“Enough Cariño”

I was pleased the Spanish vet was on duty. 

She agreed with me about an ultrasound and has a lovely way about her.

She told that me my face looked sore. 

She’d be a good candidate for a hospice nurse. 

Practical, kind and straight to the point.

Dorothy refused to be led away from me so I was allowed to accompany the staff to scanning.

I clicked my fingers and Dorothy followed me and I couldn’t contain my pride when the vet said

“ You’ve trained her well”

Even I could see the size of the tumour on the scan and when the vet aspirated bloody fluid from her abdomen with a 2 mls syringe, she held it out for me to see

“Enough Cariño” she said quietly 

“She has a few days” the Spanish vet said “ Take her home and spoil her with anything she wants to eat”

And that’s exactly what I’ve done

We stopped at the village shop in Caerwys where I found a packet of cocktail sausages and then side by side, I popped one into her mouth at a time as she chewed them with closed happy old eyes.I didn’t cry until she leant up for a kiss well after she was sure all of the sausages had been finished, and not used to being free of her crate in the car I let her stand with her paws on the dashboard, as Roger does so much when we go out every morning.

She couldn’t believe her luck.

I stopped one more time to buy a cooked chicken for more dog dinners and some expensive flowers for myself. (It’s Mothers’ day) and we went home.

My email light was flashing on my laptop when we entered the kitchen,

I’d received an email from MIND , 

I have got the counselling placement.

Sick

 “ You’ve got to be fucking kidding!”

My first words this morning, looking in the mirror . 

I have a right facial abscess which came from nowhere overnight.

My face is hot and swollen and I look like Russell Crowe on steroids.

I was supposed to be at a funeral in Ormskirk at 11am but at that time found myself trying to be polite to my GP who has all the bedside manner of Nellie Oleson.

“ It looks bad and if it gets worse go to A&E” he said without a goodbye.

I’m now on three types of strong antibiotics and popped some painkillers down with them at the pharmacy after Ravi the pretty pharmacist gave me much overdue sympathy and my prescription .

I may not comment and blog for a day or do

Hey ho. X

Ps for Debby, Col and Steve

Cold

 My brain is too big more my head to cope with ( that’s been said before lol) I’m counting down to my next lemsip like a junkie but at least the sun is shining. 

I found a moribund sleeping tablet at the bottom of the medicine box last night and took it at 8 pm 

I’ve slept all night since then.

I’m doing very little today, having said that I’ve just photographed a passive aggressive note on the village noticeboard  slagging off the Community Council ( not the community association that’s different) and have taken its 1980s passive aggression to task on the village website.,

I’ve got to pick up a prescription for a neighbour and a friend in the village is just out of hospital so I want drop in some goodies before taking Roger around to the Manleys so he can socialise with their English setter Skye

I’m diverting myself of course, 

No sub conscious working here

I should have booked Dorothy back at the vets today but

Ive arranged for her to go in for review on Friday. 

Tomorrow I’m attending a funeral.

I’ve still not heard from MIND regarding the counselling place

But checking the dairy I’ve just noted the date

March. 6th

My “wedding Anniversary” date 

Just crept into my my mind

Curved Ball

 I shouldn’t go into university today.

Overnight Ive developed a streaming cold and have had little sleep.

We have an assessed exam of our counselling skill next week so I have to practice for that, but I will cut my day short and return home at lunchtime. 

I walked the dogs in a daze but as we returned home, I noticed Dorothy had a bit of poo stuck to her bottom.

She patiently waited for me to give her a wipe 

And wagged her stubby tail

But the poo wasn’t what it seemed

She has some sort of fast growing tumour back there

La Passion de Dodin Bouffant

 It does annoy me that many foreign language films get their titles changed to suit an English speaking world market. Les Passion De Dodin Bouffant is the perfect example for this afternoon I went to see the somewhat bland sounding The Taste Of Things which sounds to me like a 1980s British tv sitcom ! 

As it turned out The Taste Of Things was anything but bland. 

It is a gloriously elegant and beautiful film, exquisitely photographed and carefully acted, with every scene set in a French Country house in the summer of 1889, painted with the skill of a grand master.

The film’s opening sets the pace and style of the whole piece as we watch food lover Dodin Bouffant ( Benoît Magimel) and his cook and lover Eugénie( Juliette Binoche) prepare an exquisite meal for the couples 5 best friends. The pair share a deep love of cooking and each other and it shows as they silently work around each other in country kitchen to die for with all the grace and skill of a couple of ballet dancers. The ticket of admission pays for that extended scene alone. 

Magimel shines as the love struck, passionate and likeable Dodin with Binoche matching his every move . A stone’s throw from sixty she is at her most beautiful , and gives her character a haunting grace which is wonderfully moving . 

I loved every bit of this movie. 

It’s a beautiful story of an autumnal love affair

And a joyous celebration of cookery at its best

How Do You Cope?

 I slept properly last night.

Deeply and long.

So did Dorothy.

She woke me briefly wanting the loo around 6 am and disappeared out into the garden before we returned to bed to sleep. 

I could tell that she felt better as she lay still against my leg as she normally does.

Proper sleep, with REM dreaming is vital for processing stress. Stimulating rapid eye movements in patients with PTSD has been shown to be beneficial.

There’s a lot to be said for shutting the doors of your psychi too and tuning out of the world. 

I cope with things unevenly. 

The large glass of gin after a busy shift is a thorny reward, as is the takeaway or fridge raid, but balance in things certainly does help more . Cinema , theatre, lunch out, a company moment planned off sets the sad and the stress times but doesn’t always fill the gaps when a live body next to you listens to the shit of the day.

But they help

Nurses see transference regularly. They are also are on the receiving end of stress when their patients and their relatives are facing stressors that not easily resolved and coped with. 

If you feel impotent with an issue, a problem or an event, anger and resentment are often your to go emotions. 

Anger especially is  most easily accessed of all of them, a vent through a crack

Mind you ai can give a great deal of relief from pressure , especially in no win situations .

Humour helps me , more than anything too, but can be overshadowed by others’ drama . 

Drama is addictive, but uneven 

Humour brings with it some warmth and balance and laughter, it has been proven, physically removes stress for the body.

This morning, I  treated myself to the go to oral treat. 

Breakfast of potato waffles, egg and of all things scampi 

Bloody lovely it was too

Netflix, dozing in front of the fire, of and cleaning the toilet until you can see yourself in the bowl

Needy

I left the cottage at twenty past six and returned just before nine pm. Dorothy was asleep in the crook of my right arm by half past nine after her meal of rice and chicken and painkillers. 

trendy Carol’s Hubby had looked after her beautifully 

Thank you for all the best wishes for her

She knows something is afoot and is more clingy than Donald Trumps underpants

Off to bed 

 

 Sleepless night after 4 am Dorothy restless and odd despite painkillers

Just going to work 

Boy do I need myMcDonald’s coffee this morning