Tuesday, 7 August 2012

"Must Try Harder"

Yesterday an elderly lady was found trapped in her car down a deserted country lane near to Trelawnyd's sister village of CWM  (btw for those that may be interested Cwm is pronounced  Cum !)
She had been trapped overnight before she was rescued and luckily sees to be ok despite her ordeal.
and the only reason I have posted this story is that it has reminded me that my own driving skills could be,  shall we say, a little more polished
There are loads of things I am crap at.

Here are just a few examples:-

- I am a bad driver.Plain and simple! I am not that confident when seated behind the wheel of a car and have a tendency to drive in a characteristic  "Mr Magoo- knuckles white / eyes fixed ahead" way
Incidentally I have only ever had 2 minor bumps during 33 years of driving! (I am, however, quite unaware of how many I have actually caused

- I cannot dance to save my life. 
I have a complete inability to co ordinate arm movements to leg movements when "strutting my stuff" on the dance floor even though I do quite enjoy the odd "boogie on down!"
Years ago, to my abject shame I remember dancing at a family wedding and being asked to stop by my mother because ( in her eloquent words) I resembled "someone with severe personal problems"
Chris ( who used to be a professional dancer when he was a young man) quite sweetly has never really criticised my own set of special moves, but, on occasion I have seen him shake his head in that "I can't quite believe what I am seeing" kind of way

-I am not good at controlling my temper  and can run off at the mouth with complete strangers that have pissed me off. My bad humour, especially, first thing in the morning , is legendary.....and is a thing that has gotten worse the older I get. 

-I have never ever looked after my clothes and constantly manage to splash food down myself on a daily basis.( as I write this I have just looked down at the front of my jumper and note the remains of yesterday's curry is there for all to see!)

-I am a terrible speller ( can you believe this?) and only survive in this email led world by a judicious use of spellcheck

-I can be overly sensitive when faced with what I perceive as the unthinking nature of people close to me and can be somewhat queenie when I feel I have been let down. ( not a nice trait when you portray yourself as a mature pillar of Trelawnyd 's community)

-I don't cope well when faced with holiday conversations with non English speaking people and seem to have a deep seated inability to "make the effort" in another language.This stems from a long standing fear of making a fool out of myself which now manifests itself in my present coping mechanism of smiling inanely at foreign shop workers and waiters whilst shaking my head like a loon.

I could go on, but I just can't be arsed ( another bad trait of mine btw).......
Have a nice day!

oh and to end.... today's Olympic gold Team GB pin ups

Carl Hester
and of course Mr "Sex on a bike" Sir Chris



  1. So, you're a non-dancing, bad tempered, ill dressed, sensitive, bad driver, who can't spell. Most blokes have these essential qualities.

  2. We have more in common than I thought, John. I share all your shortcomings, save for the over-confident belief that I am an excellent driver - that in itself probably indicates that I am a complete ****. Oh, and I do know how to spell that word, but thought I'd better not.

  3. Ah, one of those people who has never had an accident but has seen hundreds!

    But as Cro says, traits shared by most men - we just can't admit it.

  4. we once bought a camper van.... it was miles more camper than my other van (boom boom) until we butched it up with a skull gearstick!!

    Anyhoo..... my point.... after spending about three weeks sleeping on roundabouts and the like across France and down into Spain.... I did actually start to dream in French..... most disconcerting as I can't speak French to save my life but we did manage to work out enough for us to get by.

  5. One of your BEST qualities is being able to make people smile from continents away!

  6. Good Lord....I had no idea we were related.
    How on earth did that poor old lady get trapped in her car?

  7. I identify closely with your dancing problem, but on the opposite end of the motion spectrum. I have been persuaded to wiggle my hands on the dance floor so people won't think I'm just standing around.

  8. Things are more beautiful with imperfections. So, I believe, it is with humans.

    But these things you think are wrong are the things that make you YOU.

    You are a treasure with all your preceived faults.

