Going Gently

Designer

It's 6.39am and the coffee bucket at the kitchen table has almost been drained

I'm leaving for work in exactly 6 minutes.

I met a dear friend for lunch yesterday

And was given a Christmas gift

My first pair of proper gloves!

I feel very grown up

I've never been a 'designer label' person

Quite the opposite

But I was touched by the gesture more than I expected

As if I deserve proper gloves

" Do you know that you have a turkey on your head?"

"No, I don't, but if you hum it , I'll play it......"

The cashier at the supermarket caught my eye
Unfortunately he' s not the one I've got a teenage crush on !
I studiously ignored his hat
But he still said wearily " Don't ask!"
" Chin up & tits out!" I told him in my best supportive voice
And he beebed through gifts for Chic Eleanor, Sailor John and Mandy , Mrs Trellis and others
Without further ado
I've cried off the hospice Christmas meal at the posh Empire Hotel in Llandudno tonight as I still don't feel 100%

I'm going to spend the first night as sole owner/ occupier of Bwthyn y Llan In front of my fire

....and Finally........

I didn't feel quite right this morning but washed my face, brushed my teeth and hair and filled Bluebell with dogs early to go Christmas Shopping.
I had arranged to meet a friend in Llandudno for coffee and so paid a visit to Mostyn Gallery to buy some gifts, then took the girls into the hospice to visit a patient.
It was almost lunchtime when I caught up with my friend and after flat whites I walked to the West Shore and after letting Winnie amble v e r y s l o w l y, I sat on the low sea wall and let the dogs congregate around me with their backsides pushing against my hips and feet.
My phone pinged
I thought it was my friend with a witty wise crack but it was an email notification
The email was from my mortgage building society's legal team
They told me blandly that from tomorrow I will solely own the mortgage on Bwthyn Y Llan
Ok I will be 70 until it's paid off,
Ok , it's going to be a bloody struggle
but from tomorrow the cottage will be mine, in my name only!

The four of us sat there leaning forward in the wind
And not for the first time this year.
I had a good cry
My first positive one of 2019

Reindeer clapping

I should have been singing this too
But i was puking in a bush!!

Still Not Right

I went to the Choir's Christmas meal and concert last night and lasted just after the main course
Then I cadged a lift back to the village and still in my Christmas Jumper barfed all down the lane home

Making a Cat Laugh

My New York Christmas Snowglobe

Last Christmas I was quite destructive and I knew it.
That's why I chose to spend the day on my own
I knew I was in a poor place and I remember behaving badly when going to a dreadful amateur Dickensian production of Gothic ghost stories
Instead of rolling with the dreadful acting punches, I ridiculed and bitched about everything and I made a disappointing evening a great deal worse
No one likes a killjoy.
Especially me
And there I was the biggest fucking killjoy since Herod

Recently fate has been conspiring to undermine my better humour and resolve. My trip to London to see Nu and Sitges Jon cancelled , my divorce's elusive decree Absolute, halted by pedestrian legal work. Physical cold after cold after shits have meant time off work ( without pay) and the pay I have had has been squeezed thin by solicitor and tax bills both "thoughtfully" requested weeks before Christmas

Oh poor me !
But not poor me eh?
Nu sent me a miniature Christmas tree through the post, complete with lights and baubles and star while Sitges Jon send me a photo of a treat he had bought me from Fortum & Masons ( three bespoke scotch eggs!)
And yesterday I received two wrapped gifts from my nephew Leo
Hand written Gifts that lighten the heart whilst your arse is red from sitting on the bog!!

Sunday I was helping a support worker clean and move beds around the hospice.
She was fed up and tired and as we negiotiated a few fire doors which I managed to keep open my an over stretched bit of leg action I felt something rip in by boxer short area.
I overplayed the rip , just a little and the support worker who is called Cat started to laugh.
I overplayed more and we both started to giggle and the giggling intensified as giggling so often does when you are tired and a little sad and at work and are in need of a bit silliness and humour.
And moments later were we're helpless on the floor crying and laughing and messing around like little kids in a school yard.
She told me how much she liked working with me as several of the nurses have done recently
And that's a boost.because it's true!
So Despite myself ,
I hope I am no longer a killjoy

Runs

Today had been earmarked for my usual Christmas visit with Nuala in London. We were due to go to Kew Gardens and out for dinner but typical of best laid plans , she found herself double booked so I reluctantly cancelled the visit. My train tickets were partly usable and so I rearranged a visit to the big smoke this time to see my friend Sitges Jon but now have had to cancel that due to a sudden and vicious attack of the shits!
The Christmas lights in London are a no no this year
And the all impressive ring of a toilet seat mark on my arse is the order of the day!!
I am mega fucked off
I've even typed this sat in the bathroom!
2019 has disappointed me almost to its end