I'm With Stupid

Yesterday was a kind of non descriptive day,which was spent , for the most part, strimming the field.
I only left the village at 5.30, when I had to take William to the vets .
His summer itching has hiked up,a gear, and he was in desperate need of a steroid injection or a Valium 

We drove to the satellite surgery around 6 miles away and had to wait three quarters of an hour to see the vet. George Clooney vet and the mad Irish Colleen vet were not on duty but the pretty baby Russell Crowe look-a-like  vet was on duty, so I wished I had brushed my hair and changed my tea stained t shirt before I left the house.
 But C'est la vie as the frogs say.

On the way home, I thought I would treat ourselves to a KFC ( oh shush up) - well it was after tea time and Chris was still away in Canada so we decided to pamper ourselves and made our way to the drive in.
There was a cheerful woman at the order window, when I ordered myself  some popcorn chicken , and she smiled at William , who smiled back at her from the passenger seat and pointing at him sat up against the sear back as Welsh terriers do, she,asked
" is he having anything?"
" are you having anything?" I asked William who suddenly looked very interested
" He'll have large fries" I told the girl
" do you want a bag with that you lovely boy?" She asked William, obviously enjoying the little game
but William had suddenly started to lick his bottom and the girl looked at me instead

" Dont worry, he's not being rude....., I've always told him not to talk to strangers" I told her in way of explanation

My own little world

" Stealing flowers" and How To Tame An Animal

Village tongues may be clacking this morning as yesterday, I was seen leaving Pat ( the animal helper's) house with a large bunch of garden flowers. Pat is on a holiday cruise , so I am watering her tomatoes everyday.......the flowers I had permission to remove.....
I thought I'd just get that straight.
Anyhow,
Last week, at the animal wholesales, I bumped into Bunty the lesbian smallholder from Llanfair
Talhalarn. I was buying layers pellets , she was looking for rat poison. Though part of me thought that Bunty didn't really need poison to kill anything. She always looks as though she could strangle a hippo with only one hand.
I asked her how the geese were, the ones that she bought from me last year.
" the snotty bastards are still keeping their distance" Bunty moaned " I still can't tame them"
I didn't have the heart to tell her, that with her big booming voice, she was never likely to...ever.
Animals need the Penelope Wilton approach rather than the Brian Blessed

There are several rules that need to be followed where the taming of animals are concerned

1. You need to move slowly at first and get on with doing quiet routine jobs around them without looking at the animal you want to tame.
2. If you have jobs or zombie games to play on the ipad, sit down near the animal and keep quietly busy. The animal invariably will come towards you to give you the " once over". When they do approach talk to the animals quietly. This works very well with geese and sheep who are naturally curious...if you are up for it.....lie down in the field face down ( although don't do this with pigs!)
3. Use food bribery using favourite food stuffs.  Cheap white bread is nectar ,to sheep and geese and turkey's and hens adore teats of dog food. Always leave the animals " wanting more" use the same feed bucket or bowl every day and use a consistent animal call to " Marshall the troops" 
4. Try not to dress in different clothes and hats . Consistency is the key.
5.  Never try too hard.

Things you mustn't do when taming animals

1. Don't have a crafty piss when geese are about beak height is invariably at willy height
2. Never scream like a girl in the vicinity of potentially hysterical Indian runner ducks
3. Never hold an animal tentatively. Most animals will go " limp" if you hold them firmly
4. Keep small screaming children and toddlers locked up in a cage if possible. 

Irene and Sylvia will now eat corn out of my hand and do so every morning 

Bingley will sit on my lap for a taste of dog food

Camilla, has a natural reticence with people but will allow herself to be picked up

New cockerel  " Capaldi" is a work in progress

No one Likes A Smart Arse

Charity lines , get their fair share of prank calls
Unfortunately that is the way of the world, and last night I was on the receiving end of such a call, a call made strangely by someone with insight and education.
The call started off plausibly . A well spoken, obviously articulate upper middle class doctor was having intolerable pressures at work. His private life was in tatters, a mistake at work had floored him.
It was a story I could believe in given my background and experience.
Although I didn't believe him.
Sure I made all the right Samaritan noises, and asked all the right questions but from the start I felt the caller was acting and playing to an audience.I also had the sense he was recording the call