    We, Dear John, (I've always wanted to write a "Dear John" Letter) have many things in common.

  9. IS that all...not bad...hope the little old lady is ok....

  10. It's something to strive for, I'd say.

  11. Ah then... I used to think I'd like you for a neighbor. We are too much alike in temperament to get along in the morning....

  12. Oh cr@p...you don't want us all to list our faults do you?
    Jane x

  13. Regarding the car crash "Flipping heck!"

    Hmm... too much similarity in things there ...

    I can't dance - I sometimes wonder if that was how I became a musician, I'm at the front playing therefore don't have to dance!

    Spelling - attrocious! (LOL leaving that one, point proved!)

    Over sensitive to others disregard of others... over sensitive to a lot actually I had to look away at more than one medal presentation / celebration at the Olympics I see people who have given everything and a very illusive dream has come true for them, Olympic Champion, and I can't help but shed tears... what a baby!

  14. But what if the little old lady was not a bad driver, and here you've publicaly catalogued a list of perceived imperfections. You should be over sorting fowl right now.

  15. As Joe E. Brown said at the end of "Some Like It Hot", "Nobody's perfect"!

  16. Joanne
    oh dear... I only meant that it reminded me of my own driving! hey ho
    Broad.... the best film ending ever

  17. A "deserted country lane" in Britain? Doesn't seem possible--not from what I've seen on my trips.

  18. Are you absolutely sure you are gay?!

    Hey, a few lessons from me and I am certain I'd have you jiving with the best of them! But I guess if Chris couldn't help you then maybe you could just 'tap your feet'!

    You, Sharon and me in the mornings!! BROTHER!!

  19. We have some things in common, although i'm a good driver. I've even had men tell me that.

    When i have to speak with non-English speaking people, they sometimes think i'm British. When i tell them i'm American, and still make a feeble attempt, they are usually shocked that a Yank tries.

    I am not a morning person, although i'm much more alert in the morning now than i have ever been. Still, it's best not to poke the dragon with a stick.

    I had to laugh as i read what you said about your dancing. I always feel like an oaf when i dance, although i've been told that i'm much harder on myself than others are.

  20. scott...
    fortunately she is not too seriously injured.. but was on the deserted lane all night before she was found

  21. I took French and German in high school and college. But 3/4 of my neighbors are native Spanish speakers. Most of us Americans meet the foreign language problem by just speaking English very slowly and loud, as if the other person were deaf. It works quite well with the Mexican people, who are patient and polite. Probably wouldn't work in France, though.

  22. It's always fascinating (and reassuring) to hear of other people's myriad shortcomings. I could list just as many myself, I'm sure. Scruffy, absent-minded, procrastinating, indecisive etc etc. In fact that looks like a blog post waiting to be written.

  23. My goodness me John - you have certainly been getting it all off your chest today. Hope there are still a few metaphorical hairs there that we don't know about.

    Card will arrive in time by the way.

  24. I am certain I could run as close second to your "natural" twin !

  25. Cro Magnon hit it on the head.

    Join the club mate!

  26. Wow, we have quite a lot in common, John. Spellcheck and I are so close my husband is beginning to worry....

  27. I think you just described most of my male friends and husband. At least you dance.

  28. Just made you all the more endearing....! :)

  29. You list several of your shortcomings but surely you must have some positive attributes as well such as...err...I can't think of any but...err... sometimes you seem like a nice chap.

  30. Oscar Pistorius ain't hard to look at either!

  31. I despise driving myself.
    Have a wonderful day, John!

  32. I just had to chuckle. As I read this I looked down at my t-shirt and, sure enough, traces of yesterday's lunch. Most of my t-shirts bear these stigmata. And, from your description, I gather that you are a better dancer than me.

  33. Well there may be things you are crap at (we are all crap at so many things...we are human after all) but you writing shows what a lovely heart you have.

  34. Never mind, we love you anyway!

  35. We totally love you...but I think your my husband !?!?!?!


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