This weather is getting on my tits

I thought that things couldn't get any worse ( see previous post)

Then I looked out onto the Ukrainian village at 4 pm

Bleeding global warming! 

Stress!..............and a relaxing gentle film

It is a well known phenomenon that married couples cannot teach each other to drive.
The stress levels are just too bloody high.
Now, to this, please add the following situation

" talking your partner through a complicated computer programme over Skype  with the clock ticking!"

This is way more stressful.......
Give me a critically ill patient on a ventilator to look after anyday!

This morning Chris left a vital memory stick at home.
It contained the information he needed for an important presentation this morning
All I had to do was to follow his verbal instructions to send contents of said computer stick, via an unfamiliar laptop to his email
Simple!
Remember time was ticking!
Well the computer password didn't work
And I couldn't quite get the angle right for chris to see the screen via Skype on my iPad
Lots of shouting followed
" move it up...move it to the left!, get your friggin thumb away from the camera!"
Then I couldn't find the USB port
" ITS ON THE FUCKING SIDE OF THE COMPUTER!!!!!" Chris bellowed
" I can't SEEEEEEE ITTTT!" I yelled back
" YOU CANT MISS IT! IT's ON THE SIDE!"
" it's not THERE!" I was beginning to sound like a shrill Lady Mary from Downton Abbey
" It was there THIS MORNING.!" Chris yelled...he was starting to hyperventilate.
He never told me that there was a little flap you had to open!
I jammed the memory stick in the hole
A strange window popped up saying
" Programme not responding"
" it's not responding!" I wailed
Winifred bounced into the office, excited at all the yelling!
" Can you click on Microsoft outlook.?" Chris gasped
" I can't even SEE MICROSOFT OUTLOOK.!"
......ok? You get the gist!.....the farce went on until Chris ran off empty handed to his presentation and I had to find a dark room , in which I could lie down in.

Now if you are as stressed as I am after reading all this, I suggest you find a few minutes to yourself and go and watch a gentle little Argentinian movie called  Hawaii (  2013)

In Hawaii nothing much happens. Newspaper colonist Eugenio ( Manual Vignou) spends a hot summer looking after his uncle's home in the city. A homeless Russian ( Mateo Chairtino ) turns up looking for work and the two men soon realise that they were once childhood friends.

Against the backdrop of a slightly decaying urban house and garden , a tentative romance starts.

I would recommend Hawaii wholeheartedly, for it is a totally visual experience. Hardly a word is spoken for great chunks of the film, as the two old friends pussyfoot around each other., and it makes a change that the drama , angst and confrontation ,so common in gay cinema, is more or less absent in this little psychological study.....a study which ends on a very welcoming positive note.

If you want your heart rate to slow, and your blood pressure to drop

Give HAWAII a go.

Mundane Monday

It's going to be a mundane post today

It's going to be a mundane day

For today it's carpet cleaning day 

Yaaaayyyyyy

It's a necessary evil of living in the country and having 20 paws in the house

 When the carpet cleaner comes out

the animals retreat to their favorite places

They know what to expect

Noise and muddy water

All day

Albert hides away on his superman onesie cat bed

William is up on the couch

George is in bed

Meg is in the bedroom window

And Winnie watches the wold from the garden

If You Don't Follow THE WALKING DEAD look away now

Sigh

24 hours and it returns!
If anyone bothers me at 9pm tomorrow night
they are zombie meat

Has Judith survived her bloody baby seat?

How will Daryl cope with a needy Beth?

What has Bob got in his friggin box?

Where the sod is Carol?
Will Rick ever master a real Atlanta accent?
Will Tara the token lesbian survive?
And

Will Tyreese sing " this old man" with the kids?
answers on a postcard

Hey ho

Paso

I don't watch  the tv programme Dancing On Ice

I can't think of anything worse

But I did remember Torvill & Dean doing the Paso

Way back in 1984

Cracking!

Harry Windsor : a ginger cock in need of Valium

Another day, another storm from the west. The Ukrainian village has never been so  wet or as dirty, yet despite the muck and the water, the resident hens and the refugees have been laying well all winter.

The only flash of real colour amid the brown and the muddy green has been a brighter ginger streak that is Harry Windsor.

Harry Windsor, like his namesake is second in life's pecking order. He is second in command to the permanently scowling Moriarty and spends most of his adolescent days galloping away from the alpha cockerel in a state of nervous exhaustion.

Such is the way of the world in hen land

Come the spring, when Harry has put on a few more pounds

There will be a stand off between the two

And a peace will reign on the field

But for now, Harry ,

Poor Harry continues his muddy and constant jog to safety

Stitches

David's mother

I finally caught up with my friend Nige last night. We swapped belated Christmas gifts. I gave him a home knitted ( by  chris)  scarf and a Banksey calendar. He presented me with a first for me.... A graphic novel.

Now, all I do know about graphic novels, is that they are usually horror based ( like the original The Walking Dead  series) and usually enjoyed by young men who can't be arsed reading a book.

Graphic novels can be generally described as storyboards similar to the ones used to preempt filming on a movie. They capture the story cinematically, with perhaps a few " bubble" quotes or brief sentence of explanation and rely on the talent of the artist to Push the story forward.

Nigel's choice of Christmas pressie was, I admit, just a little odd, but it has proved to be an extraordinary " read"

Stitches- a memoir is the  true story of an abusive childhood in middle class 1950s Detroit .Seen through the eyes of six then eleven year old David, we are introduced to dysfunctional parents an abusive maternal grandmother and family secrets centered around illness, insanity and depression.

Atmospherically and economically sketched Stitches is a profoundly moving  and raw story seen from a child's perspective.

I really recommend it.

But do read it when you are emotionally robust

David's grandmother

Bunty Returns

I am off to see my friend Nige in Manchester this evening

So I have been a bit on catch up all day.

At lunchtime there was a lusty knock on the door

It was Bunty, the lesbian smallholder 

She had no geese with her, it was only a social call

" the Bastards" she told me had finally settled down and had been sexed by a local farmer who thought they were both

females ....subsequently she had renamed them

" Ellen and Portia"

I can't say I was surprised

Bunty was full of her geese

And she reminded me of Rosie O Donnell the way she laughed about them

Big lusty laughs!

" Did you know?" She said in her big deep voice

"When a goose gets sick' when they are migrating ,two geese drop out of formation and follow 

It down to the ground to protect it"

Well you learn something new everyday!

The nearest likeness I could find for Bunty

I hope she doesn't mind