Our conversation went on for sometime until after I repeated a somewhat heartfelt and emotion phrase about his medical experiences , the caller changed his tone completely and delivered his pièce de résistance line " now that's the plot of episode 7 of Grey's Anatomy ..do you think I should buy the DVD  of episode 8?"
Smart arses like the " oh duh" moment when the  realisation of a prank is seen to hit home, and although we are trained to end calls like these on recognition of a prank status, I wasn't having any of it
" can you tell me the real reason why you phoned this evening?"I said in my best, quiet and caring voice
The caller then repeated his punch line again which I ignored again
" there must be a reason why you needed to contact us, something that is hurting you , something you need to talk about" I asked quietly
He tried to save face by laughing and repeating his punch line a third time, but by then I had turned into his grandmother and I needed to shame him by kindness.
" well if you do ever want to talk about what is bothering you please call us anytime, we are always here to help" I dropped my voice even further
" but I do find this kind of joke disrespectful, not only to me but to those thousands of volunteers that give up their own time in order to listen to distressed and vulnerable people in need"
It wasn't a joke anymore  and he knew it and my angry need to rattle the man until his teeth fell out had passed.
I ended the call before he could either switch off his recorder or say another word.
Intelligent people taking the piss.....you cannot forgive them
They really ought to know better

Sunday

Sometimes Sundays just feel like this

Old Bloggers.....

...don't die
They just fade away..........
With Chris on the way to Cowboy Canada...I have spent a night with catching up on old bloggers I have not caught up with for years....
Most have  continued regardless of any pithy comments from me, a dozen have given up the ghost, one has married an unsuitable partner ,one has sadly died, a few have carried on albeit half heartedly,  one has become seriously mentally ill ...........,it's been an interesting catch up

Get a life ( I say to myself)

Mrs Trellis in Your Garden

Yesterday I spied Mrs Trellis being dragged up High Street by her incredibly badly behaved border collie. Diminutive and nervy, Mrs Trellis  cannot quite cope with the inevitable face off her dog Trixie  has with any other canine, so she has the odd little habit of running into the nearest garden to hide so that confrontations on the main road can be kept to a minimum.
I think most people in Trelawnyd are now used to seeing the elderly lady peeping from inside their privet hedges as they watch television. It's a case of " mrs Trellis is out for a walk again" type comment when she is spied crouching behind the herbaceous border.
As I passed the garden hedge behind which Mrs Trellis had taken refuge, I heard a disembodied voice call out " hello John, are you well?"
" very well  Mrs Trellis! " I called back vaguely.
I could hear her struggling with Trixie
" how's Chris?" She trilled trying to sound in control
" he's working away this weekend until Thursday "I told her
" anywhere nice ?" She asked politely.
" Calvary" I told her
There was a slightly confused silence from behind the bush
" oh!" She said
It was only when I was walking home past the church , I realized I should have said Calgary

The one and only Mrs Trellis of Trelawnyd

Sans Trixie

Daryl in 6 weeks

Just about a month and it's back!

Darby And Joan

There is one complication of being a nurse in a DGH  ( district general hospital)  and that is you always risk looking after someone that you know.
Over my few years in ITU I am unhappy to say that a few familiar faces have been admitted, and every time it happens I generally make sure that I look after someone else.
It's easier all round if I can be supportive without doing hands on care.

Anyhow ,On my last shift, the lady two beds away from my patient turned out to be someone I have known for many years. Usually robust and  jovial , she looked grey and frail in bed, but I noticed  that she was holding the hand of her husband who looked every inch of his 80 years., in a very firm grip

I was suddenly  reminded of a verse in the 18th century poem " Darby & Joan"  by St John Honeywood( a poem that my old tutor in psychiatric often referred to

"Old Darby, with Joan by his side

You've often regarded with wonder.

He's dropsical, she is sore-eyed

Yet they're ever uneasy asunder."

It's a privilege to be able to witness these sweet little relationship moments, but they are often quite difficult to watch. Such devotion in those twilight years by nature of the beast always leads to one partner being left alone at some final stage.

ITU, Darby & Joan, ...all this came to mind last night when I was locking up he hens for the night.
For just by accident, I happened to look up into the branches of the beech tree that over hangs the field from the old Church yard and there cuddled up side by side on a high branch was the legbar cockerel and hen who were dropped off a week of so ago.
The hen had been bedded down with the rest of the hens but had decided to join her cockerel for the night  up in the tree.
Cockerel and hen
Darby and Joan

It's what we all want for ourselves, but one that probably terrifies the bejesus out of us all