrils flaring.
They looked, I thought,  like my pottery pony which stands proudly against the art wall in the kitchen
And with Mary as my only company

I had a long and final cry