Postscript

To add to today’s post 

Some perspective . Last night before we went to bed I put Dorothy in a pair of adult incontinence knickers.

(She took a small.)I’m sentimental, but I’m no fool even with the palliative care of my own bulldog.

She had the energy to look down slowly at the nappy , then looked me directly in the eye with a “ What the fuck have you just done to me !!!! ” look on her face.

It made me laugh out loud

Monday

Emotionally speaking it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster  ride over the past two weeks..ever since a blogger insulted me on line, only removing the insult when challenged by a third party. The internet allows for such behaviour .

Such words would never be verbalised if I was stood there in person and the whole thing strangely upset me.  Work has been challenging at times . I’ve had to pass an interview and essays too

It’s all been a bit h e a v y .

The antibiotics I’ve been prescribed have made me intermittently nauseous but have reduced most of the soft tissue infection in my face. However my glands remain swollen and painful, and I’m self conscious and down about how I look. 

I still have my effing cold too.

Dorothy last night with me on the sofa she’d just shared a frankfurter sausage !

And of course Dorothy died early this morning 

I’m relieved she won’t have to linger any more and was grateful for having time to spend with her on the couch over the weekend with the fire lit warmly.it was her time and I’m glad.

At the end she looked a little worried but hid her head under my chin as I told her to be a brave girl. She snapped at the others so as usual it was only me and her against the world.

The last smell she smelled was me, 

the last voice she heard was mine

In the five years since she came to me, she’s always been such a scared girl at times

But not scared anymore.

I’m going to the cinema later.

The place that makes me better.

A Chippy Tea

 

When the world and their mothers were busy with Mothering Sunday, I took the dogs to the beach and out for a chippy tea.

Now I’m sure many of you may not know what A Chippy Tea is, so I shall explain . A Chippy Tea ( or Dinner) is when historically the lady of the house , through busyness, illness, holiday time or whatever had decided not to cook that mealtime and a rare “ take out” was in order.

For my family A Chippy Tea was a rarity and a treat.

It remains so

It must be well over 2 years since I last had one.

Now, for those that still remain in the dark , the meal consists of a large battered fish fillet ( usually cod or haddock ) lying on a bed of chips. These chips are thick cut fresh fries that are slightly crispy on the outside and soft on the inside, but generally in the steam of the take out, they can be just soft! 

Everything is covered with a generous amount of malt vinegar and salt. Then wrapped in a box and paper.

It’s a delight on a miserable day.

We ate it in the beach car park. Dorothy had a small battered fish of her own ( with half the batter removed) where the Welsh shared my box 

Sweet

 Dorothy has had a comfortable day 

Trendy Carol’s Husband came around to visit with a pork steak in hand.

He’s looked after Dorothy everyday I’ve been at work, holiday and college for the past 5 years. 

And I couldn’t stand to watch as he stroked her head gently  and called her his Dotty, and so busied myself with something in the kitchen as he said his tearful goodbyes.

CDK - Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye

Amazing little film 

It’s cold here, grey and miserable 

“Enough Cariño”

I was pleased the Spanish vet was on duty. 

She agreed with me about an ultrasound and has a lovely way about her.

She told that me my face looked sore. 

She’d be a good candidate for a hospice nurse. 

Practical, kind and straight to the point.

Dorothy refused to be led away from me so I was allowed to accompany the staff to scanning.

I clicked my fingers and Dorothy followed me and I couldn’t contain my pride when the vet said

“ You’ve trained her well”

Even I could see the size of the tumour on the scan and when the vet aspirated bloody fluid from her abdomen with a 2 mls syringe, she held it out for me to see

“Enough Cariño” she said quietly 

“She has a few days” the Spanish vet said “ Take her home and spoil her with anything she wants to eat”

And that’s exactly what I’ve done

We stopped at the village shop in Caerwys where I found a packet of cocktail sausages and then side by side, I popped one into her mouth at a time as she chewed them with closed happy old eyes.I didn’t cry until she leant up for a kiss well after she was sure all of the sausages had been finished, and not used to being free of her crate in the car I let her stand with her paws on the dashboard, as Roger does so much when we go out every morning.

She couldn’t believe her luck.

I stopped one more time to buy a cooked chicken for more dog dinners and some expensive flowers for myself. (It’s Mothers’ day) and we went home.

My email light was flashing on my laptop when we entered the kitchen,

I’d received an email from MIND , 

I have got the counselling placement.

Sick

 “ You’ve got to be fucking kidding!”

My first words this morning, looking in the mirror . 

I have a right facial abscess which came from nowhere overnight.

My face is hot and swollen and I look like Russell Crowe on steroids.

I was supposed to be at a funeral in Ormskirk at 11am but at that time found myself trying to be polite to my GP who has all the bedside manner of Nellie Oleson.

“ It looks bad and if it gets worse go to A&E” he said without a goodbye.

I’m now on three types of strong antibiotics and popped some painkillers down with them at the pharmacy after Ravi the pretty pharmacist gave me much overdue sympathy and my prescription .

I may not comment and blog for a day or do

Hey ho. X

Ps for Debby, Col and Steve

Cold

 My brain is too big more my head to cope with ( that’s been said before lol) I’m counting down to my next lemsip like a junkie but at least the sun is shining. 

I found a moribund sleeping tablet at the bottom of the medicine box last night and took it at 8 pm 

I’ve slept all night since then.

I’m doing very little today, having said that I’ve just photographed a passive aggressive note on the village noticeboard  slagging off the Community Council ( not the community association that’s different) and have taken its 1980s passive aggression to task on the village website.,

I’ve got to pick up a prescription for a neighbour and a friend in the village is just out of hospital so I want drop in some goodies before taking Roger around to the Manleys so he can socialise with their English setter Skye

I’m diverting myself of course, 

No sub conscious working here

I should have booked Dorothy back at the vets today but

Ive arranged for her to go in for review on Friday. 

Tomorrow I’m attending a funeral.

I’ve still not heard from MIND regarding the counselling place

But checking the dairy I’ve just noted the date

March. 6th

My “wedding Anniversary” date 

Just crept into my my mind