It's bloody well only 5 am -ish and I have just taken Chris up to the A55 to catch his lift to the airport,
I have waked the dogs, and am now wide awake at least two hours before dawn.
It is cold and very wet and I am lauging at myself.
The reason for such humour is testosterone,
For I have just suffered from a small bout of male "my dick is bigger than your dick!"
We parked at the service station waiting for Chris' colleague to turn up in her husband's four wheel drive.
They are lovely people,I know them both well, but both are really the mirror opposite of Chris and I , as they are complete healthy outdoor bods!
My buried male competition hormones started to surface when his huge, gleaming monster of the truck glided next to the crumpled side of the old berlingo ( right next to the passenger window that has been stuck in the slightly "down" position for 2 years!)
Hubby who is older than me and looks 30, bounded out of the vehicle in his lovely designer climbing gear and trendy boots. He has a 32 waist, teeth that Donny Osmond would kill for and two dogs in the truck that follow every command as if they had been trained by the police force.
In short he looks like a young Charlton Heston without the guns
In short he looks like a young Charlton Heston without the guns
I clambered out of the Berlingo (farting quietly as I did so)
I am 50 and look 60.
There is coffee splashed on the front of my hoodie and my woolly hat is inside out.
One trouser leg is somehow tucked into my socks .
I am wearing crocs.
and six months of dog snot is smeared all over the car windows behind me.
I look like Harvey Fierstein when he was in Independence Day
I look like Harvey Fierstein when he was in Independence Day
As he effortlessly lifted Chris' bags into the back of the monster van, he looked chipper and healthy and all "man"
I stood in a puddle looking all knackered, untidy and wrecked.
And as usual I resorted to humour when faced with unbeatable competition
"I am not being nice to you all" I said with a little wave and a sigh "I don't do mornings!"
and I let Chris get off to sunny Australia with a kiss