Going Gently

"Must Try Harder"

Yesterday an elderly lady was found trapped in her car down a deserted country lane near to Trelawnyd's sister village of CWM (btw for those that may be interested Cwm is pronounced Cum !)
She had been trapped overnight before she was rescued and luckily sees to be ok despite her ordeal.
and the only reason I have posted this story is that it has reminded me that my own driving skills could be, shall we say, a little more polished
There are loads of things I am crap at.

Here are just a few examples:-

- I am a bad driver.Plain and simple! I am not that confident when seated behind the wheel of a car and have a tendency to drive in a characteristic "Mr Magoo- knuckles white / eyes fixed ahead" way
Incidentally I have only ever had 2 minor bumps during 33 years of driving! (I am, however, quite unaware of how many I have actually caused)

- I cannot dance to save my life.
I have a complete inability to co ordinate arm movements to leg movements when "strutting my stuff" on the dance floor even though I do quite enjoy the odd "boogie on down!"
Years ago, to my abject shame I remember dancing at a family wedding and being asked to stop by my mother because ( in her eloquent words) I resembled "someone with severe personal problems"
Chris ( who used to be a professional dancer when he was a young man) quite sweetly has never really criticised my own set of special moves, but, on occasion I have seen him shake his head in that "I can't quite believe what I am seeing" kind of way

-I am not good at controlling my temper and can run off at the mouth with complete strangers that have pissed me off. My bad humour, especially, first thing in the morning , is legendary.....and is a thing that has gotten worse the older I get.

-I have never ever looked after my clothes and constantly manage to splash food down myself on a daily basis.( as I write this I have just looked down at the front of my jumper and note the remains of yesterday's curry is there for all to see!)

-I am a terrible speller ( can you believe this?) and only survive in this email led world by a judicious use of spellcheck

-I can be overly sensitive when faced with what I perceive as the unthinking nature of people close to me and can be somewhat queenie when I feel I have been let down. ( not a nice trait when you portray yourself as a mature pillar of Trelawnyd 's community)

-I don't cope well when faced with holiday conversations with non English speaking people and seem to have a deep seated inability to "make the effort" in another language.This stems from a long standing fear of making a fool out of myself which now manifests itself in my present coping mechanism of smiling inanely at foreign shop workers and waiters whilst shaking my head like a loon.

I could go on, but I just can't be arsed ( another bad trait of mine btw).......
Have a nice day!

oh and to end.... today's Olympic gold Team GB pin ups

Carl Hester

and of course Mr "Sex on a bike" Sir Chris

sigh!!!!!!!!

A Vole Up The Dyson

"I'll have to go, I've got a vole stuck up the Dyson"

This must be the quote of the week which was uttered by me in frustration after an egg customer knocked on the door as I attempted to dismantle the hoover in a somewhat surreal attempt to locate one of Albert's victims who had somehow squeezed himself up the nozzle as I vacuumed under the kitchen sofa.
It took me an absolute age to find him ( in the end I located him only an inch or so up the tube in the end!) and by the time I had "Blown"him free ( yes I did actually blow down one end of the nozzle!!!) the little chap was gasping his last.

A Vole In One

I placed him carefully onto the arm of the sofa so I could usher an excited Albert out of the catflap and when I had turned, George, who had been watching the proceedings with true Scottish terrier seriousness, sneaked up behind me and had carried out a swift "coup de grâce " by munching the vole like a kid would eat a Mars bar..

Nature's red in tooth and claw!

Hey Ho...

Before I go to de-louse the goose house, I will leave you with this wonderfully infectious video of BBC tv commentators cheering Mo Farrah's Olympic gold performance

Where is that British reserve when you need it eh?

oh and I won't forget the latest of Team GB's pin up's

The dignified, articulate and poised Louis Smith

My Favourite Lesbo!

Ginger Hero

Much has been made about the elitist "public school" domination of the Team GB Olympic Gold winners.
I won't be drawn into this debate, as the fact is that I applaud any cohort of clean living, disciplined and inspirational young men and women that can inspire a nation and it's youth, but I must add one thing to the Olympic hero discussion..... and that it to give a big up to the nations new favourite lesbian, BBC commentator , Claire Balding.
Balding, is , in my mind ,quintessentially British.
(well what we Brits would LIKE to see as being quintessentially British anyway!)
She is unflappable, informed, professional,warm and possesses that slight school-marm charm that is both reassuring and impressive., especially given the dross that some of the "lesser" presenters come out with.
Balding is a class act. She knows her stuff and she loves her subject., and the Brits have warmed to her in the good natured afterglow of 16 gold medals!

class!

Some Low Level Bullying

Now I will not apologise for my second post of unashamed low level bullying in order to conscript entries for the flower show. I know I have actually morphed into some sort of Lynda Snell hybrid, ( For those that don't know Linda Snell is a village busy-body in the BBC radio soap The Archers)
This morning I actually flagged down the RFWF today with a Flower Show schedule for his missus and a six egg bribe to boot! and next week I shall try a bit of emotional blackmail with affable village despot Jason, Mrs Trellis and the owners of the village allotments......
I am a firm believer of "nagging with a smile"................
Thanks to New Zealander Lady Modegreen who has offered to make a home made card to enter....come on all you other arty types out there...why don't you give it a go!

http://trelawnydflowershow.blogspot.co.uk/

Off to work tonight

Calling New Entries

The 40th Trelawnyd Flower Show takes place on the 18th of August

see

http://trelawnydflowershow.blogspot.co.uk/

I am making a call for any new exhibitors

(and YES even readers from abroad could enter such classes as the home made greetings card (class 62!)

Just contact me on my details left on the Flower Show website and I will enter your nominations with our Show Secretary and doyenne of everything official

"Sylvia Evans" (Below)

She who has to be obeyed

Go on give it a go!

Carol & Polenta: A Debut

Carol, Polenta and the guineas

Ducklings are hardy little buggers.

A bit of appropriate food some safe and secure housing and a bit of apple cider vinegar and the skinny little babies that came to me a few weeks ago, have developed into two robust, confident and rather impressive Aylesbury ducks.

Today Carol and the oddly sounding Polenta have been released from their nursery pen. Although still only juvenile birds, they are already bigger and heavier than the remaining runners , who have nervously circled the newbees time and time again with an eye popping "who the f*ck are they?" expression on their faces.
With a bit of luck the two groups will join up eventually. The runners, ( who seem to now understand that keeping near to the lane gates will ensure their safety from a daytime fox ) will teach the new girls the field etiquette and rules

This Won't Hurt A Bit!

Sometimes I need to remember that my particular brand of humour does not always travel at all well to all normal everyday events and situations
This morning was a case in point.
I went down to the doctor's surgery in the neighbouring village for a check up this morning.
I have been suffering some abdominal bloating of late, so needed a once over, some routine blood tests and a bit of an MOT (when you are 50 things have a tendency to all go at once so to speak!)
Anyway, there was a new, rather earnest and thorough GP on duty today.
He took a detailed history, gave me a the usual prod and feel and after he fiddled a bit with his computer he turned to me as a bit of an afterthought and said rather too quickly "Oh I think I may have to give you a rectal examination!"
Quick as a flash I replied "Don't you think you should buy me lunch or at least a gin and tonic before you said that?"
The irony and humour missed the bullseye by a mile and the GP sat there vacantly for a moment and said with a somewhat bemused look on his face
"huh?"
......
Hey ho
ps. Luckily I didn't need the old "prod" once I questioned the dr!