Helen Sjöholm

 

I sit at the kitchen table a lot. 

Here I read, write, explore the internet and think.

If the weather is fine and the yappy dogs silent in their nasty new build house beyond the garden wall, the back door is open to the sound of birdsong, the arguing of the sparrows and the caws from the rooks over the glebe to the East.

I’ve suffered the barking earlier, but it’s 11am now, and it’s peaceful 

I won’t talk to anyone today. 

Why would I ? It’s Easter Sunday, but I found this wonderful musical interlude, by the Swedish singer Helen Sjöholm and her support singers

I turned it up full blast and let their voices fill the cottage and Churchyard beyond my garden

Missing Happiness

 

Mary in 2018

We miss so much.

In our busy lives.

I wasn’t still until 7 pm last night

That was 10 hours in motion,

From dragging my sorry arse out of under a wonderfully warm duvet 

To porridge for breakfast 

And the 2 hour search for a piece of leather wrapped around three plastic cards.

Today it’s Cate Blanchet and her Radio 4 debut The Fever,

I switched it off sick of her voice, an hour wasted on a so called worthy cause

It’s cold and I find a jumper. 

Paperwork pilled up on the kitchen table awaiting sorting

Tomorrow I say

No good films on in the cinemas,

It’s a children biased weekend

Hetero normal/ family time

At seven pm last night I looked at Mary’s face as I itched that bilateral dimple behind each ear. 

I used my left hand, my thump and forefinger encircling her head deftly

And she closed her eyes, 

And looked blissful

Totally blissful

Roger was asleep next to her, the twins creeping around the room like bandits’ shadows beyond

But for that moment I watched that little dog’s old face

And her vague smile

And I realised that she and I were truly happy

Wallet In The Freezer

 I’ve never liked Good Friday, both as a child and as an adult.

As a child it was too many chocolate eggs and shit television.

As an adult it is a lacklustre bank holiday weekend, often worked.

Today it’s cold and wet

And the cottage looks like the wreck of the Hesperus.

The reason for the disarray is that my wallet and car keys went missing.

Two hours of searching isolated nothing more than the dirty pair of undies under the bed and a mummified  baby mouse behind the armchair.

I eventually found the wallet and keys frozen solid in a carrier bag with some pork chops in the freezer and spent an uncomfortable half hour in Sainsburys thawing out my debit and nectar card under my armpit before paying for cat litter

The day has been a bust so far, so I bought myself a bunch of flowers to make myself feel better and shouted at the neighbour when I got home for bellowing at one of his yappy dogs 

Talk about transference..I’m making a beef stew

Happy Easter 

Mrs Trellis wins the day

 I’ve seen clients today ( don’t worry I’ve rested my arm) and got home to an Easter Egg wrapped carefully in tissue paper. 

The accompanying card and letter was from Mrs Trellis who thanked me for the amaryllis plant I had given her last Christmas.

( I actually gave her the plant at Christmas 2023 but whose counting) 

Plans

 My GP was thorough and respectful. He had also done his homework and asked me outright if I was concerned that my arm weakness was related to a motor Neurone Cause. Somewhere in my notes must have been documented with the fact that my brother Andrew had died from the disease.

He told me that it was unlikely.

Another batch of tests and referrals were made, as I sat there and he told me that he wanted me to rest, and signed me off work for two weeks . 

Mentally I have already filled the time constructively, with paperwork, books and sleep

The morning shot by. 

I walked the dogs, picked up a prescription , saw my sisters and had supervision

The afternoon shot by

I bought a steak from Marks & Spencers as a treat, and lit the fire just before 5pm 

I feel better because I have a plan of action. I always teach worried patients and their families this simple initiative. 

Find out the facts and formulate a plan

This processes the problem from problem to solution 

It’s a simple and effective way of reducing stress

I can’t brush my teeth with my right hand without moving my head my muscle weakness is fickle and irritatingly particular.

The Kindness of Strangers

 It won’t surprise you that I’ve been a bit stressed and sad recently

But I have been buoyed by kindnesses, messages and emails and concern which is touching

Today a watercolour of Winnie was delivered

I was just leaving the house to go for a diabetic eye test ( harrumph) 

And it truly made my day

Thank you Donna

Thank you all

La verbena de la Paloma / Preludio - Grupo Talía

No lisping choir in this charming piece by the Metropolitan Orchestra called La Verbena de La Palo

If I look hard in the audience I can almost see myself  to the left of the delightful Silvia Sanz Torres.

Little to report today. The weather has changed and it feels cold again.

I’m seeing the doctor on Wednesday  and let him make the call if I am fit enough for work. A consultant from the hospital chased me up also, which was reassuring and right, she was happier that I will get reviewed by my own doctor and bless her, apologised for my bad experience in A&E. 

I had a letter from college today too, outlying when our graduation will take place and where to get my cap and gown…..Im gutted as my graduation day is the day I go and see the lisping Choir in Madrid

So I won’t be seen getting my certificate ! Janet and Ann had planned to come too

Heyho

I will contact the hire company and will see if I can get another chance to at least get photographed in my college colours……im vain enough to make every photo into Christmas Cards

Wonderful

 I posted a link to this video the other night, but here is the video

It’s a pure delight and lightens the mood wonderfully

Affable Despot Jason said today it reminded him of my field when his girls were little .

I loved that