Beware the water

Warning explicit photos in text

After dropping Chris off for the Glasgow train, I walked the dogs in the rain, collected animal feed 

and returned home to clear the decks before before driving up to Denbigh to see the George Clooney vet about Welsh Terrier vaccination boosters .

There was enough hot water in the " tank"

So I treated myself to a crafty and luxuriously hot soak in the tub.

( even I can be seduced by a Joan Crawford bubble bath)

I was just closing my eyes to radio 4's " book of the week"

When heavy and scratching footsteps could be heard on the Lino 

A second later a big nonplussed face appeared over the rim of the bath 

and Winnie gave me one of her " kiss me now" looks.

I should have seen the signs

For as I dozed to Rebecca Front's chocolate tones ignoring the "face" 

Winnie unexpectedly launched herself into the bath.

I don't think for an instant that she realised that there was very VERY hot soapy water lurking there

I just think she got carried away with the bulldog idea of smooching, but nevertheless all 26 kilos of her slithered over the rim of the bath as she clambered onto me.

What happened next was all a bit of a blur.

I screamed a great deal, she grunted in a rather surprised and rather shocked way and a great deal of water left the bath amid bellows of " GET OFF ME YOU FAT BASTARD"

A few seconds later it was all over.  Wide eyed Winnie had leapt out  and had run for the safety of the bedroom and I sat in a half filled bath , winded and  covered with bruises.

I didn't move for a couple of seconds and caught my breath

Then I looked down towards the tap end

And something bumped my calf gently

Yes

OMG

Yes

A half submerged jelly fish like flotilla of bulldog turd

How's that for a shit post .?

Scotch Egg Heaven

When Chris was at Church this afternoon

I fell asleep in the armchair

Around four pm I was woken up 

By a knock on the door

It was policeman Ian from High Street 

With a single quails egg scotch egg

Wrapped in a small square of baking parchment 

He had baked his first egg and wanted an expert's view on it

10/10

Nectar of the gods

Bastard Softens

How does that old " nobody & Somebody" Frank Sinatra go again?

I can't really remember it 

It's a bit before my time

I've just had to YouTube it

Anyhow it reminds me of something I have just seen this afternoon

The aggressive SONOFABITCH " The Bastard" has finally been adopted by four old girls from the pensioner hen house on the far western periphery of the Ukrainian village and has 

Settled down  as nicely as Liberace would have done in a cherub making  factory.

As meek as a lamb, the little cockerel now totters sweetly after his bitches

All Happy, quiet and self confident 

Content in the fact he's finally found a home

Sinatra was right

" you're nobody unless somebody loves you"

Bastard follows his bitches

What with born again Christians, a knackering work shift, bulldogs with the shits

and the like

It's nice to have a happy story this weekend

Shit

I am sat on the loo typing this
I am working at the hospital all day today
And already the shit has hit the fan
( Winnie has pebbledashed the inside of her overnight crate with very loose shit!)
I think the day doesn't bode too well
Hey ho

God Hates Fags ( apparantly)

A while ago, I used to follow a blog which resembled parts of my own.
It had chickens, and out door things in it
It had humourous videos and chit chat
And it was written in an attractive and witty manner, by someone smart and liberal

Like so many other blogs , it disappeared in the ether , only to return recently with a totally new character. A born again Christian type of character.
Now the phrase " whatever floats your boat" comes to mind
Followed rapidly by " horses for courses"
Bloody hell, I am all for the "  live and let live" ethos
But I did think it a huge shame when suddenly on a blog that I once enjoyed and respected
evangelical and rabid anti gay videos have been unleashed unquestioned into the public domain

Hey ho

A Hippo In Wales

Many readers of Going Gently may also follow the exploits of a certain death defying African entrepreneur who has recently suffered a hole in his thigh which is the size ( and smell ) of Rotherham.
HIPPO TOM, with all the pluck of Gladys Aylward, jumped on a plane and admitted himself to a London Hospital within hours ( and I am not kidding when I said hours) of very serious health problems.
Well today, as I was strimming the field borders, Tom gave me a surprise visit. A friend, who Tom is staying with before he flys home to Africa , had an appointment along the North Wales coast, and so Tom tagged along in order to buy me a non alcoholic pint in The Crown. A welcomed" thank you" for some on line advice giving.
Tom is one of those people who seems to have crammed half a dozen lives into just 50 years of his own. He is a talented storyteller and  raconteur, with a razor sharp wit , and after just the briefest time in his company , I felt rather staid and just a little" careful"
After all I doubt I would have had the chutzpah to perform minor surgery on myself after getting bitten by a puff adder in the garden!
So what did I do with the former bomb disposal man and Angolan troubleshooter?
I showed him the Ukrainian Village, Offered him a scotch egg ( which he enjoyed) and took him to meet Auntie Glad in her daytime pinny.

The Queen of Trelawnyd meets the king of the bush

Surreal or what?

Have a look

Click Here

To watch this achingly funny " Head mistress versus cocky kid" scene
Very....VERY  very funny......
( apologies to non uk readers....... Do try to find the series or this clip if you can... It's worth it)

Flirting

Today I read with some amusement Tom Stephenson's story of a one sided flirtation episode at a Bath supermarket .
It reminded me of one of my most embarrassing incidents which occurred over 23 years ago. I may have blogged about it before, but it is worth repeating I think .......especially as it's a bit of a slow news day

 Back in 1991 I was celebrating the multicultural social events organised in Sheffield when the World Student Games were held in the city.

I went with a friend to the Crucible Theatre which was hosting a free night of folk music and dance (in the foyer!)...as usual I was dressed down for the event (t shirt and ripped jeans! - remember the fact I had ripped jeans on)
but as the whole event was very relaxed I kind of blended in!
Anyhow I remember sitting on the steps of the bar looking down at the singers and crowds below..and one guy, who was sitting at a table with some friends caught my eye!
I looked at him.....he looked at me! and suddenly I thought "my lucks in!!!"
Anyhow this game of glances carried on for a while ( I remember the guy looked a little like a bearded Jake Gyllenhall) and I did that half smile and hair toss flirting thing! before I caught sight of him downing his pint then weave his way through the tables to walk to where I was sat up on the stairs!
He leaned over slowly so I could smell his after shave and whispered gently into my ear
"Hey mate...I wanted to tell you that you have a rip in your jeans and one of your b*lls is sticking out!"...he suddenly left and went to sit down again!!
What happened to me?..........well I died .....died in a pool of rancid shame